Disclaimer: I don't own Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli.
Summary: Stars are visible at night, and then they're gone. But some stay even when the sky turns light. ( Leo, Stargirl )
Leo sometimes wanders back to the desert again.
He always goes there when he's feeling lost and depressed. Most of the things that touch his heart nowadays are silver lunch trucks and homemade paper cards. He smiles as he drops another quarter on the sidewalk. He also leaves another on the bench at the bus stop.
Even he doesn't know why he wanders over to the desert. Archie has left and so has Kevin – although they still keep in touch with one another. Everyone has moved on, but he feels like he's the only one staying still.
Everyone still attended high school reunions. Even Leo does sometimes. But when he does, different people walk up to him and say sorry. He doesn't have to ask why they do because he already knows the answer.
Archie's riddles had still puzzled him. But everyday he woke up and thought about what he said. Each day he thinks that he's getting closer to the answer somehow. They were codes that had yet to be cracked and he was confident that he would be able to before he dies.
Even now he still wonders what two words Archie had wrote on the piece of paper in the desert. And he wonders if he misses Barney that old fossil rodent of his.
He passes by the local pizza place and stops in front of the bulletin board. Advertisements and random pieces of paper clutter the whole thing. Some of the stuff on it is simple. Such as, "Looking for work. Call Mike" or "I like painting. Care to buy one at…"
But he knows that behind each message there is something else. Stargirl had told him once to pay more attention. Maybe not verbally, but physically. Maybe she had never even intended to. Look at that door. It was red yesterday, but it's green today. Look at that old light pole. There are so many names on it, but no one bothers to clean it.
After devouring his slice of cheese pizza, he goes on to where Stargirl used to live. It still looked the same. He watches as a man – Peter – goes about his work clipping the hedges. Leo smiles. He still has his photo album. One more year until he's presented with it.
That's when he goes to the desert again.
There was now a public school that had occupied most of the space, but Leo simply walks around to the back - away from the building. He surveys the area before sitting down. The cactuses are still there. The sun was hot. There was a nice breeze today.
He crosses his legs again in Indian style. His hands are folded neatly in front of him. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He tries to erase himself again, but each time he fails. He's always aware of his oscillating heartbeat and aware of the chatter his thoughts were making.
He sighs inwardly. He remembers the only time when he was able to make himself disappear. It feels like it has been ages ago, but he smiles as he remembers. It was in this desert with a girl and a rat.
"I become rain. I like that the most – being rain…"
He was conscious of how strong his sense of touch was. He could feel the breeze as it ripples his hair and feel the sun that was going down in the mountains. He was sure that if he had opened his eyes, he would get blinded by the rays of light. He feels the dust brushing his leg from the wind. He feels the cracks in the earth around him as he sits.
He usually just came to the desert, and then left after staring at the horizon for a minute, maybe more. He used to imagine walking down here and then seeing Stargirl again in the same position that she had been when she had first taken him here.
But soon after, he began to sit down when he stared at the horizon. And after that he began to fold himself into the meditating position that he had seen her do when they first came here.
He tries, but doesn't push it. He has never really been driven to the edge to actually force himself to become nothing. Deep inside, Leo feels – knows that the magic doesn't work when you make it. He knows that it has to come naturally.
And that's why Stargirl was always able to make magic happen. Because she came naturally, and… maybe left naturally too. And so Leo sits, aware of everything around him and still trying to become nothing.
Next to him, a person sits down.
He's aware of that person. He's aware of how that person gets into the same position as he does. He's aware of an object sitting between them and hears the scratches that it makes into the grainy dust.
The first thing that came to his mind was puzzlement. As far as he was concerned, he was the only one who knew this place. This enchanted place. But then he thinks of Stargirl and his heart rises a little higher.
Both of them sit in stillness until Leo opens his mouth. Before he could stop himself, he blurts out:
"How was Minnesota?"
He can feel the smile in the girl's voice and before he knows it, he's grinning too. "It was fine," she says airily. "But I think Arizona is…" She pauses. He can feel her look at him. "It feels more like home to me," she admits.
He keeps on smiling and he opens his eyes to look at her. Her hair was a bit longer – down to her waist, but it still held the soft color of the sun. Her freckles are a bit less noticeable, and his smile widens as he notices her wearing the same long, white dress. He's glad she hasn't changed… Or has she?
Leo hasn't seen her for five years. He wonders if her name is still Stargirl, but he says something else.
"How long… are you planning on staying?" he asks.
Stargirl smiles brightly and replies, "As long as I can." She stares at the Maricopa Mountains. "How long are you staying?" She asks with a nice teasing voice that he has missed so much.
"I haven't left," he says. And that sums it up. They sit there together just staring at the horizon.
"Your name," he begins. She looks at him. "Is it still Stargirl?"
The girl smiles and nods her head. "It is," she admits. "I haven't… I haven't been really able to think of a different name ever since I left this place." Leo nods, waiting for her to continue. "I haven't been here for years, but it feels like I haven't left either." She stops. Then she adds, "But I notice the changes too."
Leo nods. "I know," he says. "I know."
She grins as she closes her doe eyes. "I tried visiting Archie, you know." She laughs. "I was surprised when he wasn't there, but I wasn't surprised when I didn't see Senor Saguaro there either."
He nods and then they were silent again. "I feel that way sometimes," he admits. He blushes a little, but still says, "Time seems to have stopped after you left." Leo feels her eyes on him, but he looks at the sky. "I still go to reunions," he continues. "And… They said sorry."
She looks at him in confusion, and then smiles. "Yeah," she says slowly. "I've always wanted to tell them that I say sorry too. Even now." She pauses. "I don't know why though, but I think it will help tie things together again."
They sit there in silence until the sun goes fully down. The night sky appears soon after, and so do the stars. They're both perfectly happy, drinking the silence in.
"What's the box for?"
She grins at him again and nudges it over to him. "It's better to discover things on your own," she tells him.
So Leo picks up the box and opens it. A porcupine neck-tie. He shakes his head. He should've known. He picks it up to feel the silk texture. "Did your mom make it?"
Stargirl shakes her head. "I made it," she tells him. "My sewing skills aren't that great." She laughs sheepishly. "But I thought it would be better to give it to you in person."
He nods and then puts the tie back down into the box, carefully wrapping it. He pauses and his eyes widen as he looks at her in surprise. "Is it my birthday today?"
Stargirl gapes at him. "You forgot when your birthday is?" she asks with astonishment. "What did you do for the whole day?"
Leo just shrugs and laughs. "I do what I do all the time. Eat. Sleep. Walk around town…" He sits there and smiles as an idea forms. He looks at his watch. It's only around eight or seven. They had been sitting there for about an hour or two.
"Maybe we can do something together," he tells her.
She smiles and then says, "Like drink strawberry smoothies."
He just nods, not knowing how to respond. But then he shrugs again. "But we can do it tomorrow, can't we?" He looks at her, waiting for a response.
The girl is thrown off by his question, but then she laughs and playfully slugs him on the arm lightly. "Of course!" she states cheerfully. "I'll always be here. I won't leave, you know."
He raises an eyebrow. "Really?"
She then holds up two quarters. Leo's eyes widen. He recognizes them – the same ones he had dropped on the sidewalk and left on the bench. "Have you been—"
"I haven't been stalking you," she cuts off. "Just following… and watching." She gives him one of the quarters. "See? I've always been there—even if you don't notice."
Leo nods as he rubs the quarter with his thumb. "But I'd rather have you side by side with me," he tells her. "Instead of trailing behind me."
Stargirl nods, understanding what he's saying. "That can be arranged."
They sit there for awhile longer until Leo gets up. "C'mon," he says. He helps her up. "You haven't eaten yet, right? I can make some dinner back home. Let's go."
He goes forward, but stops to wait for the girl to catch up. She does and she puts her hand into his.
"Side by side," she chuckles. They walk together out of the desert and he sees how she looks at the night sky. "It feels good to be home," she says breathlessly. She looks at him when she says it though.
He laughs and she does too. It sure does.
And so they walked back home together, hand in hand. Their home had changed in over the years, but it was clear as they talked with each other through the night that their relationship hadn't.
Time moves and so do people, but the most important things always stay the same.
A/N. Ah. Stargirl is such a good story. And so it deserves a nice epilogue.