Disclaimer: I don't own 'em!!! How many times do I havta tell ya!?
Duo sighed loudly. He was bored and unhappy in this house. Treize and Milliardo were…somewhere. Heero was on a mission. Trowa and Quatre were on a *cough* mission of their own if ya get what I'm sayin' He didn't wanna listen to Wufei, and he definitely didn't want to talk to *Relena*. 'Why is *it* livin' here anyway?' he asked himself. 'Just because her brother lives here, doesn't mean she hasta.' Actually, the male and hot! residents of the house made it sleep outside, but Relena was just as annoying as ever.
"HEEEEERROOO!!" screeched the transvestite, uh, Relena, signaling that Heero was home. Duo sweatdropped, and went to go save Heero.
The Perfect Soldier didn't need help, holding Relena at bay with a gun he had pulled from his spandex. how does he do it? They stopped all k.o.r.p. (killing of Relena process) when they heard a loud yell from inside the house. Wufei came storming out, red-faced and pissed-off.
"RELENA! You have my katana! INJUSTICE!!!" he roared.
"I'm just *borrowing* it!" the transvestite whined.
"Gimme it!!"
"I'm BORROWING it!"
"NO!"
"Give him the freakin' sword bitch!" Duo yelled.
"But-" Relena got cut off as Wufei started to beat the shit outta her.
Seconds later, a victorious Wufei emerged with his katana. Brushing himself off, he went inside. Duo yawned and went inside too, saying that he was gonna take a nap. Heero was left alone with Relena. He grinned evilly.
Later…
"HOLY SHIT!! HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET UP THERE!?!?" Duo yelled. Hanging from a tall tree was everyone's favorite pacifist (NOT!!), dead! He looked at Heero, who looked away and whistled innocently. "Heero! How'd ya get her up there?"
Heero, found out, said, "With my gundam."
Duo sighed. "We need to git her down so we can dump the body somewhere."
"I loaned my Gundam to Wufei."
Duo, struck with an idea, ran inside. He returned with a bra.
"Hey, that's mine." Heero grumbled.
"Yer not in drag right now so just lemme use it!" And with that Duo grabbed a nice big rock, loaded it onto his "slingshot" and aimed at Relena. The rock hit its target, but the body only swung a bit, and didn't fall down. Duo started throw other objects, such as a hairbrush, empty beer cans, some moldy cheese, a trout, the kitchen sink, etc., and he cursed the whole time. When he was done, Duo looked around to see that the other males of the house had arrived home ('cept for Wu)
"That's an effective way to get rid of an unnecessary burden," Treize said with an elegant sweep of his hand. He looked over at Relena's brother, who looked rather happy. "But if we leave the body there it will start to smell."
So the hotties made a human pyramid of sorts, with Duo at the bottom waiting to catch the body (which was attracting flies) when it fell. Heero had to cut the branch to make the transvestite fall, which it did and landed on poor Duo. The braided one started to swear and kick at the body.
"Good fer nothin' WHORE! DIE!!!"
"Uh, Duo? She's already dead." Quatre said, worried about Duo's sanity.
"I KNOW!! AND SHE'S STILL GIVIN' ME GRIEF!!!"
Trowa intervened, quietly offering to go dump the bitch, I mean dyke, uh, Relena, and Quatre went with his koi.
They tied the body on the back of the car, and drove off. Trowa was driving along and then they heard a thump as Relena fell onto the road.
"Back up Trowa," Quatre said.
Trowa backed up.
BUMP!
"Pull up!"
SQWISH!
"Back up!"
KLUNK!
"Pull up!"
SMUSH!
Finally, Trowa and Quatre were able to get an unrecognizable Relena back onto the car. They dumped it into a nearby lake.
When they returned home, Wufei was also there and everyone was happily organizing a party. Duo was making phone calls, calling everyone from the neighbors to the scientists to the police, who had all hated Relena.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Heh heh I hope ya guys all enjoy that, 'cause I certainly did! ^_^
March 20, 2001