He tucks the flower behind her ear, and laughs. Kougyoku does as well, except her voice is soft and airy and it carries too easily along the wind and fuck - stop thinking, stop. I suck in my breathe, raising a finger to touch my forehead. The skin is creased and my brow is furrowed, and why am I doing this? Why should I care who the ugly hag spends her time with?
She could rot in hell for all I care - I have better king candidates to choose from. I try, try to will myself into thinking of her simply not being there, whether her being dead, or not existing, I can't tell. But the mere thought of it makes me so sick that my gut curls in with physical pain and my hands clutch too tightly to the wood branch beneath me. The bark cuts into my skin, and I can feel the splinters piercing, burying themselves inside, and I bite down on my lip to keep from crying out. My vision blurs and I'm seeing red, because I'm just so angry and I don't know why.
I steady my breathing as best as I can, forcing my eyes open, against my instinct to just shut them and crawl into a little ball- stop that thought. Stop, stop it. Stop it now.
I focus my vision on the two. Alibaba is telling her a story, waving his hands about and laughing and Kougyoku hangs onto his every word. She used to look at me like that. Does she still look at me like that? I want to pretend I don't know the answer to that question, but I do, and the thought leaves me bitter.
The sun shines through the branches of the tree, and the wind blows it to and fro, and I hold on tightly. The two below me take no notice. The light dances across her skin, teasing at what little of her neck she showed. Her lips parted to speak, soft, pink things, and I wish I were closer, because I need to hear her. She lifts a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear (since when does her hair come loose?) and she smiles brightly.
I swallow nervously, and force myself to look away. I could hear my own heart beat pounding in my ears and my breath was quickening again. My chest felt far too warm to be normal. I glare at nothing. Whats happening to me?
The rage builds up again inside me, and all I want to do is hit something. Hard. This doesn't happen, no this doesn't happen, not to me.
I turn my gaze back to the two, sucking in deep, calming breathes. The hag is talking to him, smiling, and he tenses up, a blush spreading across his cheeks. I clench my fists. If only I was closer, I could listen to what she was saying. She tosses her head back and laughs, and I'm tempted to compare it bells and what the hell.
I leave. I leave because I'm angry and happy and sad at everything and my chest hurts and I don't know why.