My mouth fell open when he came back into the room, with just a towel wrapped around his waist, but I snapped it shut immediately.
"Fucking amazing show," he said, fixing me with his bright hazel eyes and brushing a hand through his short, black hair. I swallowed, trying to push my anger and jealousy back down inside of myself but flowed out freely – I had probably been bottling it up for too long.
"Why, because you got to make out with Frank some more? Or because he started grinding you half way through House of Wolves?" I spat, feeling my face go red. I began tapping my foot impatiently – a habit that I had adopted from him.
"Are you jealous, Mikey?" he asked me. "Do you want to be the one kissing Frankie?"
"No, Gerard," I replied, scowling so fiercely that it made my face ache.
"Maybe me then?" he asked seductively. 'fuck yes' I thought.
"N-no," I stammered, relaxing my face and looking away, embarrassed of my own feelings. Out of everyone in the entire world WHY did I have to fall for the one guy that I couldn't have – my own fucking brother? How sick! I knew that, but it didn't help the heartache.
He looked at me for a few minutes, pouting a little and not blinking.
"You're keeping something from me," he finally said. Shit. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep this as a secret for too long, because Gerard knows everything. Everything. Even things NOBODY knows, such as how long it takes for a cat to run a mile.
"Don't assume things, Gee. It's not the way to go." I shifted slightly in my chair and jumped when he began to talk louder than normal.
"You ARE keeping something from me! You look guilty. C'mon, Mikey. Tell me!" He dropped down next to me on the sofa and put his head right up close to mine, scrutinising me with his beautiful eyes. Damn... those eyes.
"I-I'm not," I persisted, making up lies in my head that I could tell Gerard instead of my actual secret. He grabbed my wrist and squeezed hard. "Hey!" I yelped. "Awh, c'mon Gee don't do that! Ow, it hurts! Stop it!" I said, giggling even though it hurt like fuck.
"Then tell me!"
"I-I like Frank."
"No you don't. Next lie."
"I'm taking drugs again."
"Mikey, stop giving me shit," he said, loosening his grip on my wrist a little. "Please, Mikey. It makes me sad when you keep shit from me. Pleeeeeeeeease?" He whined. He dropped his head into my lap and I absent-mindedly began to stroke his hair and rub his neck. He made a soft, purring noise that made me smile to myself. I liked being close to him.
"Why can't you tell me Mikey," he whispered. My hand froze on his hair for a moment, but I carried on stroking as a began to talk again.
"I just can't, Gee. You know when you have a secret that's just so big that you can't tell anyone... even your own brother. It's not like I don't want to tell you, I just..." I trailed off. And I didn't not want to tell him anyway. I hated seeing him all whiney and sad in my lap, but I didn't want him to be pissed off and hating me either.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I know that feeling too fucking well."
"Oh, so you have a secret too?"
"Umm... yeah. I'll trade you?" he said, sitting up and smiling his signature lopsided smile at me.
"It can't be as bad as mine," I challenged.
"Wanna bet?" he replied, his face becoming more sombre now.
"Tell me then."
"You first."
"No you. You suggested the trade."
"Fine," he replied, clasping his hands in his lap. "So I like this guy, and it's pretty obvious that he doesn't like me back and it just... hurts is all."
"Who?"
"Pfft! You're not getting any more details until you give me the outline of your dilemma." He smiled at me and I reached out to take his hand, my heart hammering in my chest as I spoke.
"I like someone... a-a guy. But he's straight though, so it doesn't really matter," I said, dropping my head in embarrassment.
"Hey," Gerard said. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about." He squeezed my hand. "Who is he? Is he on the tour?"
"Yeah... He's you."
Gerard seemed to stop breathing for a moment and I concentrated on trying to rewind time so that this could never happen, seeing as Gee was taking it the wrong way. Hell! There's not really a good way to take that kind of news.
"Mikey... I-"
"No, Gee. It's okay."I said, interrupting him and dropping his hand. "I understand that you're gonna hate me and shit now but I just want you to know that I'm not gonna try and grope you in your sleep or anything and I hope that this doesn't affect the band 'cause I could just stay out of your way and not bother you until we get off this tour so you don't have to deal with this and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Frank or Bob or Ray 'cause I don't want them hating me as well." I stopped and breathed deeply for a while, trying to replenish the dwindling oxygen supply in my body.
"Mikey," he said, taking my hand in his. "Do you really feel like that?"
"Yeah," I breathed.
"I feel it too. I-I just didn't think you'd feel it 'cause you're such a moral guy and... and I thought you were straight." I felt my head spinning and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor with a worried looking Gerard leaning over me.
"Hey... you finished dying on me yet?" he said, grinning from ear to ear.
"I guess. Maybe... maybe it's the semi-consciousness talking or- or I dunno... I just..." I brought my hand up and cupped it around his neck, bringing him forwards to meet me half way in a delicate kiss. Gerard broke the kiss almost immediately.
"But Frank... Bob... and Ray. They're still here."
"To be honest, Gee. I couldn't give a single fuck." He smiled and leaned back in, kissing me hungrily for a while before breaking off again and leaning his forehead against my own.
"I've wanted to do that for so long," he whispered, a moan hitching in his throat as I ran my fingers over his chest.
"Well now you can do it whenever you want, Gee... 'cause I'll always be yours.