A night of unrequited (?) love

Disclaimer: I don't own Negima.

A/N: This story takes place about four years after the Negima storyline. Negi is 14 in this fic and Asuna is 18.

The first time I slept here was four years ago. I had just arrived in Japan and longed for my cousin Nekane. I don't know why I crawled into Asuna-san's bed that night. After all, Konoka-san would have been a better choice in some ways. She wouldn't have yelled at me, she would have understood. And she wouldn't have kissed me with her pants down by her knees dreaming that I was Takamichi.

Heh… I complain that a beautiful girl like Asuna-san kissed me. But I was only ten years old. What did I know about those things? As time went on I snuck into her bed less and less. I got more confident, more mature and could sleep without someone beside me. Last time was after the battle against the demon Hermann. That demon's words had struck a chord I me and I felt weak, useless. I didn't want to burden anyone else with my problems and tried to manage on my own. But after a few days of weeping into my pillow I was told by Asuna-san to get into her bed. She said it was ok for this time.

That morning her pajama shirt was unbuttoned and down to her elbows. I didn't sleep with her any more after that.

But then earlier today I was struck with a spell that made me relive that most horrible part of my life. The burning of my village. Yet again I ran in despair when that demons tried to kill me. Yet again Stan was petrified in front of my eyes, yet again all the terror I felt came back, over and over again. I lost count of how many times that horror repeated in front of me.

When I got out of it I was trembling like a small child. Everything I'd learned and endured didn't mean anything. I was like that child again. When we got back to our room Asuna-san looked at me and told me to get into her bed again. And that leads us to our current predicament.

I love Asuna-san. I love her like a big sister. She has been my partner for four years and always aided me in everything. When I've been too brash she had scolded me for it. When I have been near giving up she had given me strength to go on. She has done everything for the brat that blew her clothes off.

But why can't I stop feeling like this?

I feel her warmth against my back, her arms encircle me and hold me, her every breath pushes her chest into my back and sends shivers through my body. I feel her warm breath tickling my chin and it makes me quiver. She's asleep now but I couldn't fall asleep even if someone cast a sleeping spell on me. I'm just glad we don't lie the other way, the signs of how she affects me would probably make her slap me and call me a pervert.

She makes me too aroused to focus on anything but her. Her beautiful body, her strong arms, her long legs, her perfect curves, her smooth skin, her…

Stop it! I'm an English gentleman; I'm not supposed to think like this! How can I think like this of the girl that has been my sister for these years? I'm better than this!

Who am I kidding? I can't stop it; she's too beautiful to not think like this.

Silly boy.

She's eighteen now, I'm only fourteen, she sees me like a kid brother. I'm the only family she has. That will have to come first even if I want to kiss her. I feel my head fill with images. One more improbably that the other and all of them revolving around how I could be with her in the way I want to. But how could any of those images come to pass? She would never want me in that manner.

Just one kiss. If I could only feel her one time. That is all I would ask for. My body rises on it's own accord and I look at her sleeping face. I gulp as the tight feeling in my chest returns with full force. She looks like an angel, a sleeping goddess. I swallow and lean in feeling my heart beat faster and louder. When I'm only a few inches from her face I stop and pull back. What am I doing? Has Negi Springfield fallen so far that he molests girls in their sleep now? I lie down again with my face away from her and as far away from her as I can.

It's then that she grabs me and pulls me back into her arms. I tense when her breasts yet again squash into my back. She embraces me and holds me tightly. A small sigh of contentment escapes her mouth and she lays her head on my shoulder. It becomes even harder to lie still now.

I want to kiss her, I want to hold her, I want to do everything with her. I curse Kotaro for showing me that magazine he had found and putting these kinds of images in my head. At least Naba-san found out about it and gave him a severe punishment. But that doesn't help me. I'm still lying in the arms of someone that sees me as her brother and wants to make out with her.

I have to endure. I have to be strong. I mustn't give in!

I love you, but I know that there is no way you could return my feelings.

Damn it!

Why did I have to tell him that he could sleep beside me? It really gotta take a baka-ranger to come up with something that stupid.

Damn you Negi-bozu! When did you grow this big? The little punk is actually as big as me now. And he's no longer the scrawny kid either. So now I have a well-built, big guy lying in my bed.

Lucky me huh?

Idiot!

He looked so sad today after what that bastard did to him that I had to do something. Eventually I came to think of when that demon pervert had kidnapped some of the other girls and me. Negi had defeated him but the demon had managed to make him sad. After a while I had told him that he could sleep in my bed that night. So I came up with the brilliant idea that I would let him sleep beside me again. Way to go girl…

It's one thing when you have a small kid in your arms trying to comfort him. It's an entirely different matter when said kid is as big as you. Add the fact that he's become a real hunk too and you see where my problem lies. He's become the kind of guy that makes girls unconsciously check if they look good. Is my hair combed? Are my nails clean? Do I smell nice?

I've felt like that time I accidentally ate one of those "love-chocolate" things the entire night. That time I was in panic at that thought of having fallen in love with a ten-year old brat. Now I can't help but see how mature he is. No one could believe that he's only fourteen.

How am I supposed to sleep when I have to grit my teeth not to molest him?

I remember that last time I awoke with my pajama shirt half way off and his face buried in my chest. I had yelled at him and told him that I would never let him sleep with me (no, not that way, perverts) again. And yet here we are.

Now I wouldn't be angry if he pulled off my shirt. I absently wonder how it would feel. My heart starts to race as I see if front of me how Negi leans in and kisses me. I answer the kiss and he grabs me holding me tightly as we kiss each other. Then he rips off my skirt and kisses my neck. I gasp, grab his head and press my body as hard as I can against him. His hands rove over my and caresses me. Eventually he pulls off my pants to and…

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it girl. Getting a little frisky are we? He's only fourteen years old for Pete's sake! Ayaka would have a field day if she found out. She managed to get over herself and started dating someone her own age. And now I'm going to take over her place as the resident cradle-robber?

I really am a pervert.

I suddenly feel how Negi rise from his position in my arms and sits up. I keep my eyes closed and wonder what he's going to do. I suddenly feel his breath on my face. What is he doing! Is he really…? I suddenly hope with all my heart. Then the feeling vanishes and I feel him lay down again. I must have been imagining things.

Damn it!

But now he's lying as far from me as he can. I grab him and pull him into my arms again. After all I was meant to comfort him wasn't I…?

Yeah, yeah rub it in will you. I need to feel him, that simple. Snaking my arms around him I put my head on his shoulder. I sigh softly as I feel his warmth. I wouldn't mind feeling those hands of his around me. Or on me…

Stop it, pervert.

I'll have to settle for this. Holding him tonight will be the only thing I can have. He sees me as a big sister, like family, and I'm not going to betray that by jumping him no matter how fast my heart races around him.

I love you, but I know that there is no way you could return my feelings.