A/N: This story is when Castiel starts to doubt about God, and is in the POV of him. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural
I stumbled to the back of the store, ignoring the glares I received on the way. I rubbed my head, hoping to soothe the aching in it, but unfortunately, liquor isn't that easy to get over. The throbbing of my skull made me want to claw it out. Is this what it's like to be drunk? I wondered.
I leaned on a pole, putting all my weight on it to catch my breath. My legs suddenly were incapable of holding my weight, and my arms were limp by my side, useless. Hopelessness overwhelmed me. The apocalypse is near. Kill Lucifer? That would be suicide. God's most beloved creation, about to be wiped off the face of the Earth. "Where are you, Father?" I whispered. I needed him. I needed someone to bear the weight from my shoulders.
I pushed myself off the pole. "Where are you in this mess?" I asked louder. "Your sons are dying, and you don't show your face?" My eyes wandered in the dark sky, as if the answer were up there.
"They are dying! Your children are begging to you, praying to you, 'Oh Father in Heaven'. Do you hear them? Pity them, Father, and do something!" I shouted. I looked around the lot, hoping for a sign that he was listening, but only thing that answered was the wind. I sighed and rubbed my head. He's not answering you, idiot. He hasn't yet, and he's not going to start anytime soon.
I slid down the pole and onto the ground, sorrow engulfing me. Hugging my legs to my chest, I covered my eyes. Everything cleared out of my head. The chatter of the birds, the clanging of metal, the bristling of the leaves from the trees. They all faded. Everything melted away.
Breath in.
Breath out.
The insects buzzing, the the wind against my clothes. All gone.
Breath in.
Breath out.
I opened my eyes. Control yourself Castiel. I clenched my jaw. Control. I stood up, and steadily walked away from the pole. Control. I felt my blood tingling beneath my skin, anger swelling inside of me. Control it. I clenched my hands into a fist. Control Castiel!
But I couldn't.
For the first time, I felt anger. I felt hatred, and sorrow. How do humans control it? I don't know. But I had no intention to.
"You've damned them to Hell!" I cried out. I kicked the nearby cardboard boxes, making them fly across the lot. "They will receive eternal damnation, because of what? Because you don't give a thought to them?" I spat out, spreading my arms out.
I paced the lot, combing my hair with my hand. Where are you? I thought, desperately. The only thing that answered was the insects.
"I trusted you," I whispered. I massaged my throbbing temple. " I trusted you!" I shouted. I drew an arm back and thrust it forward, colliding it with the wall of the store. My voice echoed through the empty space. Finally the insects were quiet. "I obeyed your every word, no questions asked," I spat out, pointing accusingly at Heaven. "I didn't defy you. I thought you loved me. I thought that you were actually listening to me!" Suddenly, something wet rolled down my cheek. I paused, and slowly touched it with my finger. I looked at it. It was clear, like water. I cocked my head to the side in wonder. Tears. They are tears.
"Do you see this?" I showed up to the sky. "I cry for you! You were like a father to me." I covered my face with my hands. "I trusted you," I whispered. And for the first time, I cried.
My sobs carried out into the lot. "How could you do this to me?"
Tears rolled down my cheeks, and dripped onto the ground. Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
"Castiel" a voice said in my head. I turned around, darting my eyes across the lot. No one.
"Do not fret, son. There is still hope."
A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are always welcome!