What Your Best Friend Knows
for SuzyQ113
Inspired by/mood music: Keep the Change You Filthy Animal by All Time Low
Summary: So, tell me what your best friend knows that I don't know. Tell me why you talk me down wherever you go. You're a saint, you're a queen, and I'm just another boy without a crown. For SuzyQ113, the age old body swap fic
Genres: Humor, Romance
Characters: Wally, Artemis
Pairing: Spitfire, implied Robin/Zatanna
Notes: set after Insecurity
Wally zipped into the kitchen. He'd smelled Megan's cookies all the way from the souvenir room. "Chocolate almond chips?" he asked hopefully.
"Fresh out of the oven," Megan said, holding a tray up.
"Sweet!" Wally grabbed a cookie and began devouring them.
Robin and Zatanna chuckled as they watched him eat. They both grabbed cookies of their own before Wally munched on the whole tray. "So, I was talking with Artemis…" Zatanna said.
"Yeah?" Robin said, egging her on.
"And we were talking about Wally."
"No way!"
"And so, Artemis said—"
Wally raised an eyebrow and suddenly jumped in between the two younger teens. "So," he said abruptly, "what was that?"
Robin brushed Wally's arm from his shoulder. "Nothing you need to know about," he said, holding back a full-on grin.
"But I heard my name," Wally persisted, "and Artemis' name. What are you talking about?"
Zatanna smiled. "Artemis and I were talking," she said, "and you came up."
"What about me?"
Robin and Zatanna exchanged amused glances. "Nothing," they said simultaneously, getting up to walk away.
"Uh," Wally sped to their sides, "not nothing. Tell me!" He grabbed Robin's shoulders and shook him.
Robin smirked and pulled his arms off. "Sorry, Wally," he said, holding his hands up. "Can't tell you."
Wally glared for a moment before turning to Zatanna. "You're her best friend," he said, "tell me!"
"And because I'm her best friend," she turned around and began to walk away, "I can't tell you, either."
Wally groaned in frustration. He turned around and faced the kitchen only to find that Conner and Megan were making out. He covered his eyes and carefully made his way out of eyeshot.
Artemis walked through the zeta tube and the computer announced her arrival. She looked around. The main hall was completely empty. Artemis walked into the living room and found Robin and Zatanna sitting next to each other on the couch. She snickered and strolled casually into the kitchen. Her highly trained ears could hear their soft whispers.
"And so I was talking with Wally on the phone," Robin said quietly.
"What'd he say?" Zatanna asked in interest.
"He asked me about Artemis."
Artemis nearly dropped her cup of water. She stiffened and slowly made her way into the living room. "What?" she roared.
Robin smirked as he looked up at her. "Did you say something, Arty?"
Artemis glared at the Boy Wonder. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, short stuff!" she said. Robin frowned at the nickname. Zatanna giggled. "Wally asked about me?"
"Yes," Robin said patiently, nodding. "He asked me if I knew if you had a boyfriend."
Artemis twitched. "He what?"
"He asked Robin if you were dating anyone," Zatanna explained. "He seemed to be very interested."
Artemis said nothing for a moment. She smiled and shook her head. "No," she said. "No way. You're lying."
"Whatever you say, Arty," Robin said, smirking as she walked away.
Wally flopped down on his bed. He sighed and ran a hand through his wild red hair. He glanced at his clock: 10:30. He groaned and rolled over. Wally and Barry had just gotten home after taking care of Captain Cold. Bank robbery. Ugh.
Wally pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes. He hoped that he'd have a dream about food. He'd been craving a hot dog.
Artemis slowly climbed into bed. She stared at her wall, the Alice in Wonderland poster, and sighed. She'd gone on patrol with Ollie when he got a call from The Flash. He'd said something about Kid Flash and she tuned out.
Artemis had come home, dodged her mother's questions about how her day went, and went immediately into her room. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. She needed more than Ollie's regulated 8 hours a night.
"Are you ready?"
"Ready, Boy Wonder."
"Good. You have the spell prepared?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure? You've prepared it? I don't want you to—"
"Robin, I'm fine. I've prepared the spell, everything's set. Stop fussing."
"Sorry."
"You worry too much."
"Yeah, I do that."
"I'll perform the spell soon."
"Good. Ha, this is gonna be awesome."
"Wally and Artemis are gonna flip."
"I'll see you tomorrow. Meet me at the Cave early, so we can see the looks on their faces."
"Roger that, pixie boots."
"…Batgirl told you?"
"Oh, yeah. Green briefs?"
"Goodnight!"
Wally slowly opened his eyes. He yawned groggily and robbed his sleepy eyes. He looked at his hands and immediately did not recognize the tan skin, calloused fingers, and ripped nails. He looked down at his bed and found an unfamiliar bedspread and room. He bolted up and found that it was at an unusually slow speed. Wally scrambled for the dressed ad rifled through the drawers. He pulled out a mirror and screamed at the top of his high-pitched lungs.
Robin snickered and checked his watch. "Wally should be here soon," he said. "Even without super speed, he can move when he's mad."
Zatanna smiled. She and Robin sat in the kitchen barstools, some leftover cookies from yesterday. They heard the computer announce someone's arrival and they braced themselves, holding back obnoxious laughter.
"I KNOW YOU DID THIS!"
The body of Artemis Crock burst into the kitchen and shot both Robin and Zatanna death glares. "I know you two did this!"
"You look nice today, Artemis," Zatanna said casually.
"I'm Wally!"
Robin couldn't help it. He burst into laughter and gripped the countertop for support. He howled like a coyote.
"It's not funny, Rob!" Wally shouted. "Change me back!"
"Sorry, Wally," Zatanna said. "I'll lift the spell when you and Artemis make up."
Wally growled and gritted his teeth. "You know how awkward it was to explain this," he gestured to his feminine body, "to Artemis' mom?"
Robin burst into another uncontrollable fit of laughter and fell off his barstool. He rolled on the floor and clutched at his sides. Wally kicked him and huffed.
"BAYWATCH!"
Wally yelped and cowered behind the chuckling Zatanna. "She's gonna murder me!"
The body of Wally West strode into the kitchen, fuming with a red face. "I will kill you!" She lunged for him but Wally skirted out of the way.
"But, I didn't do anything!" Wally argued, screeching in fear when Artemis made a second leap at him. "It was Zatanna—ah!—and Robin!" He ducked when Artemis threw a glass cup at him. It shattered against the cupboards and the pieces fell to the ground.
Megan flew into the kitchen, looking startled. "What's going on?" she asked, looking around. "What are you all doing here?" She noticed the scared-looking Artemis and fuming Wally. "Is something wrong?"
"The bird and magician switched our bodies!" Artemis said. She flexed her fingers, itching to grab her bow.
Megan raised an eyebrow. "Artemis?"
"Duh!" Artemis yelled. "Body swap!"
Megan looked to Robin and Zatanna. "Why?" she asked.
"Zatanna won't lift her spell until these two morons make up," Robin explained, wiping a tear from underneath his shades. "We decided to take matters into our own hands."
"I'll take something into my hands," Artemis growled, lunging forward. Robin rolled out of the way and Artemis slammed her head into the fridge.
Robin cackled. "Takes a while to get used to the super speed, huh?"
Artemis glared at him.
Conner walked into the kitchen. "Why did I hear breaking glass?" he asked.
"We switched Wally and Artemis' bodies," Zatanna informed him, smiling.
Conner raised an eyebrow at the two teens. He shrugged and walked into the living room. Kaldur had showed him how to use the remote and he was suddenly interested in watching actual shows.
"Fix this," Artemis said, looming over Zatanna, "now."
Zatanna smiled. "Sorry," she said, "no can do. Either you and Wally make up, or you stay this way forever."
Artemis glared at her.
Wally shifted uncomfortable in his seat. He and Artemis sat in a restaurant, just outside of Central City. The waitress had seated them and had promised to be back soon with menus.
Artemis had a glare fixed at him.
"Stop staring at me," he said, eyebrow twitching. "It's annoying."
"You're annoying," Artemis retorted. "It's your fault that we're in this situation."
"You think I asked Rob and Zee to do this?" Wally asked, placing both hands flat on the tabletop. "I don't like this any more than you do. If I had it my way, I'd be at home, eating a heaping helping of my mom's homemade meatloaf right now. But nooo, I just had to take you out to dinner to solve this problem!"
"Would you shut up?" Artemis growled, leaning in close. She covered her mouth with her hand. "People are staring!" she whispered harshly.
Wally looked around to indeed find that a small family in the booth next to theirs was staring. He returned Artemis' glare. "I hate you," he mumbled.
Artemis scoffed. "What else is new?" she asked, leaning back in her seat.
Wally folded his arms and leaned back.
Robin smirked down at the photos of Wally and Artemis arguing. He hit save on his laptop and looked up just as the computer announced their arrival. He hopped over the couch and ran into the main hall. "How'd it g—"
Wally stormed past him, covered from head to toe in ketchup, mustard, and tartar sauce. Robin burst into obnoxious laughter. Zatanna jogged into the room after him and gasped, holding a hand over her mouth.
Artemis wiped some soy sauce from her face and let out a frustrated "Guurgh!" before storming off to the bathroom.
Their next mission was even weirder. Aqualad paired them all up in twos: him and Red Arrow, Miss Martian and Superboy, Robin and Zatanna, leaving Kid Flash and Artemis. Needless to say, they were not happy about it.
"Stakeout," Aqualad ordered. "Remain in the bio ship and observe from the skies." He and the others jumped out without a sound.
Kid Flash swiveled in his chair to glare at Artemis.
"Don't look at me like that," she said. "None of this is my fault."
"Don't even try and sell me that bull," Kid Flash spat. "You lied, you let Cheshire get away, and you—"
"God, Wally, shut up!" Artemis screeched. He sat up straighter, completely taken aback. "You wanna know why I did all those things? You wanna know why I lied?" He said nothing. Artemis sighed and took a deep breath. "Do you remember when I first came around, onto this team? You hated me. And don't even try to deny it," she added when Kid Flash opened his mouth to speak. "You wanted Roy on the Team instead of me. Did you ever think that I'd feel threatened by his joining the Team? Did you think that I'd be worried that you wouldn't need me anymore?" Kid Flash opened his mouth, then closed it, and then repeated the process several times.
"I didn't think about that."
"You don't think much at all."
Kid Flash cracked a small smile. "Is it too late for me to say I'm sorry?"
"Only if it's not too late for me," Artemis said.
He grinned and held his hand out. "Truce?"
Artemis shook his hand. "Truce."
Zatanna smiled.
Robin looked over at her. "What is it?" he asked.
"They made up," Zatanna said giddily.
Robin grinned. "Guess it's time to change them back," he sighed. He then raised a sly eyebrow. "Or…"
Zatanna smiled. "Or what?"
"Or," Robin said, laughing, "we could keep them this way—just for a little while."
Review?
May the Force be with you
~Skylion425