A Call from Nirvana

Do you have any idea when and where are you going to die? I did. The worst thing that could ever happen to me, to know when I'm going to loose my soul. The time, date and the place…it always fits my excuses. And yet sometimes I can feel that I'm running forever, like there's no one will care to stop me. Even though, even though they knew that I'm already tired of running.

I am living in an apartment, about 27 floors in height. You could say that it looks more like of a hotel than on a simple apartment. Tonight, as I sat down in front of my computer, the town looks very beautiful. I always admire the view of a city with night lights. So wonderful. I can't here the sound outside because of the fiber glass. The only sound I can hear is the ticking of the clock and the hissing of my air conditioner. Oh yeah, before I forgot, I'm probably the only person in this floor. That makes my first dream to come true, to be alone for just a second. For the sake of my beautiful sleep tonight.

My room is just simple. It has a black and white scheme painted on the walls and ceiling. From the black door, you can clearly see my living room with one big sofa-bed in black velvet, one big sofa, and two little sofas. In front of that set was a glass table with magazines underneath. A Flatron TV with two medium speakers. From the living room, you can see my dining room with four chairs and one square glass table in pale black color. My music room is separated from the living room for I am quite planning to have my own band…but I know it will remain a dream. Just a dream. The study room is filled with books that usually, I don't bother to read. I almost forget the kitchen where I often have my experiment of food. It has a sink, of course. The oven, and the stove, the hanging cabinets with nothing placed in it, drawers where I commonly place the veggies instead of the big refrigerator. Last is my personal bedroom with a king size bed with a bed sheet of black and white. The carpet, the TV in front of my bed. My study table and my personal table where my computer is placed for typing. From my personal table and bed, you can see the whole city. It looks so nice.

I am Eiji Kikumaru, attending my last year in Junior High. My parents were in the states to do some work and I'm left here in this apartment, alone. I have no siblings that make my life even lonelier.

So does anyone know about this?

Yes, my close friends knew everything about it, well not exactly that everything but I already told them. They have no expressions on their face. I don't know if they don't simply care about what I'm going through or they just don't want to show it. If it wasn't because of them, I was not in my school and probably wandering around the world, bored of my daily life. That's what my life should be without them. But fortunately they came out of somewhere and "ruin" my life…no, I'm just kidding, they actually made me see this light.

"Are my lectures sounded like Chinese to you Eiji?" asked my favorite teacher in the academy. A teacher of nano-technology and measurements. I'm under the sign of Leo so humiliation in front of classmates is like a death sentenced to me. But it's as if though I've gone nuts hearing that my favorite teacher won't be teaching us, not anymore! Good, how can I ever understand the lessons in higher mathematics? This is just a joke, right? From that time on, it was written in my mind, he's the one! He is the teacher who destroyed my dreams! He destroyed my life! After few days of suffering from the painful truth that he's not going to be our teacher anymore, not ever, I've get over it somehow. But still, I found my dreams shattered in the façade of my face. Oh, this life! Ruin!

I almost kill someone back in my first year in junior high, but not my classmate. That's maybe the reason why I'm having difficulties in sleeping lately.

But now, the Nirvana calls for me and I can't hide the truth that I'm getting tired of running in this life, full of lies and heartless human being. I'm sick of hearing things about me! Sick in this people who wanted to destroy me. The angels are now singing and the white light scattered.

The city looks so nice from up here. I can feel as if I'm really free even though this country is not really independent. Freedom that that the government says is a classic Big Lie!

That darn doctor called me this morning, and that stupid therapy is not going to help me cure this illness. He lied to me! He said if I undergo that therapy, then I will be alright. But he's wrong. A doctor who tried to be intelligent even though he know nothing.

This maybe my last type in my computer. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll have a day off tomorrow. That is, when I'm still able to wake up after tonight. But my dreams told me that I'm not going to last after editing and saving this to my file under the folder "Write Ups". The lung cancer is not a good thing to have. It makes you suffer a lot more than you know you would. It makes you believe in something they called "fate" that God has all the reasons why these are happening right now. Well, if that's so, I will be very thankful that I will be gone for a cost.

I can hear it, the call from what they call Nirvana. A place where all happiness and love is eternal.

To all, thanks for everything!

I will never see Oishi's smiling face, or got to taste Inui's terrible drinks. Taka-san's sushi, or just look at Fuji's never fading smile or to that grumpy face Tezuka. Hear Kaidoh's 'Pssshhht', or see Momo's greedy way of eating or our Ochibi's snob eyes. Never

I'm going now. I will fly to the clouds in the night sky, surpassing all limits and possibilities.

N.S