Bianca DeSousa was five years old when her father left. She doesn't remember him much. She just thinks he's a huge asshole for leaving a woman who had his child alone with no way to pay rent. What kind of fucker does that, anyways? Bianca's always wanted to know that.
As she grew up (in one shitty apartment after the next), she saw her mom "date" more and more guys. She thought it was a good thing. She'd have a daddy again and they could be a family. But it never happened. Ever. Her mom would just screw the guy and he'd be gone, only to have a different guy replace him the next night.
At first, Bianca didn't understand what was going on, she just thought her mom was trying to find the kind of love she had with Bianca's father. It wasn't until she was thirteen she realized her mom wasn't trying to fall in love again, she was just trying to make herself feel better about getting left all those years ago, using alcohol and sex.
It was sick, really, and Bianca resented her for it. But so much of her mother had been poured into Bianca's personality, the tough girl bitchiness, the "I don't care about anyone but myself" shtick she always had, and that she never, ever trusted men.
XX
She began sleeping around when she was fourteen, losing her virginity to some senior. She was a freshman. It was scary, fun, exciting, and nerve-racking all at the same time. When she woke up the next morning, the guy was gone. She didn't care. She'd find another.
It went on like that for years, her getting drunk and screwing guys for sport. Part of her liked the thrill of it, the other part wanted her mom to see what she had done to her daughter. She had taught her that there was no such thing as love and all that guys were good for were sex, alcohol, and money. And never to trust them.
When she got to Degrassi, she decided to make a conscious effort to change. She met a guy named Adam Torres and started to like him… until she found out he was a she. When she discovered this, she was filled with disgust and… hurt. He had lied to her. Made them think they had a future together. They didn't.
XX
After that, she went back to her old ways (had they really changed? She had caused a huge scene with the Adam thing, outing him to her new friends Fitz and Owen). She stole Alli Bhandari's boyfriend, Drew Torres (ironically Adam's stepbrother) and gave him oral in the boiler room, after sexting him for about a week. It felt good to know she was wanted. Even if it was just in the sexual way.
XX
But, there was also a certain emptiness inside her every night when she went home to hear her mother and a "guest" going at it like fucking animals. Sometimes they didn't have the decency to close the door, not that it mattered, she would've heard them perfectly anyways through the paper-thin walls. She just didn't want to see it when she walked by.
She didn't know what the emptiness was. Loneliness? She wasn't lonely… well, she was, but it didn't bother her. She grew up used to it. Her mother, when she wasn't fucking some random piece of scum or getting drunk, was working two jobs to support them. Longing? For what, exactly? A father? A better life? She didn't know. Nor did she really fucking care, she just wanted it to go away.
XX
She hated the self-esteem class, she didn't have fucking low self-esteem. She just had a shitty life. Why couldn't the stupid counselor see the fucking difference? When she asked Bianca what she wanted to be, she was caught off guard, for once in her life. She had never really thought about it. She didn't think she'd have the option. When she said she was pretty good at making jewelry, she meant it. But she didn't know if she had a future in it.
She had gotten suspended after fighting with Alli Bhandari, who had sexted everyone in school naked photos of her. She was beyond pissed. She knew Alli hated her, but really, to sink as low as to go through her purse and take her phone? That was just shitty and immature. She cut all ties after that, never even sparing Drew a passing glance, she never really cared about him anyway.
XX
She was sitting outside Degrassi when Fitz walked up and sat next to her. He was expelled, he wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the school. But, since it was like eleven-thirty, he didn't give a shit. She wanted to ask him what he wanted, but she couldn't find the words. She had always felt a little more than friendship for Fitz, but never let on, knowing what a huge heartbreaker he was.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Fitz broke it by saying, "You know you're hot, Bianca." The statement caught her off-guard. It was so out-of-the-blue and not connected to anything.
"Yeah, I know. Why does it matter?" She asked, defensively and Fitz shrugged.
"It doesn't. Just wondering why you need to fuck so many guys for you to feel sexy, when you already know you are sexy. It doesn't make any sense."
Bianca was quiet for a moment before replying, "Same reason you screw all the girls you do, shitty home life."
He seemed to accept that as a reasonable reply, and once again, they fell into silence. He broke it once again a moment later by saying, "I like you, you know, as more than a friend."
She was shocked. Never did she expect Fitz to like her like that, at all. And, if he did, it would just be for her body, but she could tell, looking at him, that he liked all of her. Body, mind, face, heart, everything. It was wonderful and scary all at the same time.
And, with that, she leaned over and pressed her lips to his, not in a demanding way like she had so many times before with other guys, but in a way that got the point across that she liked him back. She pulled away and looked at him, before he kissed her again, deeper this time.
That was all they did, though, kiss. He said they were going to take this as slow as they had to. And for once, despite all of her mom's warnings not to, Bianca decided to trust a guy.
Fin.
This is kind of good and kind of sucks at the same time. I realized there was a lot of cursing, so, sorry if that offended anyone.
I've always liked Bianca's character and I've LOVED the idea of her and Fitz getting together. And I wanted to write a Bianca-centric fic about why she is who she is and this happened.
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, if I did Zane and Riley and Bianca would have a LOT more screen time.