Author's Note: Sorry for going totally MIA there for a while. I've been busy at marching band and this season of Glee is really bringing me down.

Warning: This contains spoilers for the episode 4x04.

Blaine will be here soon, get your shit together. Kurt prodded at his mind as he unconsciously stabbed at the wall with the paint brush. He just couldn't bring himself to clean up, or do anything. He felt it was useless.

Yes, he loved Blaine. He missed him more than ever. But he couldn't help but shake the conversation him and Blaine had had at Battery Park earlier that day.

"Kurt, I can't do this anymore."

Kurt stopped dead in his tracks.

"What?" Kurt said in a small voice. He had an idea of what Blaine was talking about, but he hoped and prayed that Blaine wasn't doing this.

"I can't keep you from living your dreams like this You're holding back, Kurt. I can sense it. And it's because of me. Kurt, I have to let you go." Blaine sniffled.

"Blai-" Kurt began.

"And don't you dare try and say it isn't true. Because it is. And it's killing you. And it's killing me. Every day, I can't fight the feeling that I'm holding you back."

"No." Kurt said sternly. "No, no, no-" Kurt began to choke up, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and sprinting.

He ran, ignoring the pleas of Blaine to come back. He couldn't believe what was happening. What had he ever done to deserve this? He had lost everything. His mother, every solo in glee club, his first kiss, his safety at school, the lead in the school play, his virginity to the man who promised forever. All he has left is Blaine, and apparently he can't even have that.

Kurt collapsed near a rose bush, his knees tucked under his chin as he cried, and cried. He ignored the stares and condolences of pedestrians walking by. Nothing could mend his broken heart, nothing but Blaine.

Suddenly, Kurt opened his eyes to see black oxfords and finely pressed dress pants and he could smell coffee and mint and everything that was just so Blaine and if his heart already hadn't dissipated this would have been the moment it did.

"Kurt-"

"Don't." Kurt screamed, rocking up on his heels and sprinting again as Blaine tried to sit on the curb adjacent to him.

He sprinted all the way 'home'.

So yes, he still loved Blaine. But he felt the dull, low ache in his stomach. Not the good kind, like when it is brought on from making out with Blaine on his couch or anything. It sickened him, scared him and made him weak at the knees. He tried to clear his mind by painting, but it just turned out to be an act of ferociously jabbing at the wall with his paintbrush.

Kurt was splattered in white paint by now, his hair was mussed and he smelt of sweat. Rachel was out, she was going to meet Finn at a nearby hotel, (she had lost the coin toss for whoever got the apartment with their respective partners first), and so there was nothing to settle his nerves. He was drowning in negative thoughts, and his heart was heavy.

Kurt dipped the paint brush in the bucket again and began to swipe it across the dirty brick expanse. He tried to fight back the tears that he knew were going to spill any moment. He could feel the sharp, painful prickle of them pooling in the back of his eyes. Kurt wondered if he could ever stop crying.

He remembers the weight of Blaine on top of him. The phantom touches, to his hips, kisses to his neck and stomach. If he closed his eyes hard enough he could nearly smell the faint, wonderful odor of Blaine and he missed the sheer gravity Blaine provided for him. He tied Kurt down to earth, he tied him to hope and happiness and love and everything Kurt had ever hoped for. And that was gone in an instant.

Kurt was shirtless now, clad in only his boxers because his other clothes were covered in dirt, sweat and tears and there was no use getting all dressed up again. Though, he really, really should. But he could care less.

As Kurt bent over to dip his paint brush in the paint again, he sunk to his knees. He was weak, feeble and heartbroken. Painting his feelings away was going to be impossible.

He began to sob again, a painful, heart wrenching sob. He tried to drown out the echoing footsteps creeking around the room, he really did. Because he knew it was Blaine. And he knew Blaine was crying to and seeing that would rip Kurt to shreds.

But one can only cry against the wall for a certain amount of time before getting uncomfortable. So as Kurt shifted positions to stretch out his legs, he caught glimpse of Blaine staring at him, in tears nearly five feet away.

"Kurt." Blaine choked out. "I love you. So, so much."

"I love, you too, Blaine." Kurt said in between loud, wailing sobs.

And suddenly, Kurt was being pulled up by his shoulders, his back being dragged against the brick and he would probably care about how much that hurt if Blaine wasn't pressing him back into it, kissing him senseless, their bodies flush against one another through Blaine's heavy coat.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I- I thought it would be for the better." Blaine whispered against Kurt's neck. "But I just can't bring myself to let you go."

"You don't have to let me go, Blaine. Please, never let me go." Kurt sobbed, nuzzling his face into the crook of Blaine's shoulders, his tears drip-dropping onto Blaine's soft, wool coat. He loves this coat so much- he remembers buying it nearly months ago with Blaine at gap. The sweet memory just made Kurt break out into tears again.

"I promise. Gosh, Kurt. I promise. I am so, so sorry for being so stupid." Blaine mumbles, grabbing Kurt by the thighs and wrapping his legs around his own weight and kissing Kurt again. Their tears mingled again, and dripped into their lips. Everything was slippery, slick and salty but they couldn't seem to separate. They simply continued to kiss and explore each other again like everything was new, love and desperation seared into every kiss.

After a while, Blaine had been stripped down to his boxers and they had wound up on the single mattress on the floor.

Blaine had groaned-it smelled so much like Kurt, the sweet smell of jasmine, vanilla and masculineness that he loved so much and he couldn't help but kiss every inch of Kurt, from head to toe. He knew Kurt was blushing and grinning and he loved how natural this all felt. He felt dumb and stupid for thinking either of them could live without all of this, together, in love. Right now, it just seems like the most idiotic thing in the entire world.

"You have chips of paint in your hair, sweetie." Blaine mumbles after they are tangled in the sheets, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, Blaine's hand resting over Kurt's heart, Kurt's hand petting at Blaine's curls.

"Funny, so do you." Kurt mumbles lazily.

Suddenly, Kurt's eyes grew wide and he whipped around to where hours ago they had reunited in a messy tangle of limbs. The wall was chipped of a layer of paint and gosh it just looks so obvious something had gone down there.

"You have to paint over that before Rachel comes home." Kurt mutters, blushing.

"I do?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep. You were the one who pressed me back against the wall when you knew we had been working on painting it. I'm not saying I regret it, but what did you think would happen? It was inevitable." Kurt teased.

"Well, you can't blame me. I missed my boyfriend and I tried my best not to jump you all day because that would have been completely inappropriate. And there you were, in your boxers covered in paint and I just wanted to kiss away all the pain." Blaine whispered.

"I love you." Kurt smiled, nuzzling his nose against Blaine's.

"I will always love you, Kurt."

"Do you promise forever?"

"I promise forever."

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed. Because I needed to write this.