Gotta Let the Flames Burn Free
"Okay, all the lines are sealed and connected," Piotr said wiping his brow.
"Great. Now all we have to do is run a few final tests and fire this thing up," Remy reported.
"Did somebody say 'fire'?" Pyro asked poking his head in with a crazy twinkle in his eye. Remy and Piotr were busy working in one of the base's maintenance rooms.
"Get lost, Pyro. You're the reason we had to install a new water heater in the first place," Remy snapped.
"Awww, but I wanna see how it looks," Pyro pouted entering the room. "I hope it works better than the last one."
"Considering you turned the last one into a short range cruise missile I hope it doesn't," Remy glared at him while checking the wiring. "My back is still covered with blisters!"
"I said I was sorry," Pyro defended. "I was just trying to heat the water faster by making bigger flames."
"And by doing so you had the water heater blast off and crash through six walls while spraying hot water everywhere before vaporizing the local water tower," Piotr said looking over the pipes. "That is why we chose a unit that heats water using electricity instead of gas."
"What?" Pyro gasped. "This is an outrage! How can you galahs prefer to use heating coils instead of flames?"
"Because they're safer," Remy gave him a look. "Especially from you!"
"But fire is so much better," Pyro whined. "It provides heat, beauty, comfort, light!"
"Well, fire is fine when it is contained," Piotr explained. "Such as in an oven, fireplace or lantern."
"No!" Pyro recoiled in horror. "You can't confine flames inside some bloody iron and glass box while reduced to just a flicker. You gotta let them out so they can breathe and grow! Like in bonfires and tiki torches!"
"Oh dear," Piotr sighed realizing Pyro was not getting the message.
"And that's why you gotta use gas instead of electricity!" Pyro declared pointing to the water heater. "Gas burns!"
"Look, what's the difference?" Remy asked somewhat annoyed. "The water will be heated either way. And there are some cases when you don't want fire to grow too big. Like when you cook your special barbeque ribs."
"Well yeah, but that's not point. It's the principle of the thing! You gotta show the flames respect. And there's only one way to do that!" Pyro drew himself up and addressed his teammates. "Well now electric lamps are nice and such. Electric stoves, blankets, heaters too."
"Okay," Piotr blinked. "Nice to head you say so."
"But then they all fail and lack the touch, that good ol' natural burning flames do!" Pyro demonstrated by shooting some fire from his pack.
"Hey, watch it!" Remy yelled as he and Piotr ducked.
"You need some fire to be truly warm!" Pyro chanted and cupped some in each hand. "You gotta build it up and treat it right!"
"Yikes!" Piotr jumped as the flames quickly multiplied and spewed forth.
"A little more. Ka-pow! A firestorm! Now we really got us some heat and light! Although..." Pyro held up a hand in warning. "Don't restrain the poor flames. Give them autonomy!"
"YEEOOOWWWWWW!" Remy yelped as part of his pants caught on fire.
"Watch them spread their awesome radiance!" Pyro laughed as he used his powers to spread the flames. "You just gotta let the flames burn free!"
"NO! NO! NO!" Piotr shouted as he grabbed a fire extinguisher and began to put out the blaze.
"Aw, come on mates!" Pyro encouraged. "Embrace and love the flames! Enjoy their great beauty!"
"I don't think so...whoa!" Remy blinked as several large flames took on the forms of various attractive women. "Wow. Do you do requests?"
"C'mon, share a hug and cut a rug! You just gotta let the flames burn free!" Pyro giggled and skipped out of the room with his flaming friends.
"HEY, COME BACK HERE!" Remy and Piotr yelled taking off after him while putting out fires as they went. "AND STOP BURNING THINGS!"
"Yes sir, flames need good care and loving!" Pyro sang as he waltzed down the hallway while casually setting fire to everything he came across. "Let them play and watch them grow!"
"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Remy shouted as flames flared up from the floor. "HOT! HOT! HOT!"
"Nurture and raise, a fledgling blaze! Into a stunning, full-blown inferno!" Pyro laughed insanely as whole hallway was engulfed in flames.
"What the heck is going on here...YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth screamed stepping out of his room into the burning hallway. "YEEEOOOWWW! I'M ON FIRE! AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!
"Don't try to suppress flames! They love their liberty!" Pyro used his powers to make several large fireballs explode like fireworks. "Burn like the sun! And have some fun! You just gotta let the flames burn free!"
CRASH!
A large section of burning ceiling collapsed and fell to the floor.
"HAHAHA!" Pyro giggled maniacally.
"Oh my!" Piotr gulped at the mess.
"HAHAHA!" Pyro made a huge flaming buffalo out of fire and began riding it down the hallway.
"Oh no!" Remy groaned and dived out of the way.
"HAHAHA!" Pyro cackled as the flaming buffalo ran over Sabertooth.
"OW! OW! OW!" Sabertooth twitched and lay sprawled on the ground still covered in flames. "YEEEOOOWWW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"
"PYRO!" Magneto roared flinging open the door of his private lab. "STOP WHATEVER STUPIDITY YOU ARE UP TO, YOU INSANE NUT! YOU'D BETTER NOT BE BURNING DOWN THE BASE AGAIN...AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed and flew out of the way as the flaming buffalo roared past and began igniting things in the lab.
"WAAAHOOOOOOOOO!" Pyro laughed while continuing to manipulate the fires. "Watch the flames burn this!"
"STOP MELTING MY RADIATION CHAMBER!" Magneto yelled and chased after him.
"Watch the flames burn that!" Pyro shot out another burst of fire.
"NOT THE MICRODISSECTING LASER TOO! AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto shouted and desperately tried to put out the blaze.
"Watch the flames consume!" Pyro giggled madly. "A drum of hazmat!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Magneto screamed.
"Watch the flames go BOOM!" Pyro leapt off the buffalo as something exploded inside the lab. "I love that part!"
"I'd love to tear you apart!" Magneto hissed as he struggled to beat back the fires.
"Vibrant flames craft banquets of music for your eyes! They are magnificent works of art!" Pyro declared happily skipping out of the room.
"Hey, come back here you...AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed as the whole lab was engulfed in flames.
"So don't ya trap flames in some metal cage. Don't lock them up and throw away the key!" Pyro sang as he took off down the hallway once more.
"You're the one who outta be locked up!" Remy shouted before running from a pack of fire elephants. "GAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"Let them create a golden age! With flames burning from sea to flaming sea!" Pyro grinned.
"Oh please, not that," Piotr groaned throwing away his spent fire extinguisher and reaching for a new one. "Putting up with you is bad enough!"
"There's a fiery way to achieve world peace! And love of flames is what it's all about!" Pyro smiled creating a whole army of fire figures. "We simply sing and dance without a cease! Around a huge fire that will never go out!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth ran by having somewhat recovered from being run over, but still enveloped with fire.
"No need to be real smart! It don't take a Ph.D!" Pyro posed in front of his fire chorus as the base continued to burn in the background. "To let fires be! And burn like me!"
"PYRO YOU ARE GONNA DIE!" Magneto screamed. "YEEEOOOWWW!"
"You just gotta let the flames, gotta let the flames!" Fireworks whizzed every which way as multicolored fire fountains shot into the air. "You just gotta let the flames, gotta let the flames!" Huge pillars of fire rose up and split apart revealing even more dancing fire figures and animals as Pyro beamed and dramatically spread his hands wide. "You just GOTTA...LET THE...FLAMES...BURN...FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Look out!" Piotr shouted as Pyro created a giant whirlwind of fire.
"HAHAHA!" Pyro giggled maniacally as everything rapidly turned to ash.
CRASH! FLOOOOOOM!
"HAHAHA!" Pyro cackled insanely while causing more explosions.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
"You just gotta let the flames burn free! Yeah!" Pyro laughed and spun around, only to face the rest of the Acolytes glaring at him while covered in soot and burn marks. "What?"
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Friend Like Me".