UPDATED 01/28/16

Chapter One

"I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has." These were the last words I thought I would ever hear from this man again. I remember this day as though it were yesterday. It was as though a bucket of cold water hit me in the face-with the bucket. Just thinking about this day brings tears to my eyes. But I will not cry for this man, never again. I recall to many times when I wallowed in my bedroom, door locked, shades drawn. I didn't speak to anyone for weeks-well, other than Adrian. He was the only person I would allow in my room from time to time. I even ignored Lissa-the best friend I thought I'd have for life. Although she tried multiple times to get me to talk to her, she just couldn't understand my side of the story.

To focus more on Adrian that specific, dreadful night, he found me on the other side of the ward-away from the security of the Court's protection. I hate to admit it, but I wanted a strigoi to find me that night. I couldn't see myself living a life without Dimitri, and for that I am ashamed. I know I'm stronger than that. Anyway, Adrian let me cry on his shoulder as he carried me home. We talked all night, and I saw a side of Adrian that I had never witnessed before. A side so sweet and sincere I could have sworn somebody switched bodies with him.

~0~0~

"Adrian-I don't understand what I did." I tucked my head deeper into his shirt, staining it with my mascara. "I'm just not good enough for him."

"Rose," he said, putting a finger underneath my chin, gently lifting my head so he could look into my eyes. "You'll always be good enough."

It was rare of Adrian to say my actual name. It sounded nice. "Say my name again."

And so he did, many times that night. Adrian was a great distraction. He kept my mind off of Dimitri, off of my future, off of my best friend. He allowed me to feel something-love, I think. Not the kind of love I felt for Dimitri, but there was a connection. Maybe it was the fact that I knew he loved me-even though deep down inside I knew I could never give the amount of love that he gave me, I was still selfish enough to take his love and use it towards my own healing.

I opened my eyes to a room that wasn't mine. I stretched my arms out, whilst sitting up in this strange bed. The smell of eggs and bacon quickly engulfed my scents. Breakfast? I got out of bed and found my way into the kitchen by following the delicious smell.

Adrian was standing with a spatula in his hand, not to mention, only in his pyjama pants. I couldn't seem to take my eyes away from those breathtakingly, sexy abs.

"You . . . Umm," I tried to speak, but I couldn't get over how hot he was right now. I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through his hair. It looked as though he had just gotten out of bed.

"Good morning, little dhampir." He smirked. This is the moment I realize yesterday wasn't a dream. I flush, becoming embarrassed over how weak I had acted last night.

"Hi," I say, a small smile playing on my lips. "About last night . . . forget about anything I said . . . I'm not that person. I'm not weak."

He puts the spatula down, removing the eggs and bacon off of the stove.

"You could never be weak." He turns around, his eyes deep in concentration. "Little dhampir, you're the strongest, most bravest creature I have ever met in my entire life. Maybe at times stupid," he chuckles, shaking his head. I grinned, recalling the time I had set out to hunt Dimitri as a strigoi. "But you could never be weak."

~0~0~

Why I decided to leave, I'm not so sure. Adrian really was the best thing that could have happened to me in a very long time. But I screwed that up, just like I screw everything else up in my life.

~0~0~

A week later, I find myself back in my bedroom, crying my heart out. 'Love fades. Mine has.' I wish I could say the same thing. I wish it was as easy for my love to fade so easily for Dimitri. How he did it? I'm not so sure. Perhaps he never loved me in the first place. That's an explanation that seems to make complete sense. Many guys do it, right? Lead a girl on, play with her heart until she's wrapped around your finger, then tare her apart, leaving her both empty and broken.

"Rose, let me in," I heard Lissa exclaim, frustration clear both through the bond and in her voice. "Common, I know today is tough for you. I just want to be here for you."

Tough, I scuff to myself. This isn't 'tough'. Tough is when I first got to this school and started my training, tough is the night Natalie almost killed me when she turned strigoi, tough is learning that I'm not always going to get what I want. But acknowledging the fact that the man who broke my heart is deliberately ignoring me? It's not tough-it's completely infuriating, but it's not tough.

I waited until Lissa finally stopped pounding on my door. I got the sense that she had left the building, sulking her way back into the arms of her lover. I figured it was finally time I saw the light for the first time in a week. I found myself outside, squinting against the brightness of the sun. It was night time for us dhampir and moroi, so I was one of few people roaming the streets of the Royal Court, which meant that the chances of running into someone who knew me was quite low.

My stomach growled. Guess its time to eat. I find my way at a little Café, on the outskirts of Court. I quickly scan the menu, deciding to go with a roasted red pepper soup. I also buy myself a can of coke. I find a cute little table in the back corner, hidden behind a tall plant. Perfect. I make myself comfy, and then plop headphones in, in an attempt to drown out everything around me.

I was absorbed in my own thoughts, until I felt his presence. I stiffened. He was here, I just know it. I refused to look up, knowing that if I did, I was sure I would end up begging for him to take me back. A few moments later, a shadow overcast on my table. I looked up, meeting familiar brown eyes.

"Hello, Rose," he says, his Russian accent doing more to me than I can admit to myself.

"Hi." I frown. Looking back down at my iPhone, scrolling through endless mundane news articles and Facebook posts.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" He gestures towards the chair across from me. God. Why is he doing this to me?

"Whatever," I say coldly. Trying to completely ignore the fact that Dimitri is now sitting right in front of me, I quickly send Adrian a text. I really hope that guy isn't sleeping.

"So, how have you been?" I almost believed he really cared, but I wouldn't fall underneath that trap again.

"Actually, I've been really good." I fake a smile, putting on my best mask. He doesn't need to know how much he's really affected me. He needs to believe that I'm completely fine without him. I look down at my phone. "Oh, but you know what, I've got to go."

I held my phone up, to show him as though somebody had just texted me.

"Roza, wait . . ." He takes a hold of my arm. In immediate response, I swing my left arm, hitting him square in the jaw. The anger was fuming through me.

"Never. Never say that name again." I glare, getting ready to throw in another punch. Before I get the chance, Adrian comes through the door, enraged.

"Don't touch her," he growls, putting a protective arm around me, pulling me to his side. I cowered at the sight of Adrian's face. If looks could kill, Dimitri would already be six feet under.

"I didn't . . ." Dimitri started to say, but before he could get another word in, Adrian interrupted.

"Shut the f*ck up, dude." Dimitri was stunned, to say the least. I'm sure it was the first time anyone spoke to him like that. "Just get out of here."

Confusion filled his deep brown eyes, he seemed to be trying to figure something out in his head. Coming to his conclusion, he gave me one last look before walking in the opposite direction.

"Well, I did a lot better than I ever imagined myself doing," I say to Adrian.

"Of course you did, little dhampir." He smiled, engulfing me in an embrace.

I just can't believe Dimitri . . . You think he would have enough respect to give me my space after what he did to me. I tried to diminish the fume that was absorbing my rational thought. After a few minutes of being held by Adrian, I looked right into his emerald green eyes, and I said it.

"I love you, Adrian."

~0~0~

Did I love Adrian? Yes, of course I did. But not in the way he wanted me to love him. Because of this, I did what I could to save him from the pain I had to deal with. I wrote him a letter, one that I ended up giving him right before I left. It was cruel to continue to lead him on like that. I truly do wish I could love Adrian the same as he loves me. But deep down inside, I know that I'll always love Dimitri.

Hello everyone!

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