AN: For fic storyline purposes, let's all pretend Dr. Motorcycle Boy left for Africa after "Knockdown." Sound good? Okay thanks.

She can't stop thinking about it. About him. The feel of his lips pressed against hers as his hands tangled in her hair. The feeling of him pressed against her, taking every ounce of her strength not to roll her hips into his. She'd already moaned for him, realizing the second the sound left her mouth that she needed to pull back and focus. This kiss was supposed to be a distraction for the guard, not a distraction from her life.

But still, she thinks about it. Thinks about how she needed friction in the worst way during those seconds. About how she wanted more from him, needed more. And then she starts to feel guilty because she has a boyfriend and that boyfriend isn't Castle.

But she doesn't think about Josh this way. She's not sure if she ever has. And that right there should be sending off alarm bells in her head. But instead she keeps her head down, keeps working the case, makes dinner plans with Josh for after he gets off his shift.

It's only when her thoughts drift back to Castle's tongue that she realizes he's sitting in his chair beside her desk. She wonders how long he's been there. Wonders if he's thinking the same things she is.

Kate looks over at him and catches him staring at her. She doesn't say anything and for a while neither does he. This can't be good, can it?

"Still thinking about Lockwood?" he finally asks.

She nearly snorts. So the opposite of where her mind has been for the past hour.

"Not exactly," she answers him, turning back to the paperwork she's been attempting to complete for the last hour so she can actually make her dinner date on time.

"Yeah me neither."

She doesn't want to talk about this now. Shouldn't. She doesn't have the time.

"Look, Castle I -"

"It doesn't have to mean anything," he cuts her off. "It was only a distraction technique after all. One of my dumb ideas and what not."

"Okay -"

"And that little moan of yours," he keeps talking, shrugging his shoulders. "Just a visceral reaction. Doesn't have to mean anything."

Shit, he had noticed that. Which meant he probably noticed her trying not to roll her hips against his too. Because the more she thinks about it, the more she starts to fear that it happened at least once.

"You've been thinking about this all day, haven't you?" Kate asks, finally giving up on the paperwork and vowing to come in early to finish it tomorrow.

"Are you trying to tell me that you haven't?"

She doesn't know what he wants from her. An admission of her attraction to him? A confession that the moan was so much more than visceral?

"You're a good kisser, is that what you want to hear?" she asks, narrowing her eyes at him.

Castle smirks. "Only if it's true."

That earns him an eye roll as she starts packing up her desk for the night.

"Leaving so soon?" he asks.

She almost doesn't want to tell him where she's going. As though telling him that she's headed to meet her boyfriend will end this whole charade they have going here.

"I'm meeting Josh for dinner."

She hates the way he deflates at her words. She knows that he doesn't like the guy and by the use of his tongue earlier she knows that he definitely likes her.

"Oh," Castle starts, standing up. "Then I won't keep you."

"Castle, I -"

"Have a good night," he calls over his shoulder, already heading for the elevator.

She sinks back against her chair with a frustrated sigh. There has to be a way to blame Ryan and Esposito for this mess.

He catches her in the break room the next morning, pouring herself a cup of coffee. He leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.

"So how was dinner?"

He's fishing. Trying to figure out if she mentioned their kiss to Josh or not.

"He's going to Africa," Kate tells him, stirring creamer into her coffee.

"I'm that much of a threat to him, huh?" Castle says, nodding.

She groans, brushing past him back out into the bullpen. "He's doing Doctors Without Borders. It's hard to be mad at him for leaving when he's trying to save the world."

He hesitates. "Did you tell him about -"

"No," she answers, shaking her head before he can finish. "He has enough on his plate right now; he doesn't need to know about our undercover work."

"When's he coming back?"

"In a month."

He follows her over to her desk. "That doesn't seem very long. Don't these programs normally last for like a year?"

She shrugs, sliding into her chair. "Maybe it's a different program, I don't know."

That stupid smirk of his is back. "You seem really invested in his life."

Kate shoots him a look. "Shut up and go get me the case file from Ryan's desk."

"Have I been promoted from shadow to personal assistant?"

"You're my partner," she says slowly. "Getting that case file benefits you too."

She wants to wipe that damn smirk off of his face. She knows exactly what would do it too. Something that will turn that smug expression into one of shock.

"Not those kinds of benefits, Castle," she tells him. "Those come later."

Sure enough, he stares after her slack-jacked as she stands up and heads towards LT's desk just for the sake of having somewhere to go so she can saunter away from him. So maybe she enjoys flirting with him a little too much. But she's still laughing at his face from a month ago when he suggested she pop another button to get that guy to talk, thinking that she wouldn't, and she actually did. Now she finds too much pleasure in doing things to put that look back on his face. Which is exactly why she proceeded to tell him that she does this one trick with ice cubes a few weeks later.

Maybe it's good that Josh is going to Africa. It would makes things easier for her to break up with him so she can explore...whatever this is. Because there is definitely something here that she just doesn't feel with Josh. And Castle knows it. Now she just needs to find the time to get Josh to see it too.

She tries to break it off with him before he leaves, she really does. But their schedules keep conflicting and then she can barely get a word in as he's bidding her goodbye. It's not like she expects anything to happen with Castle over the next month. In fact, she's not even 100% sure that she wants something to. But still. Ending things would definitely help soothe the guilt she feels every time she thinks about that kiss...which is often.

She finds herself dialing back on the flirting in the following weeks. With his mother losing a close friend and one of his own childhood friends becoming a main suspect in a case, he hasn't exactly been his usual upbeat self. But she takes him to Remy's, let's him steal her fries like usual, tells herself that it isn't a date. The topic of their kiss has yet to come back up and she's not sure if she's disappointed or grateful.

The next thing she knows, Josh is back and they're getting into a yelling match at the precinct. It happens behind the closed doors of the break room, but she knows the whole squad is trying to listen in. He tells her that he wants to go to Haiti, an actual full year program this time. She tells him to go, saying that whatever was once between them is over now. It spirals from there, Castle somehow getting dragged into all of it. Josh has never been fond of him. Never liked how close he was to his girlfriend. An overprotective quality she's always hated. He never cared about how close she is with Lanie.

But Josh starts accusing Castle of being the reason she wants to end things. So she tells him that yeah, he is. That Castle is someone who will dive into things with her, together. While Josh is someone who wants to go out on all these adventures alone and just expects her to be waiting for him when he returns.

She's actually kind of surprised when Josh doesn't go after Castle after storming out of the break room. Grateful. But surprised.

Castle's by her side seconds after the elevator doors close on her now ex. "Everything okay?"

She nods, giving him a tight smile. "Fine. Now come on, we've got a suspect to go question."

She's spent the last ten minutes trying to reassure Castle that they did not just uncover a nuclear bomb. Of course the isolation to the radiation tent, the guys in hazmat suits, and her Geiger Counter being off the charts aren't helping calm her own nerves at all.

"Can we just talk about something else?" she pleads, needing to refocus her nervous energy.

"Okay," Castle says slowly. "How's Josh?"

Now is so not the time or place for this.

Kate looks down at her lap. "He's going to Haiti. For a year, maybe more."

"You doing the long distance thing?"

She fidgets with the end of her sleeve. "Uh no."

"Don't tell me you're going with him."

She laughs at that, looking up to meet his gaze. "I broke up with him. I mean I need someone who's going to be there for me, and I'll be there for him, and we could just dive in together. And I don't have that with him. He's too busy saving the world."

"You help to save the world too, you know. You get murderers off of the streets, Beckett. You're kind of like a superhero."

Kate shakes her head at him, unable to stop the grin from spreading across her face. He's just about to say something else when one of the men in hazmat suits steps in to tell them they're free to go. A part of her wonders if Castle was about to tell her that he would dive in with her. But the moment has passed and she switches back into case mode.

She wants to tell him that she'll dive in with him too.

This is clearly the case from hell because if that radiation scare from earlier wasn't enough, she and Castle are now locked in a large storage freezer together. It's almost like the universe is trying to force alone time on them so they'll actually talk. Too bad all of this alone time keeps getting overshadowed by impending death. Damn universe.

"Stop trying to break down the door before you hurt yourself," Kate admonishes, wrapping her arms tightly around her middle for warmth.

"Beckett -"

"Someone will find us."

She's not even sure if she believes it herself, but hope is all they have at the moment.

"Would it be too cliché if I suggested that we huddle together for warmth?" Castle asks, trying to sound more playful than he is frightened.

The body heat would help. The snuggling on the other hand...

"So uh, what? Do we just awkwardly hug?" she asks, trying as well to make a joke out of the whole thing.

"Is hugging really that awkward when we've already kissed?"

"Under the circumstances? Yes."

He laughs, moving away from the door and closer to her. Silently, he slips his arms around her and tugs her into his chest. She feels instantly warmer just from the way that her heart starts racing. It's a bit overwhelming being held by him like this. It's entirely too intimate and she's having flashbacks to that kiss, which seems to be getting dirtier every time she thinks about it.

Kate curls into him, seeking more of the warmth he's permeating, and she swears she hears him release a contented little sigh. She turns her head, trying to bury her nose at the neck of his coat, but the fabric isn't much warmer than her skin feels.

"What if we don't make it out of here?" His breath comes at a surprising warmth against her neck as he speaks. "What if this is it for us?"

"It's not. It can't be."

More empty words she doesn't believe. Her fingers are starting to grow numb, as are her toes. Freezing from the outside in. Despite the momentary burst of adrenaline at being held by him, she can feel her heart rate starting to slow. This isn't good. Nothing about this is good.

They eventually find that they need to sit, all the feeling have been lost in their feet. She finds herself practically in his lap, still clinging to his torso. She can't feel anything anymore. Can barely feel his body beneath hers.

"I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet," Kate says softly, wondering if he can even hear her. He hasn't said anything in a while. "Never thought I'd freeze to death."

"Hey," he starts, attempting to wrap his arms around her tighter. "We're not dead yet."

She's just thankful to hear his voice.

"Castle, you should know something. If this is it -"

"It's not it. You said so yourself."

She ignores him, pushing forward with her confession in between shivering breaths. "I just want to thank you for always being here for me. I need you to know how much you mean to me and how much I -"

The cold wins and she can't finish her thought. She's faintly aware of him calling her name as she drifts out of it.

The next thing she knows, she's waking up in an ambulance covered with blankets and an IV in her arm.

"Where is he?" Kate slurs, feeling almost drunk as her body slips out of its stupor. "Where's Castle?"

She tries to sit up, but the paramedic keeps her down. "Take it easy," the guy tells her. "You're recovering from mild hypothermia. Just let your body get warm for a while."

"The man I was with, is he okay?" she presses.

"He's going to be fine," the paramedic assures her. "Same as you."

She has an overwhelming need to see for herself. And that scares her a little bit. Just how much she cares.

When the paramedic finally gives her the okay to stand up, she wraps one of the blankets around her shoulders and steps out of the ambulance, her eyes searching the crowd for Castle. She spots him sitting on the edge of another ambulance, talking to Ryan and Esposito. His eyes meet hers and she smiles. And then he's walking towards her, a matching blanket of his own draped over his shoulders.

"That was a close one, huh?" he asks with a small laugh, his shoulder brushing hers as he moves to her side.

"Too close," she agrees.

"I wonder how many cups of coffee it will take to chase the cold out."

"We're never going to be able to sleep again," Kate jokes. "We'll be too hopped up on caffeine."

"Maybe we should switch to decaf then."

"Bite your tongue."

He laughs, their shoulders brushing again. But then the mood passes and he takes on a more serious tone.

"You know, I was pretty freaked out when I woke up in that ambulance by myself," he tells her. "I was more worried about you than I was myself. You scared me when you passed out on me."

Her gaze drops to the ground before she looks back over at him. "You were my first concern too."

"Listen, Beckett I -"

"Yo Beckett, Montgomery's on the phone for you," Esposito interrupts before holding out his cell.

She tosses Castle an apologetic smile before once again slipping out of the moment and back into work mode.

They do nothing but tiptoe around each other for the next few months. They spend the rest of winter and the majority of spring being way too polite and occasionally way too flirtatious. It's almost as though they've given up on trying to talk about things for the fear of getting interrupted yet again. It isn't until early May when Royce ends up dead and she and Castle end up out in LA investigating, that they finally take another step forward.

She gets him to make that stunned look again when she steps out of the pool in her swimsuit. She tries not to hold his gaze for too long because he's not her intended target today. And then she realizes that she mentally added the 'today' to that thought and has to quickly advert her eyes from his. And then of course there's the moment a little while later when Castle tells her he got a photo of their target's recent calls and she basically says she's so happy with this news she could kiss him. "Poke you? I want to kiss you," being her exact words.

Oh and he'd noticed. His gaze had focused in on her lips before she brought her focus down to his phone. And it had taken everything she had in her not to just forget about his phone and grab his face right then and there.

But it isn't until later that night back at the hotel, after Montgomery had learned of their rogue mission and ordered their return, that their polite silence is finally broken. She starts talking about Royce and somehow that leads into them flirting again. But just when it feels like whatever's between them is about to spark, she excuses herself to go to bed.

She's immediately kicking herself for it though and resolves that she's tired of holding back from this. She wants him, she knows that she does. And she's pretty damn sure that he wants her too.

Kate stops thinking the second she reopens her bedroom door. Castle is just rising from the couch to head to bed himself, but stops with his now signature stunned expression when he sees her reappear. She stops listening to everything that's been telling her no for the past couple of months and goes to him, pulling his mouth down to hers without hesitation.

He responds instantly, his hands gripping at her waist, his tongue deepening the kiss. One of these days she thinks that she's going to kiss him and it's going to be slow and tender. Today is not that day. His hands snake under the hem of her shirt, burning her skin with the sensation of being touched by him. She finally allows her hips to rock against his, drawing out a moan that is long since overdue. Her hands skim down his pectorals, toying with the top button of his shirt. She pulls away, just for a moment, to catch his eyes, to gauge if he wants the same things.

His eyes are dark and hooded, while his thumbs continue to stroke over her back at such a maddening pace that she can't keep her mind from thinking about them stroking elsewhere.

"If a little sunshine was all it took, I would have brought you out here months ago," Castle says, nudging her backwards toward her bedroom.

She shakes her head, already trying to pull his back down to hers. "Just shut up and kiss me."

"I like the sound of that much more than shut up and get me that file."

She groans, nipping at his bottom lip as the back of her legs make contact with the bed. He pauses again, taking a moment to smile down at her before they get lost in a frenzy of skin and clothes. They fall back onto the bed, getting tangled up in the sheets and with each other. She moans for him again, and this time, it's completely intentional.