–***–

Tomorrow was the big exam. Botany professor Jim Kirk was pleased. It had been a long semester, and the students were tired, but he knew they would do well. His students always did well. He was very proud of the fact that his ratio of F students was smaller than that of the other teachers. It was not because his tests were easier, oh no. It was it was due to a combination of living material (plants were easy that way) and dirty jokes (plants were easy that way). Sure, sometimes complaints reached the principal but she was on board with his teaching methods. Besides, he followed an old tradition since the days of Linnaeus. That guy had had a dirty mind.

Jim poured himself a sherry. He raised his glass to toast with a portrait of Linnaeus on the wall. With his dark baroque eyes and powdered wig, the old botanist still looked very approachable and approving. It was Jim's favourite painting. Then the phone rang. The display showed the head gardeners contact information.

"Hello, professor? It's Montgomery."

"Scotty, how's it going? Everything in order for tomorrow?"

"No, sir. That's why I'm calling. We can't get the exhibit for the third question." Jim walked over to his desk and looked at the third question. Oh damn.

"The cycads?"

"Aye. We've got plenty of cycads, but you asked for three fertile male plants and we don't even have one."

"But . . ."

"I know what you're thinking, professor, and we had some just last week. But they got mealybugs and were taken outside for spraying and they didn't like that." Jim could hear in Scotty's voice that he had already tried all he could think of. Jim knew his gardener; he would never bother him unless it was serious. He picked up the test paper again. The question was a long one, worth ten points.

"I'll come right over. It's an hour drive, but wait for me."

"Aye, sir."

–***–

3 a) Examine the third object on display. Give the scientific name and the order.

3 b) What sort of gametangia are present? Describe them.

3 c) Describe the generation cycle of the object; include position of meiosis and haploid/diploid stages.

3 d) Draw a simple cladogram to describe the position of the third displayed object compared to the others on display.

–***–

No, that settled it. The other displayed objects were a fern, a conifer, a tuft of Coix lacryma-jobi, (Jim's favourite grass species), and a plate of Marchantia liverwort. The only other thing that could replace the cycads would be male Ginkgo, but that would be even harder to find right now. Jim was getting his jacket and was moving towards the door with the phone in his hands when he froze, jacket half way on.

Cycads . . .

Where did I see cycads . . . ?

His memory was working furiously, trying to place an image of three large wooden crates of cycads with an undergrowth of spiderwort. Where did I see that? Not in my department, somewhere else . . . yes! During the guided tour of the new building. Mathematics! Jim was certain now. There had been a large display of cycads, Zamia roezlii to be precise, under the skylight in the new math building. He had noticed them as the only beautiful thing in the room.

Not true. There had been one more beautiful thing there. But never mind that now. Jim pulled up the phone numbers for the staff of the mathematics department and started calling them from top position and down. The principal was out. The dean was out. Four professors in a row were out. Well, it was late. Jim dialled the number to an 'Exchange guest senior assistant professor' whatever that meant. A very deep voice answered the phone and Jim was taken aback. He had begun to think there was nobody there at all.

"Spock here."

"Um, hello! This is Jim Kirk from the botany department. I have an unusual request. Could you go out into the corridor and have a look at the plants under the skylight?"

"One moment." Jim heard the scraping of a chair and a door opening. The voice returned. "Yes, I am now looking at the plants."

"Good. Can you see if they are fertile? And if so, if they are male?"

"I am afraid you will first have to inform me how this is detected, I am not familiar with these organisms."

"Okay, no problem. You could just snap me a photo with your phone."

"This is not a cell phone, it is the cordless phone from my office. It does not come equipped with a camera."

"Oh. All right, the male organs are large cones, emerging at the centre."

"One moment, I will lift the fronds to see better."

"The cones are cylindrical, elongate, ten to twelve inches on a thick stalk, with an hexagonal pattern. This plant has sperm so large it is visible with the naked eye." No brain, no! That was not necessary information. Jim could feel his ears turn red.

"The cones are light brown, and with a soft velvety surface?"

"YES! Now stay there while I call the gardener."

"You have not yet told me what you needed this information for."

"I'll have to get back to you on that. Besides, I owe you a lunch, I'll pick you up tomorrow - no wait, that's when the exam is. Friday."

"That is not necessary."

"I insist." Jim hung up on the baffled mathematician and called the head gardener.

"Scotty? Do you have a forklift available?"

"Aye."

"Then get in it and drive over to the mathematics department, top floor. Use the maintenance elevator. You have three crates of cycads to pick up."

"Yes, sir. I knew you could do it, sir."

–***–