Author's Notes: Premonition and Jim and Linda's love story mean so much to me, and I just had to share what my muse inspired me to write. This is my take on what happened after the end of the movie.
The title, "Forever", was inspired by the Vertical Horizon song (lyrics posted below). A friend brought it to my attention because she felt the lyrics fit Jim and Linda's life and expereinces, as well as my story. I hope you agree.
Disclaimer: Nothing associated with Premonition belongs to me, except the original ideas, and one original character in this story.
Forever by Vertical Horizon
Who'd have guessed I'd ever learn
To let the walls around me burn
And Light up the hillside
My words, I ate them for so long
And nothing changed
It was just the same
And I don't know if you see me here
But I can tell you
Your face is clear
I will see you...
Forever
Forever
I will see you
Forever
Forever
Call me close once again
Call me teacher, call me friend
Just like the first time
Call my name,
It echoes around me in this room
Its all you
I don't know if you hear me there
When it's darkest and no one cares
I will hear you...
Forever
Forever
I will hear you
Forever
Forever
I wanted you
To be everything to me
Now I've got to learn to carry on
And I know I cannot hide
This emptiness inside
But nothing is the same
Since you've gone
Send me letters from above
Send me strength,
Send me love
Such sweet love
Sing me songs that echo
In my head and in my heart
That's where you are
And I don't know
If you feel me here
I can tell you
One thing is clear
I will feel you...
Forever
Forever
I will feel you
Forever
Forever
I will hear you
Forever
Forever
I will see you
Forever
Forever
Forever
"G'morning, Mommy." Bridgette's voice was a distant murmur as Linda came to the surface and was nearly awake.
"G'morning, my beautiful princess," she said groggily in return, a sleepy smile on her face. "Where's Megan?"
"She's downstairs eating breakfast. Remember we're s'posed to go with Gramma today while you go to the doctor?"
"Oh, right, right…" Linda sat up as quickly as her expanding midriff would allow, silently reminding herself that it was Saturday. "I see you're all dressed; is Megan?"
"Yes."
"What time is it?"
"It's eight o'clock."
"Ok, sweetie, why don't you go finish breakfast while I get ready. We have to leave by nine-thirty."
"I already ate breakfast," she countered.
"Ok, well, wait for Megan to finish and then take her down by the lake. Maybe there are some ducks that need their breakfast…take a few slices of bread with you and find out. Oh… and 'a few slices' doesn't mean the whole loaf," Linda warned.
"Ok," Bridgette said cheerfully, kissing Linda on the cheek. "Love you." Her voice trailed off as she skipped from the bedroom and down the stairs.
"Love you, too," Linda said softly. She stood up and stretched, then padded into the bathroom and turned on the shower.
Despite the fact that she and the girls were in a brand new house, devoid of memories with Jim, she couldn't help but remember that Tuesday morning when she got into the shower with him and begged for just one more minute. She could almost feel his embrace.
She removed her nightgown and underwear and stepped into the tub, standing with her eyes closed, facing the spray. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see Jim clearly, too, holding her that Sunday night after she removed his shoes, then taking her to bed. She couldn't completely explain it, but even with many things still unresolved between them, that little bit of reconciliation, along with their phone call in the last minutes of his life, went a long way toward healing her heart, and his too, she thought.
When the accident first happened, she could feel nothing but anger and resentment toward God, fate, whatever, that she had done all she could to save him and he was still taken from her so cruelly, that they would never have the chance to make things absolutely right between them. She struggled for weeks looking for the faith, the hope, the everyday miracles the priest had spoken of… and then she missed her period.
At first she thought the trauma of Jim's death had thrown her off schedule. A week went by, then two… still no period. She was happy and terrified at the same time. Could she raise another child by herself? Was this some cruel joke of the cosmos, or was this her miracle?
The night before she was to go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy, her emotions still a jumble, unsure how to feel, she had a dream. She was in bed with Jim after they had made love for the last time. She told him she had a dream he was going to die. He looked into her eyes and told her everything was going to be fine. Then he kissed her and let his hand slide gently down her body. It came to rest on her abdomen, and he looked at her for a long time.
"Don't be afraid, honey," he said quietly. "You won't ever be alone, I'll always be with you. It was my time to go, but I'm never far away, especially now…"
He kissed her near her belly button, brought his hand to her face and caressed her cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear that trickled unexpectedly from her eye.
"I love you, Linda… always…"
At that point she had woken with a start, convinced Jim was in bed next to her. Of course he wasn't, but as she lay there, the images of the dream still so vivid in her mind, she felt his presence, and peace and confidence filled her.
I love you, too, Jim," she whispered to the dark, empty room. "Thank you."
From that time on, Linda knew she had her miracle, her sweet, precious miracle. She still missed Jim terribly; there were some days she didn't think she'd survive her grief, but the girls gave her a reason to get out of bed every morning, and as she felt new life growing inside her, she would talk to Jim. She'd tell him everything she was feeling with the pregnancy: the fear, the joy, and the sadness at not having him with her in body, although she felt his spirit with her all the time. Sometimes the feeling was strong, and sometimes it was vague, but he was there.
Her conversations with him became her lifeline, her salvation, and he often did "answer" her… in her dreams. Anytime she was unsure of something, or she experienced something new with the pregnancy, he came to her as she slept, just as he had when she first suspected she was pregnant. It was as though he knew just when she needed him. He was her guardian angel, and she was grateful beyond words that she was still connected to him.
Now as she stood in the shower with lather running down her body, she sought that connection once again. She smiled wistfully as she imagined him standing behind her, his hands running sensuously up and down her arms and back, his lips finding their way to her shoulder.
"Oh, Jim," she sighed, "I miss you." She shivered a little, even with the heat of the shower surrounding her, as she re-focused her attention on reality.
"The girls are so excited about the baby, but it's just not the same as sharing it with you."
She laughed softly as she said, "Remember when we found out Bridgette was coming? I thought you were going to faint. You were definitely working your way up in sales, you'd gotten your promotion the year before, but we still had to be concerned about the mortgage, and we didn't count on starting to fill up that swing set in the backyard so soon. I've never seen anyone work as hard as you did for those nine months, putting in all those hours so we could give Bridgette lots of extra special things when she was born. You were my hero, Jim, my knight in shining armor. How I loved you for that!"
She smiled at the memory, and then just as quickly her face grew solemn when her mind flashed to them drifting apart over the years. She had mentioned it to Jim on Sunday in that terrible rainstorm, the week that he died: "I miss you"; "How did we get here?" The words echoed in her head.
Jim had more or less accepted the complacency, the familiarity they had slipped into over the years, and so had she for that matter. She was thankful she had confronted him about it before it was too late. After all, it had led to the creation of a new child, a gift of monumental proportions, but part of her still hated the fact that he was stolen from her, that they were denied the chance to live out the rest of their lives together raising their children.
She had always imagined growing old with Jim, and losing that opportunity gnawed at her on a regular basis. Never had she felt so conflicted, and the pregnancy hormones coursing through her only amplified her feelings. She tried to swallow back the tears that threatened to seep to the surface, but a stifled sob still managed to escape her throat.
"Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!" she cried. "It's not fair! Jim, I need you so much. Please help me get through this. I'm begging you, I'm begging God, just show me what to do."
(New scene)
She went through most of the day in a fog of grief, but she did her best to hide it from the girls. After her doctor appointment she had picked them up from her mother's and taken them out for lunch. They noticed something was wrong, but Linda told them she was just tired. "Carrying a little person inside you takes a lot out of you sometimes," she said.
They accepted that and said she should take a nap when they got home, which she did, gladly. The baby had begun to kick as she lay on the bed. It would've kept most people awake, but the steady rhythm actually lulled her to sleep and made her feel safe.
"Hi, Punkin, you're just letting me know you're here, aren't you," she whispered as she drifted toward sleep. "I'm sorry I've been so sad lately. I just miss your daddy so much…" Soon she was snoring lightly.
He came to her then, in her dream state, spooning against her on the bed as she slept. He put his arms around her, his hands resting on her belly. She sighed and let herself sink into the curve of his body.
"Jim," she whispered.
"I'm here, honey, it's all right. You just sleep, you need your rest," he told her.
"The baby's been kicking me, the doctor says it's doing jus…" Her words dropped off as her sleep deepened.
"I know, honey, the doctor says the baby is doing just fine."
He smiled as he kissed the back of her neck and breathed in the scent of her perfume. Oh, how he loved her! It broke his heart to know how much she was hurting, and his expression saddened as he said, "Now I have to make sure you're doing just fine, or at least as fine as you can."
He could feel her begin to cry softly in her sleep.
"Oh, baby, please don't cry," He was almost pleading with her, as much for himself as for her.
He stroked her belly and sighed.
"I know it's hard to see it now because you're so immersed in your grief, but this baby is going to bring you so much joy, Linda. Please know that, and don't let the sadness you feel consume you. You need to live your life to the fullest, for our children, and for yourself. Try to find happiness wherever you can, and every time you look into this baby's eyes, know that I am with you."
He went on, "I loved being your husband, Linda. You made my life so rich. There are things I would've done differently if I had known what was going to happen. I would've told you I love you more often for one thing, but I don't regret a single day we spent together, even during the difficult times, and I don't want you to regret anything either… not things that were said or not said, done or not done. Just remember how much I love you, Bridgette, Megan and the little one. Give our children the life we wanted for them; show them everything it has to offer, and take me with you along the way. Keep me alive in their hearts and in yours."
He kissed her temple and felt the baby move under his hand. "Daddy loves you, sweet baby," he whispered against Linda's back.
She stirred, opening her eyes slowly. "Jim..." But he was gone, and she was left feeling an unsettling mix of contentment and sadness.
"Try to find happiness wherever you can… take me with you along the way. Keep me alive in their hearts and in yours."
Jim's words rang in her ears as Linda stretched and sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. She knew the days ahead would continue to be difficult and her emotions would still be unpredictable, but she felt a new resolve to take life as it came, no matter what might be in store, and to give each day and her children her very best.
(New scene)
The final weeks of Linda's pregnancy passed uneventfully. About the only thing that plagued her near the end was the July heat. Of course, they had air conditioning, but Bridgette and Megan always wanted to be outside, and Linda wanted to spend as much time as she could with them before the baby was born. Well, that gave her a good excuse to sit by the lake and "veg out," as the girls put it. She'd sip lemonade and watch them swim. Thank God for the lake breeze. If she had to spend hours outdoors, slathered in sun block, at least she was comfortable, or as comfortable as anyone nine months pregnant could be.
Linda's mom or her friend Annie or would sometimes join them, but more often than not, Linda was happy to have it be just she and the girls, and on this particular day, Sunday, she had planned a picnic of hamburgers and hot dogs for the three of them. The coals were heating on the grill, and Bridgette and Megan were looking forward to helping her prepare the meal.
She knew she should get up and get the dinner started, but she was too relaxed to move. This was the best she'd felt in a long time. It was one of only a handful of days since Jim's death when she wasn't afraid her grief would overwhelm her, and she knew from experience to relish that fact. She closed her eyes and breathed in the summer air.
It must be true, she mused, time really does heal all wounds. Considering how much Jim's death had devastated her, Linda winced at the triteness of that thought, but at that second it made sense to her, and she wasn't in the mood to overanalyze anything. She was just glad to find happiness in the smallest moments, like now, and lately when he visited her in her dreams, she'd wake to find herself smiling instead of pining for Jim and wishing for a resolution that would never happen. It was becoming enough that he kept watch. Sometimes she wondered how she should feel about that.
Did healing mean she loved him any less? Was she losing him all over again? No, she decided, it just meant she was learning to accept the path her life had taken, even if she didn't understand the reason for it. She knew they had had a good life together; she would always love him, and he her, and that had to be enough.
She stood up carefully. Her back had been bothering her all day and she groaned slightly.
"Out of the water, girls," she called, "it's time to come in and help me get dinner ready."
"Ok, Mom," they said in unison, running on to the shore and grabbing their beach towels.
"Come in as soon as you're dry," she said as she walked back up to the house to begin lining things up for dinner.
The screen door slammed as she entered the house and went to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet and reached for the serving platter. Since Jim died, she had made it a tradition to use that platter every Sunday, no matter what they were eating. They could be having pizza for dinner, but they used the platter. As she set it on the counter, a sharp pain in her abdomen caught her by surprise, and all at once she felt a "pop". She looked down as fluid all but gushed from beneath her sundress…
(New scene)
Linda put her head back and stared up at the fluorescent lights, trying to mentally prepare herself for the work ahead as the orderly pushed her wheelchair toward her labor and delivery room.
After somewhat frantic phone calls, Annie and Linda's mom had come over to watch the girls. Annie wanted to stay with her through the delivery, but Linda insisted she'd be fine. She had enlisted the services of a professional labor coach named Theresa, who had driven her to the hospital and promised to keep everyone updated on her progress.
It wasn't that Linda didn't appreciate Annie's offer of support, she just felt more comfortable with someone who wasn't emotionally attached to the situation and who could still provide all the support she needed.
Although hesitant at first, she had told Theresa about her special connection to Jim and her desire to share the birth with no one but him. She was afraid Theresa would think she was some sort of a crackpot for having conversations with her dead husband, but Theresa was a very spiritual person who firmly believed nothing, not even death, could sever a bond like theirs, if they believed in it enough.
Several hours passed with Linda's contractions being very erratic, and the doctor wanted to start her on pitocin to get them to be more efficient and regular. Since her water had broken, he was concerned about the risk of infection. They could only wait so long before the baby had to be delivered, and if her contractions weren't as effective as they should be, something had to be done.
Linda was determined, however, to do everything she could to have a drug-free delivery. She'd delivered the girls without medication, and while she knew every delivery was unique, she was really hoping to deliver this baby without drug intervention as well.
To that end, the doctor suggested she try walking as much as she could throughout her labor, to encourage a good pattern of contractions. He reminded her though that if he didn't see adequate progress in a timely manner, they would have to discuss alternative interventions to move things along.
Linda told him how much she appreciated his understanding and willingness to accommodate her. She knew there was cause for concern, but she was confident that walking would do a lot to get things going.
She also decided to try visualization techniques, whereby she would imagine each contraction becoming more consistent and allowing her body to open up so the baby could be born. It was a great help, too, to remember the girls' births and how supportive Jim had been then.
She smiled as she thought of how Jim panicked every time she had a contraction during Bridgette's birth. At first, she thought he'd keel over with every grimace, grunt, or startled breath she made. Poor guy, she'd felt so sorry for him. By the time she was ready to push though, he came through like a champ. He had been so loving, so encouraging, enduring every pain, every hurdle with her.
She knew men often said they would have the baby for their wives if they could, but in Jim's case, Linda truly believed he would've taken her place if he could've. He was really something special, and she got teary-eyed as she remembered everything they had been through together. In fact, the longer she and Theresa traveled the maternity ward halls, the more melancholy she became, until finally, leaning against the wall in the throes of a contraction, she burst into tears.
Theresa rubbed her back, gently reminding her to try and focus her breathing until the pain passed. Linda tried to pull it together, but it was no use. Between the intensity of the contraction and yearning for Jim, she couldn't handle it. She was still crying as Theresa led her back to her room and had her lie down on the bed. She thought she'd never stop.
"Linda," Theresa said softly, "I know how difficult this is for you, believe me, but you've got to try and conserve your energy. You've still got a lot of work ahead of you, and crying is going to sap all of your strength, sweetie."
Linda knew she was right, but the ache of desperation and emptiness was so acute that she couldn't see straight.
"I just need to be alone for a while, Theresa, please," she said tearfully, taking a deep breath.
"All right, I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Why don't you try and sleep for a little while? Your contractions are coming closer together, settling into a steady pattern, but you should still be able to get a little catnap in… I'll be back in about twenty minutes. If you need me before then, call the nurse and have her come get me in the cafeteria."
Theresa left the room quietly when she only got a mumbled response. Linda was already drifting off amid her tears.
Linda struggled to clear her mind as she tried to find sleep, even for just a few minutes. She didn't want to think, didn't want to feel, she just wanted to be numb, to escape. She felt a gentle hand touch her face and wipe away her tears. He was there, sitting next to her on the bed, and she reached out to take his hand.
"Jim, you're here!" She smiled tiredly.
"Of course, I told you I always would be. You just have to have faith."
"I know, I try, but sometimes you feel so far away."
"But I'm not, honey. I'm only as far away as you let me be. You're trying to do too much on your own, shouldering the entire burden in every aspect of your life. That's why I seem far away to you at times. You've always been an independent soul, and I know you're still adjusting to life without me being physically present, but please, rely on me whenever you need to, honey. That's what I'm here for, and it's what I should've been here for more when I was alive. Maybe we wouldn't have grown apart as much if I had been."
"Oh, Jim, remember you told me I shouldn't blame myself for what happened? Well, you shouldn't either. I…"
She stopped short as pain began to rise up in her belly and pull her from the dream.
"Oh, God, I'm scared! It hurts so much!"
He kissed her forehead as she squeezed his hand.
"I know baby, he's really gonna make you work for it, but you can do it, and I'll be right here with you. All you have to do is call my name. You won't see me, but you'll feel me, I promise."
"Ok," she said, breathing heavily, "I love yo… wait a minute, did you say he's gonna make me work for it? You mean it's a boy?!"
"Yes, honey, it is," he said, beaming from ear to ear.
(New scene)
"Aaaaaaahhhhh!!" Linda felt as if she was being ripped in two.
"Come on, sweetie," Theresa encouraged, "you can do it… push!!"
"I can't, I'm so tired," she sobbed.
"I know you are, but this baby wants to be born. It's time to show him the world."
Linda had told Theresa about her latest visit with Jim, and Theresa used that to spur her on.
"Come on, show him what you're made of," she said out loud, then more quietly to Linda, "Remember who else is here. You are not alone."
Linda looked at her and nodded. "Ji… Ji… Jim," she said, panting, not caring what the staff would think if they heard her, "I n… ne… need you. Pl… plea… please help me."
Immediately she felt his presence, and as she focused on that, she even imagined she could hear him, like a whisper in the wind.
"Come on, baby, I know this is hard, but like I told you, you can do it. Ready? Take a deep breath and push!"
The determination in his voice enveloped her, and she bore down with everything she had.
Slowly but surely the baby's head inched its way out of her body.
"That's my girl! Keep it up, baby, he's coming."
Again she gave it her all, and soon the doctor told her to stop pushing.
"His head is out, honey, he's almost here, just one more push!"
She waited for the doctor's ok, and then with one last push, she felt her son, Jeremy James Hanson, come into the world.
The doctor placed him on her chest and she was nearly speechless. Tears flowed again as she said, "Oh, my God, Jim, he's so beautiful!"
"I know baby, and so are you. I love you so much."
"Oh, I love you, too."
She exhaled deeply as she recalled telling the priest, "I'm scared, Father… I don't know what to fight for."
Looking into her son's eyes before her own slowly closed in relief, Linda knew exactly what she had fought for, and she wasn't afraid anymore. She knew Jim would be with her forever.
The End