Last Names, Emergency Plots, and Harry Gets Violent.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. I own nothing but Brooklyn and Shawn
A/N: Apologies to Jeri Ryan for a following joke about her… upper body.
Also, I don' think this one is as good, but please review! If you've got any suggestions on how to improve, go right ahead. If there's anything you'd like to see in the next one, tell me.
(Scene 1: Janeway's ready room: 13:47 [that's 1:47 PM])
Brooklyn and Shawn (Formerly the nameless Ensign at the Ops station and brig guard- respectively) sat on the couch in the Captain's ready room. Much to both their surprise, the fact they cam from an alternate universe was not what she was hung up on.
Janeway: You don't have last names?
Brooklyn: No Ma'am. We had to give each other first names in order to get anywhere with the plot.
Shawn: Yeah.
Janeway: How did it so happen you didn't have a name?
Shawn: We were featured extras. It cost too much to give us names; all the budget was spent on Seven Of Nine's… uh… well…
Brooklyn: Padding.
Janeway: (she nods, understanding) I see. Well, we'll have to get you last names. Just a first name won't do- we already have two like that. Any suggestions?
Shawn: Maybe… Smith.
Brooklyn: Shawn Smith?
Shawn: (ignoring her) and for you, Bronx.
Brooklyn: BROOKLYN BRONX?
Janeway: Maybe we'll let someone else pick.
(Scene 2: Mess Hall: at the same time)
Seated at a table is Harry Kim, Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres, and Seven of Nine- well, she's standing, but the others are seated.
Harry: Has anyone talked to the new crewmembers?
Paris: No, but I've heard a lot about them. What are their names again? Steve and Brandy?
Harry: Brooklyn. Her name is Brooklyn. And his is Shawn.
B'Elanna: Uh-oh.
Harry: Uh-oh, what? You're not supposed to say that sort of thing. That's what the other so-called engineers are supposed to say.
Tom: Uh-oh, as in, looks like someone's in love. Again. How many girls now?
Seven: Harry Kim has 'fallen for' five individuals to date. A hologram, the incorrect twin, Ensign Lindsay Ballard, a crazed racer who tried to kill everyone in the surrounding area, and myself. A likely candidate for his sixth ,'crush,' as you call it, would be Ensign Brooklyn.
Tom: Do they not have last names or is it just me?
B'Elanna: Chakotay doesn't have a last name. Nor does Neelix, and Kes didn't have one. (She pauses) come to think of it, neither did any of the Borg children.
Harry: They're supposed to be getting last names today.
A nearby Ensign from security overhears their conversation.
Ensign: I heard they fended off wild llamas, but reinforcements came, and killed their entire crew while the two were on a date on a nearby planet.
Harry: Brooklyn and Shawn are dating?
Ensign: I don't know, I heard it from one of the science officers. You know how things spread like wildfire around here.
Seven: There are no wildfires aboard Voyager. It is impossible.
Tom: It's an expression, Sev.
Seven: (miffed at being corrected) I must regenerate.
She leaves.
(Scene 3: Brooklyn's quarters: later that afternoon)
Shawn: This is weird.
Brooklyn: What? The fact that B'Elanna hasn't destroyed important equipment, Tom isn't making rude comments and referring to himself as 'L.L. Cool T', Neelix isn't limited to 15 words, Janeway doesn't even own a hat like ours did, Chakotay doesn't go on and on and on about spirit guides, Seven isn't smu- oh, wait. Well, she doesn't count… The Doctor doesn't think he's the greatest thing si- never mind.
Shawn: No, the fact we have last names.
Brooklyn: Oh.
Shawn: I have a full name: Shawn Nissan. (He grins hugely)
Brooklyn: I can't believe you chose that name. I can't believe she LET you choose that name.
Shawn: Like yours is any better. Brooklyn McNeill. (He rolls his eyes)
Brooklyn: Shawn, you know there are a lot of crewmembers of Irish decent. It's only fitting to have someone with an obviously Irish name.
Shawn: Whatever. (He pauses) I'm bored. I saw a bunch of buttons out in the hall. Want to go press them?
Brooklyn: I don't know if that's such a good idea…
Shawn: (grabbing her wrist) Don't be a moron. (He drags he out into the hall) Behold! The panel of all holy buttons.
Brooklyn: Look, an emergency plot button. It looks like it gets used a lot.
Shawn: Wonder what it does? (He starts to push it.)
Brooklyn: Careful, you don't know what kind of plot you'll come up with.
Shawn: (pushes button) It didn't do any-
The halls begin to fill with Tribbles.
Brooklyn: Nice job.
Shawn: Don't worry, I'll just press the button again. (He turns to find the button missing) Uh-oh.
Brooklyn: You sound like an engineer. (She smiles) Aww, look how cute they are! (She picks one up)
Tribble: Purr… purr…
Shawn: Where's the head on one of these things?
Brooklyn: How should I know? But aren't they so cute?
(Scene 4: The Bridge: Immediately following)
Janeway: What's that humming noise? It sounds like a cat.
Harry: I had a cat. Its name was Mousie.
The doors open and in flood Tribbles. Harry picks one up.
Harry: Aww, look captain, aren't they cute?
Janeway, Tom, and the rest of the Terrans: Aww
Tuvok: A Tribble, most humanoids find them soothing. Except for Vulcans, who do not need to be soothed. And Klingons.
B'Elanna storms on to the bridge, and all the Tribbles start squeaking.
B'Elanna: Engineering is full of, these, these, THINGS!
Harry: (hugging a Tribble to his chest) aren't they adorable B'Elanna? You seem to be scaring them.
B'Elanna: No they are not adorable! They've crowded Engineering! All you can hear is a load hum, except when I walk by they squeak like mad. (She grabs a broom from its handy dandy hiding place and holds it above her head) I. Can't. Stand. Tribbles.
Harry: I think they're cute! (He continues petting the one on his console.) I'm naming this one… Mousie.
B'Elanna throws the broom at Harry, and misses, but only because Harry bent over to pick up another Tribble
.Janeway: Now, B'Elanna, be nice. Harry isn't very bright. Humor him.
B'Elanna: We have to get rid of, of, these things!
Neelix comes running in.
Neelix: Hi everybody! Mess Hall is just chock full of these cute little guys!
Chakotay: Isn't that a little unsanitary?
Tom: (aside, to an Unnamed Ensign): Not any more than leola root.
Neelix: Well, I didn't think anyone would mind, seeing how cute they are.
B'Elanna: (hyperventilating) No. No. No Tribbles.
Brooklyn and Shawn run on to the bridge, full speed.
Harry: Hi Brooklyn!
Brooklyn: See Shawn, I told you not to push that button. Oh, hi Harry.
Shawn: I was bored!
Janeway: Button? You didn't....
Brooklyn: He did.
Janeway: Well that was stupid.
Brooklyn: That's what I told him.
Janeway: So how do we fix the problem?
B'Elanna: Blast the horrid little things into space!
Harry: Noooooooo! (He tackles B'Elanna, who hits him with a broom.)
Janeway: (Oblivious to her Ops officer and Chief Engineer beating the crap out of each other.) No. Too inhumane.
Chakotay: (Also oblivious) Drop them on the nearest pre-warp planet?
Janeway: No. The Prime Directive.
Chakotay: Oh.
Tom: We could kill them and use them for food...
Everyone turns to look at him.
Harry: Noooooo! (Forgetting B'Elanna, he runs across the bridge and attempts to hurt Tom)
Tom: (trying to strangle Harry) Stop that, you lowly Ensign!
Janeway: (still oblivious) Uh, no.
Shawn: You could beam the entire crew onto the nearest planet, and let the Tribbles take over the ship.
Janeway: (thinks for a moment.) Okay!
Brooklyn: (hits Shawn) Stupid! Ma'am, disregard what Shawn said.
Janeway: (didn't hear Brooklyn) Alright. Let's see, we'll need food, medical supplies, beds, stuffed animals... Naomi, of course...
Neelix: What about me?
Janeway: (laughs)
(Scene 5: Later than day)
Brooklyn: (up to her neck in Tribbles) Great. Now what, Shawn?
Shawn: (Shrugs) I don't know. (Brightens) I've got an idea!
Neelix: Oooh, an idea! Wonderful!
Shawn: (pressing console buttons) Okay, almost done.
Brooklyn: What are you doing?
Shawn: beaming us into space. We'll have, maybe, thirty seconds if you take a breath of air...
Brooklyn and Neelix: Thirty seconds?
Shawn: Neelix, you're not coming.
Neelix: Aww. Hey! That means I'm captain! Yes!
Brooklyn: No, Shawn, don't!
(Scene 6: just following)
Q pops out of nowhere.
Q: Hi kids!
Brooklyn: Mmmphf! [Translation: Shawn! You idiot!]
Q: What, cat got your tongue? (He laughs)
Shawn: Hggdyde arwew gtew?
Q: Who am I? I, am Q! (He bows)
Brooklyn: (pointing accusingly at Shawn) Ggmmpt bhffmd hsfmmf sfmmes!
Q: He did? That was stupid. Even for a human.
Shawn: Hmmn, Hiffe, hhiegf...
Q: Seven, six... I suppose you want help?
Brooklyn: Dhhfftr!
Q: Very well. (He snaps his fingers)
Brooklyn and Shawn are now in a shuttle.
Brooklyn: Well, at least we have air. Where's that Q person.
Shawn: ..mmaf, sfdsgf! (He cringes)
Brooklyn: Uh, Shawn, we're not dead.
Shawn: (now starting to turn blue) Hsdjasr fsaf?
Brooklyn: Breath, stupid. (She sighs) I should have left you behind.
Shawn: (lets out huge breath) Why...is...that?
Brooklyn: Beca- hey, look, we're being hailed.
******
Fin!
(and hopefully the next one will write faster...)