"Are you ready for your checkup?"
Owen jumped ten feet in the air when Claire came trotting down the stairs. He quickly composed himself and shot her a nervous grin.
"Sure, I am! You bet! I'm ready to go!"
Overselling it. He was overselling it.
He quickly cleared his throat and stood up, pushing his chair back.
"I can do this. It'll be a piece of cake."
Claire smiled and touched his arm.
"I'm proud of you. I know it's been kind of crazy with the cavity and all, but I'm glad you're finally taking initiative. Health is important. It's what keeps us going."
Owen brushed his fingers across her cheek.
"I'm lucky I have you to convince me to do these things."
"You're lucky in general," she stated soberly, "I'd give anything to go to the doctor. I worry about my health, now that my body's changed."
She lifted her tail slightly to illustrate her point.
"I could be gravely ill, for all I know . . ."
Owen rubbed her front horn.
"You're not sick. Seasick, maybe."
"Because I'm green?"
The quaver in her voice indicated that it was still too early to be making jokes about her condition. Quickly, Owen scratched behind her nostril, and she forgot his comment almost immediately. When he was sure that she had been placated, Owen patted her cheek and took a deep breath.
"Well, I'd better get going to make sure I'm not late for . . . my appointment . . ."
Claire nodded fiercely.
"Yes, and don't forget to ask about nutrition . . . Unless you've changed your mind about becoming a vegetarian."
"I haven't," he declared, "If you're a herbivore, I'm a herbivore. We're in this together."
Claire gave one of her tight-beaked smiles and curled the tip of her tail as she swung it. That was a good sign. She gave Owen a final nudge, shepherding him towards the door.
"Have fun!"
There was a hint of longing in her voice, Owen thought. Poor Claire. If visiting the doctor was her idea of fun, she needed to get out more!
. . . Not that she had a choice, now that she was a stegoceratops.
As Owen strolled away from the house and hopped in his truck, he felt something very much like guilt tugging at his heart. Actually, it WAS guilt. The truth was, he had lied to Claire. He was bailing on his doctor's appointment, not because he was afraid or anything, but because he simply didn't see the point of it. Claire was being her usual neurotic self, as far as he was concerned. Why should he go for a checkup when he was perfectly healthy?
Anyway, she wouldn't be able to call in and confirm that he'd gone through with the appointment, because their current situation required tight lips on the whole Claire-is-a-Stegoceratops issue, which unfortunately meant that they also needed to commit to the whole Claire-no-longer-exists story. She couldn't contact anyone outside of the family, basically. It was the perfect crime.
As he pulled out of the driveway and made his way down the dirt road, Owen made the mistake of looking in the rearview window. Claire was watching him drive off with the same facial expression as a puppy being left by the side of the road. She clearly wanted to join him at the doctor's office, though he couldn't fathom why. She was funny that way. Instead of focusing on normal problems like being unable to go to parties or bars, Claire yearned for the most boring things in life. Who in their right mind would want to spend hours and hours in a waiting room? Claire, apparently.
Owen was familiar with Claire's strange behaviors, but that didn't mean he wasn't shocked by how banal her desires were. He might attribute it to the two of them having different tastes, only Claire hadn't been herself for quite some time. Oh, there were glimmers of normality every now and then, but ever since she stopped being human, Claire became a severely depressed version of the person Owen knew. And he didn't want that. Really, he didn't.
He couldn't deny that there were a lot of ethical questions concerning their relationship, but goddamn if he didn't forget them every time he looked into her eyes. To him, it didn't matter what she was, as long as they were together. Unfortunately, life was too complicated to allow love to flourish under any circumstance. Compromises had to be made on both sides.
. . . Compromises like becoming a vegetarian, which Owen did not intend to do. That made two lies he had told Claire in the past ten minutes. Well, what was he supposed to do? He'd drop down on all fours and start grazing if it meant that Claire could be happy for once. All he wanted was for her to not feel so alone. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to keep up his ruse. Claire was smart, and even if Owen could magically find a way to deceive her, it would be easy for her to smell bacon on his breath. She could sniff out pretty much anything, and that included lies.
All in all, Owen didn't know what to do. On top of the vegetarian lie, which he would have to come clean about, he had also promised Claire that he would visit the town's doctor, as previously mentioned, but he hadn't so much as called to make sure that such a person existed in their small community. Claire had put her trust in him, and as usual, he was bound to disappoint her.
At the very least, by the time his drive was over, he'd be able to come up with a gentle way of letting her know that he was an absolute traitor.
*************C*************
When Owen parked by the local bar, he wasn't feeling great. He considered marching straight in to have a beer with his buddies and forget the whole thing, but in a way, he didn't want to take his mind off Claire. Disappointing her made him feel like shit, and he needed that sensation to keep himself in line. He was well aware of what happened when a person stopped caring about the emotions of those close to them, and he would do anything to avoid that. So, instead of going straight to the bar, he decided to make his way to the grocery store, where he could find something nice for Claire, assuming she wouldn't give him the boot once he confessed.
Aside from the usual load of vegetables, Owen threw a couple of sugar bags into his cart, as Claire had a habit of consuming sweet things in secret. He had no idea why she was afraid to be seen eating sugar. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that horses liked sugar cubes. Claire would obviously hate being compared to a horse, not that Owen would do such a thing unless he slipped up. He sometimes forgot how sensitive she was about certain words, though it was impossible to tell exactly what would trigger her fits of despair.
Owen paid for his haul, then dragged four grocery bags to his vehicle. He tossed them on the back seat and dusted off his hands. Now that he had effectively absolved himself of his mistakes (at least partly), he could enjoy a beer in peace.
Or so he thought.
As Owen turned away from his truck, he suddenly bumped into two women who had been walking rapidly down the sidewalk. He started to apologize, but before he could squeeze the words out, he recognized one of the girls.
"You! . . ."
"Hi, Owen!" she chimed, "Fancy seeing you here."
He frowned.
"You know full well that this town is near my house. It's one of two places I can be found. You, on the other hand, belong in the parallel world. If you decided to show up here- as a human, of all things- something must be wrong."
The girl gave a laugh that was too long to be natural.
"Oh, Owen. Don't be ridiculous. I'm just spending some quality time with my best friend."
The other lady waved.
"Hi. I'm a pink zebra."
"Clearly," Owen muttered.
"Anyway, we just thought we'd take a walk, see the sights, paint the town, force you to sing karaoke with us through blackmail . . ."
Owen's eyes went wide.
"What?!"
"I saw it on Community once and thought it was brilliant. Mo'nique suggested we have you strip instead, but that's borderline molestation, and I'm already banned from five states, so . . ."
Owen crossed his arms.
"Alright. Very funny. We're all laughing our heads off."
She smiled sinisterly.
"Oh, I'm not joking. You're going to sing karaoke with us. Or else."
Owen turned away.
"You know what? I don't have time for this. You're not clever enough to blackmail me, anyway."
The girl began examining her nails.
"Is that so? I'm sure Claire would disagree. It's been a while since I last spoke with her. Perhaps we ought to have a little chat. Of course, I'll have to mention that you bailed on your doctor's appointment."
Owen froze.
"How do you know about that?"
"That's not important. What matters is whether or not Claire has to know . . ."
Owen exhaled slowly. He turned around with tired eyes.
"How long is this gonna take?"
She shrugged.
"Depends on your performance. I've written down the lyrics to Guide You Home. I recommend you memorize your half of the duet."
She held up a paper, which Owen snatched out of her hand. She smiled and pointed him in the direction of a recording studio. He stormed after her furiously.
"I hate you for doing this."
She cackled.
"Well, I suggest you change your attitude for the recording, or else we'll have to redo it."
*************C*************
Fifteen takes later, Owen was finally released from the sound stage. He looked half dead, which was still better than what he was feeling. With glazed eyes, he dragged himself to his truck, not looking forward to the long drive home.
When he reached the cabin, Claire was grazing in the field. She lifted her head as he approached her, grass hanging from her beak, and smiled. He slipped out of the truck as she bounded towards him, tail wagging merrily behind her like a high-pressure hose. Despite everything he'd been through, Owen was still happy to see her. She gave a cheerful moo as she drew near, and he caressed her head when she was close enough. She gave a kind of purring low and beamed up at him.
"How was it? Did you get your blood pressure taken? Is it normal? How are your reflexes?"
Owen opened his mouth, but he made the mistake of engaging in eye contact. Claire's big, blue, innocent eyes made his knees grow weak, and he felt his face pulling into a guilty frown. Before she could say another word, Owen looked away in shame.
"I didn't go."
Claire pulled away from him.
"What?"
"I didn't go. I lied about booking the appointment, I lied about wanting to be a vegetarian, and now I've wasted an entire day singing Spyro songs with a lunatic."
Claire's beak hung open for a moment before she spoke.
"Ah."
Owen gulped and reached for her.
"I'm really sorry-"
She ducked out of the way.
"No, it's alright. I understand."
He blinked in confusion. There wasn't even a hint of bitterness in her voice, yet it would be absurd to assume that she was telling the truth. If Owen knew one thing about his wife, it was that a problem like this was not something she could just brush off. Something was wrong.
Owen laced his fingers together and waddled up to Claire, who had resumed her grazing. He peeked around her body to get a better look at her head, positive that she wasn't facing him on purpose.
"Claire? . . ."
She didn't answer. Owen took a deep breath and crept closer.
"Claire, I shouldn't have lied to you. I'm sorry."
She didn't stop grazing as she spoke.
"No, it's okay. I understand. You didn't tell me that you want to stay an omnivore because you knew that I'd be upset since I was basically forcing you to change your lifestyle, but really, you should be free to choose whatever you want and I shouldn't be dragging you down to my primal herbivore status seeing as you've already given up so much for me."
She wasn't being sarcastic. Owen was sure of this, because tears were dripping down her face. They landed on the grass that poked out of her muzzle, and as she sniffed, they rolled into her mouth.
"I wouldn't force you to do this for me, Owen, because if I had a choice, I wouldn't want to be a herbivore either. I wish I could just sit down and eat anything within the limits of my diet, but now I'm on a diet that I didn't choose, and it's not even real because I weigh two and a half tons . . ."
Whenever Claire brought up her weight, it meant that things were getting serious. Owen gave her a sideways hug, but she pulled away before he could comfort her.
"You can go now. I have to graze for at least another hour, or I'll be up all night. I know you don't want to leave me alone, but it's what's best. What I'm saying is that I need some space right now."
Owen really, really wanted to ignore her request, but he forced himself to march back to the cabin. It was usually a good idea to listen to Claire when she was in this state of mind, even though he was sure she needed someone to talk to. Hopefully, she'd come inside soon, and they could resolve this together. In the meantime, he would have to think up a way to convince her that everything was okay, even though it was starting to look like that wasn't the case.
*************C*************
As time passed, Owen grew more and more impatient. The sky was turning from purple to blue, and that one really bright star that Claire said was actually a planet had appeared beside the half moon. Owen paced back and forth in their room, waiting for his wife to show up, but she did not.
Eventually, Owen gave in. He was terrified that Claire had done something impulsive. It wouldn't be out of character for her to run away or get herself into a dangerous situation. If she had wandered into the woods, she was in danger of being attacked by bears. Of course, she could defend herself against all kinds of animals, but that didn't stop Owen from freaking out. What if she got distracted because of their conversation while being attacked and- Oh god. OH GOD. Claire was about to be torn to shreds because of Owen's stupid mistake!
Fortunately, Owen was completely wrong about what Claire was up to, because when she finally showed up, she came trotting not out of the woods, but down the main road. She had some sort of paper bag in her mouth. She placed it on the ground in order to open the front door, then dragged it inside. He had been watching her from the bedroom window, and she hadn't looked up, so she probably had no idea how worried he was. Quickly, he composed himself and sat on the bed. He waited until Claire entered the room, then gave her a casual nod as she pushed through the door. She sat down beside him and dropped the paper bag in his lap. It was warm.
"I bought you an Egg McMuffin."
Owen did a double-take.
"What?"
"I bought you an Egg McMuffin. I took some money from the tray by the front door, marched into town, and, well . . ."
Owen stared at her in disbelief.
". . . How?! . . ."
"I used the drive-through. Nobody saw me, except the boy at the window. He promised not to tell."
Owen stared at the bag in his lap.
"Why did you do this?"
Claire took a shaky breath.
"Because I've been terrible, lately."
"Terrible? Claire, you-"
"I've been forcing my way of life on you, and that's not right. I like you just the way you are, Owen, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't good enough. I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I was normal, and I did it by projecting my insecurities onto you. I made you feel like shit for getting a cavity and not seeing the doctor because I needed to forget that I'm . . ."
She choked.
". . . less than what I was. I shouldn't have looked down on you, but I did, and it didn't change a thing. I'm still . . ."
She began to sniffle loudly. Owen hugged her neck.
"Claire, it's okay. Of all the people I've known, you've been the nicest about the less impressive parts of me."
"That's not true. I've been cruel."
"But you're still here. You haven't left me, and every day, you seem glad that I'm around. Hardly anyone has stuck with me for this long. All the little things you say don't matter, because the bigger picture indicates that you love me. That's all I ever wanted."
Claire sighed.
"Owen, you're too kind. I mean that in a bad way. Whenever I'm awful to you, you just brush it off and move on."
Owen smiled and put his hands on her cheeks.
"Well, it doesn't take long to figure out why I'm so happy here."
He bunched up her scales playfully.
"Besides, who can resist a face like this?"
Claire puffed hot air through her nostrils, and when Owen was stunned, she knocked him over and started licking his face. He laughed and tried to push her away, but suddenly, the McDonald's bag fell from his lap and landed noisily on the floor. They both stared at it in silence.
"Well . . ." Claire breathed, "I guess you'd better eat it, after I went to all the trouble of buying it . . ."
Owen picked up the bag slowly, pulling out the Egg McMuffin like it was a hydrogen bomb. He stared at it with a pensive expression, then held it out for Claire.
"You take it."
Claire shook her head fiercely.
"I can't. It has meat."
Owen shrugged.
"Well, is there a rule that says you can't have meat?"
Claire gave a sad rumble.
"I'm a herbivore."
"Yeah, but what's it gonna do?"
"I might get sick."
"Yeah, but people get sick all the time. You're allowed to have special treats like this once in a while . . ."
Claire whimpered.
"But what if it hurts me? What if I die?"
"You won't die from an Egg McMuffin."
He tore it in half as neatly as possible, which was quite an endeavor, then held out the larger portion for Claire.
"We'll share it."
After a brief pause, she moved towards his hand with trepidation, sniffing the bun lightly. Slowly, her tongue ventured out of her mouth, and she began to lap it up piece by piece. When it was gone, Owen consumed his half. They waited.
". . . I don't think anything bad is happening," Claire announced.
"Of course not!" Owen laughed, "This won't hurt you."
"Actually, processed meat increases the risk of bowel cancer by-"
Owen placed his hand over her beak.
"Claire. Relax. It's just one sandwich. It's not like you're eating ham every day."
She closed her eyes.
"I know. I just have this obsession with rules . . . I don't know when it started, but all of a sudden, I couldn't let myself cheat. I mean, so many people have these 'special treats' that end up becoming the norm. I'm so unstable, Owen, that I'm practically one milkshake away from cramming my face out of despair."
He stroked her plates sympathetically, not knowing what to say.
"I just worry that I'm going to lose control," she continued, "I'm already huge, and I know you think this is normal for a stegoceratops, but the fact is, I can't let myself get comfortable. That's when I start making excuses. It's not worth it."
Owen nodded.
"I think I know what you mean. Look, if it really means that much to you, I'll be a vegetarian."
"No!"
"Claire, it's the right thing to do. We can't keep living these separate lives. We're on the same team."
"I can't make you give up something you love."
Owen snorted.
"Claire, I don't love meat. I love you. What kind of a marriage would this be if I traded my wife for the right to eat beef?"
Claire blinked.
"Well, when you put it like that . . ."
She tossed her head.
"No! Stop! You're doing it again!"
"Doing what?"
"Being nice! I can't let you suffer through this like you always do."
"Suffer through what? I'm not suffering."
"You're in denial."
"How?"
"I don't know, but you are. There's no way you're okay with this."
Owen took a deep breath.
"Claire, people don't stick with me. My family is practically all gone, my friendships don't last, and all of my relationships up until yours didn't last more than a few hours. I don't want to have people drift in and out of my life. I want something permanent, something I can come home to. I want to live life without worrying about who's going to leave me, and whether or not I can find someone to replace them. You know I don't make a lot of long-lasting connections, and I was starting to believe that it was because something was wrong with me. But I dunno . . . If I can get someone like you to stay, I must be doing something right . . ."
Claire pressed her face against his.
"Owen, you know I wouldn't leave you just because you don't want to be a vegetarian . . ."
"I know. I'm just saying I'm willing to commit to this family, that's all. It's nice to take care of someone other than myself. It's a lot less lonely."
Claire smiled and pulled him close. She inhaled deeply, then ruffled his hair.
"Alright. You can be a vegetarian. BUT . . . every now and then, we can try something a little different. How does that sound?"
He wrapped his arms and legs around her.
"It sounds amazing."
She snuffed.
"Good. Then we're agreed. From now on, we're vegetarians with a few notable exceptions."
"Sounds good."
Claire nudged him playfully.
"Great. But don't think you're off the hook for missing your doctor's appointment."
Owen winced.
"Right . . . When should I book it?"
Claire beamed.
"Soon. We can call someone in the other world."
"The other world? Why?"
"Because I'm coming too. You didn't think I'd let you have ALL the fun, did you? . . ."
Owen rolled his eyes.
"Well, at least I won't have to be alone."
She gave him a kiss.
"Owen, if there's one thing I know for sure, you never have to worry about that."