How to Fight Loneliness

by Spike Speigel1

Sara has a day off and goes about her day as normal. That is, until it takes an unexpected turn. GSR.

Title: How to Fight Loneliness

Author: Spike Speigel

E-mail:

Rating: PG-13

Classification: Grissom/Sara

Disclaimer: As usual, these characters don't belong to me. Just taking them for a joyride.

Spoilers: Everything before and including Mea Culpa.

Summary: Sara has a day off and goes about her day as normal. That is, until it takes an unexpected turn.

Status: Finished

OOOOO

The alarm clock blares incessantly, almost like a braying donkey, were its shrieks digitized and raised a few octaves. Nevertheless, the sound has its intended effect, stirring Sara from her slumber. Her eyes open slowly, groggily, as she attempts to make out shapes in the darkness of her bedroom. In time, the blurred masses begin to come into focus as she blinks the sleep from her eyes. However, it's the red LCD digits of the alarm clock that garner her attention, Sara's hand reaching out, almost desperately, before coming down on top of the clock. She has no idea what button she's pressed. In fact, she's certain she's pressed more than one. Nevertheless, the room is quiet once more.

Sara attempts to stifle a yawn, but to no avail, as the sigh escapes her lips. She presses her face into her pillow, enjoying the sensation of the clean pillowcase that smells faintly of a morning's dew (at least, that's what the detergent bottle said), before rolling onto her back, her legs finding their way to the edge of the mattress. Another deft motion and she's now upright, her legs dangling from the edge for a moment before her feet come in contact with the carpet below. She curls her toes into the soft fabric, relishing the warmth in the room. She knows that the temperature outside her apartment is much colder, so she lingers in the moment before rising from the bed. It'll be the last for a while since she has to venture out into the real world to accomplish some much needed chores, among which are buying contents for her fridge as well as her cupboards. She knows she could take the easy way out and just order dinner, but it's not that often she gets a day off. It's even less often that she takes it of her own volition.

After everything that had gone down with Grissom and Ecklie, with Grissom's team being split up, Sara felt it best to avoid the lab for the immediate future. Grissom hadn't questioned her when she requested a couple days off. She had expected him to, given the fact that he was now short three of his best CSIs (it was really two, but she didn't count Sofia), but instead he had given her permission without so much as a second glance. Either he was still concerned about her well-being or he was just too preoccupied with Ecklie's latest power play. In any case, she hadn't been to the lab since Monday. And, given the fact she didn't want to face Grissom once he found out about her PEAP sessions, she was somewhat relieved that she was now in her bedroom savoring the warmth. She knew it was a false pretense she was accepting currently, but still, it felt real enough. Real enough for her, at any rate.

She sighed softly before rising from the bed. Her feet padded against the carpet as she made her way to the bathroom. A shower. She needed a shower, if only to clear her mind of these current thoughts. That, and to wake her up. She was never truly awake until the water splashed against her face, sluiced her body. And, given the fact that it was her day off, she was going to enjoy it for once.

OOOOO

How could a supermarket be out of tofu? It boggled the mind, actually. Who else was buying Sara's tofu and calling it hers? It's not like it was a delicacy, but tofu was one of the joys of grocery shopping. It was her equivalent of standing in the meat department asking the butcher for a shoulder of beef. But now she didn't even have this to look forward to. Because the tofu section was visibly bare. Sara looked around for a store employee, finally seeing a red vest in the soup aisle. She reluctantly walked away from the frozen aisle and toward the red vest.

"Excuse me, miss. But, do you have any more tofu in the back?"

The girl (was she even eighteen yet?) looked up at Sara, a slightly befuddled look on her face as she held two cans of Chunky soup in her hands, raring to be stocked on the bottom shelf. "What?"

"There doesn't seem to be any tofu left."

The teenager stood up, Sara having a good three inches on her, as she placed the cans of hamburger sirloin back on the cart. The employee glanced past Sara toward the vegetable aisle, as she no doubt contemplated Sara's predicament. "Did you check frozen vegetables?"

"Uh, yeah. The tofu section's empty."

"You sure?"

Sara sighed, frustration beginning to tint her voice. "Yes, I'm sure…" Sara eyed the girl's nametag, looking to place a name to the face. "…Lisa."

The young woman looked over Sara, as if deciding whether Sara was telling the truth or just inept. After a moment, she waved her hand at Sara, indicating that she wanted Sara to follow. They walked back to the frozen vegetables, wherein Sara observed as Lisa peered through the small window in the wall that showed the storeroom. Upon seeing movement in the back, Lisa called out. "Hey, George! Is there any tofu back there?"

"What?"

"Tofu! This lady wants some tofu!"

The voice came back, gruff and somewhat irked. "Tofu?"

"Yeah, tofu! There's none up here!"

Sara was about to walk away, beginning to feel guilty about the trouble she was causing, when a hand poked through the window, Sara making out just the right side of George's face. "This what she want?"

Lisa looked back to Sara, who was now beginning to get strange looks from the other store patrons. "This good enough?"

It was more than she wanted, but after all the trouble, it'd be extremely rude for her to send George back for a smaller bag. Sara smiled sheepishly as she spoke. "It's perfect." She took the package from Lisa, calling out to George in the backroom. "Thank you." The mysterious figure waved slightly before disappearing into the darkness once more. She turned to Lisa to thank her as well, but found that she was now alone, Lisa beginning to walk back to her carton of Chunky soup. Sara shrugged her shoulders as she placed the tofu into her basket. Well, at least she wouldn't have to buy tofu for a while.

Sara began to look through the contents of her light green basket, making sure she had everything. Upon quick perusal, she could see a plethora of fruits and vegetables, a carton of soymilk, a carton of orange juice, two boxes of assorted teabags, assorted pastas and now the package of tofu. If she was forgetting something, it wasn't something evident. Besides, she'd be able to hold out until the next shopping day if she needed something else. With a contented sigh, Sara began to make her way to the front of the store, walking through the soup and pasta aisle in the process. She passed Lisa on the way, hoping to make eye contact with her to show her gratitude for the tofu. Unfortunately, Lisa was focused on her task at hand, now working on the grilled chicken pasta cans that resided next to the sirloin burger. Had to hand it to the girl, when she put her mind to something, she got it done.

She could see the cash registers emerging in the distance, only a few lanes open. After all, weren't that many people shopping for groceries near closing time. Part of the beauty of having a day off; she was able to get her shopping done without the hassle of large crowds on her days off. Were it a typical workday, she'd be stuck getting her groceries after shift in the early AM where the elderly inhabited the supermarket as though they owned the place. But shopping right after getting up? Now that was a thing of beauty. Sara smirked at the thought as she made her way into a checkout line, beginning to place the contents of her basket onto the mechanical conveyor belt. She shot the cashier a quick smile upon emptying the basket, leaning over to place it under the counter with the others residing there. It was while she was hunched over that she heard the voice. A familiar voice, at that.

"Sara?"

Sara didn't know whether to answer the voice right then and there or get up first. So, she did a combination of the two, managing a garbled mess of words while almost hitting the top of her head against the counter. She turned around slowly, a small smile playing on her face upon seeing the owner of said voice. "Grissom. What are you doing here?"

He grinned playfully, reaching past her for a plastic divider. His arm gently brushed against her torso as he placed the divider onto the belt, placing his items behind hers. "Same as you, I'd gather."

"But, aren't you supposed to be on tonight?"

"Oh, I am. But, if you take a look at your watch, I'm certain that you'll find that I have a few hours before shift begins."

Sara chuckled softly, realizing that her internal clock was wreaking havoc with her. Of course he wasn't on yet. Give a girl a few days off and she starts thinking she lives like normal folk. "You're right. Sorry, but being off the clock tends to play tricks on you."

Grissom nodded, wholly understanding the situation. Even his body had fooled him on one occasion or another. His gaze moved from Sara to the contents on the conveyor, his curiosity piqued. "Cupboards bare?"

Sara nodded, turning her attention back to the more than patient cashier that was now waiting for Sara to pay for her groceries. "Throw in the fridge, and you've got it." Sara swiped the credit card through the card reader, waiting for the receipt to sign. She turned back to Grissom, a quizzical look on her face as she perused his items. "Condoms?"

"They're for an experiment." Sara smirked at him before turning back to the cashier to sign her receipt. While the cashier bagged her groceries, she turned back to Grissom, still smirking. He was probably telling the truth. Unless they were for Sofia. Oh, she so wasn't going there. "Really."

"I…believe…you." Sara moved to the back of the counter, collecting her bags. While Grissom began to cash out, Sara waved at him as she spoke. "Well, have fun with your 'experiment'. I'll see you later."

"Hey, Sara. Wait up." Sara stood motionless, two brown paper bags in her arms. "If you're not doing anything right now, I'd like to talk to you about something."

She wasn't sure if Grissom saw her as she began to fidget with her bags, but if he did, he'd know that she was bordering on nervous. He'd spoken to Ecklie and the hammer was about to fall. Why did she have to run into him here, of all places? "Um, I'd like to, Grissom. But, I really need to get these bags home."

Grissom handed the cashier a couple of bills along with some change before picking up the plastic bag, which he proceeded to place in his jacket pocket. "I'd really like to get this out of the way tonight, though. Any chance you can meet me at the Barnes & Noble on Charleston after you go home?"

Sara shrugged her shoulders, realizing that she wasn't going to be able to talk her way out of this one. "Sure. I'll meet you there in…half an hour?"

Grissom nodded as he walked toward Sara. "Sounds reasonable."

As Sara began to walk out of the store, she couldn't help but notice that Grissom was still by her side. Even when they passed his car in the parking lot, he was still by her side. "Uh, Grissom?"

"Yes, Sara?"

"We…we just walked past your car."

His voice was calm, almost serene, as he spoke. "I know."

"You know, huh."

"Can't a guy walk a girl to her car just because he wants to?"

A hint of a smile emerged on Sara's face as she bowed her head slightly. "I don't see why not." The two remained silent for the remainder of the brief walk before Sara pulled away from the parking lot, looking into her rear view mirror to see Grissom standing with his hands in his pockets. He never made a move to his car. Instead, he just stood there, watching her as she disappeared into the distance.

OOOOO

She was about to call Grissom on his cell phone when she saw him sitting at a small table near the edge of the store. While the world kept on moving outside through the pane glass window, Grissom remained motionless, his gaze fixed on the table in front of him. Sara walked slowly yet casually over to him, even though she was worried about what they possibly had to talk about. As she neared the table, her voice betrayed her, the uncertainly clearly evident. "Hey, Gil…Grissom. Um, hey."

Grissom turned his head slightly, his brow furrowed as he tried to decipher Sara's greeting. "You okay, Sara?"

Of course she wasn't. "Of course I am." Didn't mean she couldn't fake it. "So, what are you looking at so intently?" Grissom motioned with his head, his gaze still fixed on Sara as he did so, still not entirely convinced of her declaration. "'Charlotte's Web' and 'Sounder'?"

Grissom continued to look at Sara as she picked up the two books. "They both won Newbery Medals."

Sara finally turned to look at Grissom, seeing him looking intently at her. Knowing that look all too well, Sara decided to query further about the books. At least that'd take some of the attention away from her. "Yeah, I know. Read these when I was in elementary school. So, what's your interest in them?"

"It's a gift."

A gift? Now Sara's interest was definitely piqued. "Really? For whom?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes. Yes, it does if you brought me down here to help you pick a gift for said person."

He had to hand it to her; she pieced together the puzzle a lot faster than he gave her credit for. "A fourteen year old girl. At least, I think she's fourteen."

"Lindsey?" Grissom raised his eyebrow slightly, a look of surprise on his face. "Call it a lucky guess. And, honestly, I think Lindsey might have read these already."

"So?"

"'So'?" Sara sighed, forgetting whom she was actually speaking to. If Lindsey were like any other typical junior high girl, she was already forced to read these. And, unless she discovered them of her own accord, she'd most likely avoid them like the plague from here on out. "Wait here. I'll be right back."

Grissom didn't have a chance to respond, Sara walking away from him and toward the Information desk. His eyes followed her as she began a conversation with a man half his age. This would be all well and good, but the fact that Sara was laughing with the stranger filled him with a sense of unease. Luckily, said conversation lasted for only a moment before Sara walked behind a row of bookshelves, avoiding two children running toward her, their ultimate destination unknown. But, given the look on their father's face, Grissom guessed that both would be going to bed early tonight. Possibly without dessert, but there was no scientific basis for that part of his conclusion.

His eyes followed the top of her head to the best of his abilities, Grissom eventually losing sight of her as she moved through the magazine racks. He had lost her somewhere between the balding businessman perusing the Business section and the frat boys ogling the girls in the Men's Entertainment section. Grissom's gaze continued to scan the area, but to no avail. It was almost as if she'd disapp…

"Here you go."

The paperback dropped onto the table with a dull thud, the sound resonating not even to the table next to them. It wasn't to say the store was noisy. It was just the book was extremely small. Grissom picked up the paperback while Sara slid into the chair opposite him. "Coraline?"

Sara nodded, nursing her mocha latte. When the hell did she get a chance to get that? "Easy enough to get into, yet dark enough for a girl Lindsey's age. Trust me, she'll love it."

Grissom frowned at the picture on the front cover, doubt beginning to overcome him. "Are you sure? The cover alone is going to get me in trouble with Catherine."

Sara chuckled softly, taking another sip from her cup. "Don't you think you're being a little overdramatic?"

"Probably. But, then again, this is Catherine we're talking about."

"No, this is Lindsey we're talking about. Look, if it makes you feel any better, I got that from Young Adult."

Grissom nodded slightly, thumbing through the first few pages to read a couple of the reviews. His nose was still firmly entrenched in the pages when he spoke. "Did it win a Newbery?"

Sara leaned back into the wooden chair, tucking one leg under the other. "It won a Nebula Award. Is that good enough?"

His gaze moved slowly from the book to Sara, Grissom grinning slightly. "Works for me."

OOOOO

She had expected Grissom to leave there and then, but instead, he remained seated, telling her that he still had an hour until shift. Besides, he was curious as to what she was doing with her time off.

"Nothing, really. Just needed some time to think. That's pretty much it."

Grissom nodded slightly, his fingers drumming lightly on the table. "Sara?"

"Yeah, Grissom?"

"How are you PEAP sessions going?" He could see the discomfort in her posture as she began to fiddle with her coffee cup. Nevertheless, it was a topic that needed to be broached. "I know I haven't been following up with you as much as I should have, and…"

Sara waved him off, trying to avoid the discussion altogether. "It's okay. Things have been hectic lately, what with our increased workload and Ecklie splitting the team up. But, honestly, I'm fine." She could see he wasn't buying it, the prominent wrinkles in his forehead a dead giveaway. "Really."

"Because, if you want to talk…I'm here…to…you know…listen." Grissom groaned in frustration, realizing that he probably wasn't making a convincing case. "Sara, I know things are still strained between us. But, I don't want you to think I'm not here for you. Because, I am."

Sara smiled softly, appreciating Grissom's attempt at reaching out to her. However, these were demons she wasn't ready to unleash. Not to her PEAP counselor. And, definitely not to Grissom. "I appreciate the offer. I really do. But, I think this is something I should work out at my sessions." She avoided his gaze, not wanting to look him in the eyes as she blatantly lied to him. "Besides, I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear about it. It's all boring personal stuff."

Grissom stroked his chin before cupping his hands on the table. He followed Sara's lead as his gaze fell to the table, focusing on the tangled mass of fingers in front of him. "Did you know that I was married?" Sara's head shot up, her mouth slightly agape as she stared at him in disbelief. She'd known Grissom for years, but this was the first time she'd learned of anything personal about him. Unfortunately for Sara, she didn't get a chance to answer his question, Grissom continuing his narrative. "This was before I met you. Ten years, give or take a year. But, yeah. I was married. Her name was Melissa. She was the first woman I ever fell in love with." He sighed softly, hesitating for a moment. "I never thought it'd happen to me, but there she was. One glance and I knew this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind. It's a shame, really. Because I'm sure if I had some modicum of doubt, I would have seen it sooner." He took a deep breath, remaining silent. Sara wasn't sure if he was done or not, so she treaded carefully.

"Seen what?"

He never looked at her as his words came back to him, his voice monotonous, devoid of emotion. "That she was having an affair. There were clues, now that I look back in hindsight. But back then, I was just content to have found someone that filled the void in my life. Unfortunately, with my long work hours and Melissa feeling lonely, it was bound to happen. Maybe I just didn't want to see it. Maybe I thought it was a problem that would go away in time. But, in the end, the reality of the situation confronted me." He sighed, his fingers clenching tighter. "We didn't even make it to our one year anniversary. The divorce was amicable, though. That's something, right? Well, you pretty much know the rest. I moved to San Francisco and that, as they say, was that. There's more to the story, but I think I've highlighted the more important points."

Sara opened her mouth, but found that the words wouldn't come. She tried once more, finding herself able to talk this time around, albeit hesitantly. "Why…why did you tell me this?"

Grissom finally looked up, his gaze locking with Sara's. "Felt like getting some of that 'boring personal stuff' out in the open." Grissom smiled gently, an awkward chuckle emanating from his lips.

Sara returned the smile, nodding slightly. "Message received, Grissom. I promise, once I work my way through this, you're the first person I'm talking to."

"Okay. But, if you need anything in the meanwhile…"

"I promise. I'll ask."

Grissom nodded slightly, both sharing a gentle smile. "Well, I really should take off. Wouldn't want to give Ecklie the pleasure of being late." He rose from behind the table, picking up the book that Sara had recommended to him. "And, thanks for helping me with this."

Sara rose with him, collecting her jacket from the back of the chair. "No problem." They stared at each other, neither sure of what to say at the moment. Grissom had just exposed a facet of his life to her, something that had to be difficult. In that moment, she had never seen him this exposed, this vulnerable. And, that was including his revelation to Dr. Lurie. Sara smiled, stepping toward Grissom. She leaned toward him, her lips grazing his cheek, lingering for a moment as she cherished the sensation. As she pulled back, she whispered in his ear, "Thank you for trusting me. It means a lot that you do."

A part of Grissom wanted to withdraw immediately from their close proximity, but the other part enjoyed the fact she was this close to him, allowing him to smell the faint odor of strawberries in her hair. "I always trust you, Sara." Sara pulled back from Grissom, looking into his eyes to see the sincerity evident there. "If I didn't, do you think I would have asked for your help today?"

"No, I guess not." Both shared a small laugh before Sara spoke once more. "Well, I won't keep you."

"Okay. See you tomorrow?"

"Sounds about right."

Grissom nodded as he began to walk away from Sara. However, he wasn't a foot away from the table when he realized that Sara was walking next to him. He turned his gaze to her, a quizzical look on his face. "What are you…?"

Sara smirked as she interrupted him. "Thought I'd walk you to your car. That is, if you don't mind." Her smirk turned into a full-blown grin as she continued. "Besides, can't a girl walk a guy to his car just because she wants to?"

He didn't realize she was holding his hand until he looked down between them. Grissom grinned at her, squeezing gently as they made their way to the cashier. "I don't see why not."

Fin