A/N: The premise of this fic was that Dwight Schrute, of Schrute Farms, comes to learn that his Amish, and socially inept, cousin fathered a child a handful of years ago. Tracking down the child, with a little help from his rag-tag posse, Dwight finds what can only be described as the eight year-old female equivalent of his cousin. The following is really just a preview of what is to come, should I find that anyone shows interest in its completion... also, I own nothing related to The Office in any way.
"Mose, a child? A child? How could you let this happen? We went over the plan so many times. How could you let yourself slip up? What were you thinking?" I paused for a moment, calculating, waiting for a response. When my cousin let out a slight growl, I continued, "That was rhetorical, Mose. We both know what you were thinking, don't we? It isn't a pretty picture." Mose scratched himself, a counterargument I knew all too well.
"Where is the child now?" I shouted; we had to nip this thing in the bud before word spread, and we were blacklisted from the beet market. Mose gave no answer. "I said, where is the child now?" When there was still no response I tried to appeal to his sense of reason. "Mose, don't make me turn the switch on you." I walked towards the right side of the barn, to where I kept the switch. I peeked over my shoulder, Mose was rocking himself. He feared me. I made as though I was reaching for the switch, knowing he would crack. It was all a matter of will power. Who was the stronger Schrute? Well, both Mose and I knew the answer to that. Mose whimpered in defeat.
I walked back over to my cousin, crouching so that I was at his level. I patted his thermal underwear clad arm. "Now Mose," I said, "tell me where the child is, and we won't have to resort to violence." I could be a fair man, there was no need to dole out punishment when punishment wasn't due.