Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
The first time Sakura had felt it was by that bench.
It was only a tiny prick, a prick of rejection, and she didn't put it in mind.
She might have felt something similar times before, but for different reasons.
It was when Sasuke told her she was annoying with that frown on his face that she felt a pain in the heart.
But it was tiny, easily ignorable.
The second time Sakura had felt it was also by that bench.
All day, since Naruto and Sasuke were fighting on the hospital roof, she knew something was wrong.
And not just with them, with her too.
When she rushed forward to stop them from clashing her breathing was uneven as tears flew out of her eyes. Even though Kakashi stopped her and ressured her nothing was wrong she didn't feel any better.
That afternoon she hadn't been feeling so well.
At night, when she asks to talk to Naruto, she was thinking, thinking about Sasuke, thinking too much and only daydreaming into space, not the bowl of ramen in front of her. She smiles to Naruto, but it was fake.
It felt almost the same as when Sasuke received the cursed seal and the times it was activated, with her seeing the whole thing, everytime. Every time seeing him hurt, every time seeing him suffering, every time worrying for him. Like the time he took an attack from Haku and almost died.
She was trying to stop him, stop him from leaving Konoha and into the welcoming arms of Orochimaru, gaining more hatred and more desire for his revenge.
This time the pain was so huge she could barely move, all she could do was take little steps and talk to him while crying, crying tears from both her eyes and her heart.
It just seemed to have suddenly hit her, big, when she saw him walking that way. But it came in bits, some bits big, some bits bigger, like the time she asked if he remembers that day he lectured her here about loneliness and he denied.
The night cloud covered the moon.
The pain was overwhelming, she was nearly gasping for air. She spoke to him calmly and quietly before tears fell down, one after another, making streaks on her face and stains on the ground by her feet. She took another step forward despite the pain, eager to stop him at the cost of her own life.
She told him she liked him, and then the cloud passed, making his smirk ever so visible when he turned around to tell her that she was annoying again.
As he took another step she forced her aching body to run a few steps, clutching her chest all the while. When he suddenly disappeared a wave of panic flew by her heart, making it hurt more.
When he appeared behind her just a second later again, it seemed to smother the pain. He pauses as she listens for what he was going to say.
Sakura...Arigato.
She blinked and more never ending tears came down, flowing like a clear, beautiful river, and her eyes widened as she felt a thump and her eyelids slowly came to each other.
That night, the wind was blowing, the leaves dancing along with them, exactly the same as the first time he told her she was annoying. All those times the wind is blowing, something always happens to her. No matter if it was giving Ino the bow, or telling her they were rivals. Whenever something happens the wind always blows.
What she didn't know was that in the morning when she wakes up from the bench, what will greet her, when Izumo and Kotetsu finds her, how no matter how hard she clutches her chest when seeing Naruto leaving it didn't seem to fill the hole, as it gaped and widened by the second, killing her and shortening her life.
From then, every time she hears whom she has been suffering for's name, the pain seemed to come again, each time doubling the last time's, but not making her immune to it one little bit. Like the time when she was just standing outside Naruto's hospital room, hoping Sasuke to be back but when founding he was not, her hand slipped off the door handle, shaking and still, even though longing to keep on there.
They went to search for him again, her, Naruto and Jiraiya. Kabuto had told her Sasuke had died. Oddly, she didn't feel any pain, any pain at all. She closed her eyes and stood there to let herself be killed, seeing the back of whom causes her so much sacrifice, completely violating the Shinobi Rule 25: A shinobi must never show tears. It was the act of a weakling, but nevermind.
The third time Sakura had felt it was at Orochimaru's hideout.
When she heard Sai say he saw Sasuke, and how he had changed. It was the same this time, only seemingly triple the pain of the last time she had felt it, instead of double.
It was not bearable. No, it never was, it can never be, since every time it increases so much more.
Then it was their reunion. He seemed to be saying her name just for fun, a almost light tone to it. She was shocked, but not all because of Sasuke's voice, because of the pain in her heart seemed to be ten times as it was last time. Way too much, too much to endure that her hand slowly fell off Sai's collar. She couldn't do anything when he was hurting Naruto and Sai, just standing aside, like always, like before. But this time was not because she was too scared or not wanting to make a wrong move, being a burden, was because of the tearing feeling on and in her heart. When Sasuke was just standing there, so she straightened up and ran forward to him, gathering her chakra on her fist, to even hurt him just to bring him back, before he sinks any lower. She was going to stop him, no matter what, no matter how that he raises his katana as if to strike.
It wasn't until Yamato rushed in front of her and when Sasuke stabbed him that she realised Sasuke had been intending to hurt her after all.
Hurt her after all.
Hurt her after all.
Hurt her after all...
She remained on the spot for the rest of the battle, not doing anything and just letting the pain spread over her, freezing her.
As Sasuke left with Kabuto and Orochimaru, she watched, watching him burning away like paper touching fire.
It was the most painful sight ever.
Naruto was crying, so was she. But her tears were silent, silent like the night he left Konoha, silently not making a sound but enduring a heartache. She found the voice to speak, just to comfort Naruto like what he deserves; she owns him too much.
If there's one thing she is good at, it is crying without making any sounds, moving, shaking, everything.
Let the pain take on the form of tears, let it all out. She had been using this to survive for the last three years.
It was a miracle how she was still standing.
The fourth time Sakura felt it was in Konoha once again.
It had finally came, after all the tiny pricks, it had finally came.
This time it was definate, throat-burning, deep realisation.
Karui asked her what Sasuke meant to her, and she was was struck by lightning due to the fact and truth of what he means to her. Sai and Naruto comforted her, going so far for her, but she never stopped sobbing. All she could do was ever shed tears and be useless.
Sai told her Sasuke had been made a nukenin, unforgivable and had to be killed, with such a huge crime that Konoha can not ever let him back again. This time her heart hurt a hundred times more than last time.
As tears came down her face uncontrollably, she begged for Sai not to say anything anymore, she couldn't handle it.
Then it was when her, Kiba, Akamaru, Lee and Sai were rushing to where Sasuke was. She set the sleep-gas on them, and rushed forward, hoping the wind will blow away the hollow, dead feeling in her heart.
She saw Sasuke about to kill Karin, whom he told her was his own teammate. The sakki coming from him was almost visible, but she didn't even flinch at it, since the pain in her heart was starting to spread again, this time spreading faster and heavier, not countable times more than the last time she felt it. She had felt more fear before.
Because it was so...cold...
As she pretends to join him, she goes towards him, bearing the aching of collapse, and finally gets to him.
He tells her to kill his teammate.
She briefly closes her eyes, wishing if she could kill him now it would all be over, over, over...
She hears a warning from his teammate and looked behind, seeing Sasuke about to kill her. She was saved by Kakashi.
She goes off to heal Karin on Kakashi's request. She cried, seeing Sasuke is no longer the kind boy she knew. She goes off to try to kill him again, thinking she should, despite Karin's warnings.
She raised the kunai behind him, pointing it to him, quickly raising her arm and going to kill him.
She finds herself stopping in sudden when she was nearly there. Her fist trembled and more tears slides down her face. She makes no noise, but somehow Sasuke was about to sense her and grabbed her, choking her, going to kill her with her own weapon. Kakashi shouts for him not to do it, but he doesn't act the way Kakashi wants him to.
It was then that she had completely, absolutely given up on him.
Before it always hurt because of the hope, just a tiny shimmer unable to find, but now would it be better?
Naruto suddenly comes, and takes her from Sasuke's grasp.
It was like that day all over again, like at Orochimaru's hideout. Naruto and Sasuke were the ones battling and she was just standing aside, just standing there.
She listens to their talking, somehow like before when they were still a whole, happy Team 7, arguing about childish things.
She watches them clash, like what would've happened on the hospital roof if she and Kakashi did not stop them then.
When Madara and Zetsu comes and collects Sasuke, since he could not fight anymore, she also watches them go.
She was still standing, the pain slowly fading as Sasuke disappears.
The after effect will come later.