AN: THIS IS A SEQUEL TO MY OTHER FIC "THERE WERE EMBERS, AND HE GOT BURNED" THAT NEEDS TO BE READ BEFORE READING THIS; OTHERWISE, IT WOULD SORT OF NOT MAKE SENSE.
THANK YOU.
WARNINGS: Previous major character death, suicidal thoughts, depression.
Take away time and the very dynamics of everything wouldn't even make the slightest of sense.
Fate was very cruel and merciless for taking time away from him when he needed it most.
Had time been on his side, JARVIS would have been able to pinpoint the exact location of the bomb before Steve. Had time been on his side, he would have gotten the bomb before Steve. Had time had been on his side, he would have saved Steve from the bomb, the cliff and from his own destructive self.
Had time been on his side, Steve would still be here.
But he wasn't.
And it was all Steve's fault.
"Easy, sweetheart. Wouldn't want to break your hand again."
Since Steve's funeral, the Avengers decided to disband themselves as a team, but not as a family. Sure, they were still there to defend their home from whatever was threatening world security, but they didn't have the same level of coordination as they did when Steve was there to lead them. Bucky mostly called the shots now but it was nowhere near the same.
They were all still permanent residents of the tower, but they were hardly there anyway. They all had their ways of keeping themselves busy, keeping themselves from the awful truth.
It was hard for the world. The world lost their hero.
"How'd you get through this time?"
It was harder for the team. They lost their leader and a very close friend.
"You upped my clearance level to a primary user. How could you forget?"
It was harder for Bucky. He lost his family.
"I didn't forget. You're dead."
It was harder for Tony. He lost his sanity.
"Oh so now you accept my death."
But did it matter what they lost? Did it matter what kind of level of grief they were going through?
No, it didn't and to be honest, the team couldn't even mourn over Steve properly because of Tony.
"Are you making jokes now? I don't accept it, Rogers. I'm still fucking pissed you."
Tony was momentarily stuck on the five stages of grief all at once, and no one knew how to handle it. It was like approaching a wild wounded animal surrounded by egg shells.
Tony, who was stuck in the workshop all day, all week. Tony, who didn't even bother eat until someone had to force feed him. Tony, who didn't slept until his body caved. Tony, who rejected almost all kinds of contact with others. Tony, who cried until his throat was sore. Tony, whom they feared was the next person they were going to grieve over because they were almost absolutely sure he would drop dead if he kept up this self-destructive attitude.
"I know you are, Tony. But it had to be done. If I hadn't, it would've wiped the entire city."
"You could have just thrown it! You didn't have to jump!"
"We both know that wouldn't have worked, sweetheart."
Natasha and Clint were reinstated to their former posts as S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. They accepted mission after mission, but when they do get back to the tower for a couple of days of rest or recovery, they always visited Tony first and made sure he was healthy. Or at least, close to it. Clint managed to feed Tony on some occasions, but was never able to got him to sleep or step outside of his workshop. Natasha was slightly better at it than Clint, having him sleep or eat, but never successfully able to drag him out.
"Why did you leave me all alone, Steve?"
Bruce was no better than Tony was because he was almost always stuck in his lab too, always occupying his time with useless and mind-numbing research on this or that. When he did get out, he'd just visit Tony's lab when Tony allowed it, sit there and watch him work. He'd occasionally help, but he was nothing more than an observer in Tony's territory. The Science Bros dynamic between them was gone; as if it was never ever there in the first place. They were both trapped in the small confined space of grief that neither of them knew how to get out of it, much less confront it. About a month later, Bruce stopped visiting Tony because he thought himself more of a nuisance than comfort.
"I'm so sorry, Tony. I really am. Believe me, I didn't want to do it because I thought of you, Bucky, the team... but it was a necessary sacrifice, and you know it."
"Better the world than you."
Thor split his time to be in three places: Asgard, to wherever it was Jane was and the tower. When Thor did make that rare visit to the tower, he'd try to be jolly. He'd try to be the one to lift their spirits in honor of the brave Captain he was proud to call his Midgardian brother. But not even his hearty laughter could break through the steel cold barriers they all had up.
"Tony. Tony, sweetheart, look at me. Please. I love you. You know I would never hurt you like this, but please, you have to move on."
Pepper wanted to be there for Tony, but she was still stuck in the river of denial. She couldn't believe that Captain America was actually... gone. But the fact that her friend, the man behind the cowl, was not around... that hit her much more than losing the captain. Not there to greet her a good day when she visited the tower or ask for some advice when it came to Tony. It seemed only yesterday when Steve kept pestering her with sincere apologies because he always thought it was his fault she and Tony broke up. She couldn't actually believe it had been a long time since then. She really wanted to there for Tony, but she felt that her mere appearance could push Tony further away from them, knowing him like the back of her hand.
Rhodey was far too busy with his military work busting terrorists on a worldwide scale that he didn't have time to bust Tony's ass for slowly killing himself.
"It's only been five months. Besides, you think I can move on? Look at me, Steve! I'm an old wreck! You made me fucking fall in love with you and just three years of dating, you off yourself! You fucking bastard!"
"Tony—"
"NO! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE 'TONY' ME, ROGERS! I can't move on! I dedicated my life to you! I can't be okay!"
"Of course you can. You can move on from me and you can be okay. Just give it time. And there's something you need to know."
"Oh really now? What?"
"You really have to stop hallucinating conversations with me."
Bucky, on the other hand, was confronting his grief differently.
He just couldn't leave Tony alone.
"You took away my sanity. Can't really think straight without this."
Bucky didn't really have time to think of himself. It hurt like hell when he was told of Steve's unfathomably stupid move, but he was more concerned about what Tony would become and what he'd do. After all, it had been Tony who found Steve. Or rather, it had been Tony who found the burn marks and scattered pieces of what was left of Steve at the bottom of that cliff.
Bucky wasn't going to pretend he knew Tony. He didn't know Tony at a personal level like Steve did, or Pepper or Rhodey. But he did know of his ways. Tony was kind of predictable like that. Kind of like his old friend, Howard.
Worked until he crashed. Slept until he realized he wasn't supposed to. Ate until he realized he was killing precious time.
That was where Bucky came in. He was the one person who took care of Tony twenty four/seven. He made sure Tony ate, slept and even carried him out of his workshop. Tony stopped fighting Bucky when it came to leaving his workshop because that man would not give up.
Bucky did it for Steve.
And let's face it, he really did care about the stubborn middle-aged man.
"Sweetheart, you have to let me go and say goodbye."
Tony smiled in spite of himself. He stopped fighting the tears. There was no point so he just let them fall as he closed his eyes.
"Where's the good in goodbye? Besides, I like to think this is more of a hello."
"TONY NO!"
He took a step into the open air and suddenly he was free falling. This was different from when Loki threw him out of his own tower. He knew that time he was going to be saved by his suit. Now, he knew he was going to be saved from all these emotions that threatened to control his life.
If he was ever going down, he'd like to go down the same way Steve did. He was feeling sentimental.
It wasn't a sacrifice; New York was fine for now. This was more of a good deed for the world. After all, hadn't he been told by countless people that the world was better when his father was still around? Hadn't he been told by countless people that the world would go on better without him causing trouble?
Hell, even S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't want him anywhere near the Avengers Initiative.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
He opened his eyes and gasped when a pair of cold arms cradled his upper back and the back of his knees. He glared hard into the eyes of whoever was behind the mask. Whoever was in his own damn suit decelerated their speed before flying back to the roof.
"What the actual fuck?!" Tony yelled as he was roughly set back on his feet.
The faceplate rose and revealed Bucky's grave face.
"Barnes?!"
"Next time you wanna jump off a roof, go for the Empire State Building. At least that would be less predictable." Bucky had a stone cold face as he got out the suit and walked by the fuming shorter brunet man. Before he could exit the the roof, he called out, "Steve wouldn't want this for you."
Tony was then left alone on the roof. More tears poured down profusely as he powered down his suit and had it dismantled to pieces. He scowled at Steve, who looked on with glassy eyes.
"Yeah, well, Steve's not here."
Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a review.