ATTENTION! If you haven't read my story (The Battle of Hogwarts) with my OC this is going to make absolutely no sense.
Author's Note: I thought of this while listening to Avril Lavigne's Runaway and Goodbye Lullaby. It made me think about what the effects of the Battle of Hogwarts had on Vanessa. Her and Leah were the only one's out of the six girls who killed someone. The song didn't really make me think of Leah, but it definitely made me think of Vanessa because of all the hell she's been through.
*2-3 years after The Battle of Hogwarts*
I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and run away, yeah
I just wanna fall and lose myself
Laughin' so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and run away, yeah
-Runaway; Avril Lavigne
It was pitch black. I couldn't see anything. And it scared me.
"NESS!"
I flinched and whirled around in the darkness at the sound of his voice. "Freddie?" My voice was hoarse and barely there. "Where are you?"
"NESS!" He sounded farther away. I scrambled around in the nothingness, trying to get closer.
The calling of my name turned from Fred's almost desperate shout to near silence.
Then the voice changed.
"Why?"
It was Siren.
"Why did you turn around? I could still be alive if you hadn't been so foolish."
The sobs started building in my chest and my shoulders shook. "Si," I croaked. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
I heard Fred's voice next. "Why did you have to leave, Ness? You could've saved me."
His face flashed before my eyes. The same face that I had cradled in my arms that night.
My sobs turned to screams.
"Vanessa!"
My eyes shot open and I stopped screaming. I was in my room at Grimmauld Place. My godbrother, Harry, was staring at me, concern etched into his features.
I sat up, not bothering to stop crying. "Will it ever end?" I whispered through my tears.
Harry hugged me. "I don't think so. The best thing we can do though is just keep going." He said.
"I'm afraid to sleep. I'm afraid to close my eyes. I'm afraid of the silence. When I sleep, their voices demand to know why I didn't save them. When my eyes are shut, I see them. When there's silence, I think to myself, if only they were still here to fill it. I can't take it, Harry. I was walking through Diagon Alley just last week and I overheard people talking about that night. They make it sound like it was some beautiful glorified thing. It wasn't. It was the worst night of my life. And people expect us to be okay." I paused. "But I'll never be okay. I'll never be who we used to be becase that person is gone. People expect me to go back to 'normal'. But all they should be expecting me to do is be able to cope. To keep myself as sane as possible. Because that's all I can do."
Harry nodded. "It's hard. But after a while, it'll get a little easier. But just know that you have me and everyone else here for you, Vans. We're all here for each other. It's gonna get easier."
I nodded numbly in response. "I think I'm gonna write for a little while before I try sleeping again."
He nodded and hugged me once more before leaving.
I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed my journal and started writing.
Goodbye, brown eyes, goodbye for now
Goodbye, sunshine, take care of yourself
I have to go, I have to go
I have to go, and leave alone
But always know, always know
Always know, that I love you so
I love you so, oh
I love you so, oh
Lu-lullaby, distract me with your eyes
Lu-lullaby
Lu-lullaby, help me sleep tonight, lu-lullaby…
I love you so
-Goodbye Lullaby; Avril Lavigne
Real quick! In the song Goodbye Lullaby, I want to point out that (for my story) I used the line "Goodbye, brown eyes..." to allude to Fred ('cuz his eyes are brown) and the line "Goodbye, sunshine..." to allude to Siren (OC)