A co-authored fic with MyMello's Matty! He's awesome, believe it.

Things I Can't Bear

…

I look down at the forming bruise on my side as water cascades down my skin. Reaching out I brush my fingers over the purpling skin and wince, biting my lip. This one was from the coffee table in the living room.

Each bruise has a story behind it.

The one on my forearm is from the time Mells stepped on my arm during a fight. That was the only time I'd ever truly feared for my life. Sure, I had been aware the numerous times that Mello could and would have killed me, but I had never feared it.

How can you fear death if it is given to you by the person you love most?

I love Mello more than anything. That's why I'd die if he left me. Even after all the things he's put me through; I'll stay by him until the end. Because Mello is my End. He's my death sentence, my final destination, my Game Over. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shutting off the shower and getting dressed, I turn off the lights and leave the bathroom. Mello's still asleep on the bed, his golden hair splayed out on the pillow in a halo of gold.

He's a grim reaper disguised as an angel. My own deadly seraph.

Closing the bedroom door behind myself, I leave the apartment and lean beside the door. Mello hates it when I smoke so I have to go outside.

Even with my long-sleeves, my teeth still chatter in the cold air. I hate winter.

Tucking one of my hands under my armpit to keep it warm, I hold my cigarette with the other and inhale. Nicotine floods my lungs and I hold in the smoke for a moment before letting it out in a stream. Ash falls to the ground and white-gray smoke curls up over my head.

I probably look like a punk, hunched over a cigarette in all black and white. Even my jeans have been replaced by black cargo pants since they allowed more pocket room.

Flicking my finished cigarette away, I watched as it landed in the little stone enclosed garden in the middle of the center courtyard. Hopefully all the dead plants didn't catch fire.

When I get back inside Mello is walking toward the kitchen, shirtless and yawning. He stops in the doorway and reaches his hands up in the air while standing on the balls of his feet. After a moment he drops back down with a sigh as his back pops.

I follow him silently and lean against the counter as he turns on the coffee pot, gets a glass of chocolate milk, and heats up a piece of the chocolate cake I had made him for his birthday two days ago.

"Why are you watching me?" Mello asks, not turning to look at me.

"I don't know. I thought you might need me for something," I reply and he turns his back to the counter to regard me with icy blue eyes.

"Not right now, go play a game or something."

And, like always, I do what he says. Hours later. I'm still sprawled across the sofa, shooting other gamers with a fn-fal assault rifle. I've only died about ten times so far in all the time I've been playing so it's starting to get pretty boring. Pausing the game, I wander to the kitchen to grab a soda and make a sandwich.

Mello's at the table with another cup of coffee and his laptop. He looks up at me for a moment before turning back to the computer.

Things haven't always been this silent between us. Something's changed in the last week. Mello's busier than before and keeps his distance from me more. It's like he's afraid to be near me, but that's ridiculous. Mello's never afraid.

Leaning down as I pass him, I go for a quick kiss, only to be denied when he dodges it and shoots me a glare. I don't mind though because in the quick glance I got of his laptop's screen, I'd seen all I needed.

Instead of eating at the table with him, I go to the room and turn on my own laptop. Leaning against the headboard with the computer in my lap, I eat as it starts up.

Mello had been looking at something I've only heard about briefly, but even now I still remember it clearly. It's a weapon that the government is working on called Fall-Out.

It's a computer chip that has the potential to take down a super computer in 24 hours. Apparently, the government is preparing itself against a techno-terrorist attempt. Needless to say, it's a big deal to anyone that has any form of ambition; perfect for Mello.

…

Getting into the government database and accessing their files is easier than it should be, but it still takes me a good couple of hours. Mello must have been working on it most of the morning or even last night after I'd went to sleep. (It would explain him sleeping in.) He's a good hacker but not quite up to my standards.

Skimming through the files, I read about anything concerning Fall-Out but only come across little snippets of information about it like 'team has moved to new testing facility' and 'testing material becoming scarce'. Small things that when pieced together actually turn into legitimate information.

I leave the system, when I hear the kitchen chair scrape the tile and wipe my history before going to my e-mail. Mello walks into the room and moves the laptop. Taking me by the wrist, he pushes me flat against the bed and kisses me hungrily. His grip tightens and I wince but don't complain. It's been a long time since he's kissed me, so I wasn't about to ruin it.

Feeling his tongue on my lips I part them and give him access, which he takes, exploring every corner of my mouth eagerly. I let out a moan and he seems to snap out of it, standing up straight, his chest rising and falling as he stares down at me.

…

Mello stormed out of the apartment after the kiss, leaving me alone on the bed. I fix my goggles and scoot down farther along the bed so I can curl on my side, laptop once again in possession.

I would go and look through Mello's laptop to see what was up with him but he's taken to hiding it when he's not using it.

It's rather indefinite, but I'm dying inside. Slowly. My will is fading away to merge with Mello's, to be taken over by Mello's.

I've done so many things for him and never ask for anything in return. I know he won't give anything. It's not in him to but it still hurts.

Turning on my playlist I drift off to sleep as the shadows lengthen in the room.

Mello returns around twelve and shakes me awake. His eyes are excited yet guarded, like a child with a secret.

"I need you to do something for me Matty." He whispers against my lips and I instantly know that I won't like it.

Getting up, I pull my goggles down to rub my eyes before replacing them. Mello pulls out an outfit from the closet and tosses it onto the bed.

"Get dressed and meet me at Pulse when you're ready." He said before leaving the apartment. I look over at the clothes before stripping and putting them on.

On went a pair of leather short-shorts along with a tight black crop top that showed off my stomach and shoulders. It didn't have any sleeves and was held up by ties around the nape of my neck. After that was a garter belt that attached to thigh-high leather boots. Borrowing one of Mello's black faux-furred leather jackets, I made sure it covered my exposed thighs before going to the bathroom.

Pulling off my goggles, I put in the contacts on the counter after making sure they were moist enough. Dry contacts were bitches to get off and I didn't want to have to go to the hospital later to get them removed. The contacts turned my bark blue eyes a bright honey color that are sure to grab attention.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but feel sad. This wasn't me. I would do anything for Mello, but… this wasn't who I was. This was what I became for Mello. Because for once, he needed me.

…

When I get to the club, Mello's waiting outside by his bike. I park and get out, his eyes roaming over me hungrily.

"Perfect. There's someone I'm meeting. He has something I want and you have something he wants. Just keep him happy so I can complete the deal." He says and leads the way into the club.

It's hot despite the air conditioner being on full blast. Music is making the air thrum and the dance floor is a mesh of sweaty moving bodies. I follow closely behind Mello as he weaves expertly through the crowds and to a circular metal stairwell leading to the top floor balconies.

A thickly built man stops us and asks to see our weapons. Mello pulls his gun from the back of his pants, but I know there's a knife in his left boot. The man turns to me after Mello passes.

"I didn't bring any weapons." I tell him and it's true. I trust Mello enough not to. After all I was of value to him—just a little—so he wouldn't let me die if it's preventable.

The man raises an eyebrow and asks to see what's underneath my jacket. I oblige and stand stiffly as he unnecessarily searches me, calloused fingers running over my thighs. When he's done he lets me pass and I leave the jacket open.

Mello's waiting for me at the top of the stairs so I don't get lost looking for the room we're meeting his guest in. Again he takes the lead and soon we're in a dimly lit room that overlooks the dance floor. There's another guard at the door, watching to make sure we don't hurt his employer.

When I spot the man sitting on one of the large chairs I immediately recognize him. He's the son of the CEO of Yotsuba, the man in charge of project Fall-Out. Glancing over at Mello, I take off my jacket and lay it on a table by the door, the chill air in the room making goose-bumps break out across my arms.

I sit down next to the client, close but not close enough to cause discomfort; Mello lounges on the chair opposite of us. Listening intently as they talk, I soon realize what my job is. Provocation. After Mello gets the proto-type of the FO weapon, I'm given to the client as payment. Fair trade.

I'm not allowed to be harmed but other than that he can have his way with me.

Feeling disgust rise up in me I lower my eyes and lean on Namikawa in an inviting manner. My disgust isn't toward what I'm about to do, or even toward the fact that Mello is permitting another man to use me like this. I'm disgusted at myself, for loving Mello so much to allow this. For being too submissive to fight back.

"Thank you for your business." Mello says - and that's my cue. Leaning over, I capture the raven-haired client's lips in a kiss, allowing him control with a fake moan.

As my fingers undo the buckles on the garter belt and place it on the arm of the chair, all that's running through my mind is: this isn't Mello. I wish it was.

Slipping the shorts off over my boots, I look around for any type of lubricant. Mello grins the tiniest bit and hands Namikawa a glass of light amber liquid.

"Trust me he'll love it." Mello says when the raven-haired man gives him a questioning look. Moving so that he had access, I placed my hands down on the coffee table between the two chairs and glance up at Mello.

His expression is disinterested but his eyes hold an emotion I can't place. All I know is that it's making my stomach tighten as butterflies take over my insides. That is why I missed the finger at my entrance until it's pushed in halfway.

I gasp arching my back as my insides seem to catch on fire, biting my lip to hold back a surprised moan. I push back, trying to feel more as my brain fogs over with the addition of two more alcohol covered fingers. He continues to prepare me until he's satisfied and I whimper when the fingers leave.

My nails dig into the wood of the table when he enters me. It's one quick thrust that leaves me gasping in a mix of pain and pleasure as Mello watches.

I can't help but feel dirty as fingers grip my hips; this man thrusts into me but despite my mind's protests my body reacts in the way it wants, pushing back into the thrust while I gasp for air.

I know he's close when his movements become erratic and I gently stop him. Pulling away, I kneel before him and take his member in my mouth. Swirling my tongue around his tip, I wrap a hand around him and pump. He cums not long after, panting as he brushes his hair from his face.

Swallowing as the raven-haired man cups my face and leans down to kiss me, I am shocked when he murmurs a soft 'thank you' before righting his clothes.

When I turn to Mello, he's looking down at his cell phone's screen, shoulders tense. Sighing I take the glass of left-over alcohol and knock it back. Namikawa and his guard leave after Mello is handed the computer chip. Then, it's just me and my Angel in the room.

Snapping the phone shut, Mello walks up to me and slaps me across the face. Before I have time to react though, he presses his lips to mine, not asking for permission as he shoves his tongue down my throat.

I moan, this time for real, and bring my hands to the ties of his pants. He doesn't slap them away and so I take that as a good sign to continue; soon I have him free of his confines. His fingers tangle in my hair as he deepens the kiss and pushes me up and onto the couch.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, he pushes into me completely. My body hums at the familiar feeling. Leaning up as he pulled back I take one of his nipples into my mouth, sucking as he thrusts back in.

Mello sets a rapid pace that has me begging for more. My arms wrap themselves around his neck as he pounds me into the couch and I lick the shell of his ear causing him to shiver. I practically scream when he hits my prostate dead on and he give an evil smile before aiming for it with each entry.

Gasping and panting, I cum between us without being touched and he follows a few thrusts later, filling me with a moan.

"I-I thought you didn't want me." I murmur as he kisses my neck, both of us collapsed on the chair in a boneless heap.

"You looked too sexy not to." He says and I let a smile touch my face.

It wasn't exactly a love confession but it was enough.

…

So this is my chapter Ladies and Gents. Now move on to MyMello's Matty 'cause his is the icing on this story's cake.

Now go! GO! Read on like your life depends on it and leave a review!