entitled; in another life
summary; Rachel was such a strong factor in his life - or afterlife - Damon was sure she'd find a way to be there for him, even in death.
rating; M
disclaimer; i own nothing.
notes; dedicated to aelyn. because she's the sadistic little bitch who wanted me to write this in the first place, only to fall off the face of the earth.

in another life

.

in another life
i would make you stay
so i don't have to say
you were the one that got away

- the one that got away katy perry

"Damon, you know I love you, don't you?"

Damon's brows furrowed at the question, and he found himself pulling the brunette's petite form closer to him as they lay together in his bed, her back pressed up against his chest, "Of course I do, little one."

"Forgive me, it's just.. Sometimes I find it a little difficult competing with Katherine." she murmured, turning in his arms so she was looking up at him with those large brown eyes of hers.

"Competing with Katherine?" Damon scowled, moving to cup her face gently in his hands, "What gives you the idea that she's competition for you, Rachel? She is nothing to me. You must know that you're the only one I see."

Rachel offered him a small smile, her hand resting over his as she leaned forward to brush her lips against his. Smiling against her lips, Damon responded in earnest, his lips moving softly against hers until he nipped at her bottom lip and her nails dug into the bare skin of his chest, eliciting a soft growl from his lips.

Rachel pulled back with a soft giggle, "Come now, Mr. Salvatore, we mustn't. I know Stefan is already suspicious and if my father finds out that I've been deflowered before marriage he'll want to have your head."

Damon gave her a boyish pout, and rested his forehead against hers, "Well that's no fun."

Rachel smiled, lifting her hand up to brush a few strands of hair from his face, "Fun or not, I should be heading to my room now."

"I don't want you to leave." he murmured, his eyes falling shut as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, "I'm lonely without you in my arms at night."

Damon felt her shiver in his arms and a small smirk made its way onto his lips as he listened to her speak, "That may be so, but I will not have my father coming after your head because you refused to let me leave this room."

"Your father wouldn't kill me." Damon countered, "He loves Stefan too much to murder his beloved brother."

Rachel let out a soft laugh as she ran her fingers through the dark locks of his hair, "I suppose that's true, but I don't think even that would keep him from harming you if we were discovered. So please, let me go. We will be alone again tonight if we cannot manage slip away during the day."

Sighing, Damon pulled his arms from around her as he pressed his lips to her forehead, "Fine, fine. But we will slip away. I'll be damned if I let your father or mine try to talk Stefan into asking for your hand in marriage again."

Rachel's eyebrows shot up as she moved to get out of bed and slip on her nightgown, "Our fathers have been doing what?"

"Don't worry, Stefan knows how I feel, and is too taken with Katherine to let their ideas linger in his head for too long." he grinned, sitting up in bed and watching her as she lifted her shawl from the ground and threw it over her nightgown and around her shoulders.

"Damon, if you're so worried about them trying to marry me to someone else, why don't you ask my father for my hand yourself." she questioned, her head tilted to the side, lower lip in between her teeth as she stared at him.

Damon's eyes had widened for a fraction of a second before he got up and walked over to her, taking her hands in his as he spoke, "You… would marry me?"

Rachel's brows furrowed in confusion, "Why wouldn't I?"

"I've killed people." he blurted, but his mind raced with more thoughts, 'I've murdered countless people, for fun, for blood, to get back at my brother, to get back at Katherine, to anger Elena, I'm not human.' but quickly he found himself frowning; where had that come from?

"Oh, Damon," Rachel's voice and her hands against his cheeks pulled his attention back to her, "You were at war. You can't expect me to hold that against you."

"Right…" Damon gazed at her, a frown on his lips as he tried to think clearly; Who was Elena? When had he tried to get back at Katherine and Stefan, and for what? And what on earth did he mean he wasn't human? What on earth was wrong with him? Why was he thinking like this?

"Damon… I'm not holding you accountable for such things. You were at war. You were doing your duty." Rachel's voice interrupted his train of thought again, her voice laced with worry. Worry for him and it made his heart ache.

"I just…" he started, leaning forward to press his forehead against hers as he spoke, "You deserve far greater than me, Rachel. Your father knows it, my father knows it. That's why they want you to marry Stefan, not me."

"I don't give a damn who I deserve, Salvatore." Rachel snapped, and for a brief second, gone was the respectable, kind and noble lady she now was, replaced by the fiery, rebellious and temper-mental girl he grew up with.

It made him smile.

Resting his hands on her waist, he pushed all strange thoughts from his mind and pressed his lips against hers; a soft and sweet feeling that lingered on his lips even after he'd pulled away, "Tomorrow then. I'll ask for your hand."

Rachel beamed, her eyes glistening with tears as she threw her arms around his neck, holding him tightly, "Oh Damon!"

For a brief second, he wondered if anyone might have been pulled from their slumber with her shout, but he realized he didn't care as his arms snaked tightly around her waist, holding her closer to him. No. He didn't care one bit. He was too euphoric himself; he'd managed to find someone who didn't compare him to Stefan, who didn't want him simply because of his looks, who loved him completely and immensely for being no one but himself, even knowing that his actions were constantly disappointing his own father.

Rachel didn't care about anything he'd done wrong in the past. Yes, she'd often times scolded him for it, but she never once held it against him. Not like everyone else often did. This was the woman he was in love with and she, amazingly, loved him too.

Damon pulled back to look at her, a genuine smile on his lips, only to have it fade away the minute he looked into her eyes; it was as if his whole life was suddenly flashing before his eyes.

He was seeing the next morning, the two of them telling their fathers that they were going to marry. Stefan, as well as her own father, were happy for the two of them. His father more surprised that she wanted to marry him.

Later that evening, he saw his father walking into his room, telling him that Rachel was a good girl and he better not do anything to mess things up.

He saw day after day of the two of them planning their wedding.

He saw their wedding day, with his father looking absolutely proud of Damon for the first time in his life and Stefan was his best man.

He saw Rachel, walking down the aisle with her father, looking as beautiful and ethereal as ever.

He saw their honeymoon, their first children - fraternal twins, named Stefan Aleksander and Katherine Elizabet, after their godparents in part. He watched as their children grew older, loving and irritating each other in equal measure alongside Stefan and Katherine's children.

He saw himself struggling to keep his composure at his daughter's wedding, then his son's, Rachel singing her heart out at each service.

He saw grandchildren and great grandchildren as he and Rachel grew older together, until finally, they died together.

When it was all over, and he remembered where exactly he was standing and he looked down at the girl he loved, she was gone.

.

.

.

Damon Salvatore's eyes shot open, his body drenched in sweat as he panted heavily and entirely unnecessarily. His azure eyes were wide and fervent, hastily darting around until they landed on the person responsible for the horrible emptiness that was slowly making its comfortable way back into his heart.

"How long have you gone without blood, Damon?" Katherine purred as she looked down at her hands as if it was likely that she'd tarnished her ever perfect manicure, "It was far too easy to get into your head just now."

Enraged, Damon flew off the bed, towards Katherine, only to have her shove him back as if she'd been swatting a fly.

"I know you're suicidal lately, but don't try to provoke me to do what you can't on your own." Katherine sighed, running one of her hands through her dark curls, "Rachel's been gone for 3 months, Damon. You need to start pulling yourself together."

"Bullshit." he snarled, getting off the floor, only to stumble as he made his way towards her again, "You don't want me to get better. You want me to suffer. Why the fuck else would you have put that in my head? Why would you bring her back to me only to take her away again!"

Katherine's eyes flashed dangerously and in the next moment, Damon was pinned to the wall, with Katherine's hand gripping his neck tighter and tighter with every passing second.

"I wanted you to see how much she loved you!" she snarled, her voice full of rage as her own eyes watered, "Wanted to give you the chance to see what it would have been like had I not turned you into a vampire… Had you met her in another life."

"WHY!" Damon shouted, still not understanding why she had done so.

Katherine's wall fell the moment the question had left his lips, "Because you deserved an entire life with Rachel, Damon. You deserved it and it's my fault that you didn't get it. I wanted to give you whatever glimpse of a normal, well-earned life with Rachel because I'm sick and tired of watching you do this to yourself." she spat, the venom quickly falling into her voice again, "Do you think doing this to yourself is something Rachel would have let you get away with? I don't fucking think so."

"Why the fuck do you care?" Damon mumbled, his voice slurred from all the alcohol that was still in his system; he was genuinely amazed at how much he'd drank. It took the effect to wear off a lot less time than it would have for a human, so he must have literally downed a whole truck's worth if he was still feeling the effects.

"Because Rachel - no matter how annoying, loud, and irritating she got - was one of the only friends I had, Damon." Katherine explained, her hand falling from his neck as she let her gaze fall to the floor, "You should know better than anyone how thick-headed and stubborn she was… She refused to let anyone's opinion of me stop her from understanding me, trusting me… And she didn't hold anything against me."

"She was a dumb ass that way." Damon snorted, despite the fact that his heart constricted painfully whenever she was referred to in anyway, whether it be by name, or not.

Katherine's eyes narrowed into a cold glare as her gaze shot up to him once more, "She was a dumb ass for loving you, too, then?"

Damon glanced around the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of any kind of alcohol left over as he nodded, "Yup." he muttered, popping the 'p' at the end as he pushed past Katherine, "Meeting me, to begin with. That's what dragged her into all of this. If she hadn't met me, we wouldn't have gotten so close and she wouldn't be dead."

Katherine crossed her arms over her chest, scowling as she watched Damon scrounge around for some more scotch, "So you're telling me you wish you never met her?"

"No, no, no…" Damon frowned, "I wish she never met me."

"You don't mean that."

"Oh, yes I do."

"Damon…"

"Fuck off already, Katherine." Damon sighed, finally giving up his search for some more alcohol as he turned around to face her once more, "It's either this, or I go psycho vampire on everyone in Mystic Falls, and watch as Stefan blames himself for the whole ordeal. You did what you wanted to do, so fucking leave me alone."

"No." Katherine answered simply, her gaze level with his, "Stefan's as worried about you as everyone else-"

"Ha." Damon interjected, "Everyone else? Worried? That's too funny."

At that point, Katherine was fuming. She was in front of him again, snapping his arm in half and pulling a painful shout from his lips as she glared down at him, "I've been trying to play nice, Damon. You've butchered my patience."

"Like I give a fuck?" he spat through gritted teeth, his eyes clenched shut as he tried to ignore the pain shooting through his arm; it wasn't all that hard, seeing as he was still momentarily mindfucked by all the alcohol he'd consumed.

"You should." she growled, "Stefan is worried sick. Ripper or not, he's waiting for you to flip the switch and attack. As is Alaric and Elena, and Bonnie and Caroline. Even Quinn and Santana. They're all worried about you. They saw how much Rachel meant to you; they knew how much she meant to you and even though they can't comprehend exactly how much it's killing you inside, they know that they'd do anything to make you feel better if they could."

"Then why aren't I dead yet?" Damon mused, an empty laugh leaving his lips, "That'd make me feel a whole lot better."

A strangled noise left Katherine's lips as she threw him to the ground, her eyes flashing with disgust as she looked down at him, "You didn't fucking deserve Rachel."

Damon, who had hissed as he snapped his arm back in place so it could heal properly, shot up and rammed his fist into Katherine's face, "Shut the fuck up."

Having stumbled the slightest bit, Katherine lifted a hand to wipe a few trickles of blood from her lips before turning her glare back on Damon, "No. Look at yourself you pathetic excuse for a vampire. You were a pathetic excuse for a human and now you've failed at this as well. You don't deserve the whores you used to sleep with, much less Rachel fucking Berry. Look at what you're doing to yourself and everyone around you; instead of trying to kill Klaus to avenge her death, you're here, hating your miserable existence."

Damon wasn't sure what it was in him that snapped exactly, but the next thing he knew, he was chucking everything at Katherine, from shot glasses to desk drawers and books to the mattress, "I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WILL KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

Katherine had barely managed to dodge his heavy mattress when she looked back at him, her eyes still narrowed in a glare, "And how do you expect to do that? You barely eat, you rarely sleep, you're drunk all the time. Damon, I broke your arm and it still hasn't healed. Regardless of this little adrenaline rush I managed to pull out of you, you're weak. I'm going to tell you again, you need to pull yourself together."

He was breathing heavily, staring at Katherine with an expressionless face, accessing the damage before he spoke, his voice cracking the slightest bit, "I can't, Katherine. Even if I do, there's nothing more for me. I can get strong again, help your little 'Kill Klaus' mission, but after that, there's nothing stopping me from falling into this pit of despair again. Rachel was everything I needed. She was such a constant part of my life and I can't see how I can pull myself out of this without her."

Katherine's expression softened just a bit as she walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Damon… Regardless of what happened between you, Stefan and I… I did care about you. Maybe I didn't love you as much as I love Stefan, but I do worry, and care… You're my friend Damon. Just like Rachel was, and I'll be damned if I let you stay like this, or fall back into it. Rachel would have my head if she knew I'd let this go on for as long as it already has. We have to kill Klaus, for Rachel, if nothing else…. You have to make sure she didn't die in vain."

Damon looked at Katherine and tried not to snort; he didn't want to be rude, and he was positive that she was being entirely sincere in everything she told him, even if she was trying to knock some sense into him in the bitchiest of ways.

Katherine had genuinely cared about Rachel, but he didn't know if he'd be able to pull himself out of this. He needed her. So very fucking much. She was everywhere and nowhere at once and it drove him - quite literally - insane. Full blown insanity was slowly taking over his persona entirely; he would see her, talk to her, or sometimes just hear her, laughing or talking. He would get angry at absolutely nothing and start talking to himself. He often even started talking to himself, about things he couldn't, for the death of him, ever recall.

"I'll help you…" Katherine coaxed, "Any one of us will. It's obviously up to you if you'll take it or not, and you and I aren't ever going to be best friends or whatever, but this is Rachel and I'll help you, no matter what it takes."

Sighing, and feeling more tired than he'd felt before his little tirade, Damon nodded, not uttering a word for a brief moment before turning to Katherine, "You can start by picking my fucking room up. You're the reason it's like this now."

Katherine snorted and rolled her eyes, "You wanted to make things difficult, you pick it up."

Damon found himself staring at the woman he used to love with a look of genuine curiosity; he'd always known her to be a lying, vile, conniving bitch. Well, those thoughts came after realizing that she hadn't been locked up in the tomb for the past 150 years. Still, this sudden kindness in her was making him wonder how anyone had gotten her to stop caring about anyone who wasn't herself.

But it was Rachel he was talking about; she could get through to anyone with all that neurotic insanity running around in her head. She'd gotten through to him after all, hadn't she?

Sighing softly, Damon started picking things up, earning a look of satisfaction from Katherine as she turned towards the door, "I'll be back with some blood bags, you're going to need plenty."

"Yeah, yeah." he mumbled, before calling out to her, "Katherine?"

Pausing in the doorway, she turned to look at him, "Yes, Damon?"

"… Thanks."

"Anytime."

Rolling his eyes at the smirk on her lips as she walked away, Damon let himself give the smallest of smiles to no one in particular as he thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be alright. Rachel was such a strong factor in his life - or afterlife, whatever - that Damon was sure she'd find a way to be there for him, even in death.

[end.]