Chapter 1 – The Madness Begins
Emerging from a forest of bamboo sticks, a young woman with extremely long white hair walked out. She wore long dark red overall pants covered with paper charms, and a recently cleaned white shirt.
The immortal phoenix girl Fujiwara no Mokou had reached her destination
Mokou took a deep breath.
"Comeon, you can do this." She said to herself.
Mokou was about to enter the belly of the beast. Infront of her stood Eientei, the house of eternity. Home to her fellow immortal, eternal rival, and bitter enemy, Kagyua Houraisan.
She walked up to the huge home that was Eientei. She stopped and took another deep breath.
Over all these centuries, this was about one of the weirdest things to happen to her in a very long time. She hoped this would be last time she had to do this. Of course, that's what she told herself the previous time she had to do this, but fate conspired to prove otherwise. Mokou mumbled to herself that if there was a god of fate, she'd find her, beat the tar out of her, and make sure this never happens again.
Mokou walked up to the front door and instead of kicking it down with a hell-born rage as always, she did the unthinkable.
She knocked.
It took a minute, but someone eventually answered the door.
A small red eyed girl in a pink dress walked opened the door. Unlike other small and human little girls, she had floppy ears. This was Tewi Inaba, the youkai rabbit of fortune.
Tewi had a carefree look on her face until she saw who was on the other side of the door. Actually, she really never expected to even see this person so close without everything being destroyed behind her.
The girls exchanged an awkward look before Mokou broke the silence.
"Ummm…" Mokou said. "Can Kagyua come out to die?"
Again, Tewi said nothing. She took a deep breath.
"One moment please" Said the rabbit before flicking a switch and slamming the door shut.
"Udonge! It's for you" Mokou heard Tewi yell from the other side of the door.
"Don't call me that!" Mokou heard.
"Fine fine Reisen, I gotta go hit the outhouse. I'll be back in a few." She heard Tewi's voice say.
Mokou just waited outside. Mokou was immortal after all, she had all eternity. It's not like she was going to die anytime soon.
She saw the door handle begin to turn, but as soon as she did, she saw the doorknob spark.
"AHH!" She heard the voice of Reisen cry.
"Got-ya!" Mokou heard before the laughing voice faded away.
"DAMNIT TEWI!" Reisen yelled.
After a moment, Mokou heard the same switch that Tewi switch again.
"Ahhh…damn it all." She heard Reisen. "Stupid security. It's not like it'd stop anything anyway."
Reisen opened the door and began to mumble to herself.
"First the princess, now this…At least my day can't get any wor….
Reisen's jaw dropped.
"…rse"
The purple haired rabbit youkai girl who who looked like a office worker stood motionless in pure shock as to who stood infront of her.
The immortal enemy of her mistress, and of her master stood infront of her.
Reisen stood there motionless
"Um…hi?" Mokou asked.
Reisen slowly reached for the doorknob.
"Is Kagyua there?" She asked.
Reisen slowly closed the door infront of Mokou
As strange as this might seem, this might have been the best thing that's happened to her all day, and possibility a source to the past month's problem.
"CODE RED! CODE RED! MOKOU HAS REACHED THE PREMISIS!" Mokou heard her scream. "CODE RED! CODE RED!"
Of course, this is Reisen we're talking about.
The Youkai rabbit flailed around the huge home screaming on the top of her lungs in a panic. She left the welcoming room screaming her warning, and fled to someplace else (this, she was a pro at).
Mokou took the initiate and opened the door herself. With noone in the room, she walked into the house of Eternity. Mokou took a look at her surroundings.
"This place always looks good everytime I stop by" Mokou said under her breath. Usually, Mokou never has the chance to take in the sights of her rival's home, with how she regularly sets fire to it.
Mokou turned and noticed that was about to get company. She herd footsteps, lots of them. And then…silence.
One of the doors blew open and Reisen popped out holding a gigantic white railgun weapon on her person. A single strap was wrapped around it and her shoulder to keep the giant weapon in place.
Reisen's commrads soon followed and Reisen's fellow Youkai rabbits all burst out of the other doors, surrounding Mokou and ready to battle.
"EAT THE ANTI MOKOU LASER!" She shouted as the weapon charged up.
"…"
Mokou sighed. This was going to be one of those days…
-Approximately 2 minutes, 32 seconds, and 41…42 miliseconds later-
Mokou sat upon a pile of chargrilled youkai rabbit girls. On top of them was Reisen, whose rear was used by Mokou as her butt cushion.
"I'm terribly sorry for this…" Said a woman near Mokou's bunny pile. She looked much more elegant then the rabbit youkai, and clearly was not one of them. She wore clothes that were blue on one half and red on the other.
"No biggie Erin." Said Mokou, as the immortal phoenix girl pulled an arrow out from her chest "It's been a while since I actually fought someone other then that princess of yours."
Mokou dropped the arrow amongst the twenty something arrows that were on the floor.
"Though…I didn't expect it to end that…way." Mokou said.
The pile of cute bunny girls began to speak.
"Told ya you shouldn't have used that Reisen." One of the rabbit girls said.
"And I told you to fix that thing before we needed it again." Reisen responded.
"And I told you it wasn't ready to use yet." Said the unnamed Rabbit "But does anybody listen to the rabbit who helped build it? Nooooo. Just ignore me and yell at me when it all blows up in your face. And in this case, all our collective faces."
"Oh shut up." Complained another rabbit "The Anti-Mokou Laser never works for us when we actually need it. Tewi's the only one lucky enough not to have that thing blow up in their face."
"That's because you girls keep on using it before I'm able to fix it completely! And seriously, do you all really need that thing to go hunting?"
"And I seriously can't believe you're saying we shouldn't use a railgun to hunt for food. It's awesome!"
"It's stupid!"
"Comon, you're one of us. We're unnamed characters in a shooter series, you know we can't hit squat! We need something overpowered."
"Yea, really, really overpowered."
Mokou gave the pile a little kick with her heel.
"Please stop." Mokou said deadpanned.
"Yes maam" the rabbits said in both unison and fear.
"Now Mokou, what brings you to our home? It's rare to find you here without…well.." Erin said before a Youkai rabbit finished her sentence.
"Without the entire manor being consumed by the burning fires of a phoenix girl's rage?" Quipped a Youkai rabbit.
Mokou kicked the pile again.
"Yes, something like that" Erin said with a welcoming smile.
"It's about the princess." Mokou started "That NEET of yours hasn't tried to kill me for over a month now. I know we usually just have our battles to the death every week or two now, but she's been absent for way too long. I haven't even seen her outside since her birthday. I've looked all around to and I haven't seen any traces of her. Even that annoying Tengu hasn't seen her. I'm actually starting to get worried now."
"Yes…ever since her birthday last month she…she's been…isolated." Erin said.
"I'm not sure if I like the sound of that" Mokou said, now seriously wondering what her eternal rival was up to.
"Come this way please. You might be the solution we've been looking for" She said, before inviting the rival of her mistress deeper into their home.
"This better not be a trap." Mokou said.
"Nah, you know they pulled that already on you." Said Tewi as she walked into the room. "The princess isn't unoriginal like that. She'd find something new."
"It's about time you came back." Moaned Reisen as Mokou hopped of her tush. "You picked a good time to bail."
"I only learn from the best Reisen." Tewi said as she hid a great big grin
"So, what'd I miss?"
-A few minutes later-
Mokou walked down with the residents of Eientei, and by that we mean the only named characters here. Reisen, Tewi, and Erin.
"It all started a month ago" said Reisen, who was now recovered from her injuries.
"Yea, I remember that birthday quite well" Tewi said "Hell of a time"
"Yes, yes, we all have fun…" Reisen said. "Anyway, it was at the princess's birthday party. She had received a very large and very strange gift. None of us understood what it was until we got that shrine maiden from the mountains to identify it for us."
"So, what was the gift?" Mokou asked.
"A giant television, and a group of videogames." Reisen answered.
"I've herd of that television thing, but what's a videogame?" Mokou asked.
"Something people waste their lives on, playing over and over and obsessing over it." Reisen said.
"It's a form of simulated entertainment." Erin said "You know those movie things right? Think one of those, but you use a controlling device to control the main character."
"So instead of watching a movie, you more or less make one?" Mokou said.
"Something like that" Reisen answered.
"We use to have them on the Moon." Erin said before giving a sigh and reliving memories. "Ahhhh, Earth invaders was always my favorite."
Reisen then continued. "We couldn't figure out who sent the gift. All it said was…
"To Princess Kagyua Houraisan, from your two biggest fans."
It was Erin's turn to talk. "…It was addressed to the princess, but we had no clue who it was. After we made sure it was safe, the princess asked me to assemble it and make it work. So I assembled it and set it up for the princess to play these videogames."
"And that was our big mistake" Tewi added.
Erin spoke. "At first we thought it was just her spending a lot of time playing with a new toy. But…she's become addicted to it, it's the worse we've ever seen her. She hasn't left her room or ate since she started playing and with her immortality, she has no need to ever leave."
"We tried to get her out by force, but she's now forbidden us from interfering." Said Tewi
"I see. So you want someone to snap her out of this and get your princess back?" Mokou asked.
"Yes." Erin nodded.
Mokou tilted her head a bit "And why should I?" she said.
Erin smirked "Can you remind me why you came here today?"
Mokou stopped.
"Touche." Mokou said, defeated by the medic. "Yea, I'll take care of this for you."
"And we'd wish you didn't mention this conversation." Erin added.
"Of course" Said Mokou with a nod.
They had made it to Kagyua's door. Behind it, was the eternal rival of Mokou. Who currently, cared more for the videogame infront of her then the outside world.
Erin knocked on the sliding door.
"Princess? We have someone to visit you." Erin said out to the door.
No response.
Erin knocked some more.
"Princess, are you there?" She asked
"Of…course, but I'm…in the middl….GAH!"
"PRINCESS!" Yelled Erin. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine I'm fine… darn it…I was so close."
They herd the princess sigh.
"Another game over… Ok, yeah, send whoever it is in."
"You might need this." Erin said handing Mokou a steel baseball bat covered with spikes.
"Um…just this?" Mokou said, dazed at the simplicity of this weapon from a genius like Erin.
The spiked bat turned red and sparked with electricity.
"It's nuclear powered." Erin answered.
"Me likey. Thanks" Mokou said as she gave it a practice swing.
"I'll be sure to make good use of this." Mokou said with homicidal intent in her words.
"Just remember what we talked about" Erin said, giving Mokou distance.
Mokou slid open the door, and made her way inside. She slammed the door behind her and locked it. What she planned to do next was something she did not want to be interrupted with.
Inside she saw her target. Her enemy. And saw her head as a baseball about to get home-run'd.
Princess Kagyua laid down on a bean bag, in the dark room, with only the light of a television illuminating the room.
"What ya do'in?" Mokou said sweetly with a homicidal grin on her face. Her hands on the spiked bat, ready to unleash hell on the unsuspecting bubbly princess.
Kagyua got up from the beanbag she had been laying down on.
Princess Kagyua wore wearing nothing but t-shirt and a pair of pants with frilly ends.
Not what a princess would wear.
Not something that Kagyua would ever wear.
Mokou was taken a bit back at the change in character, but would not let it get her. She had unlimited time with the princess's own servants' blessings to cause as much destruction to her nemesis as possible. Mokou was not going to let this chance pass. Hell would freeze over before she would pass up this opportunity
On her forehead, Kagyua put on a simple dark green bandana, giving it a tight pull to fix it on her forehead.
She turned to Mokou, and said just one thing.
"I'm playing Metal Gear Solid!"
Do-do-do-dodo
Doooo-do-do-dodo
SHHHHH
Metal Gear Touho
A crackfic by Nicktendonick
-Three hours later-
Reisen and Tewi came back to Kagyua's door to check up on the situation.
"Any progress Erin?" Tewi asked.
Erin hadn't left the door, and she had waited from the other side.
"No. There was a loud commotion at first…but it's gone silent..." She said.
"What the heck are those two doing in there?" Reisen asked
"No idea. I can't hear through it unless there's something loud." Erin answered.
"Those two better not be making out." Bemoaned Tewi, who was crossing her arms.
Erin and Reisen looked at her.
"I am not losing the house pool to those other rabbits." She said.
Erin and Reisen glared at her.
"Erin?"
"Erin...!" yelled a voice from inside the NEET's room.
This is what Erin was waiting for.
"Yes Princess?" Erin said with a somewhat odd glee.
"Yes, we need you to get something for us."
Erin shot up out of her chair. This is what she had been waiting for. To drag her away from this cursed addicting videogame an-
"Wait…we?" Erin thought outloud.
The sliding door opened. Both Mokou and Kagyua's heads popped out from the sliding door.
Both wore two green bandanas.
"Yea" Mokou said. "We need you to get us Metal Gear Solid: Philanthropy for us."
Erin was speechless.
"What?" Erin said with shock.
Kagyua tilted her head and sighed like a teenager. "Metal Gear Solid Philanthropy. It's a fan movie made from this series. My birthday gift apologized that they couldn't include the movie and Mokou and I really want to see it. We need you to get it for us"
Tewi, Erin, and Reisen's jaws collectively dropped.
"Ex-Ex- Excuse me?" Erin said again with shock.
"There's no way we can do that." Tewi said.
"We really want that movie!" Mokou said like a kid.
Reisen tried to reason with them. "Bu-But, this is Gensokyo, we don't have that technology stuff he-"
"I know that. You three cross over the border, go to the outside world, get on a computer, download Philanthropy, burn it to a disk, and then bring it back here for us to watch! Mokou should be done with all four main games by the time you're back. It'll be awesome!"
"Yea!" Mokou tacked on, her's eyes held exactly the same sentiment as Kagyua.
"Princess…maybe you two should stop playin-"
"She's the princess! So you all have to do what she wants right? She wants that movie, So go get her that movie!" Demanded Mokou
Mokou pulled out the metal spikey nuclear powered bat that Erin had given him.
"Do as she commands!" Mokou yelled shaking it to terrorize the doctor and the bunnies.
Kagyua took a liking to that bat.
"Oooooh, can I try that?" She asked.
"Of course." Mokou said, handing the princess the very bat that was intended to crush her.
Kagyua waved the bat wildly.
"Yea! Do what I command and get us that movie!" Kagyua yelled.
Both girls retreated, slamming the sliding door and closing themselves off from the world and leaving Reisen, Tewi, and Erin alone again.
All three were motionless for a entire minute. None of them could believe what had just happened. Two mortal enemies who have been fighting eachother for 1400 years and no end in sight…and now…they were acting friendly towards eachother?
"…"
"…"
"…"
Erin turned and looked at the rabbits next to her.
"What the hell just happened?" She said in disbelief
Her apprentice was the exact same. "Master…I have no idea…"
"Great." Tewi bemoaned "Now there's two of them."
Chapter 1 – End