This fanfic was supposed to be co-written by my good mate, The Original Chemist, and me, his associate Miss Chievous a.k.a La Gioconda (and it was co-written for two chapters… well, sort of), but given the situation that I just moved back to Italy and we've been having difficulty keeping in touch enough to be able to write together, the task of finishing this story has befallen on me completely (it was my idea from the very beginning, after all). I had been hoping that, with Mike's penchant for witty dialogue lines and impeccable spelling, and my love for the TV series and ahem God-given gift for creative writing (pun not intended), we could brew something mighty interesting for all you JoA fanfiction authors and readers out there. Unfortunately, that will not be the case anymore; however, since chapters 1 and 2 we're written by both, I will leave his name on those so that he gets his recognition for them. Bear in mind that this was a decision we made together, and we thought it was best (sorry, Anne. We know you were looking forward to Mike's first post. Thanks for reviewing, tho).
Disclaimer: Joan of Arcadia and all that goes with it belongs to Barbara Hall and CBS. We own original characters and names. No profit is being made from this story.
Authors' notes: Events in this story take place on Joan's senior year, meaning we've fast-forwarded to the beginning of her last high school year. It's convenient. Expect this story to be sort of long. The whole thing's pretty much mapped out, so no changes will be made along the way to keep up with the TV series episodes as they come out. If you don't like something about this story, you'll just have to deal with it. (And I mean that politely).
Mike: We deserve a Pulitzer.
Alexz: Unchallenged.
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The Beginning of the End
-by The Chemist and his associate
Chapter One – The new girl
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"Moooom!"
Helen Girardi stopped short from the bathroom door and sighed exasperatedly at the sound of her daughter's voice. She knew what was coming. It was the first day of school, and as every other year, Joan made a big fuss about her appearance; and she was always late for school because of it. Consequentially, so was Helen.
Oh, I had been so close… she thought miserably as she turned away from the bathroom door. She walked to her daughter's room and stood at the open door, her mouth falling open. "Wow, I'm so lucky I missed the tornado. Was it awful?" she joked.
Joan's room was at its full capacity of messy. There was probably nothing left hanging in the closet, as it seemed every piece of clothing she owned was all over the room. Shoes were cascading out the closet door, the jewellery box was haphazardly sitting on the edge of the bed and it seemed to have made explosion, and there were all sorts of makeup stains covering the full-length mirror.
Joan popped out from behind a heap of clothes. "Where's my lavender sweater?"
Helen looked around at all the garments and thought this was a GAP store clerk's nightmare. "Which one?"
"The one I bought last week."
"You expect me to remember a lavender sweater out of fifteen sweaters of all shades of purple you also bought last week?" Helen asked as she tried unsuccessfully not to step on the many skirts and pants carpeting the floor.
"I like purple," Joan said absently-minded.
"It's probably in the dryer."
"Can you get it for me?" Joan put on a pouty face. Helen sighed again.
"Joan, I have to get ready."
"Me too!"
"But you're already dressed."
"Are you out of your mind? I'm not wearing this!" Joan replied outraged, pulling at the blue shirt she had paired with a knee-length denim skirt. "I just threw this on temporarily. This shirt does no good to my skin. I look like I didn't go to the beach this summer," she explained.
"You didn't go to the beach this summer," Helen pointed out.
Joan took a deep breath. "Work with me, mom. I need the lavender sweater. Plus, it would look good with my new earrings. I want to show off my new earrings."
"What is it with you and first day of school? It's only the same as every other day."
"Mom, don't you get it? It's like getting the chance of making a new first impression. You know how you only get one shot at a good first impression? Well, this is like refreshing it."
"And who are you trying to impress? Your teachers? Your friends?" Helen smirked. "Adam?"
Joan stopped fumbling with her makeup and tried not to smile. "Maybe." Helen gave her a knowing look. "Okay, yes. Precisely what I mean. If we didn't see each other during the summer, then I have to look good when I see him again."
"We stayed here during the summer. You saw Adam practically everyday for three months," Helen pointed out again.
"But not the past week," Joan retorted in her well-duh is-this-thing-on tone. "I was busy preparing myself for first day of school, so that today, when I see him, he'll be impressed," Joan finished explaining. "Get it?"
Helen rolled her eyes at her daughter's weird logic. "Alright, Joan, I'll go get you the sweater," she said, "but I have a request. Could your whole new first impression thing include being punctual for school?" Joan didn't answer. She was busy applying mascara in front of the bureau mirror.
"I need new mascara. This one's all goopy," she announced, not hearing what her mother had said. Helen shook her head and went downstairs, to fetch Joan's sweater and start the coffee maker. She was sure to need coffee; it would be a long morning.
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"I wish I'd had some breakfast."
"Oh, you better hope mom doesn't hear you. Didn't she nearly pull out her hair trying to get you to eat something?"
Joan ignored her brother and patted her grumbling stomach. She and Luke were walking toward school, arguing about something pointless, per usual.
"Are you nervous? Is that why you didn't want to eat?" Luke asked.
"Why would I be nervous?" Joan said as they rounded the corner of the street and Arcadia High came into view. Her stomach did a weird flip-flop.
"Well, I know I am, a little bit," Luke replied. "I'm always a bit edgy on the first day. So I pray."
"You pray?" Joan cocked an eyebrow. She had never pegged Luke as the praying type.
"I pray to God so that I will survive another year of high school."
"A noble cause," Joan said sarcastically. "You would think God would have more important issues to handle," she added, but she knew that wasn't entirely true. If there was one thing she had learned, knowing God the way she did, was that there was no such categorizing of Big and Small issues in His plan. Joan thought for a moment, fidgeting with the buttons of her lavender sweater, as she watched the students swarming around the school grounds. "I guess you could say I'm a bit nervous. It's the first day of school, but it's also the first day of my last year of high school. I'm excited and nervous at the same time."
"Oh, well, if you survive this day, it's a good omen for the rest of the year," Luke commented. Joan didn't respond. That didn't make her feel any better. Something told her this was going to be a strange year.
"If I didn't see it, I wouldn't believe it," Luke said suddenly. "Grace Polk, early for school?"
Joan put on a shocked face as Grace came up beside them. She nudged Luke's shoulder. "Well, I decided to make an effort to be on time this year. But don't worry; I'm sure it's just a phase. Hopefully I'll be back to normal tomorrow," she said.
"Well, did you fall out of bed? Cuz you're not just in time; you're early," Joan pointed out.
"Really?" Grace asked puzzled. She glanced at her watch. "Mind-boggling. Oh, well, won't happen again, I promise." She smirked. Luke rolled his eyes.
"Have you seen Adam?" Joan asked Grace. The three of them walked through the double doors and climbed down the steps into the crowded hallways.
"Wow, took you long enough to ask," Grace teased, causing Joan to roll her eyes. "No, I just got here, remember? He's probably running late."
"Hey, man. You're late," Friedman said, suddenly appearing alongside them.
"Compared to whom?" Luke asked. Friedman looked like he didn't get it.
"Well, I'm off for a while, kids. Gotta go waste my time. Can't believe I'm here early;" Grace said, and she wandered away.
Luke and Friedman became immersed in a discussion most likely about something of scientific nature, and of no interest to Joan; ignoring them, she surveyed the crowd in search for Adam, and spotted him at the far end of the hallway, leaning against a wall. Joan smiled.
Ever since the science fair, Joan and Adam had eventually come closer, though there wasn't a very public display of closeness. People just knew they were together, even if they weren't as graphic about it as most couples would be. It was a fact that Adam had had a crush on Joan ever since they met, and Joan had begun liking him too after seeing beyond the misunderstood guy he had become, so from that point it had developed into a sort of relationship. But there was nothing they had really established. It was more of an understatement. That was good enough for Joan at the moment; she realized her missions from God and her friendship with Adam had pretty much begun at the same time, which meant her life had become much more complicated around that time, too. And with her senior year beginning, and her post-high school future still unclear, she didn't need to complicate it even more.
Adam wouldn't hear her if she called out to him, so Joan walked toward him purposely. Just then, a distracted junior with thick-framed glasses and straight brown hair stepped in her way, carrying a tower of books in her arms, and they crashed, the books plummeting to the floor in a heap.
"Oh, dear, I'm sorry," the girl exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. Joan recovered from the collision and tried to keep her cool.
"It's okay; let me help you," she answered, and they both got to their knees and started picking up books. As she did, Joan looked up to check that Adam hadn't left. She noticed there was a girl with him; wavy dark blond hair, slim, wearing a denim skirt, a white top and a pink-pinstriped black jacket with numerous pins attached.
New girl, Joan thought, as she couldn't recall ever seeing her before in Arcadia High. She was pretty, and she was smiling and laughing while talking to Adam. Adam was smiling and laughing, too. Joan noted, that didn't seem like the type of girl (or person, for that matter) Adam Rove would usually hang around with. Now all of a sudden, he was having what appeared to be one of the greatest conversations of his life with the cover model for a fall issue of Seventeen.
"Thanks," the bookish girl said as she picked up the tower of books again with immense difficulty and waddled away. Joan continued to stare at Adam and the stranger girl, half-expecting Adam to suddenly realize she was burning a hole in his head with her eyes.
"Jealousy does not suit you, Joan," a voice said from behind her. Joan turned to find what looked like a freshman boy with wavy red hair and freckles standing behind her, also looking at Adam and the girl. Oh God, she mused, slightly annoyed.
"Jealous? What are you talking about?"
God gave her a significant look and glanced at her hand. Joan looked down and realized she was squeezing the life out of her schoolbag with her nails, and immediately let go. She narrowed her eyes at God, just as she did every time she interpreted His omniscience as being smart-alecky.
"You know, it's been so long since the last time I saw you, I was afraid you had decided to let me have a life," she said sarcastically. God pretended not to sense her bad mood and beckoned her over as He began to walk in the opposite direction. Joan cast a last glance in Adam's direction, who was still laughing with the girl, and followed God with a huff.
"Who is that girl?" she asked Him as they went.
"Why do you want to know?" He asked with a grin, obviously knowing the answer. Joan shot Him a warning look.
"Don't start with me," she responded. "I was just wondering because I've never seen her before."
"That's not important right now. I have something for you to do, if you're interested."
"Ooh, God is telling me what to do, but he's also making me believe I have a choice. This feels like déjà vu," Joan said again with the sarcasm.
"Well, aren't we testy today," God remarked, for a moment making Joan want to smack Him. "It's the first day of your senior year! You should be happy! It's the beginning of the end; one era makes way to a whole new one. Why are you in such a bad mood?"
"You should know," Joan muttered. They rounded a corner and walked down the hall lined with lockers.
"I do know. But I was hoping you'd try to prove me wrong, maybe by lightening up," God replied. He stopped walking and stood in the middle of the corridor and looked at Joan pointedly. "Anyway, I'm here now, and I have a favor to ask you, and I would appreciate that you change your attitude if you are going to do this for me."
Joan sighed in exasperation. "Can we not talk about my attitude? I have no attitude. So just tell me what I have to do and let's move along." God rolled His eyes.
"At the beginning of the year, the principal requests some senior students to volunteer to be guides for the few new students that transfer from other schools on their last year, which is rather rare. Basically the volunteers show new kids around, help them adapt to the new school system, and in the case of foreign students, help them adjust to the good ol' American high school life," God explained; Joan was nodding in boredom. "As you can guess, it's not complicated at all, but not just anyone would be willing to do it. So…" Joan cocked an eyebrow.
"Uh-huh, yeah. Shouldn't that job be up to the class president and the sort?"
"It's not a job, you just volunteer if you're willing and you do it."
"Yes, and usually the ones who volunteer would be the class president and the sort."
"Mr. Price will tell you what to do," God said, and He looked to his left. Joan followed His gaze and saw Gavin Price, the school principal, talking to a couple of teachers near the end of the corridor. Joan glared at God, who was smiling pleasantly.
"Why don't you just save yourself the 'if you are interested' skit and just straight out boss me around?" Joan retorted, shaking her head. She walked toward Mr. Price, wondering what she was getting herself into this time.
"Mr. Price," she called as she approached him. Price gave her the once-over look and smirked.
"Joan Girardi, you fell out of bed today," he said, pretending to be shocked by Joan's punctuality. "Now I've seen everything."
"Well, you know what you can do next," Joan mumbled. Mr. Price fortunately didn't hear her. "Um, I was wondering if I can still join or volunteer or whatever it is I'm supposed to do so I can show new students around."
"Are you perchance referring to volunteering as a student guide?"
"Yeah, that."
"Interesting, Miss Girardi, when did you start caring for other people?" Price asked cynically. Joan couldn't believe she still had a whole year to endure this man.
"It's a new year, I thought I'd have a shot at something I don't usually do, as part of my quest of being irrelevant in the eyes of others," Joan answered equally cynical.
"Well, since your boat-building illumination of last year, I suppose this is an improvement. Are you sure you're up for it?"
"How hard can it be?" Joan asked with a chuckle.
"Depends on how bad you can manage to look on your permanent record," Price replied. Joan's smile faded. "Anything we can use as reference for your college applications recommendation letters and psychological tests, we will," Price continued. "If you can screw this up, I can screw you up."
Joan put a lot of effort into not attempting to wipe that grin off Price's face, so instead she resorted to more sarcasm. "Oh, I'm scared. What's the downside?"
Price continued smirking. "Be in my office in the next fifteen seconds and I'll find it just for you." He turned to leave. Joan glared at him. She was having second thoughts.
"What, can't I consult it with the pillow first?"
"Your choice, Miss Girardi," Price called, not turning around. For two seconds, Joan stood there considering it. Well, if she really did have a choice…
She turned to go to her locker and forget about the whole thing. God was standing directly behind her, and she nearly came into head-on collision with Him when she spun on her heels. "Oh my freaking—!" she exclaimed, ducking and nearly falling on her bum.
"You have ten seconds, Joan," God said. Joan glared and straightened up.
"I thought you said I have a choice."
"Nine… eight… sev—"
"Okay, okay! I'm going! Choice my arse… Who knew God could be a hypocrite…" she mumbled under her breath as she glanced angrily at the red-headed boy, and she hurried in the same direction Price had gone.
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"Ah, Miss Girardi, so you are joining us after all," Mr. Price exclaimed as Joan stumbled at the door of the principal's office on her way in.
"Apparently," Joan replied, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
"Well, you were running late, so I took the liberty to choose your partner for you," Mr. Price continued, gesturing to the other students there, the new ones already partnered with an Arcadia senior, "who is also running late, as it seems. Ah, there she is. Miss Canavaggio!"
Joan looked over her shoulder and saw Adam walk by the office door, still talking to the same girl as earlier. The girl turned her head when Price called her, and walked in. She waved to Adam, and he continued walking, not even seeing Joan.
"Joan Girardi, meet Giordana Canavaggio, transfer student from Italy, first time in Arcadia, though not first time in the United States," Price explained. Joan tried to listen, but she was rather busy burning up with anger inside. Did Adam just ignore her? "I decided to pair you up, since you're both Italian and you're both girls… okay, not really, you were the only two left. I'm sure you'll get along just fine," Price said with mock pleasantry; Joan forced a smile at him and at the new student, who smiled back.
"So, Miss Canavaggio, you have your schedule and other necessary information; welcome to Arcadia High," Price continued, now looking at Giordana. He was acting sincerely nice to her, most unlike his usual behaviour toward students. "I hope Miss Girardi will be of good company to you."
"I'm sure she will," Giordana said, still smiling, a hint of an accent in her voice. Joan wanted to gag.
Price and the other students left the office in different directions, just as the bell rang. But Joan and Giordana just stood there awkwardly. Joan tried to ignore the sideways glances from her mother pretending to use the copying machine.
"So…" Joan began, "Giordana—"
"Please, call me Jordan. It's easier for Americans to pronounce and spell."
"Yeah, I guess," Joan replied. She didn't usually like small talk, so she couldn't really work out anything to say. She was still scrutinizing this girl, already not liking what she saw. Green eyes, flawless skin, nice smile. Pretty and ethnic: lethal combination. "Well, I'm just Joan. That should be simple enough."
Jordan nodded. "Uh, well… it's really nice to meet you," she said unsurely.
"Yeah," Joan muttered through clenched teeth and a stiff smile. She had a bad feeling about this. "Nice."
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Mike: What will happen now to Joan? Where are we going with this? What is with Alexz and purple? Find out on the next chapter, coming soon to a network near you.
Alexz: Why do you talk like that?
Mike: I'm bored.
--Sebastian Melmoth--
[ In the darkness ]