Anniversary Visit-First Year
by
BlackFury
He looked at the chronometer on the console and his hearts skipped a few beats. It was already time and it had come so soon. He froze for a few seconds, remembering. The pain, grief and anger were still so fresh in his mind. But, he had made a promise and whatever else he might do, the Doctor always kept a promise so, he set the controls and altered his flight path.
Soon, TARDIS came to a stop and he stood there just looking at the twin doors. It was as if he couldn't get his legs to move. Finally, he shook his head and moved to the door. The door opened on what looked like a perfect spring day. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and clear. It tore him apart. Spring had always been her favorite season, she had told him that was because of it's promise of life and renewal.
At first, he had thought she said that because she was a physician, dedicated to life and healing but, she had told him that spring had always been her favorite, even as a child. "I always love the smells associated with spring," Grace had told him. "Everything smells so alive and beautiful. It's like a new start, a new beginning and you never know what will happen next."
That was when the Doctor knew he had chosen right in coming back to ask her to come with him. He loved everything about her, her laugh, her smile. They had had such a full life together but then, the Time War. He shook his head, "No, can't go there, not yet." He walked out of the TARDIS and furthur into the old graveyard. The tree she was lying under had grown since he was last here and he hoped she was pleased with the spot he had chosen for her.
He stood next to the grave and looked at the headstone he had chosen for her. The engraving he had done himself. He didn't trust someone else to say what he wanted said. The stone was engraved with her name, "Grace Holloway". Then, the years she was born and died then, he had engraved, "Wife, Physician, Friend, My Companion through everything. You are Forever Loved, My Angel".
He sat down, his left shoulder leaning against the stone. "Hello My angel," he said in a soft voice. "I said I would come back. It's been so lonely without you, Grace. I miss you more than I could have ever thought possible." Tears began coming down his face. "I miss you in our bed, just holding me when I needed it. You understood so much about me. You saw I could love again, after all those centuries of holding myself in, you drew that part of me back to the light."
A slight breeze stirred that seemed to caress his cheek, drying the tears that had fallen. "I miss you so much, it's physically painful sometimes. I just want to curl up in a corner and never move again but you wouldn't want me to do that. You know I'm here, don't you? I want to believe so much that you are still here somehow but, I told you after that business with the Master that I don't believe in ghosts."
The breeze stirred again, again seeming to caress his face and he looked around. "Funny," he thought, "This is the only tree moving in the breeze." He then looked back at the headstone. "I'm really trying, Grace, I'm trying to live again but, it's not easy. I built a CD player and installed it in the TARDIS console so I can play the opera CDs you had brought along with you. Puccini makes me cry, just like it did you. I wanted to take you back in time to meet him but, the Time War prevented that from happening. That damned war stopped me from showing you so many things, stopped you from meeting so many people that you would have loved knowing."
He sighed and seemed to settle as he talked quietly to her, remembering their hurried wedding in the Cresora system. "I know it wasn't everything you would have wanted in a wedding but, your face was so radiant. You called me your "Victorian Gentleman". I'm not that anymore, Grace, he died when you did. I remembered that, when I proposed, you said yes and then dashed off into TARDIS. I'm still not sure just where you found that dress but, it was perfect for you. I was so happy then, I wanted it to last forever, that's why I had that word engraved inside our wedding rings. I still have mine but, it's in a box in our room. I'll keep it, always."
He sat there until well after the sun had set, feeling more himself that he had since his regeneration. Just being near her made him feel alive again. Then, he thought about a conversation they had had, not long after their wedding. They were in their room, in each others arms. Grace had her head pillowed on his chest. He was feeling so content, he had the woman he loved and he knew she loved him. Grace had raised herself on one elbow to look at him. "What is it, my angel?" He had asked. She smiled slightly. "I know it's probaly the last thing you want to discuss but, with this war coming on, you know we need to talk about it."
His smile had faded and she touched his cheek, "I know, you don't want to but, I do, please?" He nodded, pulling her closer. "All right, Grace." "I know you will outlive me, I know that and I just want to be sure of one thing." He looked into her beautiful eyes. "What's that, my love?" He had asked quietly. Grace was serious. "I want you to promise me one thing as a Timelord because you told me Timelords never break a promise." He smiled, "That is correct, we don't. All right, Grace, I give my word, as a Timelord." She smiled and nodded. This wasn't easy for her, he could tell but, she pressed on. "When something happens to me and we both know it will, promise me you will not close yourself off to love again. I don't want you to do that, ever. Yes, love can hurt but, you also know how beautiful it can be. That's the only promise I want from you."
He had looked at her in amazement and now, his ninth self smiled. Her thoughts were always about him. He had made that promise to her but, there had not been anyone since her and he seriously doubted that there ever would be. Grace had been so special, such a loving, caring woman. She had also had tremendous insight to be able to see that he could love again. He finally looked around and saw it was full dark. Darkness had never frightened Grace in fact, after that business with the Master, she was never afraid of death. She had said so when they were coming down the staircase after TARDIS had revived her. He had asked her what it was like and she had replied that it was nothing to be afraid of.
"My Angel," he said out loud, "You were always so brave and caring. How I miss you." He rose to his feet slowly. "I have to go, my love but, I will be back next year, you have a Timelord promise on that." He leaned down and kissed the top of the headstone and let his hand linger on it for a few moments. Then, he shook his head as if clearing it for he had heard, very distinctly, two words, "My Doctor." He shook his head again, thinking he was hearing things. Then, he strode over to the TARDIS and went inside.
Once indoors, TARDIS took off. He leaned against the closed doors, tears again streaming down his face at the thought of leaving her behind in that cold ground. He knew it wasn't rational but right now, he didn't care. He was leaving another one behind and it was tearing him apart inside. He slid down the doors till he was sitting on the floor, his face in his hands weeping unashamedly for the woman he had lost. He knew another year would pass too quickly and then, he would come back, after all, a promise was a promise, especially for a Timelord.
End