Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the associated characters, setting etc. belong to J.K Rowling. The song is In the Shadows by The Rasmus.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: A bit of OotP but not much, nothing terribly indicative
Pairings: None- unless you see any in there
Genre: Angst
Author's Notes: The song, In the Shadows, belongs to The Rasmus. I just heard it and thought that it was so much like H.P's life that I had to write it. Please review. Post OotP. Harry's PoV.

No More Waiting

My life has always been controlled by others. First it was the Dursleys. Sleeping in a cupboard for year and living on scraps. Then it was a greater evil than my negligent relatives.

Voldemort.

No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer

He haunts my dreams at night, fills my thoughts during the day. He's like a disease. A plague that won't disappear until I do something about it.

Won't stop before I find the cure for this cancer

My friends tell me I'm slipping away, that I'm drifting further and further into myself. But no-one knows what it's like to be a hunted man. They aren't kept awake at night because of murders in their dreams.

Sometimes I feel like going down, I'm so disconnected
Somehow I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I can see the way that everyone looks at me and I can hear the whispers as I pass. Whispers of pity, hatred, fear. I watch from the darkness I am slipping into. When I was younger I would always wish for the next day to come, just so I could leave the whispers behind. I always lived for the next day.

I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
in the shadows.........
in the shadows........

The Prophecy was my death sentence. To kill, or be killed- that is the question. Either way my life will end. Dumbledore, the Order, Voldemort. They're all waiting for me to make a move that will save the Wizarding community. Well, what if I didn't give a damn about the wizarding community? Can't I just live my own life? I don't want to be a bloody slave all my life, I'd rather die. They can find themselves another vassal.

They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I, I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave

At night, when it's quiet and there are no whispers or looks, and I'm left alone with my nightmares, I wonder if I should just leave and look or the Dark Lord myself. The Order doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. Lupin tells me I should be patient, to wait for a sign. I don't want to just sit here and wait for Voldemort to pick my friends off one by one.

Sometimes I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

The same thoughts keep swirling round my brain whenever I look at my friends. Ron and Hermione seem too young to be burdened with all of this. They need to live, so maybe I should just leave and stop their misery before it starts.

Lately, I've been walking, walking in circles
Watching, waiting for something

I've never been truly loved, but I guess I don't deserve that kind of thing. It would be nice though. To be loved, to love someone back. I've been looking for long enough to know I'll never be loved like that.

Feel me, touch me, heal me
Come take me higher

I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

I'm done waiting for explanations. I'll have to do something before everything gets out of hand. The air is cold on my cheeks. It's refreshing to feel something, it's better than the numbness that has been plaguing my soul lately. Now is my only chance to escape. No more tomorrows. Only today.

I've been watching,
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been living,
for tomorrows....

In the shadows....

In the shadows.....

I've been waiting.

It needs to end now. No more waiting.