Title: Delicate
Author: Lauren
Rating: G
Summary: Set near the end of #83, Stacey vs. the BSC. Becca is a spy. Charlotte is confused. Mallory and Jessi let their guard down.
Author's notes: Written for a friend on LJ. Inspired by Stacey's honesty with Charlotte about what was going on with her friends, Jessi not contributing to the fight between the club, and my anger that she and Mallory don't get many night jobs. Slashy undertones between Mallory and Jessi, I couldn't help it. I was honestly terrified of this book when I was a kid, because Stacey was my favorite and i hated the thought of her leaving the club. Rereading it now, I find it a little fascinating. I think the ending of this fic is a little weak, so feedback on that would be appreciated.
Charlotte twisted the phone chord around her finger like a string as she waited for someone to pick up. It was either twist or bite her nails, and she didn't want to do that.
"Hello?"
"Becca, did you hear?" Charlotte blurted in a rush, instead of hi, which she'd meant to say first.
There was a pause. Not the confused "I don't know who you are" or the "I don't want to talk to you" pauses that Charlotte had been used to when she'd call kids in her class to ask about the homework back in second grade. She and Becca were best friends, they knew each others' voices.
"I did, Char."
"I'm gonna come over," charlotte said. It was really nice not to have to ask. Charlotte knew that she didn't have to ask on Fridays. This felt like something they should talk about where they could see each other, anyway. Things just didn't seem right, and Charlotte couldn't say why. She needed her best friend to help her figure it out.
"My parents are gone," Beca was saying slowly into her ear, and Charlotte knew there was something she didn't want to tell her. "Jessi is babysitting with Mal."
"Um, okay. Will Jessi mind?" Charlotte liked Jessi and Mallory, and she didn't want to get Becca into trouble. But this was important.
Becca paused again. The part of Charlotte that she thought was gone peaked out, whispering at the back of her mind that maybe Becca was the one to mind if she came over.
"I didn't hear good things, Char." Becca finally said, her voice low. Charlotte knew her worried voice, but she told herself it was okay. This was about STacey, after all. Stacey always made things okay.
"Oh. Well, I still wanna know."
"Okay," Becca said reluctantly. "Bring your stuff to sleep over?"
Charlotte agreed, the prospect of a sleepover dissolving the lump of fear that was forming in her throat.
"Hi, Char." Mallory answered the door a few minutes later. Charlotte still got a thrill that she was allowed to walk all the way to Becca's by herself. "I thought you were the pizza."
Charlotte giggled shyly. Of course she knew Mallory, but some part of her still didn't like being babysat by people who weren't Stacey. It was silly, the smart half of Charlotte said. But the nervous half was louder.
"Good thing you got here first so you'll get some when it's hot," Mallory grinned. That made the nervous half of Charlotte a little more brave, and she smiled for real.
"Hey Char," Jessi called from the kitchen, where Charlotte guest she was feeding Squirt. "Becca's upstairs."
Charlotte made sure to say thank you before dragging her sleeping bag up the stairs.
"Boo," she said, bursting in on Becca. They both giggled, and Charlotte decided she had been silly to have been worried about anything at all.
Becca helped Charlotte set up her sleeping bag, even though they usually didn't do that until closer to bedtime, and Charlotte was fine by herself. Becca laughed and was normal, but Charlotte still felt like something was weird.
"Becca," she finally said. "Tell me." Charlotte had asked Becca to play spy for her. She knew something had been weird with Stacey and the rest of the babysitters club, and she wanted to figure out what. Becca listening in on Jessi's conversations felt like the only way, even if eavesdropping was mean.
Becca stopped smoothing Charlotte's sleeping bag, took a breath, and looked her in the eyes. Charlotte thought she was acting silly and a little bit like Mallory's younger sister Vanessa, but she didn't say so.
"Stacey quit the club," Becca said, super quick like the words hurt.
Charlotte sat down on the bed, feeling a little like the time she'd gotten the breath knocked out of her on the playground. She didn't know where to look. Becca's eyes were big, and they stayed on Charlotte's face. She was chewing her lip like it was gum.
"Do you know why?" Charlotte knew Stacey was having a hard time picking her friends, but she didn't understand why she'd have to choose in the first place. Either you liked someone, or you didn't.
Becca shook her head. "I'm sorry. I think the older girls had a fight… I don't know if Jessi and Mallory were apart of it. They just talked about how Stacey wasn't at the meeting today."
Charlotte didn't know what to say. Becca came and sat next to her, holding her hand. Charlotte liked that she had a friend who she could say stuff to just by staying quiet.
"Girls, pizza!"
They had ordered from pizza express, which Charlotte loved. Jessi and Mallory were being silly, making faces at Squirt and each other.
Charlotte nibbled at the corner of her piece, not hungry.
"Char, we picked all the anchovies off, don't worry." Mallory and Jessi both burst out laughing at this. Becca looked just as confused as Charlotte felt, luckily.
Charlotte suddenly knew that if she opened her mouth, even to try and take a real bite, she would cry.
the older girls slowly stopped being silly. "Hey, there wasn't really any fish," Jessi told her. She and Mallory gave each other a look.
"Is something the matter?" Mallory wanted to know. She scooted her chair close to Charlotte's, leaving her food behind.
"Did you guys have a fight?" Jessi asked Becca, who shook her head, just looking sad. Charlotte felt that tingling starting in her nose and the hot pricking behind her eyes.
"She's sad about Stacey," Becca told the table. a tear splashed onto Charlotte's pizza. She hoped the older girls wouldn't ask how they knew what had happened.
Mallory breathed out a long breath. "We're all sad about Stacey," she said. She squeezed Charlotte's hand, and Charlotte didn't know if she wanted Mallory to hug her or not.
"I don't understand," she said. Her voice was whispery, because now she was crying for real. Mallory wrapped both arms around her, pushing hair off her sticky cheeks.
"None of us really understand," Mallory told her.
"It doesn't mean Stacey doesn't care about you," Jessi said, in a more sure voice than Mallory. "She's just going through a hard time right now."
But Charlotte just shook her head, crying too hard into Mallory's shirt to answer. Stacey had had lots of time to explain things to Charlotte, and she hadn't. Charlotte had called her yesterday to make sure Stacey had received the official invitation to her recital. And Stacey hadn't told her anything about this. Hard time or not, Stacey didn't get to lie, especially if she was never going to babysit for her again..
Stacey didn't pretend with Charlotte. Stacey was supposed to trust her. What if when she'd chosen her friends, she had not chosen Charlotte?
"Do you want me to call Stacey for you?" Mallory sounded like she didn't want to actually do this. "Maybe Jessi should call," she mumbled, but Charlotte thought she was the only one to hear, since it was mostly said into her hair.
"No," charlotte managed to squeeze out around the hard lump in her throat. She sniffled, and finally brought her arms up to hug Mallory in thanks. Then she pulled back, embarrassed. Mallory stroked a hand over the top of her head. Charlotte knew this was supposed to mean, "it's okay," but it didn't feel okay.
Jessi placed a fresh piece of pizza on Charlotte's plate. "Becca," she said. "I think we should walk down to the video store after dinner."
"but you said before -"
"Forget what I said before."
So that was how Charlotte and Becca got to stay up half an hour after Becca's Friday night bedtime watching Matilda. Charlotte tried really, really hard not to think about how she and Stacey had read the book a few months before.
"You're still sad," Becca whispered once they were upstairs. Mallory and Jessi had been extra nice tonight, and they didn't want to be mean by staying up later than it already was.
"I'm sorry," Charlotte said from her spot on the floor. Goobaw was next to her, but Charlotte wasn't sure if she wanted to hug him or not.
Becca stayed quiet, but it wasn't a mad kind of quiet. From downstairs, Charlotte heard the churning of the blender and giggling from the kitchen, and she guest they were making milkshakes. Even though Becca was right here, Charlotte felt alone.
When she could tell Becca was sleeping and she didn't feel tired at all, Charlotte crept to the top of the stairs. She didn't really know what she wanted to do. she'd thought about asking if she could go home, but she knew she wouldn't feel any better there.
"Jess, I don't think we were good sitters tonight." Mallory's voice sounded almost as sad as Charlotte felt. Charlotte imagined she had whipped cream around her lips.
"I don't think we could really fix this," Jessi told her. "If we can't feel better about it, how can we expect Charlotte to?" Suddenly, Charlotte didn't want to go downstairs. She perched on the edge of the top step, drawing her knees up against her chest.
"Maybe I should apologize to Stacey-"
There was the clink of a glass being set down. Charlotte wondered if Jessi was holding Mallory's hand now. "You know it won't make any difference. All of that stuff you guys said was true. It could have been said a better way, and Stacey definitely could have been a better friend. But we can't change any of that."
"I know. Besides, I'm still mad at her." Mallory said this last part like a secret.
"Me too," Jessi confided, in almost a whisper. They giggled, even though it wasn't funny. Charlotte sort of understood why. It felt good to share stuff with your best friend, even if it wasn't always something nice. She hugged her legs, and wondered if she might cry again.
"I think it's time for Black Beauty." Mallory announced, sounding like she was forcing her voice to be more happy than she felt.
"How many times have we seen that now?"
"Not enough! And you have chocolate on your nose."
Jessi laughed, the sound soft, like it was just for Mallory. "You have whipped cream *everywhere*."
"I know, and I'm gorgeous." Mallory put on a silly accent for the last word.
"You are stunning," Jessi agreed. Charlotte thought they were probably giving each other those private smiles again, and she knew she shouldn't be listening anymore.
Back on Becca's bedroom floor, Charlotte thought about their conversation. Not about what they had said, because they had been really good babysitters. But about how they had probably felt better saying it, about knowing they could say those things to another person and know they'd understand..
Carefully, Charlotte let a hand reach out to pet the top of Goobaw's mostly bawled head. "I'm scared and mad with Stacey," she let that pat say. Then she pulled him close against her. "But she's still my almost big sister, and I trust her. Please let things be okay."
She pretended Goobaw promised her they would be. Strangely, his voice sounded more like Stacey's than usual. Charlotte smiled, just a little bit.