Yeah, since we all know how seriously (is my sarcasm evident enough?) Draco takes Pansy and her attention, I think we deserve the right to get a peek of the collection of fails she uses. And here they are…
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Pansy Parkinson's Notepad of Flirty Lines
I, Pansy Parkinson, have by now devoted my life to gaining the heart of the most beautiful, witty, and funny pure-blood Slytherin on earth, the one and only Draco Malfoy. (shrieks) Yes, that is right. That is what inspired me to keep this little piece. Hopefully one day he will see me for what I really am to him. But for now…at least he grants me the privilege of stroking his hair and giving him my attentions. I swear that the following lines I have composed in my free time can be used by anyone –anyone at all! Should you feel the need to make someone yours, just follow these –trust me, I'm an expert. If they seem more like suck-up lines than pick-up lines to you, then that's your problem. But I assure you, I've tested them all and Draco absolutely adores them. So they can't just be suck-up lines, could they? And yes, I realize that all the lines contain the name of…him, but really, who else could you possibly want more than him???
Oh, Draco! You're such a good flyer! (This will make him realize that you pay attention to his actions.)
Oh, Draco! Look at Potter's face when you said that! (This will make him realize that you listen to his words.)
Oh, Draco! Your hair is so smooth and sleek! (This is to, er, make him realize that you touch him and like it. See, I would have put "Oh, Draco! Your skin is so creamy and you feel so fit!"…but I think that knowing Draco, he would just jerk back to hide behind Crabbe and Goyle with a questioning look on his face and keep his wand out for the rest of the week at you…not that I'm tried it, of course…)
Oh, Draco! I wish I could wear you as my perfume! (This may be a little suggestive, but I'd advise that if you know your relationship is going in the right direction, use it. This also makes him realize that you delight in his natural Malfoy aroma…)
Oh, Draco! Let's go get Hagrid fired together! (This tells him that you are ready to engage with him in real, physical, emotional, and mental activity that bonds you two. It's almost like a preface for your real relationship, isn't it???)
Oh, Draco! What I'd like to do the most right now is to watch you play some Quidditch. (This tells him that you are willing to be bored like hell for three hours, lose his presence by your side –well, even if he isn't usually there, but still…well- stop smelling the scrumptious aroma radiating from his lean body with the fitness and hair, his clever, sexy voice with the sneer, his cool gray eyes that penetrate your soul –how I wish he could also penetrate…er, never mind…yeah- and basically lose all of him while he's on an expensive, high-quality broomstick seventy feet in the air just so that you can feel happy that he's happy because he's happy when he flies…and I bet his white blonde hair whips across his face too…too bad I can't see it from below…but yeah. So, that line is to make him realize you'll sacrifice unimaginably for his comfort. Even though we both know he'd be much more comfortable with me…)
Oh, Draco! I'm surprised you didn't win Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award! (This tells him that even if he did get beaten by Potter in Quidditch, he's always a winner in your book! Just like you're a winner in your book too, you know??)
Oh, Draco! Sometimes I wish I was Potter! (Now, this little baby is the fastest and most guaranteed way to catch dear Draco's attention. This exclamation is provocative, stimulating, and shows him your thoughtful side. Now, why? No doubt he'd ask immediately, maybe even with a little sexy sneer of his if you're lucky…anyway, yes, then you can reply in your sweetest voice and giggle –yes, giggle, you want to show your feminine side too!- you can just say that sometimes he puts more focus on Potter than you! This may work one of two ways: 1. He feels a wave of the deepest remorse and guilt that he takes more pleasure in insulting a worthless half-blood-traitor and his friends than admiring his sweetheart. Scenario 2. He sniggers and whispers something in Goyle/Crabbe's ear, all the while nodding towards you smugly, causing all three of them to burst into howls of laughter, no doubt at your great humor of wit.)
Oh, Draco! You're so ingenious! (Now, I just thought that after all those big, er, insinuating ones, we could try a simple, nice and elegant one. Don't worry; this one is so fool-proof it's not even funny. Draco never gets tired of hearing just how quick-witted and perceptive he is, and, well, the other plus is that being his hugest admirer, you'd never tire of saying it either!)
Oh, Draco! You're so funny! (This tells him that not only do you value intellect, you value a sense of humor. The nastier the better, of course.)
Oh, Draco! You're so good! (This one…well, you can use this little stroke of seduction anytime at all. It works the best if he's sprawled all lazily and all across the couches and cushions and you're somewhere close to him, stroking his forehead to help him calm his nerves…who knows what he gets up to nowadays! With his Mark and all…anyway, this one will definitely catch his ear, and he will sit up so suddenly that your hand may be knocked away, but that's all very well. If he does that, you can be so sure that he wants to totally take your relationship to the next level because he interprets things that way! But of course, while we all know it's okay to think j-u-u-u-s-t a little, er, well, sluttily, doesn't mean that it's okay to speak like that. So sweetly say that you just find him a wonderful students…but make it clear he's not a goody-goody to you. I mean, if Draco is anything, he's a bad boy, right? He's a rich pure-blood heir and all, but he's just so…so…so…dreamy…)
Oh, Draco! You're so good at getting Weasley mad! (This, of course, is what Draco aims to do most often next to insulting Potter and breathing, so letting him know that you appreciate his efforts will make him appreciate you.)
Oh, Draco! Don't touch me! (Okay, now this one requires some real skill to pull off, see. This is simply something called reverse psychology. No, it's not a Muggle thing! Draco will pull back, looking incredulous. He will ask, "Excuse me?" in the same tone, then exchange half-smirking glances with Crabbe and Goyle. Even though you will have lost a few hours of Draco, you will have filled his head with thoughts of you. Well, if all goes right, of course…Otherwise, well, you may have just lost his touch for no reason at all heh heh heh…)
Oh, Draco! You're so much more than just a friend! (He will either think this means that he is also a leader and role model or that you can finally publicly announce the start of your relationship. Reach for the latter opt.)
Oh, Draco! Your hair is so bright that I almost mistook you for a ray of sunlight! (This, now, can be easily mistaken for a suck-up line, but delivered in your most reverent and behold-the-sun-god/Slytherin-prince voice, a look of curiosity will cross his features and he will glance at you quizzically, as if wondering why he hasn't noticed you in a higher light until now.)
Oh, Draco! I look so fat in these dress robes! (Actually, I haven't tried this one yet. Personally, my theory is that implicating dress robes indicates your wish for a formal dance…with him!!! And it makes a great chance for him to brush your figure down (again, this is untested, but I am firm in my beliefs) and comfort you with a cute smirk that he loves you just the way you are and that you are beautiful.)
Oh, Draco! How rich are your parents! (This is to make him smug and happy, hence opening the door to a relaxed and friendly conversation. Warning: Do not phrase as a question. Poor Draco could never have time to do anything else for a year if he were trying to count every ton of Galleons in his Gringotts vault.)
Oh, Draco! You know…there's not many decent pure-blood girls out there nowadays… (Take advantage of his momentary eyebrow-raise to sway your hips ever so subtly…the point is to make him realize there's one standing right in front if him!! Oh Merlin, he's so hot!)
Oh, Draco! I love you! (There. Enough said. But leave this for where your love for each other is undefeatable.)
Oh, Draco! (Nothing more to life. *sighs*)
I hope that's an accurate representation of Pansy's adoration over Draco. Haha. Tell me what you think? I'd love a review!