Harm, a Twilight One Shot
Summary: After the newborn battle, Bella knows she has to decide between Edward and Jacob. This is the hardest decision of her life, as she says. But when Leah talks to her, she provides insight and a choice to Bella's situation. Who will she choose?
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Bella and company. If I did, then by God, I wouldn't be writing now, would I?
I could see everything. All the havoc I brought about. Every mistake I made. The way I clung to Edward and Jacob, while hurting them beyond repair. My selfishness led to all this. I could have moved on. That was what Edward originally wanted, didn't he? It was painful just to imagine him gone. He had intertwined himself to me, too close to my heart to cut away, too deep to pull away. How could I live with my decisions, knowing that someone will always be hurt? How could I keep on living with this part of me, the monster that wanted everything for herself?
I must have said it out loud, because Esme heard me. "Bella, honey, you are not a monster. You are a kind, loving girl. You will find a way out of this," she reproved me gently. I didn't respond. How could I, when all my mistakes were bared for the whole world to see? How could I stand up, when my wrongs tied me down, forcing me to choose?
You will hurt one of them if you don't choose.
Edward will disappear, the moment you tell him to. My heart ached at this. I couldn't live without him. He was like a drug, keeping me alive and off an unbelievable high.
Jacob would be forever wounded. My heart felt like breaking at this. He was my air, easy to be with. The glue that held me together.
Why? My heart wailed. I need them both so badly. I can't live without them.
Every touch, laugh, and kiss will push the knife deeper into their hearts, the wound forever unfeeling.
I didn't mean for it to end like this.
You subconsciously knew it would happen. The moment he left you, you knew it would never be the same again. The moment you saw Jacob again, you knew the choice would strangle you one day.
NO! I never, ever thought it would be like this.
Leah's voice rang in my mind. "How could you be so heartless? I may not know the bloodsucker, but I see he's hurting like hell." I responded, swallowing the pain, "What can I do? I need them both…" She snorted. "You are such a selfish bitch, Swan. When will you realize that the world doesn't revolve around you? That not everybody in this goddamned world loves you? Stop acting like you are the one thing people can't live without. This town was fine before you hitched in, and created some supernatural drama. Just choose already!" she hissed.
I had to admit, those words were painfully truthful. And whatever I did was bound to cause more harm than good. Sighing, I pulled out some pen and paper.
To Whoever May Read This,
I know I fucked up. I messed up really badly. I know I did irreversible damage. And I know that when I do choose, someone would get hurt. Please understand. Leah helped shedding some light on the situation. And I can't stall anymore. I must choose.
Edward, I love you. When you left, I felt like I was smashed against the wall, hurt and broken.
Jake, I love you as well. Maybe that was the reason I fought against it because I knew I would just hurt you. When Edward left, you patched me up. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be in Florida, still a hopeless zombie.
I don't know who I'll choose. Don't make me choose now, because the wounds are still fresh. Please, just please, understand that I'm doing this for everybody's sake. Please don't look for me. I'll be back when I'm ready.
Bella
I started my motorcycle, and with my bags packed, I sped away from the small, rainy town that held my heart, hoping to find the vision to clear my mind, and help me decide.
My first one shot! Please read and review! :D