THE HEROISM OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined for my wishes to be granted in such a fashion, under such circumstances.
My very existence was speeding past the boundaries of common sense and rationality and entering into a realm of where the fantasy and reality are so deeply entwined that it is impossible to discern either. Improbable and amazing things surrounded me. Just as I wanted; I ought to feel exhilarated.
But here I stand watching the mysteries of the Universe and Time itself unfold before me under inky expanse of the midnight sky, the sight of it all inspires nothing but a sense of being cheated, mocked and played with.
I, at the, moment can understand the unique predicament of those fools tricked by an almighty wish granting spirits in all those Disney movies I used to watch; my situation is both piteous and laughable.
For as far as I can remember, the last few years I spent in the continuous and taxing struggle to separate myself from the crowd, to find a definition to my life and to attach a purpose to my existence other than to fall prey to the endless mundane chores dubbed by general consensus of equally mundane crowd as life; calculated and planned and stifling. But no matter how hard I battled against the quicksand of this abhorred destiny, it kept pulling me slowly deeper into the abyss as if mocking the futility of my desperate attempts to stay over the surface. With hopelessness and doubt weighing me down, my struggle with the passage of time deteriorated to a series of half-hearted attempts in blinding darkness.
It was then they found me: the SOS Brigade. Ironic as it may seem, but I learned to think of it thus. They taught me with every moment spent with them that I may not have stumbled across the answer I so fiercely seek because I may be going down the wrong road; that maybe what I needed was not to standout as an oddball on a pedestal cold and alone but to mingle with a crowd of loved ones, whose perspectives added a new aspect to my life every day and whose acceptance defined me as someone especial. Someone loved and cared for, giving me a special place in the wide world belonging to me and only me; helping me create my own small world of happiness while allowing me to be a part of theirs.
They taught me that there is nothing wrong with the world but with my perspective of it; the world will only offer me what I deserve, nothing less nothing more.
It's not life of an ordinary human that lacks grandeur but I who lacks the insight to realize so.
Life is full of contradictions and ironies. What appears on the surface is eluding and generally false. But I realized this simple fact, and several others alluding to it, just a tad too late to make any difference.
As I walked down an unfamiliar road, flanked by rows of houses standing still, silent, shrouded in the silver veil of the cold orb, our silent companion in that strange night, I felt a curious dread and misplaced excitement that roused waves of uncertainty that were coursing through me. Instinctively, I shuffled closer to the silent figure walking besides.
He continued his taciturn quest without betraying any signs divulging the fact that he noticed the maelstrom of tangled emotions raging inside of me.
It's sad and amazing how he could pickup Yuki's non- existent facial cues but completely miss the roaring sea of agitated emotions besides him. Or perhaps his disregard stems from a different reason...
Chasing this hypothesis came a torrent of unchecked recollections of past days deluging my mind, pushing all emotions to the back … all but one.
Kyon's dark façade loomed at the fore front of my mind, bearing down upon my consciousness, instigating an emotion, that now when I have the time and composure to decipher I realize, as bone chilling terror overriding the painful chasm that had opened in my chest at knowledge of being the disappointment despite my best efforts, again!
Somehow I manage to pull out the ugliest in Kyon.
Oh, I have seen an angry Kyon, always regrettable but fortunately short and rare. While angry, his countenance howls of willingness to inflict damage to the offender. His emotions dance around him in a mad rhythm making it painfully obvious who he wanted to settle the score with and how. His anger made him predictable but no less vengeful.
Yesterday, however, was a different story.
Yesterday, it was a different Kyon; cold, calculating and thoroughly ruthless. Compared to his day-to-day self he looked like a vampire on blood hunt; his body taut, eyes hardened, gleaming with murderous intent.
And the sole target it all concentrated upon was me.
A shiver ran up my spine and subliminally I huddled against him, closer still.
"This is new tame and brooding Haruhi, I don't think I like her much.", out of blue Kyon uttered with a long suffering sigh but the amusement belying his tone was hard to miss.
Guilt and hurt loosened their harsh grip and relief trickled down.
"Honestly? It's creeping me out."
Like you're the one to talk! What's actually creepy is your apparent nonchalance in this context. It's like you have ice water in your veins.
He simply shrugged the comment off.
"Nervous?" he jibed, smirking knowingly.
Who is he looking down on, that insolent fool?
It was hard but I resisted the urge to punch him into oblivion. It would not be conducive to the world salvaging mission he was about to embark if he can barely manage to stand straight. No, personal vengeance vendetta can wait, but I better issue some witty retort soon or he'd…
"You know, Haruhi," he began. I groaned. "Koizumi doesn't blame you for what his life has become; nobody does, sometimes, maybe, I do,"
… do this; drag my deepest insecurities out in the arena and make me grapple them until I can come to terms with them.
How did he even know what is troubling me when I had buried it on so deeply? Damn him and his cursed understanding!
Kyon continued flippantly, with a cool almost professional disregard to my anxiety. He knew I needed to hear this, "But that's just to vent. World saving for pastime is no leisurely task, you know." he shrugged.
"Contrary to popular belief it's barely enjoyable, for that matter it's hard to enjoy anything with the fact that the world as you know it is about to vanish or already has and it's up to you to set things straight sitting on your head like a crown of thorns. But that's beside the point", he announced casually.
Oh, so there was a point to this rambling? I thought you were just venting. Or do you get kicks out of making me feel like hell, you sicko!
It was hardly a joke. The statement was originally intended to be bitterly sarcastic cruel barb and pull him off the track that he was following. But all that it managed to entice out of him was a wry chuckle before he continued his cruel dissection of my twisted psychology and announce his diagnosis.
"Koyzumi cannot blame you for his fate 'cause if he does then he hands you over the little semblance of control he has over his life, he understands that, too." He paused but the silence had more contemplative note to it. "Moreover, blaming others for the upheaval in your life is just plain cowardice. Some do that to escape the responsibility and others out of ignorance. And Koizumi maybe a jack ass, creepy douche, annoying prick, smug butt kissing bastard but he is neither a coward nor a naïve idiot."
We lapsed into the silent embrace that the dead of the night had to offer; he to allow me to mull over his words and I, myself, to feel grudging gratitude and untangle and analyze my contradictory emotions, feeling a little amused.
The mysterious high school transfer student, vice president of the SOS Brigade, Itsuki Koyzumi was every bit the guy I had imagined him to be, charming, cheerful, amenable to the point of mindless slavery with just the right mix of mystery to his personality.
But it was all a lie, like the smiling visor he wore to misguide the onlookers, to shield the uncomprehending secret that lurked deep in the cervices of his conscience.
Itsuki Koizumi is an ESPer, had been ever since the year I met John Smith. But it was nothing like what I had imagined it to be. His power brought him duties and along they brought responsibilities that he was not prepared for. His unique condition pushed him into a bizarre world infested with uncertainties. It would have been a great adventure to brave a world with countless possibilities, however improbable, even for him, were it not for the countless unsuspecting lives at stake.
In this world where the weak are the stepping stone of the powerful, where every day is a unique struggle to survive, a child can hardly expect to make it unscathed. And with the balance of the world hanging so precariously, with its own local goddess to blame, the situation turns even grimmer.
How Kouzumi came to terms with this ugly foundational fact of world I can't say, but it taught him to play all games close to chest. ENLIGHTENED, as he had so eloquently put, he swept all his emotions behind this calculated, unflinching mask of merriment and set about the path of world saving in his own fashion.
While Kyon relied on his friends, Koyzumi followed the downtrodden path of wariness and caution to make it through a quandary. He, in a sense, is a misguided martyr who just wants a peaceful world.
But even after knowing and understanding all these facts I still couldn't come up with a viable excuse in defense of his creepiness or how annoying he could be when he wants to be, maybe it's some kind of defense mechanism to preserve his sanity, but Lord does that smirk puts me on the edge. I can almost sympathize with Kyon who had to deal with him and his antics. Almost.
I was about to spark another debate this time over Yuki or Mikuru's true intentions when I nearly bumped into Kyon when he motioned me halt. So finally….
Even after Kyon and Kouzumi's continued assurances to trust them to set matters straight I could feel my heart shrivel.
"Stay here; out of sight." He mumbled absently as he pushed me into a dark alley.
Before I could utter a single word his quick, hasty steps had carried him far enough for a whisper to fail to carry the wishes and warnings I intended to convey and if done so loudly it would betray me to the shivering figure of Asahina Mikuru standing not quite far away. Washed in the silver blessings of the waxing gibbous strolling the heavens, she looked ethereal. I felt a pang of jealous longing stabbing my stomach as I took in her waiflike beauty. I could understand Kyon's infatuation with her a little now.
Kyon had started to explain her "mission" for the night, his back to me. Even from this distance and low visibility I could see the utter horror that had seemingly taken permanent purchase over the demure girl's face. For moments she stood thunderstruck, clutching Kyon's sleeve in a death grip, lips trembling lightly, no doubt. It took Kyon a little physical persuasion to pull her out of her reverie and then she did the impossible, she flashed Kyon an understanding, albeit a little faltering, grin and spoke what must be words of acceptance and if one could believe, assurance .
It was then I had to turn around to allow them the privacy that they expected. Or at least Mikuru did or she wouldn't have dared. Not after all those clumsily veiled attempts to assure me that she held no feelings for Kyon.
Traitor!
As I shifted deeper into the shadows, huddled against the cold wall and felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, I couldn't find it in myself to stem the surging flames of betrayal and jealousy for two of my best friends.
Kyon was kissing Mikuru with the desperation and passion that is rare to behold in this chaotic and material oriented world.
But I cannot blame anyone but myself, can I? After all, it is what I wished for, maybe not how I wished it but what. It was all immaterial at this point in time, though.
I am not exactly sure when but it seems like a long time to me ever since my little sister took it upon herself to drag me out of my sleep and more often than not down the bed in the process.
She would come bounding in to my room chiming my name and mother's orders to get up, really how long are you gonna sleep… and so on.
I have long since resigned myself to her none-too-gentle early morning ministrations primarily because otherwise I would be a perpetual "snail" of my class and spend my mornings in detentions and evenings being chewed out by Haruhi. Her wakeup calls consisted chiefly of bouncing on my bed, shoving me as hard her small hands would allow or tickling ceaselessly.
So, understandably, I was a more than a little surprised when I woke up to gentle pushes and softly whispered pleas to wake up. Disheveled and disoriented I pulled open my slumber sealed eyes trying to sit up in my bed.
Even before I could have gathered my wits about myself, my sister slammed herself against my chest and burst into hiccupping sobs, clutching me in a wise like grip that was so uncharacteristic of her that for moments all I could think of were Nagato and Haruhi and wonder whether these sudden bouts of immeasurable strength were privy to only female race or does God has some similar arrangements for us males too. Nagato's strength is understandable… and Haruhi's too, in a twisted sense.
"w-we are all going to die!"
What?
Her whimpers was muffled, understandably so. But her distress or the urgency and disturbing certainty her words carried, not so.
I must've exclaimed out loud for she peeled her face off of my shirt and repeated plaintively, this time looking up at me.
"We are all going to –"..hic.."d-die!"
I bolted out of my bed, uncaring to the fact whether I cursed audibly or not and pulled her in a reassuring embrace. The look in her eyes was beyond haunted and afraid, whatever had terrified her had done so to the extent she believed it to be true ; as true her fear of it or its hopeful vanquisher, me. as I always had been, ever since the MONSTER BEHIND THE BUSHES incident when she was still a puking, bawling brat.
Words at this stage were useless. I've seen that look before. All reasoning and reassurance were going to freeze in face of her overwhelming fear.
After gently prying out scrapes of information of her I headed to the window where she had directed me with a shaking hand and yanked open the blinds.
The streets were overflowing with people. The entirety of the neighborhood was in uproar. A low buzz had filtered into my room through the pane of closed window that was vibrating under my fingers due to the collective clamor outside.
The scene that played beneath was one of impending chaos. Puzzled, disconcerted and curious above both, I pushed open the window. The din outside hit me like a force making me stagger slightly.
For all the noise it created the crowd was a poor source of coherent information. I caught a few floating snippets of conversations.
"-nature's wra-"
"-an apocalypse no d-"
"-sun-"
"-no apparent re-"
I gave up and was about to turn around to inquire my parents if they knew anything of the little girl's trouble when my gaze fell on the perpetrator of this pandemonium.
Suddenly I was rooted to the spot as realization swept over me. The roar outside was automatically tuned out and time seemed to have slowed down, moving like a viscous liquid as if trying to help me to make up for the time I have lost in my incomprehension. A chill descend upon me and I felt pin pricks run down my spine.
SOS Brigade's worst nightmare was unfolding in front of me.
A domino had been toppled over and soon the others would follow the suit.
The implications were all there.
This is the end
My phone had been ringing for quite some time now.
"Hello, Kyon-kun?"
Silence transpired all the countless responses that I could have made and none of them would have been more appropriate.
"So, I presume you have already seen it."
I turned to look outside. "More like not seen it." I managed after a moment.
It was my turn to understand his silence.
And I did.
"Nagato's apartment. Ten o'clock. Call everybody. Everybody." I informed him.
"i… see."
And he did.
Before it was too late I rushed to the bathroom and heaved violently. My sister was drawing soothing patterns on my back. It was during that moment of vulnerability when my baby sister tried to calm me overlooking her own disquiet that I regained my strength.
I have achieved great many feats both incomprehensible and frightening in their magnitude and hadn't realized until it was over. I had done it before and would do so again this for countless families inadvertently pulled into this mess.
Revitalized, I re-entered my room and settled into my bed next to my sister whom I had managed to placate remarkably and coax into a hopefully numb slumber and gazed out of the window that stared in the east.
It was six am in the morning but no sign of Sun, yet the world outside was washed in its golden shade.
Immouto asleep, I walk down the stairs and quietly slipped out of the house across the room where my parents sat raptly watching the sensationalized version of the current predicament on TV.
As I step out of the house I am welcomed by the gentle warmth of the rising sun that affirmed my doubt.
The Sun was rising in the West.