Hello, everyone! It's your friendly neighborhood writers Kisa and Rokashi (Kisa's the one typing at the moment) here to give our collab fic a shot! It's a Supernatural Romantic Angst-Comedy about the nations as the eight heavenly virtues and deadly sins (including Justice and Corruption). Please keep in mind as you read that we don't plan on revealing who's who for awhile, and that we DON'T OWN HETALIA.
Rokashi here~! Thought you all should know that Kisa wrote the first half with the virtues, and I wrote the last half with the sins. Kisa will usually take the virtues, and me the sins. Since I'm the angst master~ -headbangs-
---
We Can't All Be Virtuous
Chapter 1: In Which Silences are Awkward and Sins are Penless
"Okay! This meeting of the super-incredible league of virtues will come to order! Everyone, pay attention! We have a new quest and it's important!"
"Justice, sit the hell down. Why are YOU leading this stupid-ass thing? Where's our strategist?" Temperance looked around sourly, finally catching a glimpse of the group's strategist and leader perched in the golden chair usually occupied by Justice.
"Because he SAID I could," Justice said with a note of triumph in his voice. "And because he said it, that means it's an indisputable fact! Any other stupid questions?" Temperance glared ferociously at the strategist (who was technically the cause of all this) who matched the ferocious expression with one of his own until the virtue looked down guiltily. Another hand raised into the air.
"Yeah, Diligence?"
"Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have a few more mortals that need to be led back to the path of righteousness before lunch." Chastity murmured in agreement, not seeming to notice the way Temperance was glaring daggers at him.
"I agree!" chirped Charity eagerly, rocking back on his chair. "Especially Humility, as he's been doing so well lately!"
"That's right," said Patience with a bright smile. "I heard that you were nearing a breakthrough on your nearest case. Good work."
"It was nothing," Humility said shyly, smiling sweetly as his face colored. "He was really eager to change his ways, so it didn't take that much effort. I'm sure any of you could have done it."
"It was good work," said Kindness rather shortly. "Just accept it."
"Well, thank you," Humility finally said, pleasantly surprised. "Thanks, all of you." All the other virtues excluding Justice clapped him fondly on the back and he grinned, not used to all the recognition.
"Okay guys, back on track. It seems like the sins have been acting up again." A noticeable pause followed his statement, with some blushes and some scowls. Other than that, though, it's utterly silent. "…Don't get all excited, everyone."
"I'm not excited," scowls Temperance. "I could wait an eternity to see that Gluttony again and it would STILL be too soon."
"I can't wait to see Greed," says Charity, grinning. His smile takes up most of his face, but the other virtues are used to such a disproportionate expression. "I wonder how he's changed."
"They're our enemies," Chastity pointed out, but the pink color on his face implied his mind was elsewhere.
"Yes, good point Chastity," boomed Justice. "Plus, they're extremely sexy, so keep your wits about you, men. They need some knocking down to size." There was another silence, twice as awkward as the first, where everyone just stared at Justice who pretended he hadn't noticed.
"…What did you mean by that?" Kindness asked, arching an eyebrow skeptically.
"Don't pretend you haven't noticed," said Justice carelessly, eyeing Patience specifically just to make him blush in mortification, even though he hadn't actually done anything. Justice then slammed his fist on the table. "For goodness!" he proclaimed.
"Do we have to repeat that?" Diligence asked the strategist with a sigh. He shook his head with what sounded suspiciously like a muffled laugh.
"Thank GOD," Charity said rather ungraciously. "Most of your chants are incredibly cheesy. No offence," he added at the end hastily.
"…Some taken," said Justice, but he couldn't help smiling. "You're forgiven."
"So," said Patience in a businesslike way, "How exactly do you propose to handle the sins?"
"Huh?" Justice said articulately, blinking. Humility stifled a giggle.
"What are we supposed to DO about them?" Temperance asked with barely contained patience.
"Oh! Right! Well, I figure go and do our best to try to spread the good will out in the streets! After all, sins can be found in the darkest places of humanity, right?"
"So what you're saying," mused Diligence, "is that you want us to go out and actively try to help the people? Sounds more efficient."
"I like that plan. Helping people who need it, I mean," Kindness said in a mumble. He wasn't one for showing his virtue, but did have a pure heart underneath the gruff exterior.
"So are we all in agreement? All in favor?" Nine hands shot in the air in varying degrees of enthusiasm, the most eager being from Justice and the least from Temperance.
"Alright," said Charity, taking the lead despite Justice's protests. "Since we all seem to agree, let's go in pairs. Temperance, you and Chastity go to the nearest strip bar you can find and try to work the floor with as many people as you can." Chastity blushed to the roots of his hair, and Temperance was too busy muttering to himself about being stuck with the other virtue he disliked to notice.
"Patience and I will go to the casino in the next town over, because I think they'll be in the most need of us there." The other angel in question smiled at him and Charity responded with a thumbs-up. "Then Justice and Humility, you two go scope out the prison. Maybe some of the inmates are ripe for conforming. As for Diligence and Kindness…"
"We can go to the hospital," Diligence spoke up quietly. "The staff there, I've noticed, has been lazy and cruel to the patients. Also, you know Kindness worries about the children there."
"That's true," Justice said as Kindness tried in vain to deny it. "So, does that work with you, boss?" He just shrugged.
"'s fine."
"Perfect!" He grinned. "Alright, guys. Let's go!"
--
"Alright! We need to get down to business! Wrath! Put that creepy thing away! Greed! Stop your klepto tendencies for at least five goddamn minutes! Lust and Gluttony! Get your faces away from each other and stop stripping! This is not the time to eat each other's faces or copulate!" A silence.
"Copulate? What are you, seventy? It's called SEX dude."
"Oh, belt up Lust. And that means keeping your trousers firmly in place as well."
"Oh, I'll be dropping my belt, don't worry."
"Bloody hell you wanker-"
"Corruption. Lust." The two turned slowly to their previously silent leader. "We're having a meeting. Not an argument or an orgy." The two fidgeted guiltily under the intense gaze of the leader.
"Y-Yes Sir." A smile, one that didn't reach Leader's eyes.
"Good. Well then, sit down, and we'll continue. No more interruptions." The two quailed under the gaze, quickly sitting in their seats. "Since you idiots have all been wreaking havoc, we have the virtues on our asses now."
"Stupid Lust, falling over any person he sees."
"Shut the hell up Sloth. If you weren't such a lazy-ass you'd understand the pleasure of bedding a pretty girl."
"I've bedded a pretty girl plenty of- GREED GET YOUR DAMN HAND OUT OF MY POCKET. THAT'S MY WALLET. NOT YOURS."
"Guys. It wasn't just one of you. Lust, you're a slut. Sloth, you're a lazy ass. Gluttony, you're constantly taking too much of one thing. Pride, that's your problem – YOU'RE NOT KING OF THE WORLD. Wrath, you have to stop beaning people if you don't like the way they look at you! Greed, PUT MY PEN DOWN. YOU'VE ALREADY STOLEN EVERYONE ELSE'S."
"Hey! Put that back you asshole! That's mine! Why do you always get stuff when I get nothing? I-"
"Envy, chill or I'll weld your lips together." Said sin sniffed, and stuck his nose in the air. But he stayed silent.
"Good. Corruption? You idiot! All those politicians got sent to jail because of you! Why'd you make them steal that much money?!"
The sins stayed silent, heeding the warning in their Leader's dangerously flashing eyes.
"You're all at fault. So don't ANY of you claim it wasn't your fault. AND IF YOU DARE TO PUT MOST OF THE BLAME ON OTHERS, I WILL KILL YOU ALL. WE NEED ORDER NOT CHAOS."
The sins nervously sat silently. Leader was truly pissed for the first time in a good amount of time. They were watched for a good five minutes.
"Finally. These are your assignments." The leader picked up a paper from the pile on the table.
"Lust and Gluttony. You two will pair up and search the strip bars for mortals to tempt. No picking up girls until AFTER your work is done." The two nodded, peering delightedly at each other.
"Greed and Wrath, check the local casinos for the same. You may fuck with their heads AFTER you complete your mission." Greed peered a bit nervously at Wrath, whose smile was crooked and crazy. Wrath seemed delighted.
"Corruption and Pride. You two will scour the nearest prisons. Absolutely NO FREEING THE PRISONERS AND WREAKING HAVOC." Corruption glared distastefully at Pride, the other glaring back just as distastefully.
"Envy and Sloth, you two are going to the hospitals. There are always parents desperate for any hope there. Sloth, I'll know if you try to force your work on Envy. Envy…just keep quiet."
The Leader handed out their assignments to the groups. The sins studied them.
"So, you all know what you're doing?" Leader asked when they had all looked up, continuing when they assented.
"Excellent. I trust you all will work well?" Another assent.
"Good. Go, all of you. And so help me, you better finish your missions."
~Fin~
---
If you guys want updates quickly, please do review. Otherwise, they'll probably be as slow as heck. Also, if you have a guess as to who virtues/sins are, PLEASE don't post it in a review, as it might ruin it for someone else. PM us if you're that curious, and we can tell you if you're right. Just PLEASEEEEE don't tell anyone beforehand either, alright? Like Kisa said, that ruins it for others.
Go click that lovely now-not-purple button there at the bottom. I know, I mourn the loss of purple button too.