First off, this is Crack. In other words, it might not make any sense. But since Yami no Shugoshin insisted I should post it anyway, here it is! As for warnings... well, there is implied innuendo. And implied NaruSasu (though no lemons or anything like hat. I prefer kiwi's).
Oh, and I don't own Naruto. But I guess that's pretty clear.
Pandemonium by Aquarius MCMXCI
It had been the perfect day for killing badly behaved brothers. Unfortunately, perfect days always tended to be ruined by people who didn't know who, and what, they were dealing with. Sasuke was sad to say that this was one of those days, and he dearly would've preferred a very bad day over this ruined good day – bad days couldn't be ruined much more, after all.
The day had started out fine. Suigetsu, Karin, Juugo and himself had been staying at an inn after a particularly exhausting fight (although he could still not remember his dead opponent's name). Seeing as the inn lied in the middle of nowhere, the chance of being interrupted was quite low and allowed the four of them to finally be able to relax just a little before heading off into the next fight.
Sasuke sipped his morning tea, enjoying the calm and quiet the morning brought – especially because Suigetsu and Karin usually were too chagrined to argue with each other - and was about to take another sip when four ninja barged in. Well, one of them barged in, the others just walked (through the door), but in Sasuke's eyes it didn't make much of a difference.
"Sasuke-teme!" the orange-clad ninja shouted, pointing an accusing finger straight into the missing-nin's face. Sasuke could stand many things; people who drank too much sake, perverts who stared at his behind a little too long for his liking, and, just so you know, usually he could stand this orange-clad ninja too, if it weren't for the fact that he had just ruined his perfect morning. He calmly weighed all the odds in his mind, then without hesitation threw his tea in the offender's face. For a moment, the inn was dead silent.
"YOU ASS!" More accusing fingers were pointed, but Sasuke didn't care much for that and regretfully stared in his empty cup. He'd have to get new tea now.
However, other people didn't seem to agree with his victory, and the pink-haired one (did he vaguely recognize her?) threw in his face: "You didn't have to throw your tea in his face!" Well, Sasuke silently thought, it was a waste of good tea...
Karin took this comment a little too personally and went straight into catfight-, I mean, combat mode.
"Sasuke-kun can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants!" she yelled back at the oddly familiar other female, who made a rather undignified noise. Sasuke took this as the cue to tune both of them out, and, just as he had predicted, they started screeching at each other as soon as they had regained their composure.
Save for the two ninja of the female species screaming each other's head off, the rest of the party was actually quite calm. Not even the orange-clad ninja seemed to have a comment ready for the situation.
"So," the Sasuke-clone said to Juugo, "are you this big everywhere?"
Suigetsu choked on the water he'd just been drinking, and accidentally shoved the straw up his nose. "Kami-sama," he said after pulling the offensive thing out, "I hope I never find out." Interestedly, he stared at the straw while off-handedly commenting to Sasuke, "Not even you were this clueless, big and mighty leader." Idly he wondered where else he could shove the straw.
Sasuke didn't bother to reply because Suigetsu would only try to change his words into something he'd never say.
While Suigetsu tried out some amazing things with his plastic straw, Juugo observed the gray-haired man who rather read an offensively coloured orange book than help his students in need. After a while, he looked to be satisfied with his observing, turned to the Sasuke-clone and finally said, "Yes."
"Congratulations," the Sasuke-clone appreciated and Juugo nodded to himself.
Both Sasuke and his orange-clad companion had followed the several conversations without saying a word.
"Your lackeys are kind of creepy," Naruto admitted, trying not to look at Suigetsu.
"I don't regret having to leave you with yours," Sasuke replied, very much implying the substitute they had used for him while he had gone off to train with Orochimaru
"I don't think they need us right now," Naruto said, finally admitting to his urges and stared at Suigetsu who was trying to poke a straw where it definitely did not belong.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Well, Naruto was right… Juugo could hold his own against his pitiful clone, and Karin seemed to be winning in the contest who had the biggest boobs, and Kakashi didn't really care as long as they didn't bother him just when he got to the good part.
"Yeah, I think so too," Sasuke replied.
"So…"
"My kunai and your shuriken?" (Neither were sure afterwards who had said this, but they weren't willing to admit it either.)
They found a room together, had great fun comparing their, uh, kunai, and in general were very ''generous'' in showing each other how much they had missed the other.
As for any lessons learned… Well, Sasuke learned that Naruto's kunai was much better than Orochimaru and Kabuto's combined. Naruto finally found out about his colour-blindness and immediately replaced his orange jumpsuit with an even more hideous purple one (though Sasuke secretly didn't mind this, as he had a fetish for purple). Karin and Sakura found out they got along greatly and promised each other they would have a threesome with Sasuke once. Suigetsu greatly amused himself with his straw, and Sai and Juugo found out they had about equal social skills and decided to go to the library together, because there must be bigger people out there, right? And Kakashi… well, he was happy with just reading his book and stalking Jiraiya every once in a while to finish the latest volume.