I was sprawled on the bathroom floor. My head was spinning. Every bit of my body hurt. Blood spilled from my wrist and from the hand that is clutching the razor blade I've become so attached to. I could hear the screams and figures of my family around me. I didn't hear what they where saying, all I heard was the familiar saying I had been crying out all night.
"A rumor starts it all
It's sang out then He starts to fall
He knows it's true
He can't hide it anymore
A rumor starts it all
What He has feared has come true
And now the sky is anything but blue
That feeling in His chest
That hatred for the world, oh such hate
Because what He has feared has come true
Goodbye, He says
Goodbye to it all
I can't say I'll miss you
But it is time I withdraw
Goodbye, He says"
My name, Zexion. My purpose, to keep it a secret. My vain, living this long.
I woke up in a white room. All I hear is a beeping sound every few seconds. I feel a weight on my right shoulder. It is my mother. She is asleep, it seems. People rush to my side. I curse under my breath. I'm still alive…
Why would they bring me back? I though. Why make me suffer more?
My mother woke up. "Why Zexion? Why did you do this to me?"
I pause "A… A secret… Becomes a lie. A lie… is thought as real… reality is lost… He suffers alone."
"We could have talked abou-"
"He suffers alone! He always has! He tried to speak, but His voice was unheard…"
"Who is He?" she asks
"He is Zexion"
"You're Zexion"
"I AM NOBODY! I was never who I thought I was… I was never Him, the boy who laughed when he needed to cry. The boy who whispered when he wanted to yell. The boy who lived when he wanted to die…"
She was silent, letting me finish.
"He killed a man once. He didn't mean it, but He did….
It was a normal afternoon. Little Zexion who was 10 years old was visiting his relatives. He was taken to the factory where his uncle worked. A co-worker of his was showing him the main objective of this factory.
"This here is the mincer, Zexion. Here we throw all the vegetables to be neatly cut into fresh soup ingredients"
The port where they through the vegetables was made to only hold one person and tons of vegetables. They had a harness for safety reason, but there was only one, so the old man tied Zexion in it so he would be safe. He turned the machine on and looked into it.
"Hmm, is the engine rusted? It started off pretty slow… naw it'll be fine."
"What if someone falls in? Has it ever happened before?" Zexion asked
The old man laughed. "It will never happen, boy. We have a lot of safety regulations here. Don't be ridiculous!"
Zexion retorted a lot in those years, and the word he most hated… Ridiculous. "I AM NOT RIDICULOUS!" he yelled playfully. But apparently, he yelled it a little too hard.
The man flinched heavily and slipped off the edge of the port, falling directly into the mincer. Blood shot back and covered both Zexion and half of the port in the sticky red substance. Zexion screamed, and soon the whole factory personnel was rushing over. His uncle popped his head onto the port. "Zexion, what's wrong?" Zexion turned, completely covered in blood. He was shaking in fright. His uncle panicked, and rushed to his side to hold him "Its all right, it's not your fault."
But Zexion knew. He had screamed. He frightened the man.
He killed the man.
My mother spoke "But it wasn't your fault Zexi-"
"I'M NOT ZEXION! He doesn't belong here anymore, just let Him go! Let Him go!" I pulled and thrashed everything near the bed. Vases full of cheap plastic flowers flied towards the ground, breaking almost instantly. Nurses rushed into the room. Some pinned me down while one injected me with anesthetic. I instantly lost all vision, and the last thing I heard was my mothers say "It's for your own good Zexion."
I awoke in a different room. It was almost the same as the other room. There is a young woman in here.
"Are you awake, sir?" She said in a sweet tone.
My head was still whirling from the anesthetic "…Is… Is He still in the hospital?"
"Who is He?"
"He is Zexion"
"You are Zexion."
"I AM-…..nobody…"
She looked at me with sad eyes "you don't want to be him?" I nodded "Well it's alright, we've all been there. I'm Namine, by the way. I'll be your nurse for the time you are in here."
I looked around. "Where is here"
She paused. "A place where you will heal. Do you need anything?" I shook my head and sat up. She grabbed my hand," would you like to meet the others?" she said. I just nodded in response "come along" she pulled me off the bed and into the hallway.
We came into a room with about twenty people in there.
"Hi Namine!" Yelled one of them and ran to hug her, lifting her up. He was about my age, dirty blonde with an exaggerated mullet. "I drew an owl today! A red one! When can we go on a field trip to the zoo? I wanna go see the owls! I wanna go see them at night so they'll be awake and I can- HEY WHO'S THAT?!" he yelled and hugged me "HI! I'm Demyx! You're new here right?! Ohmygosh! I'm so happy to meet you, I wanna show you around and then we'll get to know each other, and then we'll do slumber parties in my room and then we can- OH MY GOSH NAMINE YOU PUT A TWINKLY PIN IN YOUR HAIR! IT'S SO PRETTY! Wait, what was I saying? Hmmmmm…" he stood there, rubbing his chin as if he had a beard.
Where the hell am I?
"Demyx! You're scaring the new kid!" A redheaded guy walked over, he seemed to be a little older than me. He was tall and skinny with tear tattoos under his eyes. "Hey I'm Axel, its nice to meetcha! What's you're name?"
"I have no name" I looked down at my feet.
He looked at me with a confused expression "you have to have a name, everyone has one!"
"I… I used to have a name…" I looked over to Namine and gave her a 'please keep it a secret' look. "Just call me nobody."
A red-haired girl appeared next to me. "Are you my boyfriend?" she asked tilting her head.
"No Kairi, he's not you're boyfriend. You don't have a boyfriend." The person that I guess is her nurse said, suddenly behind her
"Don't worry, he's around here somewhere…." She said and left in a trance.
"It's lunch time!" Another nurse yelled out and everyone rushed into what seemed to be the cafeteria. We followed the crowd.
There was about twenty people in the room; Most of them were nurses guiding their patients to the tables. Namine made me sit down and asked me what I wanted to eat. "Um, a sandwich I guess…"
I watched as she went in line with the other nurses, chatting with one of the male nurses. I saw Axel and Demyx make their way to the table I was in. Demyx smiled as he took the seat next to mine, Axel sat in front of me, leaving a seat for his nurse. They came with our food and went back to go get their own. I started to munch on my turkey sandwich when Axel decided to break the silence.
"So why are you here, nobody?" Axel asked.
I changed the subject. "Where is here?" I asked.
"Oblivion Mental Institution." He said. "'A different environment, for those with different causes. Save the mind, save the body. Save the body, save the soul.' That's this place "creed" .This place actually heals people, but most people here don't give a shit, right Dem?"
"YEA! Nobody cares about this place; I've been here for a year and- OH MY GOSH THEY HAVE PUDDING! Wait….what was I… oh yeah! And I've changed a lot, haven't I Axel?"
"Sure have Dem"
"So, why are you here, Mr. Nobody?" Demyx said, eying me, then looking away with a weird happy/shocked expression and then back at me as serious as his smiley face could be.
I looked down under the table, on my lap, where my hands laid. The wounds on my wrist where hidden behind a big Band-Aid with a smiley face and a rainbow that said "God loves you!" a thousand times. I tried to speak, yet all that came out was a murmur. Why can't I say that I tried to commit suicide? What's so difficult to say? Then I though, they're all crazy already, I don't want to worsen things. "Because, what he has feared has come true…."
"He?" they both asked in unison.
"Yes He. The boy with a lie, turned into a secret." And then I felt it, the feeling I had that night, and the feeling I had at the hospital, the feeling that I'm isolating myself from the world, that fear of saying too much. "N-Namine!" I yelled out "NAMINE!"
She came running to my side. "What's wrong Zexion?!"
"My room. Take me to my room, now!" I yelled, beginning to run. She reached me seconds later and placed her hand on my waist and pulling me through the corridors. We reached my room in a matter of seconds. "Close the door."
"Tell me what's-"
"CLOSE THE DOOR!'
She did as I said, and as soon as those doors laid shut, I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Once I calmed down, she placed her hand on my shoulder and stared at me, looking for an answer in my eyes. "It wasn't my fault!" I said "Why must I convince myself that it was!? It wasn't my fault, Namine…"
She paused "Tell me what happened, Ze- err…." She looked away, embarrassed. "I might be able to help."
I told her everything, and watched her eyes grow wider word by word.
She embraced me and ruffled my hair, the way a mother would, not that my mother ever did. "It's all right. Don't worry; everyone has something they wish had never happened. But it was just an accident. And such a long time ago, you have to let it go now. How about we try something." She looked at me and placed her hands on my shoulders." How about… we help you change a little everyday. It could be just small changes. Like your name. Your name is…?" she faded, letting me finish.
I was about to say it when the doors opened. In came Demyx and Axel. "Hi Mr. Nobody! How are you feeling?" said Demyx "We brought you some pudding!"
I took it and looked at Namine. She was still waiting for me to say it. I looked back to them "Actually… I've decided that… I should tell you my name."
They looked at each other; they looked back, desperate to know.
I blushed."Umm….Z."
"Z?" they asked in unison.
"One… one letter at a time." I looked at Namine again. She was grinning ear to ear, and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm proud of you … Z." she winked at me.
Demyx grabbed my hand. "Nice to meetcha, Z! Wanna go draw with us! Axel is a good drawererer!" He added the extra Er's on purpose." Do you draw?! I bet you do! You look like one of those sketchistsisis we saw on TV. Small steady hands." I retrieved my hands and placed them on my lap, pulling down on my sleeve.
I looked over at Axel, who hadn't said anything since I stormed off.
I wanted to really get to know them. To see what goes on in their heads. But mostly, I wanted to know why Axel was in here. He seemed pretty normal, for a guy in his early twenties. Demyx, on the other hand looked about my age, about 18 or so. They both seemed very friendly, even after the way I flipped out. I had almost forgotten I was looking at Axel. He smiled down at me, I smiled back, too embarrassed to say anything.
A young woman entered the room. She was very pretty, her hair was in a long braid and her bangs cradled her face.
"Axel…" She said in a low and kind voice. "You scared me. You left without saying anything…"
Axel looked down at her. "I'm sorry. I was worried about my friend. He ran off and I got scared so I went to see what was wrong. I didn't mean to make you worry."
"Look at you, you're covered in food!" She said.
"AH! It's not Axels fault!" Demyx said holding his hands in a 'Stop' way. "It's my fault! I stood up fast-ly and tilted the tray and it landed on Axel! I swears it!" Demyx looked guilty and ashamed, but the woman just patted his head.
"Don't worry, Demyx." She smiled. "Nothing a bath can't fix. Come along, Axel."
"Okay…" Axel said and waved "See you guys later."
They left and a woman passed the door, running through the halls.
"YUFFIE!" Demyx yelled. Her pitter-patter grew louder and she appeared at my door.
"Demyx! What ha-"
"Yuffie Yuffie Yuffie! I met a new friend!" He pulled me up by the arm. "His name is Z-something! He won't tell us his full name! The suspense is killing me!" I pulled back my arm and pulled on my sleeve.
"Yes, yes Demyx that's fine but YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!" she yelled. "Your room, now."
Demyx left the room sadly and the woman's face saddened. "Oh Namine, I hate treating him like this!"
"But it's helping him, Yuffie. That's why were here, to help cure our patients. You're doing a fine job." Namine smiled at her kindly and she grinned. "Oh! This is… Z. He is new here, just came in this morning."
"Oh that's why there was an ambulance this morning! I was so worried that a patient might have gotten hurt! Well, hiya there! I'm Yuffie and I'm Demyx's nurse." She smiled at me and I waved slightly. "Ooooh, He's so shy!"
"Yuuuuu-fiiiieeeee!" Demyx called from the hallway.
"I'm coming!" she sighed. "Se ya Namine." She looked back at me and winked "See ya' later… Z!" Yuffie laughed evilly, but I knew she was just joking around.
And then I was alone with Namine again. I looked up to her. I had to ask, I needed to know. "What did you mean by 'helping him'?"
Her face saddened. She was quiet for a moment. "Did Demyx tell you why he's so nice with me?"
Know that I thought of it, Demyx only greeted Namine when we came in. There were more nurses, but he didn't pay any attention to them. I shook my head at her.
She was quiet again. "Demyx… um, I was Demyx's nurse once, but… Let's just say I made his condition worse… Believe it or not, Demyx wasn't this high-strung. His parents were… very nice… they never yelled, they never showed any emotion except that… tiny smile… No wonder Demyx was like that…" she paused " He would always try to make his parents laugh and play with him… but by what he has told me, they always said 'Not now, Demyx' and their smile always remained. Demyx Childhood was sad. His parents wouldn't let him go out, 'nonono, too many germs. You don't wanna get sick, do you?' he explained how they would say it… It was one day that a neighbor came to their house to pay a visit. His parents tried to shoo him away, but he was persistent. They let him in, and for one second, they left him unattended. He went up to Demyx's room and opened the door. 'Oh, I didn't know they had a son! My, you look about the same age as my son! Maybe you can come play some video games with him someday!' Demyx turned to him. 'Are… are you my friend?' The man chuckled 'I don't see why not!' he said'… Demyx stood up and hugged the man 'I've never had a friend before!' … And his parents came in…"
She paused for a second. "His parents… they said that he attacked him… Demyx told me… that his mother slapped him, and yelled at him… 'Such horrible things…'he told me. And then… he snapped… He laughed and laughed and laughed. 'Mom is so stupid!' he kept laughing. 'So stupid… All these years and now you show emotion.' He laughed and laughed. His father hit him repeatedly, but he just laughed… the man ran outside, and soon found a police officer. They both ran back to Demyx's house. His parents were arrested for physical and emotional child abuse. The man brought Demyx here… And I became his nurse… but, he said once, while laughing 'Your smile, Namine! It reminds me of my mom!'… I was almost fired because of this, but Yuffie offered to take him, and I took her patient… A boy named Roxas. He was so quiet… he only smiled when he was with Axel and Demyx… but… that is another story…he got better, and you came after he left…"
She sobbed. I felt my tears come down like acid. I held Namine and we sat there in silence. "I… I promise you, Namine…." I said after we calmed down." I promise that I will try. I will try to get better, little by little… I will be able to hold my head up high… and I'll forget my past… Little by little. I promise, Namine."
She kissed my forehead. "And I will help you… little by little… I promise you…"
"I wanna take a nap…" It came out of nowhere, but it was true. Crying would always tire me out. Ever since….
She prepared the bed and as I climbed in, she told me "If you need something, just yell." She walked out the door and as she closed it, she said "Zexion!"
I looked over and she smiled, balling both her fists and she yelled "Fighting!" and the door closed.
Not one evil memory from my past came into my thoughts. Instead, Demyx crossed it various times. I know understood why he was so friendly, because he valued every friend that he had… this made me happy. But… this wasn't my last thought.
I still wondered about Axel, why was he here?
Soon enough, I was asleep.
Chapter 1/END