The pill

Living on the run wasn't easy. Always watching your back, always moving from a place to another without the possibility to even think of having a "normal" life. But eventually, when Hannibal thought it was impossible and after a furious "discussion" (if discussion was the correct word for the very physical and hurting confrontation they had) with the Lieutenant about his sexual habits, they had come to a point. It took them 15 long years but they had finally found each other. Face maintained his word to be loyal to the older man, not letting any other men have him and it shocked him how easy it was. Because Hannibal made him feel complete and safe and many other things he could not even give a name to. The only thing they both still missed was a safe place, a place called home. So, when Hannibal's birthday came, Face was more than happy to show his lover his gift: a small cabin in the woods, not an ugly old one but a modern building, with all the comforts including a flat tv in the sitting room, a Jacuzzi in the bathroom and a king sized bed in the main bedroom. Apart from the interiors, the building in itself was also remarkable: the architect who worked on the project maintained the original wooden structure but combined it with new materials (large windows, white walls for the new parts, minimal iron railings at the balcony) so to give it a new life. The contrast between the old parts and the modern ones was evident but not annoying. And it was surrounded by a wood, with only a little dirt patch to reach it from the main road, many miles to the South. It was what they were searching for, peace and quiet, far from everyone. And now it was theirs. Their first home together.

When Face removed the blindfold he had gently put on his boss, he grinned with pleasure at the surprise displayed on Hannibal's face.

"What is it, baby? Is it what I think it is?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yeah! Welcome home, boss!" Face replied, his voice a little unsteady.

Without a word, wearing one of the best smiles the LT had ever seen on his CO's face, Hannibal gathered the younger man in his arms and carried him past the front door to the bedroom, carefully depositing him on the soft surface. Face found himself gently restrained by the older man, who managed to undress him with one hand, holding him in place with his other one, all the while kissing him passionately, eventually releasing his mouth long enough to let Face breath occasionally. For the first time in months, they made love tenderly and without hurry, devouring each other, without caring of being too loud for anyone to hear them. The night slipped away and dawn surprised them asleep, naked and relaxed, close to each other. Hannibal was the first to wake up, the lieutenant still deeply asleep in his arms, and despite he was still tired he used the early hours of the new day to watch his lover sleep and smile in his dreams. They spent most of the day in bed, resting and talking; normally, despite being together almost 24/7, they rarely had such quality time together. So, when they left the cabin some days later, they decided to come back as soon as they can to their personal Paradise.

The followings months, however, they worked very hard. Whenever they can, the two men shared a motel room so to have a little privacy and "relax". In the last weeks, Hannibal noticed Face was acting strange: he was distract and distant, clearly tired and surly. He tried not to show it but Hannibal knew when the kid was in trouble. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to deepen the subject. Finally, they could effort some days off and the Team split in two: Murdock and BA went to visit the black man's mama, Hannibal and Face headed for the mountains. The Colonel thought the Lieutenant would be happy to come back to their home and had secretly planned a hot passionate night with his lover, like the first time. But Face had other ideas: claiming he was tired, he simply went to sleep, leaving the older man alone in the sitting room to watch the TV flipping through the channels. He tried not to take it personally but when the second night the kid refused him again, Hannibal felt really bad and decided the following morning he would had talked to his lover seriously because he wanted to know what was the matter with him. However, he didn't have to wait this long because at 5.00 he heard him get up and taking a shower. Since it was a little strange for Face to get up so early when he could have slept longer, Hannibal followed him and watched him from the half closed door. When Face grabbed a small bottle of pills from his bag on the floor and took one, the Colonel frowned: he didn't know he was taking meds. The fact that Face hadn't asked for his help hurt him; and in that moment, while watching the younger man slipping out of his bed clothes, he thought how fool he had been. He now remember that the kid had deserted his duties twice in the last month, claiming that he had been visiting an old friend and, anyway, Murdock had covered him so technically he hadn't done anything wrong. And many times, when he caught the kid off-guard while he was surfing the net on his laptop, he remembered very well how quickly he had minimized the sites he was actually visiting… Hannibal's worst fear was that Face had found someone, younger than him, and was in love with him but wouldn't tell him. The fact that they hadn't been together in the last days just proved it, right? The Colonel felt the world crumble around him. Five minutes later Face came out of the shower and literally stepped into him, almost falling backwards if Hannibal hadn't caught him.

"Hannibal! Jesus, don't do that again!" he exclaimed and instinctively took a step back, putting some distance between him and the older man.

At this point, Hannibal needed no more proofs. He smiled sadly at Face, thinking it was the last time he would see him naked and his heart ached. "It's over, Face?" he asked.

"Over? Hannibal, I... I don't understand… Why would it be over?"

"You're seeing someone else, am I right?"

Face couldn't believe his own ears and didn't find his voice to answer immediately. That made Hannibal furious.

"Answer me, Lieutenant!" he barked loudly but then Face took another step back and covered his ears with both hands.

"Jeez, Hannibal, stop shouting! I'll answer all your questions just, please, don't shout! God, my head is killing me…"

Immediately worried, the Colonel reached the Lieutenant and helped him to sit on the water closet.

"I'm sorry, Face!" he replied quietly this time. "I didn't know you were hurting. So the pill you just took was for the headache?"

"Yeah, were you watching? Not fair!" he chuckled tiredly. "Hannibal, I'm not seeing anybody, I don't know why you believed that but I swear I'm not cheating on you, if this is your worry. I love you and I don't want anybody else, just you."

Hannibal could see the kid was sincere because he could read it in his eyes.

"But then, where did you go, Face, when Murdock covered for you, where did you go? You said you had been visiting an old friend… was it true?"

"No, I'm sorry John. I… I don't feel so good, do you think we could talk in our bed? I really need to lay down, sorry…"

As if a switch had been turned on, Hannibal felt his heart beating again and gently helped his lover walking the few steps out of the bathroom and made sure he was comfortable under the covers.

"So, sweetheart, can you tell me what's going on with you?" the Colonel prompted. The younger man deeply sighed and blushed slightly.

"A little more than a month ago I started having headaches. At first I thought it was normal, but then they became more and more frequent. I took Aspirin and Tylenol but after a while they stopped working and I was having difficulty in concentrate on the job. So I went to a clinic specialized in headache and migraines and they gave me those pills… but they don't work too well, as you can see… So after two weeks I came back to the clinic to speak with the doctor and he said that probably the dosage was wrong so to take an entire pill instead of half per day and suggest I should try to take them for at least two weeks…"

"What did they gave you, do you remember the name of those pills?"

"Yeah, it's Prozac."

"What? But it's a psychoactive drug! Face, how long have you taken this shit?"

"Three weeks, more or less."

Cupping the younger man's chin with his strong hand, Hannibal forced Face to look at him, trying to convey him all his love and affection. "I want you to come to me, next time, baby! You know you can always count on me!"

"But we were in a hurry… you were busy and besides, I'm a grown man!"

"I know that and I am sorry if I didn't notice before you were hurting. I'm sorry if I thought that you… Can you forgive me, Temp?"

Face smiled and let Hannibal engulf him in his arms, feeling safe and loved.

"We're going to see another doctor today and we're going to enjoy our holiday! Is it ok for you, baby?"

"Sounds good… John, there's another thing I need to tell you… last night, when I said I was tired and I needed to sleep… I didn't mean to refuse you, I know you wanted to make love with me and I wanted that too… but those pills... I… I just can't, you know? God, this is so embarrassing!"

"Don't worry about it! Not your fault baby, just holding you is Heaven for me! When you'll feel better we will make love, Face, there's no rush! Now, what do you think if we just try to get some more sleep?"

Face didn't reply but snuggled closer to the older man and Hannibal didn't let go of him.

END

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