Life—The Quick Change Artist
It is strange how we wish for one thing and end up with another; then, did not know we really wanted the other. As I was growing up all I could think about were planes…mostly flying planes. I thought that was the coolest thing in the entire world at the time. However, there are more out there beyond this world and things change.
Change is inevitable. Life and death are synonymous as is the beginning and end. As one starts another ends…thus change. That is very deep thinking, even for me, but it is what I have to do now…think; nothing else to do but think. I am sitting on my dock with my fishing "stuff" and wonder why, how, and when did it all change.
I got my first dream come true when I entered the Air Force. I did not get to fly right away, but I worked hard to get through the Academy and flight school. The very first time behind the real thing was a thrill of a life time. To be able to soar through the clouds and feel the control in your hands when taking off was such an adrenalin rush that it never stopped, not even when I started my decent for the landing. Ah man, the landing…wow! That scared the crap out of me at first but it was a whole other adrenalin pump and it took a whole day to come down from it.
Adrenalin…what can I say, it was a start of something new. I lived to feel the next rush of adrenalin. I became the proverbial adrenalin junky. It sure beat the other drugs that where going around at the time. After awhile the rush wore off and flying became "old hat". It was time to move on…you know—change, finding that next thing to get the adrenalin going.
You can imagine what steps I would take to find the next adrenalin rush, but you are wrong in thinking that a jump from a plane was not the next biggest rush. I was waiting at the end of a church aisle watching my bride to-be walk down with her father. I was once again scared "shitless" and thrilled at the same time. As we said our vows, all I could think about was Sarah and a life time together. She was beautiful, smart, I loved her, and she said yes. That makes her the perfect person to have 2.5 kids, the two story house, and the picket fence. It made me think about settling down and not take the next adrenalin shot.
Wrong!
If anyone knows me and my story, knows what happens to this beautiful picture of a family…Charlie. I loved that kid with all of my heart. I truly believe my heart died that day when the shot rang out and the scream of Charlie's name in anguish ripped the air. It is not a time I would wish even to my enemies to live through…well maybe one or two of my enemies, but no one should lose their child at all. It would have been different if he was lost in a car accident, but to die at the end of your own gun is shattering.
Change…it can be dramatic or it can be subtle. It took the innocence of one man and a child/man to bring me back from the brink—Daniel and Skaara. They both dug into my heart and found life there. I did not even realize that it was happening. There was no adrenalin…no warning…no nothing and the next thing I knew, I wanted to live again.
Amazing!
The adrenalin junky was back, but it soon slowed down and found that Sarah did not want to even stay. She could not forget, even though she could forgive. I would always have a special place reserved for her in my heart, now that it started beating again. I even have a very special place there for Charlie also. It is a part of who I am.
Life is not about the living, but about how to live. I learned that the hard way. So I find myself for a year after Abydos looking for outlets of interests and giving life back to those in the community, especially the kids. Who would have guessed that another big change was in the works for me…retired colonel?
HA!
Retired was the operative word. It is now Major General Jack O'Neill with two l's. A lot has pasted in the past ten years that it would take a library to tell it all. Oh, wait…I did have a library in my head not once, but twice. This was a time of some of the most extreme adrenalin rushes and heartaches.
When I was a kid dreaming and aiming for the skies I did not even come close to what I really got. I look around me at the cabin and the well kept lawn and marvel that for once it is good to be me. Then I hear the noise coming from the door of the cabin and see my heart standing there…life is good.