(Not that anyone whose read my other works will be surprised, but this is post-NFA, somewhat AU and mainly Spuffy. I fully intend on finishing If I Didn't Have You, but in the meantime, this is an unrelated idea I had and have to get down before I forget. I hope you'll enjoy it!)
The nightmare came again, as it had so often since that night in the Hellmouth. I don't even know why my mind keeps replaying it. Those last moments I shared with him.
I love you.
No you don't, but thanks for saying it.
We had left him behind, and in return, Spike had saved us by sacrificing himself. Now, all that I had left to remind me of the irritating, often shirty, usually mischievous vampire was his silver skull ring and his lighter. I had...borrowed the lighter. And never quite returned it before the battle. His skull ring had ended up in my possession as the result of a spell gone awry, and it had gotten misplaced for a long time afterward. Until the Potentials had moved in with us. While moving furniture, I had found it and intended to give it back to him. Now, I wear it around my neck on a chain.
Sitting up in bed, I reach for the drawer of my bedside table and take the lighter out. It reflects the moonlight coming in from the small window. Lying back against the pillows, I cradle it in one hand. I still cannot figure out why I can't get him out of my head. And I can't talk to the others about it.
I lie back and close my eyes, feeling exhausted. But sleep doesn't come. I study the lighter again, to give myself something to do. Something to get my mind off the nightmare. Of the flames that took him. Eventually, I close my eyes and allow a few tears (but not many) to leak out.
When Angel died, I felt sort of dead inside. But after Spike...after I had been dead myself...well, this time it's different. It feels different this time. But I can't explain why. After all I've spent far too long telling him and everyone else, especially myself, that I wasn't in love with him. I had even come to believe it. To believe that I didn't care for him. Especially after what happened before he went to get his soul. But that soul...it changed things. It changed him. Well, truthfully, it didn't. It brought out a different side of him that as already there. A better side.
I sigh and put the lighter away. Tonight, it is not helping calm my mind. I decide to do something I haven't done for quite sometime. Getting out of bed, I quietly get dressed so that I can go out on patrol and clear my head.
Quietly, so I don't wake up Dawn or the other girls who were staying with us, I leave the house. The air is cool in Cleveland, where we've been living for the past two months. Ever since Spike imploded the Hellmouth a year ago, we've been moving around every few months, looking for more girls imbued with the powers of the Slayer. But Cleveland sat on top of a Hellmouth. Faith and Xander had set up a sort of mini-Slayer Central here. Faith trained the girls we sent her and when they were ready, she sent them on to London. Dawn and I had been everywhere, but when Giles had offered us the chance to settle down, even temporarily, I jumped at it. I knew Dawn was looking forward to finishing school without having to move again. And me? I had been restless even when we were moving around, so I doubt staying in one place is going to make a difference. I sigh, shaking my head. I wish I could shake the thoughts of Spike and Sunnydale out of my head. I shiver slightly, though I'm not that cold. I head for the cemetery near our small house. But I don't make it far when my phone goes off. I smile down at it as I recognize the number as Willow's.
"Hey, Will. What's up?" Talking to Willow, as always, makes me feel better. But this time, there's something wrong. I can hear it in her voice as soon as she speaks.
"Buffy? It's Giles. Look, I know you're not on the best of terms with him after what he did to Spike. But...he had a heart attack early this morning." My heart drops to the pit of my stomach.
"What?" is all I can think to say.
"He's resting now. The doctors...well they think he'll be okay. But only time will tell. Regardless, Buffy, I think you should..." I interrupt her.
"I'll be on the next flight to London." I sigh as we hang up and turn to head back to the house. Instead of waking all of the others, I leave a note for Dawn and wake Xander. He agrees to keep an eye on Dawn while I'm gone, though I know he'd rather come to London with me.