I was trying to finish a chapter for one of my other stories called 'game night' but my mind would let me continue until I wrote his down ;P so enjoy!

sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes :')

The church bells were ringing giving everywhere the feel of peace and simplicity as they chimed their heavenly rehearsed chorus. Everyone seemed to find a glimmer of internal peace as they listened, if only briefly. Castiel sat on a bench round the back of the church as he heard the chimes, the sun shone but have him no warmth, nor did the bells calm or sooth his soul, they merely reminded him how close he was, it was almost time. He sat staring at his hands and after a sigh he stood and made his way into the church and to the back room where he waited patiently for the service to begin. Cas tugged at and smoothed down his suit, it was totally over priced and he didn't feel comfortable in it, the yellow waist coat just made him feel like a bit of a dick.

He wasn't certain how long he was there, some of the time he paced the room, other times he stared out the small window, all the while his heart racing double time. Who would have thought that getting married was so stressful? The priest came in and looked sympathetically towards the man that had now started shaking he saw this a lot, nerves.

"Are you alright my boy?" Castiel's eyes shot up and instantly softened when he saw who was talking to him.

"I'm fine thank you father, just a little,"

"Nervous?"

"Yeah."

"It's only natural." He reassured him. "Your bride will unfortunately be late I have heard. About twenty minutes I'm guessing."

"Well, it wouldn't be Anna if she didn't make an entrance." Cas spoke though a smile as he thought of the familiarity and fondness he felt towards his future wife. Fondness, surely it should be love? He couldn't even lye to himself on his wedding day, alas his heart was lost a long time ago. Not that he was thinking of that when he planned to devote his life to the fiery red head in white. White? Huh yeah okay.

"Indeed. I'll leave you be then."

"Can you send in my best man please?"

"Sure." Castiel smiled in thanks and watched the priest disappear through the door, after a few minutes a short shaggy haired man appeared in the room.

"What's up bro?" Gabriel asked.

"I don't know Gabe, I guess I feel, I don't know." Gabriel watched his brother's actions for a moment taking in the way he shock and fidgeted and refused to meet his gaze, keeping his baby blues fixed on the concrete floor.

"Cassie, I don't want to have to ask this, but I feel I need to. Are you? Cassie are you having doubts?" Cas' silence gave him his answer. "Oh god, Castiel this is your wedding day. It's the rest of your life."

"I know. I can't help it." Castiel wheezed out as he covered his face.

"Do you love her?" Gabriel asked, expecting an instant 'yes' so he could did a, love is all you need speech. What he got was, unexpected.

"I, I can see us growing old together as husband and wife."

"Not what I asked Cassie. Do you, love her?"

"She's going to be my wife, that's a stupid question Gabe. Yes I love her."

"But are you in love with her?" again there was silence, Gabriel sighed as he wrapped his arms lovingly around Cas, his hands were violently shaking as he hid his face, obviously trying not to cry. Initially the groom pushed his brother away, knowing that the hug would break his guard own completely. "Shhh, shhh. It's okay bud. Come here." Gabriel calmly spoke as he continued to pull his baby brother towards him. Castiel instantly burst into tears as he became enveloped by Gabe's warm embrace. "You have to think of something man, it's not fair on either of you if your hearts not completely in it." There was no more talking as the man rocked his brother calm as he stroked his hair, the way he did when they were growing up. They stayed that way for about five minutes and when Cas' tears had dried up Gabe let him go. "Talk to me Cas."

"I can't." and he couldn't he knew he couldn't, there was no one he could tell, ever. "I'm sorry." The words slipped out of his mouth almost like a whisper.

"I'll always be here for you okay, but this has to be sorted, before you get wed and ruin your life and not to mention that poor girl's." Cas nodded and received and kiss on his forehead from his brother, they stood for a few moments in silence.

Suddenly there was a noise and a soft knock from behind them and a familiar voice. "Cas?"

The two men shot around and took sight of the man half inside the room and half hidden by the back door. The man was younger that both boys, though not much younger than Castiel, in fact they were in the same year at school. The man wore a black suit, so at least he dressed for the occasion so Cas had to give him points for that, not that he was expecting him to turn up at all after last night. The man in the door way had the same slightly red blood shot eyes as Cas now bore, only his weren't blue they were green, striking emerald green, the colour made only more predominant in contrast to the reddish pink of the rest of his eye. Those said eyes instantly clashed with Cas' making the man's heart stop slightly when he saw him in his wedding attire.

The man was Dean, his best friend since high school. The man he had always planned to be standing next to him when he got married, as best man. Things didn't turned out the way he hoped, illustrated by the bruise Dean now sported on his jaw and the slightly swollen nature of Cas' right knuckle.

Gabriel felt an instant wash of anger, as he started to walked towards him, fists clenched, Castiel quickly grabbing his arm. "Get out. You are not welcome here." Gabriel almost growls at the intruder.

"Dean what are you doing here?" Castiel asked, voice quacking as if he would burst into tears again.

"I came to talk." Gabriel pulled his arm away from his brothers grip and walked up to Dean, faces inches apart sizing the others up, they looked like peacocks showing of their dominance. Gabriel was a joker, a fun loving guy but when it came to his family things were different. Gabriel was standing up for Castiel and that made him scarily serious, Dean was although would never admit it a little intimidated but he needed to see his, friend. More than any would know, he needed to speak to him. If he failed today it would probably be the last time he did, and he was probably going to fail, so he needed at least to say good bye to his Castiel.

"Get out." Gabriel growled again, voice full of malice intent. Castiel made his way to the two and pushed them apart, hand on both of their chests, firmly pressing against them.

"It's okay Gabe, I can handle it. Please." The older man nodded and shot Dean a look that could kill.

"I'll be just past this door okay." He told both his brother for comfort and Dean to serve as a warning.

Soon Castiel and Dean were left alone in the back room of the church, searching for the right words to say to each other. "You look good Cas, waist coat make you look a bit of a dick." Cas couldn't help the laugh that burst through his lips, trust Dean to give it to him straight.

"Yeah well. Wasn't my choice."

"Yeah it is."

"Excuse me?"

"You have a choice." Dean softly tells him as he slips a hand over Cas' that was still situation over his chest. Cas needed to speak, to say anything to distract himself of Dean's touch, the way his thumb ran tiny circles over his hand and the feathery touch of his other fingers, the way it gave him little shivers, every time.

"No, the yellow went with the colour scheme so…" Castiel wasn't sure where he was going with that sentence, not that what he was saying mattered, Dean took hold of Cas' tie and pulled him towards him, their lips connected with the ease and fluency of lovers. Cas was tense and reluctant for a second before he couldn't resist it anymore, a deep moan came from his throat as kissed back passionately, he desperately needed it, he desperately missed it.

Cas' hand went to the back of Dean's head as he pulled slightly getting them impossibly closer as the kiss deepened. After a few moments Cas came to his senses, he was in church, on his wedding day and he was kissing someone else, his best friend, his guy best friend. This was wrong he couldn't allow it, he pulled back.

"No, no, no." Dean quickly whispered eyes still shut as he lent forward and captured his lips once more. Cas took hold of the top of his left shoulder and pushed him back the same with the hand on his chest. Their eyes locked and neither found the strength to look away. Some how after a few minutes Cas managed to do it, he removed his hand and gaze and took a few steps away from the man, though it killed him to do so.

"Please Dean, just go."

"No." Dean firmly stated, Cas spun around revealing fresh tears brewing in his eyes as he begged the man through a whisper.

"Please."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Why?"

"Because, you don't want me to go. Tell me you want me to go." Cas shook his head as two silent tears fell, Dean made his way to Cas and ran his fingers through Cas' soft black hair as he rested their foreheads together. "Come with me." Castiel snorted slightly.

"We went through this yesterday." The two smiled briefly, as Dean tried to joke.

"I know I can still feel it." Referring to the bruise on his jaw.

"Sorry." Dean moved his left hand from Cas' hair and cupped the mans cheek.

"Don't be, I was being a dick, I shouldn't have said those things about Anna, you know I love her."

"Yeah."

"And I know you don't." their eyes opened and locked again, Dean had a habit of seeing into his soul. "I know you love me."

"Don't." The older man shook his head as he turned away, freeing himself from Dean's touch, he couldn't hear this out loud; it was to much just thinking about. It has got to the point his mind was screaming it at him, it took every piece of strength for Cas to keep it hidden and shove it to the back of his mind.

Dean stood behind his lover almost whispering into his ear and Cas closed his eyes listening to the hum of his voice. "I know you Cas, I know you love me, I can see it in your eyes, feel it when we kiss," Dean gave Cas a soft kiss on the side of his neck before he continued. "When we make love."

"Dean,"

"You can't get married today Baby, not if it's to someone else." Cas came to his senses again and turned, forcing himself to sound harsh and firm minded, even though all he was, was conflicted.

"But I am. This is what I want Dean."

"No its not."

"Yes it is. I want to get married and I want Anna to be my wife."

"Was that for my benefit or yours?"

"I think you should leave." Cas' voice was shaky but was impressed at how authoritative he sounded. Dean stepped into Cas' personal space and took hold of his hands and squeezed them, Cas not being able to stop himself before he squeeze back.

"Castiel, Cas, baby listen to me. This isn't what you want."

"Then what do I want." He sounded as though he was almost begging for an answer; a tear fell as he spoke.

"Me." Dean wheezed out, sounded quiet and pathetic, tears also falling from his eyes.

"No." Cas blared out as he turned again, he needed to stay strong today of all days, and looking into Dean's eyes was the worst thing he could do.

"Fine, you don't want me, but I know you don't want this." Dean sounded a little more than annoyed and he forced Cas to look at him and he told his lover the truth he refused to see. "You don't want to get married in a church, all the corruption and hatred that happens here, you want to get married some where simple, were the true beauty of god can be seen. You want to be able to see the sun set. A hill or maybe the beach. I know you don't want to were a waist coat, a simple tux would do you nicely, traditional and nostalgic, you remember prom? I know you don't want a rose in your lapel; you like orange carnations, and don't ask me why. But they do suit you. I know that you don't want the most important day of your life stared at and watch by relative strangers; you just want close family and friends. You don't like large crowds, especially if there concentrated on you. I know you believe in freedom, so I know you think forcing guests into a colour scheme to fit the rest of the wedding is a stupid as I think it is. And I know you believe in marriage, a union of two people. I know you believe in love." Dean was in unashamed tears, he held Cas face with his faces and place a soft, quick, chaste, desperate kiss on his supple yet dry and chapped lips before continuing, barley audible he was getting so emotional. Which wasn't like Dean at all, so the sight of Dean so helpless and distraught caused Cas to be in tears, if his heart wasn't already broken the sight before him, surely would have done the trick. "And I know you refuse to see the person your about to marry isn't the person you love, but the person you so love, the person willing to marry you and love you back forever, is the person in front of you now. Please Cas."

they rested their foreheads together again as they rode out their tears. When most were gone they looked up, Cas found his hands on Dean's chest, he looked at them before sliding his right hand under Dean's dinner jacket and whispering. "I can feel it."

"It beats for you." Cas brought Dean's hand to his heart and cupped his face with his free hand.

"As does mine, forever. But I have to do this. I'm sorry." Cas then turned and walked towards the door, leading to the main church room. Dean felt defeat wash over him; he thought that maybe shock tactics might work, either way this had to be said.

"If you do this, you'll loose me forever." Cas heard Dean say as he opened the door, he froze for a second closed it and turned, when he caught Dean's eye the man continued. "You're not the only one that believes in marriage. You know how bad I felt sneaking around behind Anna's back for the last year, behind every ones backs for the last five. I won't do it any more. I want more than a secret love affair; I deserve more. I've waiting for you long enough baby. I want all of you or nothing, so if you get married today, you'll never see me again."

"Are you threatening me Winchester?" Cas asked hardly believing what he heard, loosing Dean never occurred to him, Dean was always there, figured he always would be, everything just became real.

"No. I'm just telling you. God knows how much I love you but-"

"How can you speak of god when you know what you ask of me." Cas spat out slightly annoyed.

"You can you stand there and pretend this doesn't kill you like it does me." Dean spoke through gritted teeth as tears fell once more.

"Of course it does Dean, but this is happening. I'm getting married to Anna. I'm sorry." Cas began to leave, Dean was sick of being second best but putting Cas above everything. Cas professed his love to him but they kept to the shadows, it wasn't fair. Anger rushed over Dean as he spat out before he could stop himself.

"Don't come crying to be when she can't satisfy you. When you realise her touch means nothing. When you realise she knows nothing about you. Don't come to me when you're horny and she can't give it to you." Cas strolled towards Dean caught him this time in the eye with his first, Dean fell to his knees for a second before finding his footing. "Hit me all you want you know its true." Cas was breathing heavily, it seemed to be anger. But Dean knew Cas better than that, he was loosing control Cas was starting to come undone.

"Why do you do this to me Dean! I have everything under control then you show up and," Cas stepped closer to Dean again, speaking with their lips inches apart as he remember how they used to be. "…And I'm that same 17 year old boy in high school, that lives and breathes you, that can't do anything without you, that would die for you. That loves you." Dean sighed he hated seeing Cas like this, he ran a hand down Cas' cheek and whispered, loud enough so only they could hear, close enough for Cas to taste his words, pouting slightly as Dean moved his lips feeling the need to feel them again.

"Just, just tell me your happy."

"Dean," Cas whispered back.

"Tell me you will be happy." the groom laced his fingers together and rested them around the nap of the younger mans neck.

"I think you know the answer to that." Cas told him as he lent forward.

"Don't" Dean's words were swallowed by the kiss they both yearned for, Cas broke it to turn his attention to Dean's neck, to his sensitive spot making him moan as Cas spoke into the kisses.

"We can be like it was before," Cas moved his attention back to Dean's mouth and told him before he kissed him again that, "nothing has to change." Although the last thing Dean wanted to do was stop, he knew if he didn't know, he never would.

"Yes it does." He informed the groom as he tore their lips apart. "Cas, it's me or her."

"It will always be you, but certain things are expected of me baby, this is one of them. You know my family." The groom wrapped his arms around the taller man before him as they both wept into the embrace. Dean hopelessly begged Castiel to change his decision.

"Yeah, but you still have a choice. There is always a choice."

"yeah." Dean knew it was hopeless, he could feel it, and he hated it. Time to go, he thought, time to say good bye, now or never, forever. Dean wiped his tears and looked his used to be lover's in the eyes before smiling slightly.

"Maybe in another life, huh." Cas stroked Dean's face, and spoke from the heart, spoke true.

"I don't want to loose you." Dean placed a hand over Cas' and lent into the contact as if he was trying to make it so he would never forget Cas' touch, the feel of his skin against his, finally Dean opened his eyes removed his and Cas' hand and took a deep breath.

"I love you." Dean whispered though the unstoppable wave of tears and place a hand over Cas' heart. "Always." There was a knock on the door, and Gabriel came into the room before shutting the door, neither Dean nor Cas moved from the closeness of their position, Dean's hand stayed over Cas' heart feeling it beat. Gabriel frowned at the unusual sight before he continued.

"Hey, is err every thing alright in here?" worry seeped into his voice as he saw Cas' eyes that had become even more red and puffy.

"Yeah Gabe, everything is good." Cas lied through his teeth.

"Okay, Cassie she's here. You need to be out here in two minutes." That hit both boys like a thousand knives, it was time. Dean removed his hand and looked into Cas' soul for the last time.

"Goodbye Castiel." Gabriel wasn't sure what he just walked in on but hearing just those two words pulled Gabriel's heart strings more than he liked. Dean then made his way to the back door, Cas caught up to him just as he touched the door knob, he touched the younger man's shoulder the contact made Dean turned. They shared one last heart breakingly desperate kiss.

"Goodbye baby." Cas managed to wheezed out as his voice became emotional. Placing a hand over Dean's heart he told him "Always." They shared a lingering look before Dean left the church, without a word.

"Castiel?" Gabriel asked in complete shock, Cas either forgot his brother was their or didn't care, he couldn't think straight to know which one, probably a bit of both.

"Not a word." He told his brother as went for the door, Gabe stopping him and dragging him to the centre of the room.

"No I think several are in order."

"Please." Cas choked out as he begged he brother, Gabriel ignored it and continued.

"I've even seen you so, emotional." Gabriel thought about it carefully, "So openly loving with anyone, even with Anna. You love him?" Gabriel asked though he seemed to already know the answer. Cas nodded what's the point in denying it, it's over now. He's just said good bye to the love of his life what's the point in anything. "Are you in love with him?" again he nodded, Gabriel stood opened mouthed for a second, mentally comparing Castiel's answers of the same questions for both Anna and Dean. Gabriel didn't know what to say, it was all happening at once. "Then why are you getting married?" Cas' watery gaze moved to Gabriel's full sympathetic eyes, he didn't have an answer for him. Their was a soft knock at the door and the priest stuck his head in the room and informed the pair,

"Castiel? Gabriel? Showtime." Gabriel nodded to him and he left the two alone once more, he looked to his baby brother and asked.

"You ready?" it took a few seconds but Cas took a deep breath and slowly nodded and told his best man,

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

poor Dean :( and poor cas, so confused. anyway please review :') xxxx