A/N: Written for SPN_las, the prompt was Time Will Tell. Beta-read by Tania.
Spoilers: Exile on Main St.
Keep Going
There was a saying that time would heal all. Dean hated that saying. It wasn't true. So many years had passed since his mother died, since their lives were turned into the crazy it was now. Yet all the time in the world couldn't heal the scars Dean bore on his soul, or the wounds that Sam was suffering down in the cage. Dean was sitting in the Impala, wounds freshly healed by Castiel, looking out the window without really seeing.
How could he survive his brother's death? The thought that Sam was trapped in a cage with Lucifer, for all eternity. Dean didn't know. He knew what hell was, how it broke a man. While Sam was stronger than Dean ever could be, it made no difference. There was no angel in heaven to pull him out.
Dean could either go mad with the thought, or he could start living. He wondered if it wouldn't be easier just to give up and drive his baby over some hill, to go out in a blaze. It would be quite poetic and Dean grinned at the thought. But Sam made him promise and Dean couldn't break that. Not after what his little brother sacrificed. If anything, staying alive should be punishment enough.
So he drove to Lisa's house, knocked on the door and put his head on her shoulder to stop the tears. He wasn't sure if it would work out or not. He was telling himself that he just needed a little time, to figure out what his life should be. Days became weeks and soon it was a year and he found himself in the middle of something Sam used to dream of. He had a beautiful woman, a son he could be proud of. He had a mundane job and a night off with his neighbor drinking beer.
"All that is missing is a dog and a white picket fence," Dean thought as he slipped into bed and curled up against Lisa. The wards were up, a knife still in reaching distance although it wasn't under his pillow anymore. It was hard to cuddle when something that sharp poked you in the arm.
All in all, Dean felt... settled. There were moments when he was even happy. When Lisa kissed him in the morning, when Ben rubbed the oil from the car all over his face. There were moments when Dean almost forgot that somewhere, his brother was being tortured.
More days passed and Dean's Impala kept collecting dust, while he kept repairing other people's cars. Life was dull but Dean thought he was starting to like it.
Then Sam came back and with him came the monsters. Suddenly the world was pulled from under Dean's feet. He felt numb, he felt ecstatic... he didn't know what to do. There was a hunt, there was danger. Right now he had a family he could lose... one way or the other. Sam was pulling him towards the hunt, but the image of the white picket fence, Ben's grin when he taught him how to fix the car, or Lisa's touch when they huddled up on the couch to watch a movie... those things were keeping him back.
In the end, the choice was forced on Dean by someone else, someone he was supposed to trust. In the end, Dean accepted the choice and moved on, putting his brother above everyone else, just like he was taught to. Time would tell if he did the right thing or not. Till then, all he could do was keep going and hope the family he left behind was safe.
The End