Dora! Yay!
A/N: I apologize profusely for this abomination.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dora the Explorer or Metal Gear. If I did, they would both be dead.
Dora and Boots were walking peacefully down a forest path on their mission to find a magical wishing well. The Map had told them which way to go, but Boots wasn't feeling optimistic.
"Dora...are you sure this is the right way?"
"¡Cállate!" Dora said crossly. Fortunately for her, she thought they weren't on air and said whatever she wanted. Unfortunately for her, she didn't realize she would later be read about in a ridiculous story in which she would appear out of character.
Boots fell silent at Dora's rebuke, and he continued to trudge sadly through the dark forest.
After a long walk on what seemed to be a circular path, Dora muttered an oath - in English - and stopped. "I told you we were going the wrong way," Boots said, frustrated. Dora ripped open her Backpack, which screamed in pain as its zipper broke. She fished around her backpack, which was unfortunately too small to hold the big things that it contained. Ignoring this plothole, Dora triumphantly took out her Map.
"I found it! This is a triumph!" She shouted. Suddenly, Swiper jumped out of a bush and tore the Map out of her hands. Unfortunately, the Map was ripped in half, and it died instantly.
"Hey!" Dora screamed. "You're supposed to alert us first, you bastard!"
Swiper sneered, "We're not fucking on air anymore. I don't have to play by your rules."
Infuriated, Dora rummaged through her backpack another time. After five minutes of intense rummaging, to the complete astonishment of Swiper, pulled out an M-16 Assault Rifle.
"That's it!" Dora yelled, her face contorted with rage. "I've had it with you! I don't have to play with the damn rules either! Give me back the other half of Map!"
Before she could mow down Swiper with her assault rifle, he dove to the side, lunged forward, and grabbed Boots.
"No!" Boots cried. "Help!"
Swiper let his claws out, but instead of holding Boots hostage like people normally do in movies, he digs his claws deep into the throat of Boots. Blood spurts out of the little monkey, and Boots gargled in horror as he spasmed around. Somehow, he lasted another twenty minutes gargling, bleeding, and spasming on the ground.
When he was finally dead, Dora noticed that Swiper had pulled a revolver from Dora's Backpack and was aiming it at her.
"Damn it, Backpack!" Dora cursed.
The Backpack quickly retorted, "You're the bitch who ripped me open."
Swiper grinned, his revolver pointed at Dora and her rifle pointed at him. "You know, this is what they call a Mexican standoff."
Dora smiled too. "Alright. Mexican standoff. But you're forgetting something..."
Swiper sweatdropped, "What could that be?"
"I'm actually Mexican!"
Bang!
Dora fell to the ground, brains blown out. Swiper stared, wide-eyed. From out of the bushes came an American army officer.
"Identification please," the officer said to Swiper in a monotone voice.
Swiper realized he was looking at an American Border Patrol Trooper, or ASS for short.
Swiper and the ASS stared at each other.
The sun went down.
The moon rose.
The stars shined.
The moon glowed.
The sun came back up.
The ASS and Swiper stared at each other.
Swiper gasped. "Oh, dear God, no!"
The ASS stared at him.
"It's...it's you!" Swiper cried, backing away in horror. "What have they done to you!"
The ASS standing in front of him was Snake.
Sobbing, Swiper tore a plothole into the story and stepped into it, dropping the revolver and a half Map in the process.
"Fuck," Snake swore. "I let him get away..."
He turned to leave. He had barely walked a few steps before he tripped over something and split his skull on a very sharp piece of rock. His brains went everywhere, mixing with Dora's brains and the blood of Boots.
Backpack leaped on top of the dead ASS. "That's what you fucking get for fucking forgetting about me, son of a bitch."
El Fin