Hi Everyone. This is a story that has been in my mind since playing the HD edition of FFX-2 and listening to the bonus details of FFX Will Eternal Calm. I used to adore Paralai but the older I got the more I saw they couldn't work the way I wanted them to. So if you want Paine and Baralai together forever I am afraid this is not the story for you. I don't usually do these kinds of characters but I felt it so powerful to me I had to share her with you.
I hope you do enjoy, but if you do not then please be polite about it in the reviews – remember every time someone writes a part of their soul goes into their stories and since Baralai has been a part of mine for a decade be kind. You don't have to love this or even read it, just respect this is important to me to share.
Update: Parts now rewritten to be more descriptive.
Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction by a fan. The majority of characters, places and plots from the past are works by Square Enix and not my property. The ideas are my own but are not based on real life events or other peoples work. Any similarities to this are purely coincidental. There is no profit made from this story. It is a fanfiction.
Spira has changed so much. Every corner of green forest and golden sand on the beaches have grown into a new and beautiful place. Every person has adapted to become who they want to be and not just what Yevon told us we had to be. Every past has transformed us into a new and, I think, better world than we used to live in. We no longer look a thousand years into the past any more for answers. Instead, we provide the answers for our own future. We plan for the next thousand years without the fear of Sin and the spiral of death. Children now grow up with parents, go to school and have a career option past acolyte or Crusader. No one will ever again have to plan to sacrifice their own life to save the world and people that they love. Friends stroll down the streets together in peace. All races united finally. The Al Bhed are now seen equally to everyone else. The Guado are now forgiven for their leader's past indiscretions. The Ronso are repopulating and exploring more of Spira without worry. We have done right by our descendants. They will know a freedom that was denied to us all our lives before Sin's defeat. Now we consider twenty a young age again, instead of a higher age than some had previously lived to. And to think, I'm twenty three now.
These past five years have changed so much. Spira has changed so much. I have changed so much. But is it still so wrong to look back on the forgotten corners of our past? The darker parts that will never leave us? Her eyes. Brightly shining back at me in the pale moonlight. Is it wrong to recount those memories and wonder if our lives had gone differently? If she hadn't...If I was there to protect her. But life goes on. But sometimes, in those rainy nights when you sit alone in the dark; maybe a single candle burning in the window as the rain hits the glass rhythmically, is it so wrong to wish I was with her one more time? To see her smile. To smell her hair and remember youth and happiness. A free time. Perfect Summers in fields of flowers. Snow falling in her chestnut hair as she whirled around, arms wide, with magic in the air. Colourful Autumns with chilly walks through the crisp leaves. A single kiss in the Spring showers leaving us both soaking wet and without a care. A promise of youth and love. Frozen in time forever. Forever young. Forever perfect.
Five years have passed since a failed Operation Mi'ihen befell us and the Crusader task force I was assigned to, the Crimson Squad, was disbanded by the gunshots of Yevon maesters trying to kill us for uncovering a long forgotten secret of Yevon. Spira was a mess for so long. Once High Summoner Yuna defeated our false religion of Yevon and Sin, the eternal regenerating monster that destroyed Spira on the commands of Yu Yevon, we didn't know which way to turn. I guess the older ones were the most confused. Their entire life was based on following a religion of lies. So New Yevon was born. A place for these people who didn't know what to do and a place for the recording and careful sharing, at a high level of discretion, of historical spheres. I was elected Praetor by these people, the highest honour and position in the party. I upheld my responsibility to the best of my ability but as a person I could not overcome my hatred for Nooj, my fellow ex comrade, following his betrayal at the Crimson Squad exercise where he shot me in the back and left all the team for dead after we escaped the massacure Yevon had ambushed on us. I let myself become emotionally vulnerable and I let a vengeful spirit called Shuyin possess me after confronting Nooj about the shooting and discovering he was possessed by this man since we visited the Den of Woe two years prior at Operation Mi'Ihen. I felt Shuyin's hatred and despair as he used me to try to destroy Spira for the revenge of the death of himself and the summoner he loved, Lenne, one thousand years ago in the Bevelle underground. He held onto my hate of Nooj. My regret. My bitterness. Her eyes. If it were not for my friends coming to save me and sending Shuyin and Lenne to the farplane- well, I couldn't even imagine. I owe a lot to my comrades but even more to Lady Yuna and the Gulwings. With Rikku and Gippal's Al Bhed knowledge, Paine and Nooj's fighting skills and Lady Yuna's faith in Love they defeated the spirit in me and freed me from his grasp. Only once I understood how Nooj had felt whilst being possessed by this Shuyin could I start to move past this chapter of my life and forgive my friend.
Following the 'second' secret, Eternal Calm, as we labelled it, once the omega weapon ,Vegnagun, that Shuyin possessed me to control was defeated, we united Spira but I couldn't deal with my feelings. I tried to disband the party but New Yevon was stronger than me. I was in denial thinking that Vegnagun was all my fault. I felt responsible. I couldn't move on. But my friends helped me get stronger again. Gippal was always there for a laugh whenever I felt low, always covered in oil and grime. For days after he left I would find blonde hair and dirty fingerprints around my office and occasionally bits of machina. Nooj also tried to help me. He lingered in every doorway for weeks with a stern lecture on controlling my emotions, hypocritically peering over his silver glasses with all his extra one year more than me life wisdom he possessed. That was when Paine started to visit more often, working on her book of our stories and her Gullwing adventures. She was there almost every other day, Crimson eyes glowing with laughter as she casually paced back and forth my office in her usual leather outfit, pushing her silver hair behind her ears as she threw ideas for chapters at me continuously. We laughed together over stories of our team and the adventures we shared and the future ones we planned. Her face seemed to soften a lot more through the weeks. We got closer and things developed into something more. That was the first mistake.
The Spirian Council was formed shortly after and title of Praetor turned into Chancellor but the role was basically the same. Something sturdy was developing that could finally replace Yevon successfully and actually involve the people. Bevelle built a Blitz stadium and people started to develop and use machina, which really helped relations with the Al Bhed. It seemed peace was a real thing. Except for with me and Paine. Didn't the papers have a field day with that, every single time. I must be a glutton for punishment that Yevon would lead me to love the one woman who cannot love another. She needed to be free and do her own thing and that was fine with me. She came and went as she liked. But hours became days and soon it was weeks between seeing her. When I confronted her it was an angry excursion that always ended in broken vases and ruin or passion fuelled making up. The emotions were too high, my reputation was on the line as well as hers. I wanted what was best for her. But I wanted her too. The more we saw each other the more vases that had to be glued back together again started to appear in my house. Was I the villain for letting her do this to me for so long? I only wanted her to be happy but she always came back with the same excuses. She couldn't be the future wife of a politician, smile, wave and stay put and be there for me. I never wanted her to do that anyway. I wanted her to be Paine. Wild and free and beautiful in her own way but I guess our lives were just too different. Months turned into years and when I blinked it had been two whole years of on again, off again relationships with her of which I could only account for a maximum of six months of time we were officially together. Even then I swear I only saw her for a third of that time. I became bitter and resentful to life, I think. In those moments, those single candle on the window in the dark moments, I thought about her. I hated myself even more for that. I felt guilty. I was in love with Paine and I was in love with a woman who I didn't even know if was alive any more. I felt like I was betraying them both. But it had been five years since she had gone missing.
But Paine had come back again after our longest break up. She missed me and needed someone to remind her she was a human again, she said with sorrow in her Crimson eyes. Was it just pity at this point or did I just hate myself this much that I had to keep punishing myself with her? Was there even love left or did I just want to remember that I was human too? That was the middle of March. The calendar to the left of the hospital bed read April 2nd. This had got far too complicated far too quickly. I sigh to myself, grief and worry consuming my soul. I had spent five years in torment. Five years thinking about who I should have been and not who I was. The uncomfortable, grey plastic hospital chair they had put next to the bed for me was starting to take it's toll on my back. I stretched a little and looked down at the patient in the bed before me. She looked so close to death it brought a lump to my throat. How did she look so small? So vulnerable? I couldn't bring myself to leave her. Not for a second, in case I blinked and she was gone. Gone. With no promise of return. No hope that this time I may see her face again.
How did today get so complicated? It started just like any other day. Out of bed and crawl lifeless to the kitchen for some coffee. Repeat until humanity returns. Listen to the traffic update on the radio. Sigh as once again the main road into Bevelle Highstreet is blocked. Wait for private car to pick me up , shower and change into a respectable suit (Choice of tie pattern usually being the morning highlight). Spend adequate time transforming shower hair into acceptable gelled back perfection but spend more time messing up my silver white hair when I get the angle wrong. Check phone for any messages from Paine? No. Sigh to self and repeat previous coffee actions. Finally get driven to work in gridlock. Get to work. Smile, Sign papers, meetings, more smiling, press conference, lunch with Gippal. Stare into mirror in washroom for a good ten minutes to see if I can see a soul in my hazel eyes today. politics really takes a toll on your patience and humanity. But then the day changed with a call from the police station to report a small detonator device going off in the records centre. After a failed attempted robbery. This was different. I guess it was at this point in the day that I finally woke up and took an interest. The area was safe, the police officer told me but that I had to come down now. A woman was injured by the blast and was asking for me personally but the police could not tell me her name. Panic. Fear crept over me now. What if it was Paine? I hadn't seen her in a couple of days. What if she was hurt? I grabbed my coat in an instant and ran out the office yelling to Karen, my redheaded, thirty something personal assistant to cancel all my meetings for the day. I don't think she heard me as I heard her call after me down the corridor. The car was waiting in a bay and I told the driver where to take me. He seemed surprised by the unplanned trip but did not question it. The journey seemed endless as we drove through Bevelle's bustling centre towards the outskirts where the Records Center was located. I thought about getting out and running most of the way there. Surely that would be quicker? I couldn't contain myself. I was edgy and panicking now as every second went past. The record centre appeared in the corner of my eye with a small crowd surround it and multiple officers walking back and forth. The car was slowing when I grabbed the door handle and opened the car door without the driver stopping. As soon as I safely could I was running out the car and down toward the blue tape cordoning the place off. Why was I called here? Shouldn't they have taken her to hospital by now? I asked an elderly male officer these exact thoughts and he told me in a calm and croaky voice they would take her as soon as the ambulance arrived but until then they had a few questions as they believed her one of the people responsible for the attempted robbery. How? Paine was a wild card, but a detonated device? I couldn't believe it. I looked around for her frantically as the officer spoke. The old man directed me into a small blue tent they had constructed off to one side. He asked me to confirm if I knew the woman I was about to see as she was asking for me by name and not by my profession of Chancellor. I was getting frantic now. The anticipation was too high. A couple of beds were constructed for the injured, which looked to be filled by about two people but were obstructed from view by an arriving medic and two police officers. Rather small casualties for what had happened I thought. A blonde female officer stepped out the way to the right and I could clearly see the woman asking for me. My heart stopped. I did not know whether to run to her and hug her tight or cry like a baby. The girl was a stranger. About nineteen now. Shoulder length white hair a mess. Blood running from an open cut on her tanned face. Her clothing was that of a warrior and her brown eyes shone in frustration. A stranger but a part of my heart that automatically recognised her in a instant. A female mirror image of myself but a shorter, maybe five ft eleven? I whispered her name. A question almost. Kiara. My baby sister sat in front of me a young woman. Alive. She went missing the same time she did. My parents mourned. We never knew if she was alive or dead. I searched every corner of Spira I visited for years, even though a grave for her remained in my hometown, until after a few years even I had given up hope. She was only fourteen when she disappeared. So much life left to live. The holiday seasons we had all sat around the table with an empty seat for her just in case. But she was never there. In the end I think we all just assumed the worse and tried to continue our lives. When I joined the Crimson Squad and then went into hiding following is destruction my parents had assumed that I was another casualty of operation Mi'ihen. How many times had they mourned for their children? I couldn't count. But there she sat in front of me now, crying as I too realised I was. I ran to her and hugged her tightly. A thousand questions that just wouldn't turn into words in my grief.
"Baralai." She whimpered into my chest as I held her to me. "I'm so sorry." She wept. She kept repeating those words until they didn't even make sense any more. The words slowly changed. Too long before I realised what the words meant. "She's here. She's here." The lump in my throat was back. What did she mean? I knew she was here. I was holding her to my heart so protectively. I finally let her go when I realised she was real. Five years of grief poured into that embrace. "She's here." she repeated. I looked into her tear glossed eyes, following direction of her gaze to the bed across from her. The one I had ignored the minute I saw my sister's face. My heart fell to the floor. Things seemed to be getting a little bit dizzier. The room a little more blurry as realisation hit me and then her face came into view.
"Anna." I choked. It was her. A second was all it took to realise. My Anna. The one I couldn't protect. Snowflakes in her hair. Kisses in the spring rain. She wasn't conscience. I could hear Kiara saying something but I couldn't make sense of it as I walked a little shakily towards her.
"Some sort of magic... Couldn't remember who we were... The necklace..." It had been five years since I last saw Anna, her alabaster face perfect as a marble statue. Beautiful chestnut hair spread over her pillow. She hadn't changed. Not to me. She was the same girl I remembered. Older. But the same shy priestess she once was. She was here. She was alive. But she was hurt, I did not know how but she looked on the verge of life. How was she alive? Where was she? Why didn't she find me? I'm not exactly hard to find now a days. The room seemed to shake again and I had to run quickly outside to the nearest bin and vomit the contents of my stomach. Was this real? This was like any other day. I hadn't even bothered to check the date this morning. And now she was here being wheeling into the ambulance by the medic I had seen when I arrived. He looked grave as he climbed into the back with her,
Everything else happened so fast. I was so shaken by my encounter that I was taken to the hospital in the ambulance with the two women, Kiara holding my hand aggressively not letting go, digging her red painted nails into my palm and me desperately trying to not let go of Anna's limp one. My sister wasn't so bad. Only a few scrapes but she seemed shaken by the incident and spoke of a necklace often. I didn't pay much attention as we sped through Bevelle with sirens bellowing. They seemed to fix her up on the way to the hospital but Anna was still unresponsive and needed more attention. The moment we stopped they rushed her off on her bed to the emergency room where I couldn't follow and took my sister into another room. I stood aimlessly in the corridor as a middle aged, plump nurse tried to sit me down in a slightly busy waiting room with a cup of tea for the stress. I just wanted to be with Anna. The nurse smiled politely, knowing who I was, but I could see she was getting annoyed with me quickly so I tried to focus on breathing like she suggested. When she was finally happy with my progress she offered me another drink which I accepted without thinking and left me alone with a blanket over my shoulders to wait for a doctor to inform me about the two women who had reappeared in my life. How could I comprehend what was happening to me? To them? I couldn't believe they were both alive and what about this incident with the attempted robbery and explosives at the record office? This would come back into my hands sooner or later. I had to speak to one of them now. None of this seemed real, but all I could think of was her. I focused on her eyes. Bright blue like a turquoise with a hint of mischief and intrigue in them. Big and beautiful eyes that captured everyone's attention when they met her. It had been five years but I never forgot for one second what they looked like or how I felt when they were looking back deeply into mine. Senses seemed to return to me for a second and I felt a strange vibration in my pocket. My phone. I hadn't even considered telling anyone what was happening to me. I just went with it. I had five missed calls from Gippal. Ten from the office. A text from Rikku angrily asking me to answer Gippal as he was really worried. An official email from Nooj asking if I was AWOL again and whether he should check the Bevelle underground. I hadn't even realised the time. It was ten at night. How long had I been sat in this chair? I couldn't even remember the time I received the call from the police. The tea in my hand was stone cold. The waiting room now completely empty except me. How many curious people had passed their Chancellor completely oblivious to anything? A different nurse from the one who offered me tea passed and I called her over.
"How is my sister and the woman they took to the emergency room? The one who was at the record centre incident?" I coherently asked. The nurse looked confused for a second and then seemed to understand me.
"Oh. Your sister is sleeping in the ward and as for the Jane Doe. We took her to recovery recently." She smiled and then began to walk away quickly.
"Stop! Please?" I called, standing up and knocking over the tea onto the floor with the blanket that fell off my shoulders. "Can I go see her? Please?" I begged. No one had told me she had moved. I specifically asked them to tell me. Didn't I? Maybe not. The nurse began to shake her head and say that only family could see her and as they had no formal identity then they couldn't allow me in. "You have to!" I cried, trying to plead before I had to use my status against her, but I was desperate. "I know her. Please. Her name is Anna Kinoc. Her father is Maester Kinoc's brother. They live in Bevelle – her parents that is. I can call them to her. Please?" I pleaded. The nurse shook her head and continued to deny me as I had no proof that I was a relative past this. "Did she have any possessions? Jewellery?" I asked. I was desperate and now was not a time for secrets. The nurse confirmed she did but would not specify what. "There was a ring. A diamond ring. It was gold and on the inside in an initial of GM." The nurse once again confirmed. "The initials were Gloria Maytan. I know this-" I explained as calmly as possible. "-because Gloria Maytan was my grandmother and she gave me that ring. And I know that the girl in that room is Anna Kinoc and that she had this specific ring because I gave it to her. Five years ago when I asked her to marry me." I sighed. It was out now. Nothing could undo this fact. The nurse seemed shocked and immediately walked me down the corridor into her room where she lay. She gave me the uncomfortable, grey plastic chair and ran off to tell the doctor the new fact she received. They came back to get Anna's parents number from me and then left us alone. That was five hours ago. Its now three AM and I am sat here waiting for some sign of life. A glimpse so I know she was back. I am sat here reflecting on my life and how much it has changed without her. I am thinking of the future we should have had. Straight out of school, her and me, married with a few children by now. Her a librarian or priestess as she always planned. Me working in Yevon and coming home every day to her. That was the plan anyway. The day I asked her to marry me. I was only Eighteen but that wasn't uncommon for Spira then. When you left school at Eighteen and you weren't planning your wedding or at least engaged people said you were taking the 'Walk of shame' on leaving the gates for the last time. Life was far more precious then. I had know Anna my whole life and loved her for the majority of it. So it was agreed. She was so happy. She told me to wait a minute on the bench we sat on as she ran back to the temple because she left her bag there. I waited an hour. Then half an hour more. By the time I got to the temple I had asked almost half of Bevelle and no one had seen her. Panicking I ran home. But when I got home my parents were already crying. My sister was also missing. We filed the necessary reports and searched for hours on end. After a few weeks we held a joint memorial and a gravestone laid out for both my sister and the girl I loved above empty graves. One month later I signed up to join the Crimson Squad. I spent every minute memorising her eyes and thinking about how I would never see her again. When Gippal had once asked me what I would do after Sin I just did not know. I had nothing planned apart from the life we planned together.
And now she is back. Teetering on the edge of life. All I ever wanted was her. All I ever needed was her. And all I can think of is how I can't hurt Paine. I can't be dishonourable to her because a woman I used to- still love has returned. But how can I live without Anna? Paine or Anna? It wasn't fair. I resented Paine in that minute. She caused me only pain and now she wanted me back and Anna was here, real to the touch. I couldn't back out of this. I watched her pale face, hoping she would open her eyes. I sat here staring at the girl I asked to be mine and wondered if I would ever really have her. I didn't care where she was or why she didn't find me right now. All I cared about was her.
"Survive." I whispered to her, gently touching her chestnut hair, tears in my eyes. "Come back to me"