My name is Stephanie Plum, yes I dressed Barbie without underwear which was careless on my part since I bet those silly pants they gave you to dress her with probably chaffed and the skirts left nothing to the imagination anyway. Oh and yes I did put salt instead of sugar into a cake but in all truth it wasn't too much of an accident, the faces those who fell victim to my baking made was worth the scolding I received.
I have been working bond enforcement for three years, been on-off with Joseph Morelli for close to all those three years and have been lusting after Ranger, my bounty hunting mentor just as long. Morelli and Ranger are different which I suppose is what made it hard to chose which I wanted, you may think it would be nice to be in love with two men, but hell if they don't feel the same way its still a win lose situation.
I had sat down after the whole Scrog incident and thought through my life but most importantly the men in it. Ranger was laid up with his new injuries and the thought of that night still made me shudder, not to mention my reaction to it less than impressed Joe.
Joe brought comfort into my life, he was familiar, he was Burg but the sad thing was sometimes he reminded me of my mother. Who wants to date someone who remind's you of your mother? Especially since it's a boyfriend. He proved me he was good in bed a few select times. Okay maybe a few more times. Fine a hell of a lot, but I can't help it, he makes me want him when I'm within three feet and it is getting annoying.
This led me to the conclusion that Joe and me were only together because it was expected, hell we hadn't even gone on a date. We were comfortable fuck buddies and as much as I liked being on those terms with Joe he wanted to settle down with kids which is why an hour ago I left Joe sitting in his kitchen after our final break up.
It was the quietest break up we had ever had, no shouting, no hand gestures just two people realising they weren't meant to be. We had agreed to be friends and give each other a heads up when the other was dating so we didn't have to be stuck with the pitying looks as we went about ours lives.
So here I was sitting in my apartment, Ghostbusters was playing and I was munching through the ice cream I had thought I would need but hadn't. Well I couldn't let it go to waste so I dug in and popped a beer open enjoying the movie as if it was the first time I had seen it.
I was enjoying it so much I hadn't heard the locks tumble, or the door open then close or the soft footsteps that made their way to directly behind me. In fact I was in completely blissful state until I felt a tingle shoot down my spine and smiled.
"Hey Ranger." My voice was chirpy showing my obvious pleasure at being able to identify him and also the fact I was so glad my break up with Joe had gone as planned.
"Babe. What's this?" Ranger asked moving to the couch and sitting next to me, in his arms was a box with Maalox written on the side. My smile disappeared as I noticed the box then diverted my gaze to Ranger.
"Maloox?" I asked innocently causing the tips of Ranger's lips to quirk slightly.
"Why did Morelli feel the need to give me it? Then tell me I would need it?" He asked and I groaned picking up my cell and hitting speed dial two.
"Morelli."
"Truce is over." I told him trying to get him to feel the death glare over the phone.
"Just thought you two could do with a little help." He laughed so I hung up and shut the phone off, then I took the battery out and hide the cell under one end of the couch and the battery was thrown into the hall. I turned back to find Ranger grinning fully now, at least I was amusing everyone else even though I was feeling stupid.
"He's an ass." I told Ranger turning back to the television and watching Ghostbusters, I was so embarrassed, I mean Christ who has an ex boyfriend help set you up with someone new the day of the break up. The blush crept to my cheeks as the anger and embarrassment filled me and I sunk lower in the sofa.
Ranger pulled me up so I was tucked tightly into his side and stroked down my arm then planted a soft kiss to the top of my curls.
"So why did he give me this?" He asked again and I shrugged.
"He thinks since we are over and I told him Robin Russell likes him that he would try to return the favour. It would be a nice thought except he's an ass." I finished burrowing further into Ranger's embrace and letting his strong arms sooth my embarrassment and anger at Joe.
"Over for how long?" He asked and I felt the feelings come back full force, pushing away from Ranger I turned picking up my beer and ice cream walking to the kitchen. "Come on Babe, these break-ups never last long."
"Firstly I thought friends were supposed to support each other and secondly you think I would be still dating him with him cheating on me?" I poured the rest of my beer down the sink and put the ice cream into the freezer before tugging my coat on and turning to leave.
Problem one, Ranger was standing in the door and obviously had no intention to move until we had talked. Problem two he was stronger and more heavily armed than me. Problem three he was smelling way too good and looking way too good to be someone I wanted angry at me right now.
"Can I leave?" I asked impatiently as Ranger just raised an eyebrow.
"Why are you reacting so badly. I've asked you that before and it never bothered you."
"Because this time was obviously different, do you see me upset? Fighting? Angry? Being a bitch to Joe? No. Are we actually getting on? Did I set him up with someone else? Is he trying to stick his nose in where it isn't wanted? Yes. Completely different reaction than any other." I told him watching his face closely until I saw the smirk making it's way across it. I pushed passed him and out of the apartment straight to the office where I dragged Lula shopping with me.
I was still mad when I woke the next morning \and headed into RangeMan to do my searches. As soon as I parked I felt the anger returning even more so now. Jeanne Ellen was talking to Ranger by his Porsche, fair enough he looked slightly uncomfortable but hell if he didn't want to speak to her he could tell her to get lost. I pulled on my blank face and slammed the car door satisfied when Jeanne Ellen jumped before turning round and glaring at me.
"Good morning Jeanne Ellen." I told her happily as I pressed the button for the elevator and waited, thankfully it came quickly, unfortunately Ranger managed to make it in just before the doors closed.
He shot me a smug look that I ignored as I kept my eyes glued to the elevator doors until he spoke and I felt myself grow angrier.
"Nice to see you being aware of your surroundings." I took a deep breath and stormed from the elevator when it finally reached the fifth floor. I sat down at the desk and was about to take a bite from my survival Tasty cake when it was pulled from my hand and I turned to see Ranger's retreating back drop it into a bin outside of my cubby. Scowling did no good so when he was out of Range I pulled another Tasty cake out and waved it in front of the camera before cramming it in my mouth as I felt sanity return.
I settled into work and was happy by the time Ranger came back onto the floor since I had finished all my searches. I grabbed all my things then paused picking up my stun gun, I eyed it evilly and smiled sitting it on my desk as I dropped everything else into my bag and swung it over my shoulder.
I hid the stun gun behind my back and moved carefully slowly towards Ranger's back trying to act normal. As soon as I reached him I touched the prongs to his arm pressing the button before he could react and watched as his whole body slumped and dropped to the floor, he hit his head on the monitors desk as he went down making a satisfying thump then lay still on the floor face down.
I looked to him then Tank sitting on the chair next to him obviously still trying to catch up on what happened and felt the first licks of a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. Just then Bobby and Lester came round the corner and took one look at me with the stun gun in my hand and Ranger's motionless body on the floor then stared completely confused as well. At this my smile widened till I could hold in my laughter no more and started laughing at the sight and how easy it was.
Ha take that Mr always aware of your surroundings. I laughed so hard I was forced to sit down on the floor with a thump and didn't stop even when there were tears running down my cheeks which were hurting from my smile.
When I was starting to control myself I found Lester was laughing as well as Bobby while Tank sat with the biggest shit eating grin I had even seen.
I composed myself enough to get their attention then took a few deep breaths before I started laughing again.
"Help me get him into his chair." I told them and they all looked suspicious but complied and soon he was sitting in his chair completely slack with a post it note stuck to his head just next to the small cut Bobby had put stitches into.
Always be aware of your surroundings and never underestimate a woman scorned!
We laughed for a while till he started to make waking up noises and we scampered, the boys back to work and me down the stairs running then into my car where I gunned it to the office.
I sat chatting to the girls when suddenly silence fell over the room, I didn't have to turn around to know it was Ranger, I wanted to look to see what he was feeling but when I pictured his face it became a picture of him laid on the office floor. I tried to keep the laughter in but my shoulders were shaking and after a short while a small snort of laughter bubbled up. I slapped my hands across my mouth and tried to control myself but it was taking all my effort and when Connie started talking I shook more violently.
"Ranger, what happened to your head? Looks sore." Another giggle bubbled up which I unsuccessfully squashed.
"Bet you were off saving the world or catching a murderer." Lula cut in and I couldn't keep the laughter in any longer it bubbled up and burst into the room. I was laughing so hard it didn't take me as long to get back to my teary state again.
Suddenly I was lifted up and taken outside where Ranger held me against the wall, his eyes were blank and as much as I tried to be scared the silly grin kept coming back. That was until I looked closely at the gash in his head to see he had pulled the stitches and it was starting to bleed again.
I reached up stopping the blood from reaching his eyebrow with my finger then wiping it onto my jeans.
"Does it hurt? You pulled your stitches." I told him looking at his head instead of his eyes, what was the point they were probably blank anyway.
I felt rather than heard the faint chuckle at this and scowled down at him.
"What? Have you not learnt to stop making fun of me. Put me down." I struggled against his grip as tears threatened to fall, my elevated mood from earlier making my emotions closer to the surface. "Let me go Ranger." I felt the fight slip from my as he tightened his hold on my pushing me closer to the wall. "Please, just let me go home." I pleaded quietly as I felt a tear make it's way slowly down my cheek.
As soon as he saw the tear his grip loosened slightly but his whole body tensed stopping his laughing. He reached up to kiss the tear away but I turned away not wanting to give him anything else to laugh about.
"Babe."
"Don't Babe me Ranger. Just put me down, I've had enough of you constantly laughing at me."
"I'm not laughing at you Babe." He spoke softly pulling me from the wall and properly into his embrace.
"Sure, like at my apartment, you weren't laughing at me. Like in the garage you weren't laughing at me. Like just now you weren't laughing at me Ranger. I know I'm a joke but I thought at least you would be enough of a friend not to laugh at me to my face." His grip tightened and I was worried he would cut off circulation but then it loosened and he pulled back kissing my forehead and letting his lips linger there.
"Babe, yesterday I was laughing because you saw the angles and I didn't, I don't usually miss things so when you pointed them out I had to laugh at myself." I sighed slightly relaxing as his fingers stroked up and down my back soothingly. "In the garage I was laughing because Jeanne Ellen was left speechless and that helped me get away faster so I was happy." My tears had completely stopped now as I sagged against him wrapping my arms loosely around his waist. "Just now I was amazed at how you could go from laughing at the fact you stunned me to serious and worried in an instant and also the fact that you didn't even think before wiping my blood onto your jeans." When he put it like that I had to see his point I even smiled slightly.
"I'm sorry I guess I just went from such a high and that little thing set me off."
"Don't apologise Babe. It's my fault, I was never straight with you from the start and that thing about entertainment, I meant because the guy's all look forward to seeing you, it's not like we are all that sociable so you come along and make us happy. I'm sorry I didn't just tell you from the start."
"So is that the only thing you weren't straight about?" I asked hopefully and saw him smile and take a deep breath before looking my completely in the eye.
"No." I waited but he didn't finish so gestured for him to continue. "I may have said some things that were true just not how you took them." I nodded my head and he took another deep breath. "You took that my love came with a condom not a ring to mean I just wanted sex?" I nodded again burying my face in his chest at the memory. "Well it was that I didn't want marriage or kids not a relationship, I would like a relationship. You took that I said I'm not a family man to mean that I didn't want to be with you?" I nodded again still reeling from his first confession. "What I meant was my life isn't suited to kid's not a partner. Then you took that I love you in my own way to mean I didn't want you hurt but I didn't want to be with you?" I nodded again feeling the hope springing in my chest. He used a finger under my chin to level my gaze with his. "Well I meant it because that's the only way I know how to love and I didn't think it was what you wanted or needed. I love you completely, I don't want you to become a Burg housewife and pop out kids for me or anyone else. I want you to fly and to do your job as long as you want to. There are different kinds of love Babe." He told me and I smiled a genuine, I am so happy smile.
"I love you in my own way. Where you work when you want and how you want, I love you when you do things that show who you are and when you don't let anyone else change you." A beautiful smile light his face and I grinned like a fool as he closed the distance between us kissing me softly and tenderly.
"Do you want a relationship with me? It wont be easy." He asked and I smiled kissing him again.
"It would be harder if we didn't have a relationship. I love you, I can't change that and I don't want to." We kissed again then broke apart as we hugged tightly. It was when I opened my eyes I spotted the two noses pressed against the window of the office watching.
"We have an audience." I told Ranger smiling as I pulled back to look at him.
We must have made quite a sight, I was inches from the wall with my legs wrapped around his waist and hugging so tightly you wouldn't know where one ended and the other began. This caused him to surprise me, he leant forward and pushed me properly against the wall kissing me to within an inch of my life. When we pulled apart we were both breathless and we rested our foreheads together until I felt something wet touch mine and I remembered the blood.
I looked back and he smiled wiping his finger taking the blood from my forehead and wiping it onto my jeans. I grinned and smacked his arm lightly before hugging him tightly again this time not caring that we were being watched.
Without a word Ranger led me over to his Porsche tucking me into the passenger seat and dropping in behind the wheel.
"And where exactly are we going?" I asked when he pulled from the spot heading in the direction of RangeMan.
"Well since I need new stitches we are going to RangeMan and then I'm going to show you just how aware I can be." He told me running a searing hand up my thigh and stopping just before he reached the promised land. I moaned at the thought of what was to come and was thankful to see his driving sped up just a little.
Bobby looked confused to see me accompanying Ranger and still in one piece and pulled me aside to help with the numbing lotion.
"What happened? He didn't kill you?" He whispered and I grinned looking back at Ranger.
"No, in fact we are going to give being a proper couple a try." I told him and his mouth stood stock open in shock.
"Yeah, I know. Guess you could say he stunned me back." I told him and heard Ranger laughing behind us. A sound I loved so I moved over and kissed him lightly.
"Maybe I should have stunned you earlier." I joked as he picked me up sitting me next to him as Bobby let fixed his stitches.
Once we were back into the elevator he smiled pressing me against the wall.
"I think I need to stun you some more." He whispered huskily into my ear and I couldn't fight the shiver of anticipation at his meaning. Oh yeah I was glad we were giving it a go finally.