A/N: This one-shot is actually inspired by a Korean pop song, Fiction by Beast (b2st). This is completely based off of one of my many interpretations and I hold no claims on the song or the characters. This kind of took a complete spin of its own while I was writing, I mean, with me being the kind of person to never plan these things out. Also, note that I am American and have never been to Japan, so obviously there will be cultural differences.
Warning: This is supposed to be sad. Hopefully. Maybe?
Also, if you can't tell, things in italics are meant to be memories. Got it?
Fiction: The Legacy of a Memory
BeautifulTwisted
"Today, I'm going to try making our story again
This way, it won't end." (Fiction- b2st)
Today was the anniversary. The day she died, the day he died. The woman he loved the most in the world had died. And with her, he died as well.
Jiraiya stared blankly at the unmarked gravestone that marked their resting palace. Not even a name was carved into the smooth, sleek stone. Nothing for anyone to know the importance of this grave, just memories locked away in his own mind, things that kept him sane.
Jiraiya knew she had been pregnant. Their unborn child had died as well, hadn't even had a chance to live, to see the sky or breathe fresh air.
A slight smile graced the lips of Jiraiya as his mischievous black eyes lazily rested on the serene, worry free features of the long-haired woman resting quietly by his side.
It was his favorite time of morning, those few moments before the sun peaked over the horizon and everything was drowned in varying frost-like shades of blue, waiting for the sun to wake and warm the earth. Birds chirped, welcoming the morning and the start of a new day and as the bright glowing orb finally began to make its ascent into the sky, golden streams of light flooded from the window into the room, dancing across the white rumpled sheets of the bed and across her smooth pale skin.
A muffled, high-pitched sneeze alerted the white-haired shinobi that his companion had, in fact, awakened and his attention turned to the petite kunoichi who had managed to capture his heart.
Jiraiya was not a very serious man when it came to women. He enjoyed spying and peeking at them while they were bathing, but he never imagined he would end up in love. Not him, the self-proclaimed super-pervert. He took pride in his interest in women, never tried to hide the fact, and yet he still got a girl like her. Her caring attitude and generous nature towards others intrigued him. Her plain, yet elegant appearance made him pursue her. And her unique, bright personality made him want to keep her and never let her go.
The messy waves of her ebony black hair cascaded around her shoulders and down her back as she moved to sit up and look into his eyes. Those vibrant azure eyes, so innocent and naïve yet so experienced and accepting of the horrible world around them. He loved her eyes; her lips; her hair; her body; and most importantly, he loved her. Every single ounce of her.
"Good morning," she yawned, stretching her arms over her head as her sleepy body attempted to fully wake up.
"Good morning," Jiraiya replied, his strong arms pulling her small form close to him as he let himself sink into a lying position, pulling her down with him so they were both on their sides, his arms still around her small waist and his chin comfortably on top of her head. If he inhaled, he could smell the faint sent of the strawberry shampoo she used mixed with her natural sweet scent.
Her warm body pressed against his and he felt ecstasy as he held her close to him. She made him feel this; she made him feel the raging, uncontrollable storm that was love. And he loved her for it. For letting him feel this foreign, sensational emotion.
Moving his chin, he let her look up at him, her delicate fingers gently picking up strands of his loose white hair and rolling them between the soft pads of her fingertips. He watched her thoughtfully before he let one of his own hands untangle itself from around her to lift her chin up as he brought his lips down to kiss her gently, without force or lust, just pure devotion and love.
Finally breaking away to allow her breath, he whispered into her ear. "Have I told you, fair Kagome, that I love you?"
With a childish but melodic laugh, the woman flashed that amazing smile that only made him smile in return as she gave her response. "Every morning, afternoon, and night. But, have I told you, brave Jiraiya, that I love you?"
"Only every single time I tell you of my own love," he said, as his hand traced circled on her back.
Jiraiya grinned and once more captured her lips in a more heated kiss as the two gently moved together, exploring each other's mouths and falling into heaven as they lost themselves in the embrace of the other.
When they were together, nothing else mattered. Because both were in love, in bliss.
Kagome lied unmoving in the bed, staring up at the ceiling as Jiraiya moved around the kitchen, preparing simple food such as scrambled eggs and toast. He had insisted on making breakfast that morning, much to Kagome's weak protests.
Sighing, she began to stand, feeling the protest of her sore joints. She supposed it was running around the hospital like a madwoman for her job, but her joints had been bothering her lately. Not that it was highly unusual. Just slightly uncomfortable.
Picking up Jiraiya's discarded dark green kimono like shirt, she pulled her arms through the sleeves and tied the thin strip of material acting as a sash of sorts into a neat bow around herself so as to cover herself somewhat. The shirt was like a short dress on her, reaching down a few inches above her knees.
With another yawn, the small woman walked into the kitchen herself to pull out two plates and some silverware for the two of them to eat. Skillfully, she pushed the larger man aside and took the fry pan with the scrambled eggs in it, sliding the yellow bits onto the plates and placing the dirty pan into the sink to wash later. Moving around the person still standing in the middle of the kitchen, she pulled out some butter from the refrigerator and waited for the toaster to ding and the toast to pop up.
While she was waiting, she felt his arms wrap around her once again as he nuzzled her neck affectionately. Giggling like a child who had been given candy, she turned her head to give him a quick kiss on the nose before the toaster went off.
Carefully, she picked up the pieces of toast by the edges and placed two on each plate. This is when Jiraiya took the knife and started to spread the butter on the toast, one arm reaching around each side of her.
"I could have done that," Kagome stated, but she knew Jiraiya loved helping her out. He just loved to do anything to make her happy because if she was happy, so was he.
"I like to know that I'm not useless," he teased. "And if buttering toast helps me know that, then I'll butter a thousand pieces of the damn stuff!" With a gruff laugh of his own, he carried the two plates and she carried the forks to a small round table just by the kitchen in their apartment.
Kagome followed and sat down, picking up a fork and taking a few bites. By the time Jiraiya had finished, he looked over to Kagome to notice how little she had eaten. It worried him. She didn't seem to be eating as much as her usual, always ravenous self. Although, he was thankful she was trying to eat when he knew that she really wasn't hungry even though she obviously needed the food. It didn't show, not yet. She was still healthy, hadn't lost a pound,but still, he was worried.
"Are you feeling alright? You're not having headaches again?" Jiraiya worriedly doted on his love who only gave him a smile and assured she felt fine, denying that anything was wrong. So he believed her because she would tell him if something was really wrong. But, he was still concerned. He loved her too much to not be.
"I'll just do the dishes, shower and get dressed, and then I have to start my shift at the hospital," Kagome chirped as she cleared the table of the few dishes it held. She had given up her career as a field medic to settle for working in the hospital so she could spend more time with Jiraiya, who was taking a break from missions and writing novels until he found need to re-enter the shinobi world of bloodshed, secrets, and putting your life on the line every day. But for now, the couple was more than content and coping very well with their current situations.
He should have seen it. Have known the moment she had gotten sick that first time. Have been able to stop it. But he didn't. He let it consume her, eat away at her until there was nothing left. He had been stupid. And he lost the love of his life because of it. But who's living in the past? Not him.
"Sensei!" A bright blonde haired certain annoying genin yelled at him. Couldn't the kid realize today was different? That today had changed him. Perhaps for the better. But what he had lost was something he could not get back. His first and last love. His child, and himself.
"What do you want, brat?" Jiraiya didn't want to deal with Naruto. Not now. Not today. And not in the cemetery, if you could even call it that.
"There's this amazing ramen stand, and I was wondering…well, I was wondering if you wanted to get some with me?" Naruto and his ramen obsession, his ridiculous ramen obsession.
"You mean you want me to buy you some," Jiraiya smirked, a sarcastic smirk that did not reach his eyes.
He knew he would have to get over her. He would have to move on eventually. It'd been twenty-seven years. But he would never forget her.
Perhaps ramen with Naruto was what he needed now.
"Fine, kid," Jiraiya surprised the blonde who had been trying to look innocent. He would buy the ramen. But only because he knew Naruto could be just what helped him to move on, whether Naruto himself knew or not. "Let's go."
The Hospital was busy at always, hectic and filled with joy and sorrow. There was always a new baby being born or a fatally wounded shinobi who finally let go. But, Kagome loved saving the lives of those who protected their village. She loved healing wounds and making patients smile. It could be a gruesome job, but the smiles of a man or woman whose life she had saved, the thankfulness of their family was enough to make up for everything. It was a thrilling, rewarding job and Kagome worked her hardest every day to make her patients happy. If a person was going to die and there was no way to stop it, she would sit by them and let them pass on in comfort. She was one of the most devoted medics in the hospital, and she loved it.
"Kagome-sama?" One of her co-workers asked as Kagome was leaving the room of a patient with a broken leg.
"Yes?"
"Are you feeling alright?" The girl asked, noting Kagome's tired appearance and paleness, more so than usual.
"I'm fine, don't worry," she smiled at the girl who shook her head, disbelieving. Moving closer to Kagome, the girl lifted a hand to press it to Kagome's forehead.
"You're burning up, Kagome-sama! You must have a fever! You should be resting, not exhausting your chakra healing patients!"
"But—" Her protests were cut off as the younger girl practically pushed her through the halls and out of the Hospital, refusing to let her back in until she was feeling better.
With an irritated huff, the irritated Kagome walked the short distance back to the apartment she shared with Jiraiya and roughly opened the door, surprising a relaxing Jiraiya.
"I am not sick! I'm fine! The nerve of that girl!" She ranted to herself as Jiraiya only looked at her with confusion and concern. "Huhh, well, I kinda feel tired now. Really, really tired," Kagome who was already half asleep almost lost her balance as Jiraiya hurried over and steadied her, leading her to the bed where she collapsed and fell asleep immediately. Gingerly, he placed a hand on her forehead to find she was, indeed, running a fever.
"Kagome, Kagome, just what am I going to do with you?" He asked himself as he decided to let her rest. Perhaps she would feel better when she woke.
When she woke, however, was at 3:00a.m., demanding he get her water…"right now" as she so kindly put it. Practically sleepwalking, the exhausted Jiraiya got out of the warm, comfortable bed and did as she demanded, handing her the glass of water which she continued to gulp down until there was nothing left.
Then, she complained to a very tired Jiraiya that her bones felt weird like they were all bruised and that he should do something about it.
"What do you want me to do, Kagome? Anything, I'll do anything." He said. 'Anything to go back to sleep, damn what happened to the angel I was with this morning?'
"I don't know! I just feel like my body is going to explode from heat, and yet I have goose bumps on my arms at the same time! I hate being sick," the fragile looking woman pouted, pacing by the side of their bed, running her slender fingers in a frustrated manner through her hair. "And does my stomach look swollen? It feels swollen and sore! Tell me my stomach is not swelling! It could be water? And it's only this side!" She pointed to one side of her stomach, pouting.
Gently, knowing there was no way he was going back to sleep now, Jiraiya ushered the woman to sit on the side of the bed before he pulled the hem of her sleeping tank-top up to see her stomach. Nothing seemed wrong to him, perhaps there was a little puffiness around that one side of her stomach, but he attributed that to her sickness. I mean, he wasn't exactly a medic or anything and while all shinobi had a basic knowledge in the field of medics, the knowledge was limited. Very limited, in his case. That's what Tsunade had been there for, though.
"Kagome, you're fine," he told the rambling girl who was staring intently at him waiting for a response, not realizing that was probably one of the worst things to possible say because now he was going to get it.
"How can you say I'm 'fine'? I am most certainly not fine! I have a fever, I'm practically sweating and freezing at the same time, my stomach feels swollen, and my whole body aches!" Kagome put her arms up in exasperation before she practically collapsed onto Jiraiya, crying from built up stress and the symptoms of her fever. Jiraiya tried to calm her, holding her close and rubbing her back soothingly like a mother might a crying child.
Jiraiya remembered not too long after the start of that fever, they had discovered Kagome had been pregnant. He even remembered the night she told him, ever the ignorant male he was when it came to such issues.
Kagome had spoken to him as they had gotten into bed, she had been more nervous that he had ever seen her, and that's to say if he had even ever seen her nervous. She had even cried. Something that was rare back then, although as he looked back, more and more frequent it seemed as it came to her end.
That was the last thing he had expected. Kagome…pregnant? Jiraiya momentarily froze from shock before hugging the dark-haired woman. A kid! That had never been part of his plan, but if he thought about it, he wanted a family. He wanted a family if it was with her. He loved her, he always would, and he loved anything that she loved. If she wanted to have their child, then he would support her all of the way.
"Your not mad?" She managed to say between hiccups as her crying died down and she childishly rubbed her eyes of the salty tears. She looked so breakable, so vulnerable in that moment.
Jiraiya on shook his head as he gave her a kiss on the forehead. "No. I'm not. Now, try to go to sleep?" He asked as the two slipped back in between the covers on their shared bed.
In the end, it was Kagome who slept peacefully, the weight of telling Jiraiya of her pregnancy off of her shoulders. It was Jiraiya who stared up at the ceiling, as Kagome often did, with thoughts rushing around in his head. He was going to be a father. A father!
"So, what's got you so down today?" Naruto, of course, prodded the sanin. The kid might seem dumb, but he was pretty perceptive when it came down to it.
Could it hurt to tell the kid? To expose him to his loss?
The next morning brought a different routine that that previous, a routine that consisted of Jiraiya getting up early and trying to tend to Kagome who was still feeling a few of the effects of her fever. Of course, she was being resistant and refusing to accept that she was still sick. Goddammit, she was a full grown woman, a medic to top it off, and she knew her body better than anyone else. Right? And if she said she was fine, she was fine!
"Just stay home today! Please, Kagome? Just to be sure." Jiraiya tried to convince the stubborn girl, who was perhaps one of the most stubborn people he had ever dealt with. And he had dealt with a lot of stubborn people.
"I'm fine!" She insisted, brushing the tangles out of her long wavy hair.
"Please? I don't want you working today! What if something happens?" Now, Jiraiya was being a worrywart as always when it came to Kagome, but that woman was too selfless for her own good. She couldn't very well help sick and injured people if she herself was sick.
"Nothing is going to happen!" Usually around now Jiraiya would have given up and let her do what she wanted. However, not only was she sick, she was pregnant. He wasn't about to go let her work.
"Okay, how about we make a deal? You can go out and do shopping and whatever else your little heart contents, but don't go to work. What if you catch something one of your patients has? Then what?"
Kagome made a 'humph' sound before glaring at the man she loved, but of course, he was giving her that pleading look. That look that told her he was only thinking of her safety and that he loved her. And, while Kagome was a stubborn woman, Jiraiya could be a very reasonable man. Sometimes.
"Fine! Do you know where the shopping list went then?" Jiraiya smiled. 'That was easier than I thought it would be.'
"You know that I love you, right?" He told her and she paused her searching for the list to smile and blow him a kiss.
"Always. And, you know that I love you too, right?"
"Do I?"
"Oh shut up, you big lug! It's not nice to tease people."
"Oh, I thought it was common courtesy."
A thunk was heard as Jiraiya easily dodged a shoe that had been thrown at his head by Kagome.
Kagome clutched onto her grocery list as she walked to the market, stopping to chat with friends and waving to those she knew. While she had argued to Jiraiya that she was perfectly fine, she didn't necessarily feel one hundred percent. And she felt like her stomach had swelled even more. Fantastic. That usually wasn't a good thing.
Finally reaching the store, Kagome sighed before entering and picking up a shopping basket to begin her trek through aisles searching for random items. Of course, being somewhat of a klutz, the first thing she did was walk into a shelf, the corner jabbing into her hip painfully.
She cursed, biting her lower lip as she waited for the pain the fade away. Man, she definitely felt a bruise forming. It hadn't really been that hard of a hit, though. Had it? She would have to have one of the nurses at the hospital take a look. While she was a medic-nin, that didn't mean she was about to go healing a slight bruise. That was just a waste of chakra.
Trying not to focus on every ache and pain in her body, Kagome continued to look for the items she had come searching for originally. Perhaps it would be best if she went home straight after shopping instead of stopping to grab lunch from that oden restaurant.
Even present day, Jiraiya could tell that this was just the start. Kagome frequently bruised. Her spleen had swollen, her appetite had disappeared. Even though she should have been eating for two, she could barely get a mouthful down. And she had grown weak and frail, ending up in the hospital herself, the very place she worked. Ironic.
Jiraiya could feel it in his gut. Things were just weird. Something was not right. And he was right. A messenger had rushed to give him the news, the dreadful news that Kagome collapsed from exhaustion and was in the hospital.
In a flash, Jiraiya ran to the hospital where he barged into her room to startle a nurse checking on Kagome. His Kagome.
It had been those next words that had killed him. He remembered the sympathetic look the nurse had given him. The sorrow filled eyes as she told him. Kagome had been diagnosed with leukemia. She needed a bone marrow transfer. However, she had no kin, not in Konoha.
Kagome was going to die. A slow, agonizing death.
And their child?
Dead already.
A lifeless fetus stuck in her growing stomach. That stomach he could remember her rubbing her hands over so fondly, so proudly.
"How was this not diagnosed earlier? How could you not have known she had it? That's bullshit! And can't you find a family member? Anyone!" Jiraiya was not one for crying, but he could feel a wet tear slide down his cheek as he looked at Kagome, still passed out.
He would be there when she woke. He would be there with her no matter what.
And he was. Every day and night. He had moved into that hospital.
And he watched her grow more and more sick. Dark circles forming around her eyes even though she slept every night. Her usual glow was gone, her skin pale and unhealthy looking. He watched her bones become more prominent in her face as she continued to starve. He watched her die. And it was killing him.
He had even bought her a ring. He had been going to propose to her. Before she was sick, before it was realized that she had leukemia, before it was too late.
But he had never even had the chance to give it to her. Because, before he knew it, before he was ready, she was gone. A lifeless corpse.
He cried. He cried when she died. He cried at her funeral.
With him, he still carried the ring. It was now strung on a chain around his neck.
Fingering the small piece of metal, he decided that perhaps Naruto deserved to hear the truth. A truth he did not share easily. And so, Jiraiya snapped out of his reveries of Kagome and began to explain the tale of his lost lover to the energetic genin who sat next to him, listening intently for once.
When he had finished, Jiraiya realized for the first time that Naruto was now the only other living person to know the whole story. The only one. Maybe this kid really was special.
"Ya know, I don't know why you spend your time writing those stupid perverted books." And then again, maybe Naruto was just an idiot. This wasn't even on topic! However, the blonde continued on, ignoring the annoyed look he was receiving from a certain someone. "It doesn't make sense when you could be writing your own story. I think you'd get a lot more readers that way," the kid pointed out. An idea that had never even been considered.
And so, that night Jiraiya found himself writing the beginning chapter of a new story. He found that perhaps writing their story could help him to move on. And he also found himself clinging to this fiction, this place where he could live through the characters and create a happy ending. He found, not all stories must have a bad ending.
A year later to the day put Jiraiya in front of her unmarked grave once again. And, he knew he could finally let go. He could let go because she would forever live on in his fiction, the book of which he had published. He would step out of the past to face the present for the first time since Kagome.
Jiraiya stared at her grave as he let his hand grasp the ring he still wore around his neck. With a tug, the chain broke and gently Jiraiya placed the ring, still on the broken chain, on top of the grave.
Today he would finally move on. But he would never forget her. She would live on as the legacy of a memory.
And knowing that, Jiraiya allowed himself to turn around and leave. He still had to finish his journey. The seemingly never ending journey of life.