Hello!

This is my new story and I absolutely loved writing this! I basically experienced the same thing except the guy was my bf already, so I relate to what Rachel could go through if she finds out.

It will be from Rachel's POV. This is not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GLEE

Finn and Rachel were strolling through the large grass area where the reception for Carole and Burt's wedding was being held. Laughter, dancing and the romantic atmosphere spread through the crisp air, this had been the best day Rachel had experienced to date. She felt all the emotions but was overcome with anxiety and to hear what Finn had to say, after all he had rudely interrupted the deeply important conversation she was having – however it sounded urgent and it left her feeling unsettled. Her mind continued at full speed ahead in anticipation although at this point she realised he would confide in her at the moment he felt was best, so she didn't put pressure on him by pursuing the conversation, instead they continued in silence.

The wedding had made her emotional she could tell, she leant into his side to take in the scent of the man she treasured more than her own life, and her mind wondered to the past present and potential future they had. Rachel knew she loved him possibly more than what she loved herself. Her thoughts were buzzing through her mind about she managed to get so lucky, she wished many a time that a prince would rescue her but came to the realisation that fairy tales didn't really come true, but at least in her case it had in the shape of one Finn Hudson. He was her best friend, her boyfriend and her everything. He may not have necessarily been able to meet her on her intellectual level but emotionally she connected with him completely, and physically she couldn't get enough of him, not now not back when she sang grease with him, and probably never. Rachel smiled at the thought and at his warm hand in hers, knowing that this was his commitment to her, his sign to her he felt how she felt.

The silence was beginning to become prolonged and it started to agitate her and all the conclusions she was drawing were being made mindlessly whilst the tension extended until she could take no more. Rachel wanted to share a few words before he did so while he didn't have the courage, she did. She turned and placed her had on his chest gently before smiling up at him and saying

"Finn, before you tell me whatever is bothering you I want to say something to you." She smiled again, and looked down before pausing and continuing. "You make me the happiest girl alive, I love you so much – it almost scares me as much as it scares you. I hope one day, we experience what your mum and Burt have today. I have also decided I want to give myself to you Finn. I'm ready." Rachel still hadn't placed her eyes on his since she began her speech, but she expected some reaction from the boy in question, however small. She slowly raised her head to see his pained expression and a teary glaze in his stare back at her. She thought he may burst into tears.

"Rach" Finn said almost inaudibly. "There's something I need to tell you. Before I do I want you to know I love you so much and I want anything, everything, and all that you said I want only with you." His voice was pleading so franticly that Rachel just wanted to give him a big hug and comfort him but she felt uneasy, a gut instinct insisting something was not quite right so she remained still and took her placed hand away. Finn looked away and wiped the tears off his face. "The night I thought you gave yourself to Jesse, I was so angry with myself and with him, and I was upset that you didn't want to give yourself to me. The nights I spent thinking about us doing- anyway I screw up big time Rach," Finn was choking on his words struggling to get his point across. "I really nailed it this time. As you know I went out with Santana and we, well we….I'm not a virgin."

Rachel felt a yelp escape her mouth and her eyes begin to swell with tears, her stomach felt nauseous. Her eyes almost popped out in shear horror and her body suddenly began to involuntarily tremor. Finn continued "As long as I live, I will regret it not being you. You are so incredibly special, I don't deserve you. I know what I did makes things harder and I've messed this up-but please-I'm begging you to forgive me?"

He could have been on his knees but Rachel could not bring herself to even consider letting this be brushed under the carpet. She tried opening her mouth to talk, but she couldn't form the words. The fire in her heart was being stamped on so fiercely she was surprised it hadn't floored her. She stared into the distance at the clear sky and prepares her response back to his revelation.

"How could you do that, Finn to us? How could you do this to me?" Tears continued streaming down her small withdrawn face and the pain she was feeling was so intense, it felt like a knife cutting through her and twisting deep. She took another sharp breath before looking at him sadly knowing what she had to do. Rachel exhaled and continued. "You know what Finn, I knew this was too good to be true, you and me; us together like a normal teenage couple – should have known the loser and the jock – the beauty and the beast. At least I have what Quinn didn't have and what Santana probably will never understand – respect for myself and my dignity. If you need to go to such lengths to make yourself feel better that's fine, but I'm not going to be the second notch on the bedpost. Whatever 'this is' it's finished. In your own words Finn Hudson – I'm done."

Rachel was clutching onto her beautiful bouquet of flowers as if her life depended on them through those crucial minutes just past but she lost her grip on the flowers that were placed so neatly in her hands and as if this conversation had been recited in slow motion, they fell slowly onto the ground. With one last glance at her guy who stole her heart, she turned quickly and ran away from him. She ran through the green for what must have been at least fifteen minutes, she had to escape the desperate pleas of forgiveness Finn had been issuing left right and centre. She felt the chill of the afternoon breeze flowing through her which calmed her down slowly.

Her mind was spinning, she felt her breathes increasingly laboured until she felt her legs give way. She collapsed in a heap onto the now muddy ground. She ached so badly, it was a physical, mental and emotional pain all rolled into one. Her body rocked into a curled ball and the watering of her eyes never gave up. She laid there for what seemed like an eternity. The sky started to cloud over as if the discovery was of universal effect. It was to her. She never thought you could love someone the way she loved Finn. Even if they weren't together when Finn slept with the Santana it still hurt like nothing she ever felt before. Rachel knew that little piece of him she wanted so badly to share with him would now never be hers. She yelled, and cried and released all the anger inside her, if she insisted on keeping it inside she swore she was actually going to die. The love clichés in the movies were never supposed to exist, even those had a happy ending, but instead she felt her world was ending.

Rachel stopped abruptly in her screams as she felt a presence behind her, and God help her if it was Finn. She doesn't even turn to see who it is, but is aware that whoever it is is edging closer to her. Her tears continue and she remains in the same spot when she hears the familiar voice.

"Berry, erm you ok – you sorta look like hell, actually cut that - proper shit' Rachel would have responded at Puck's disgusting profanities but she didn't even want to care. Nothing mattered to her anymore.

"Look Rachel, I'm a guy-you're a girl. I'm crap with woman – do 'em them screw them over is my motto. But Finn's my boy – he for some reason doesn't want to set himself on fire whenever you're around." Puck knew his convincing was getting nowhere – getting laid was his mojo. He owed Finn that much so he preserved. Rachel remained unresponsive but regardless Puck would not give up.

"He told me what happened, and I know it's not cool to you but he actually loves you. I know you are the only person he has ever loved, apart from his mum. He's a wuss in my personal opinion, grown a vagina and allsorts." Puck sighed at the lack of frown at his choice of language and used his last resort to get her off that ground 'Rachel – I see the way he looks at you, the way he admires you, I know the way he will look after you, make up for this hiccup. He made a mistake. He was so scared of losing you he lost control. It's a guy thing – I do it all the time. The difference is that I never learn from shit I do, but Finn does. Give him a chance."Rachel patiently listened to what Puck had to say. It sunk in deep. He made sense in a 'Noah Puckerman way', even if his cussing was an absolutely obscene.

Right at that moment in time Rachel felt dirty and asked him quietly if he could either drive her home or arrange away to get her out as quickly and discreetly as possible. Her head thumped on and on, images slamming into her that she would have never wanted to imagine happening let alone knowing it was a true event. It made her skin crawl as it did encourage the bile to rise through her. She pulled herself up with all the energy that remained in her body and accepted the hand that Puck was offering her. She took it but immediately realised holding hands with anyone would never compare to the feeling she got when holding hands with Finn.