Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and the its characters do not belong to me. I didn't make any profit writing this story. I didn't even get a hotdog.
Author note: This was my first attempt at writing a fic for Cliche Month. Alas, it didn't quite work out.
Sushi vs Hotdogs
"But darling, surely you like sushi. You're Japanese." The woman stated this as if God himself had come down and declared it. Then she sank the clincher. "And besides that, you're gay."
I'm glad I was there just so I could watch Chang Wufei choke and spit his drink out all over the lawn.
Heero only managed to gape at the woman though Duo sidled up next to him and took his plate of potato salad before he could do something with it he might regret later.
Company picnics. The smell of cut grass in the afternoon, sun blazing down, flimsy paper plates designed to dump food all over your nice clothes, and apparently, stuffy older women in horned rim glasses and an obnoxious habit of dabbing her lips every thirteen point five seconds with her napkin.
I know. I clocked her.
She'd cornered Heero as soon as he came off the line for food. Never to let an outsider pin one of our own, we'd all swooped down to rescue him. Unfortunately we'd underestimated the strength of our opponent and now, were all in deep with no relief support to pull us out.
I looked over the other guys and met their eyes. We nodded. It'd have to be a frontal assault.
"What does being gay have to do with liking sushi?" Quatre beat me to the question, and Duo turned to stare at the woman as if he could drill a hole through her head with his gaze alone. She looked at us though, completely oblivious to our intent, apparently pleased with the question and adjusted her glasses. Suddenly I knew what it must feel like to be a specimen in a lab.
"Well it's obvious. Gay men are always more refined than the regular heterosexual." I snuck a look at Wufei, hoping for another reaction but he'd gone back to the table to replace his drink. Either he was a traitor or he was gathering reconnaissance. Heero nodded thoughtfully, "So in your opinion if a man is homosexual he has a more cultured lifestyle?"
She smiled and patted his hand gently. "Exactly. So you must enjoy the finer things like sushi and a good wine. For example, I'm sure you had something absolutely delightful for dinner last night. Do tell, what was it?"
Heero took his hand back and eyed it skeptically. Typical Heero taking one for the team. He looked at Duo and they both shrugged. Duo closed his eyes, obviously trying to remember. "Last night...oh yeah. Neither of us wanted to cook." Duo opened his eyes and they both nodded, "Hotdogs."
She looked surprised and pursed her lips but then spotted Quatre trying to slip away and seized on him, clutching his arm in her bony grip. "Well I'm sure Mr. Winner ate something of great culinary value. A rare cheese perhaps, or maybe a fresh salad?"
I couldn't help but snicker, and then quickly opened my mouth to catch the olive Quatre threw at me in disgust. Smirking I glanced at the woman, pleased to also burst her bubble. "This Mr. Winner? I found him eating peanut butter out of the jar last night." Quatre stuck his tongue out and then leaned in conspiratorially toward the woman. "Well he had frosting on graham crackers for dinner so I wouldn't look towards him as your great example of haut cuisine."
The woman stepped back, lips drawn in, eyes narrowed; she looked as if she'd been sucking on lemons. The atmosphere dropped about sixty degrees and we were all out of ammunition. She was drawing in breath to speak again when suddenly Wufei appeared new drink in hand. I should have known, Wufei would never desert his comrades, Chang Wufei is no traitor. We all turned to him and he winked at us before bowing slightly to the loathsome woman, "Madam, don't listen to these plebeian fools. They wouldn't know good cuisine if the greatest chefs in the world offered to cook for them."
The woman sniffed, apparently mollified in the belief that she'd found a kindred spirit. Chang was a subtle, one of the best. I tipped my head toward the woman and then smiled at Wufei, "So then, inquiring minds want to know. What did you eat for dinner?"
He looked at me and sniffed, "Surely you know darling, Stouffers has a microwave dinner that is just to die for."
The woman gasped and then drew herself up ramrod straight. We did our best not to laugh. "You are all the most uncouth group of young men I have ever met. I've never seen such a display of blatant rudeness in my life!"
Despite her other faults she did a fine impression of a tea kettle.
"You are all nothing more than frauds, heterosexual men masquerading as a gentler species." With one last huff she stomped away.
Wufei pointed a finger at her departing back, "Is that so? Well you're a snob."
Then we tapped our paper cups of soda in a toast and laughed.
Mission accomplished.