Disclaimer: I do not own Spike. I repeat, I do not own Spike, he belongs Joss and Mutant Enemy, the lucky bastards. I don't own the song either. It belongs to Evanescence.
Pairings: Slight Angel/Spike
Summary: Spike's thoughts on being the only survivor after 'Not Fade Away' and his memories of the others. Warning: Slight Slash. The song is in italics.
Once upon a time there was a great vampire named Angelus. Now Angelus wasn't very bright, it comes from his being a neanderthal, and he went out and killed a gypsy princess. The stupid sod thought he could get away with it too, but he didn't. You see kiddies, the gypsies cursed Angelus with a soul. And this led to him becoming a big pouf-like savior, which leads to my current dilemma.
Angelus or Angel, as he's called with a soul, decided to bring hell on Earth by trying to destroy the partners. That's right, the pouf tried to bring down the Senior Partners. And here's the kicker, it worked. He defeated their base of operations on Earth and rounded up his band of do-gooders to defeat the demons sent by the Partners. Angel's ragtag group consisted of a former demon-god, a half-dead lawyer, and the only other vampire with a soul, me.
"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears"
Let me sum this up for you, they're dead. All of them. Blue, Charlie, the pouf...they're all dead. But me, I'm still here. A week after we went to war, and I'm still here in this god-damned alley. I can't leave. I think I'm going crazy again. I'm afraid to leave this place and be all alone in the world. I'm lost, lost like a little whiny kid.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
I saw all of them die. Right in front of my eyes. Charlie boy was ripped apart by Gorra-gorra demons, nasty buggers that lot. And Blue...she never saw it coming. She was too busy trying to save Charlie, that when the Calcic demon raised his sword, she didn't stand a chance. Her head came clean off, interestingly enough she didn't bleed blue. It was more of a purple color. It was like her blue blood and Fred's red blood mixed. Strange, huh? And Angel, oh gods Angel. There was one demon left, one. And he tried to stop it from killing me. It stabbed him, at the exact same time the fucking Powers That Be gave him his humanity. I twisted the demon's neck, forgetting my own injuries. I was too wrapped up in my grief. Everybody I had left was gone.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand though all of these years
But you still have all of me"
I ran to Angel's side. He was still alive, but barely, and he was crying.
"It tried to kill you. I couldn't...let that happen."
"Shush, luv. Don't cry, Angel. You stupid pouf, you didn't have to save me. I would've survived, I always do." My words were choked out sobs.
"I love you. Always have, always will. Good-bye, Will." Angels' last words were but whispers. I closed his eyes and wiped away my tears. I loved the git too, and he left me here, all alone. Eventually, the demon bodies and the bodies of my friends disappeared. A last gift from the bloody Powers, I bet.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along"
I still see him here, in this god-damned alley. It's probably the reason I can't leave. Sometimes, I'm so sure I see him, that I talk to him. And he responds. We talk about the good times, and the bad. But when I look again he's gone, and then I know for sure that I'm alone, and that I'll never leave this god-damned alley.