Egon Almighty
Note: This Ghostbusters fanfic is inspired by the hilarious new summer movie Bruce Almighty starring the multi-talented Jim Carrey. It seems our fearless leader is feeling a little different ever since he had a peculiar dream, which involved an unobtrusive building in Buffalo with white interior and being literally tapped on the shoulder by God Himself...
"I am Bruce Almighty ! My Will...Be Done !"—Bruce Nolan, 'Bruce Almighty'
Chapter 1—A Beautiful Day Botched Up
Egon awoke refreshed and revitalized as usual, smiling brilliantly at Jeanine before propping his circular spectacles upon his nose. Noel came into the master bedroom to kiss her father and mother goodbye before going to school and fixing her lunch before the bus came to pick her up. Slimer woke up from a long night's rest and came into the master bedroom, gesticulating and babbling incoherently. He was ebullient, kissing Egon's cheeks sloppily. "I'll see you later, honey !", Jeannine said, kissing her husband sweetly. She traced his sleek smile with her slender finger and grinned. "I love you my raison d'être...", he said, nuzzling his nose with hers. She chuckled and proceeded to get ready in the adjacent bathroom. Egon hurried in and out of the main bathroom and stuffed all of his documents into his briefcase for another day at the University. It would be quite compelling to see how many of his pupils actually studied for his pop quiz. But, just as he stepped out to greet his favorite '57 white Thunderbird, he noticed the spectacular sunlight was being overshadowed. Big, thick, gray cumulonimbus clouds blotted out the sun and began voicing out their furious booms. "Brilliant. Just brilliant !", Egon thought, a little peeved that his visibility would be limited by the oncoming rain that had only just begun. It started as a soft shower and built up into a horrendous monsoon. Poor Egon was soaked to the bone and he had to be in the University in about an hour.
The traffic was horrible, and delays abounded on the freeway. By the time he arrived at work, he was already 5 minutes off schedule. Each group of students was worse than the last, and the last class of the day was the most terrible of all. The final class of the day was unruly and getting the students to be quiet was an endeavor in and of itself. His patience soon paid off and the students each passed the pop quiz around the classroom and began to take the quiz quietly, but diligently. For a moment, Egon mused that this day was beginning to get better. However, that was not the case. Before the class bell could ring to signal the beginning of the class period, the students were boisterous, horsing around with each other around the classroom. One of the girls had written a note to her best friend and a popular boy had gotten a hold of it. In a loud, blaring voice he read it to the classroom. Half the people in class where hysterical and the other classmates were mortified, especially the young lady who wrote the note. Egon found himself blushing. It had been a while since any of his students had developed a crush on him, but it was to be expected in his profession. In a last ditch effort, he turned on the TV monitor with a remote from the back of the room and the news was on. It was breaking news about some random bank heists, an old restaurant that had caught on fire from fries sitting in the cooker too long and other odd happenings of the day. The last article for the day was a recent car jacking. All of a sudden, Egon gasped, his jaw agape. "That's my Thunderbird ! Good grief ! Why me, and why my beautiful Thunderbird !", he thought to himself. With that said, he dismissed the class early and raced toward the corner of the University to see which way the crook would be headed.
Chapter 2—Knock, And the Door Will Be Opened Unto You
Luckily, the police were already chasing down the culprit that had stolen the '57 Thunderbird. When it was returned, the Thunderbird had been damaged so badly that the car looked more like a mangled mess of metal. Egon knew that Jeannine would be slightly irritated by this news, but another car could be purchased in the future. He tried hailing a cab, but they all passed him by as if he were invisible. He had almost lost his patience but he kept his calm. The remainder of the day wasn't exactly getting any better. Fishing his cell phone from his back pocket, he called Jeanine and Noel to let them know he would be a little late getting home. From this point on, he was taking the bus.
When he came home, dinner was already on the table and cold but Egon wasn't complaining. Slimer had caught a cold and sneezed all over him when he was going to thank Jeanine for the magnificent meal. "Keep a safe distance, Slimer's ill...", he said, wiping the excess mucus from his face with a look of disgust. He handed Slimer a napkin and patted him on the back. "If you get some rest and drink plenty of fluids you should be revitalized tomorrow.", he said. Involuntarily scratching his nose with the back of his hand, Slimer nodded sleepily and headed sluggishly back to Egon's lab to rest for the rest of the day. Egon groaned and dragged himself to watch the latest scientific research on Discovery. Jeanine and Noel had never seen him this miserable before. Usually when he was in a funk, a bowl of Ben & Jerry's ice cream would cheer him up. Trying this tactic didn't help this time, though. "Honey, is there anything we can do to help ?", Jeanine questioned, patting his hand gently. Egon let out a labored sigh, still soaked from the torrential rain earlier, his hair matted over his spectacles. "Don't worry, Jeanine. It's not your fault. I'm just sorry I can't seem to feel any better.", he answered, squeezing Jeanine's hand tenderly, but weakly. Noel looked concerned, but she didn't know how to help either. They had both heard the news about the '57 Thunderbird, but telling him that it could be replaced wasn't the best subject to talk about at the moment. Quietly, mother and daughter left the family room and went their separate ways, either to study or to read before going to bed for the night.
Egon sluggishly made his way to bed and quietly slipped underneath the covers before going to bed. Immediately, he found himself in a very pleasant dream. Everything was white, pure, and pristine. Without expecting it, a smile had appeared on his face. For some strange reason, this place had made him feel at ease. "Is anyone available ?", he asked, his voice echoing from the white corridors. A tall, imposing man appeared from the lengthy hall and took him by the shoulder. "Yes. I'm the manager. What brings you here ?", the gigantic man inquired, his velvet eyes sparkling. "I was about to ask you the same thing. I am at a loss as to how I arrived in this peculiar place.", Egon answered. "It's not peculiar at all, Egon. Come, everything will be explained to you. Remember to keep an open mind, though.", the white-suited gentleman said. As they walked, all of his questions were answered and the enigmatic man concluded their meeting by saying, "Don't worry about anything, Egon... Yesterday will seem like a distant memory, and all the doors will be opened to you when you knock." In a flash, everything had disappeared and he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. He turned around and saw the lovely visage of his beloved, nuzzling her nose with his. "It's a gorgeous day, Hon.", Jeanine said, in a sweet whisper. Although he didn't want to wake up, the sun hit him just right and he had to anyway.
Chapter 3—And He Saw That It Was Good
The first thing Egon noticed was that his '57 white Thunderbird had been replaced, and not only that, it had also been given a thorough washing and waxing. He thought that this was rather odd, but shrugged his shoulders and then proceeded to the University. Everywhere he went, he started taking a second glance at the events that were unfolding around him. It seemed like the entire world, or at least in New York, was revolving around him. He mused about the dream he had the night before. Who was that well-dressed man that had been so kind to him ? He wasn't certain, but it was strange that he knew everything about Egon without prior knowledge. Egon raised his eyebrow about this mystery only for a second, but then shrugged it off later when he arrived for another day at the University.
The day was progressing tremendously and the hours seemed to pass like minutes. All of Egon's students were well behaved and paid full attention in class. Even the cafeteria food tasted like it had been made at Carnagie Hall, but he admitted to himself that nothing on Earth could compare to Jeanine's homemade meals. He found himself satisfied from lunch, and started heading back to class. Suddenly, he began hearing voices come at him from all directions. He looked everywhere and saw that no one was talking. Everyone was going about their own business, heading to their next classes for the day after a short break. He had to collect his thoughts, so he thought he would take a quick trip to the library and try to sort things out.
The library was nearly empty, except for the receptionists that checked the books in and out and filed all of the paperwork. He sat down for a while to think and then realized that he was different. He wasn't crazy when he had an inkling that the man in the white tuxedo in his dreams was actually God Himself. He had been given God's power for a short while. He wasn't sure exactly how to deal with this. Such a terrific burden had been placed upon his shoulders. He thought about it, step by step, hypothesizing the outcome. He turned the prayers into Instant Messages on his laptop for later. That would organize them momentarily. Gasping almost audibly, he saw that he was a little late to his last class for the day. But, this was no problem. With a lively twist of the index finger he was able to slow time down to give him free-range motion to be ahead of everyone else. This was shaping up to be quite a stellar, not to mention phenomenal day indeed.
Chapter 4—Too Much For A Finite, Yet Fantastic Mind
Egon hadn't realized how many prayers would be sent to him. His laptop nearly crashed after receiving over millions of prayer messages. He was knee-deep in papers that had to be graded and the phone was ringing off the hook from people wanting ghost extermination. There were interruptions left and right, especially from Slimer who only wanted to play. He was feeling worn out, and completely frazzled. "I've had all I can take, God... This is too much for one mortal man to do alone.", he murmured, his head falling upon his countertop with a loud thud. Immediately, it seemed that an enormous burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Sure, being God for a day was incredible, but having all of that jaw-dropping power made him realize that being human was everything he could've wanted to begin with.
Epilogue
In the end, Egon had learned more about his own personal integrity as well as how crazy human beings were as a race altogether. After finishing the last of his errands for the day, he was pleased with the good he had done for so many people. Of course, there would be more calls tomorrow from those who had spiritual disturbances. But, the day was finally complete and he had graded all of his papers and finished his scientific research for now. He thanked the Lord for teaching him such invaluable lessons. He kissed and hugged his special ladies before going to bed, knowing that the future would be even brighter for his family. Although things might not be going his way at times, he realized that complaining would never make the situation better. All he had to do was keep his head up like always, knowing that all trivial matters fade away in time and the sunlight always breaks through the clouds.
The End
By: Elizabeth Berndt June 4, 2003
Note: This Ghostbusters fanfic is inspired by the hilarious new summer movie Bruce Almighty starring the multi-talented Jim Carrey. It seems our fearless leader is feeling a little different ever since he had a peculiar dream, which involved an unobtrusive building in Buffalo with white interior and being literally tapped on the shoulder by God Himself...
"I am Bruce Almighty ! My Will...Be Done !"—Bruce Nolan, 'Bruce Almighty'
Chapter 1—A Beautiful Day Botched Up
Egon awoke refreshed and revitalized as usual, smiling brilliantly at Jeanine before propping his circular spectacles upon his nose. Noel came into the master bedroom to kiss her father and mother goodbye before going to school and fixing her lunch before the bus came to pick her up. Slimer woke up from a long night's rest and came into the master bedroom, gesticulating and babbling incoherently. He was ebullient, kissing Egon's cheeks sloppily. "I'll see you later, honey !", Jeannine said, kissing her husband sweetly. She traced his sleek smile with her slender finger and grinned. "I love you my raison d'être...", he said, nuzzling his nose with hers. She chuckled and proceeded to get ready in the adjacent bathroom. Egon hurried in and out of the main bathroom and stuffed all of his documents into his briefcase for another day at the University. It would be quite compelling to see how many of his pupils actually studied for his pop quiz. But, just as he stepped out to greet his favorite '57 white Thunderbird, he noticed the spectacular sunlight was being overshadowed. Big, thick, gray cumulonimbus clouds blotted out the sun and began voicing out their furious booms. "Brilliant. Just brilliant !", Egon thought, a little peeved that his visibility would be limited by the oncoming rain that had only just begun. It started as a soft shower and built up into a horrendous monsoon. Poor Egon was soaked to the bone and he had to be in the University in about an hour.
The traffic was horrible, and delays abounded on the freeway. By the time he arrived at work, he was already 5 minutes off schedule. Each group of students was worse than the last, and the last class of the day was the most terrible of all. The final class of the day was unruly and getting the students to be quiet was an endeavor in and of itself. His patience soon paid off and the students each passed the pop quiz around the classroom and began to take the quiz quietly, but diligently. For a moment, Egon mused that this day was beginning to get better. However, that was not the case. Before the class bell could ring to signal the beginning of the class period, the students were boisterous, horsing around with each other around the classroom. One of the girls had written a note to her best friend and a popular boy had gotten a hold of it. In a loud, blaring voice he read it to the classroom. Half the people in class where hysterical and the other classmates were mortified, especially the young lady who wrote the note. Egon found himself blushing. It had been a while since any of his students had developed a crush on him, but it was to be expected in his profession. In a last ditch effort, he turned on the TV monitor with a remote from the back of the room and the news was on. It was breaking news about some random bank heists, an old restaurant that had caught on fire from fries sitting in the cooker too long and other odd happenings of the day. The last article for the day was a recent car jacking. All of a sudden, Egon gasped, his jaw agape. "That's my Thunderbird ! Good grief ! Why me, and why my beautiful Thunderbird !", he thought to himself. With that said, he dismissed the class early and raced toward the corner of the University to see which way the crook would be headed.
Chapter 2—Knock, And the Door Will Be Opened Unto You
Luckily, the police were already chasing down the culprit that had stolen the '57 Thunderbird. When it was returned, the Thunderbird had been damaged so badly that the car looked more like a mangled mess of metal. Egon knew that Jeannine would be slightly irritated by this news, but another car could be purchased in the future. He tried hailing a cab, but they all passed him by as if he were invisible. He had almost lost his patience but he kept his calm. The remainder of the day wasn't exactly getting any better. Fishing his cell phone from his back pocket, he called Jeanine and Noel to let them know he would be a little late getting home. From this point on, he was taking the bus.
When he came home, dinner was already on the table and cold but Egon wasn't complaining. Slimer had caught a cold and sneezed all over him when he was going to thank Jeanine for the magnificent meal. "Keep a safe distance, Slimer's ill...", he said, wiping the excess mucus from his face with a look of disgust. He handed Slimer a napkin and patted him on the back. "If you get some rest and drink plenty of fluids you should be revitalized tomorrow.", he said. Involuntarily scratching his nose with the back of his hand, Slimer nodded sleepily and headed sluggishly back to Egon's lab to rest for the rest of the day. Egon groaned and dragged himself to watch the latest scientific research on Discovery. Jeanine and Noel had never seen him this miserable before. Usually when he was in a funk, a bowl of Ben & Jerry's ice cream would cheer him up. Trying this tactic didn't help this time, though. "Honey, is there anything we can do to help ?", Jeanine questioned, patting his hand gently. Egon let out a labored sigh, still soaked from the torrential rain earlier, his hair matted over his spectacles. "Don't worry, Jeanine. It's not your fault. I'm just sorry I can't seem to feel any better.", he answered, squeezing Jeanine's hand tenderly, but weakly. Noel looked concerned, but she didn't know how to help either. They had both heard the news about the '57 Thunderbird, but telling him that it could be replaced wasn't the best subject to talk about at the moment. Quietly, mother and daughter left the family room and went their separate ways, either to study or to read before going to bed for the night.
Egon sluggishly made his way to bed and quietly slipped underneath the covers before going to bed. Immediately, he found himself in a very pleasant dream. Everything was white, pure, and pristine. Without expecting it, a smile had appeared on his face. For some strange reason, this place had made him feel at ease. "Is anyone available ?", he asked, his voice echoing from the white corridors. A tall, imposing man appeared from the lengthy hall and took him by the shoulder. "Yes. I'm the manager. What brings you here ?", the gigantic man inquired, his velvet eyes sparkling. "I was about to ask you the same thing. I am at a loss as to how I arrived in this peculiar place.", Egon answered. "It's not peculiar at all, Egon. Come, everything will be explained to you. Remember to keep an open mind, though.", the white-suited gentleman said. As they walked, all of his questions were answered and the enigmatic man concluded their meeting by saying, "Don't worry about anything, Egon... Yesterday will seem like a distant memory, and all the doors will be opened to you when you knock." In a flash, everything had disappeared and he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. He turned around and saw the lovely visage of his beloved, nuzzling her nose with his. "It's a gorgeous day, Hon.", Jeanine said, in a sweet whisper. Although he didn't want to wake up, the sun hit him just right and he had to anyway.
Chapter 3—And He Saw That It Was Good
The first thing Egon noticed was that his '57 white Thunderbird had been replaced, and not only that, it had also been given a thorough washing and waxing. He thought that this was rather odd, but shrugged his shoulders and then proceeded to the University. Everywhere he went, he started taking a second glance at the events that were unfolding around him. It seemed like the entire world, or at least in New York, was revolving around him. He mused about the dream he had the night before. Who was that well-dressed man that had been so kind to him ? He wasn't certain, but it was strange that he knew everything about Egon without prior knowledge. Egon raised his eyebrow about this mystery only for a second, but then shrugged it off later when he arrived for another day at the University.
The day was progressing tremendously and the hours seemed to pass like minutes. All of Egon's students were well behaved and paid full attention in class. Even the cafeteria food tasted like it had been made at Carnagie Hall, but he admitted to himself that nothing on Earth could compare to Jeanine's homemade meals. He found himself satisfied from lunch, and started heading back to class. Suddenly, he began hearing voices come at him from all directions. He looked everywhere and saw that no one was talking. Everyone was going about their own business, heading to their next classes for the day after a short break. He had to collect his thoughts, so he thought he would take a quick trip to the library and try to sort things out.
The library was nearly empty, except for the receptionists that checked the books in and out and filed all of the paperwork. He sat down for a while to think and then realized that he was different. He wasn't crazy when he had an inkling that the man in the white tuxedo in his dreams was actually God Himself. He had been given God's power for a short while. He wasn't sure exactly how to deal with this. Such a terrific burden had been placed upon his shoulders. He thought about it, step by step, hypothesizing the outcome. He turned the prayers into Instant Messages on his laptop for later. That would organize them momentarily. Gasping almost audibly, he saw that he was a little late to his last class for the day. But, this was no problem. With a lively twist of the index finger he was able to slow time down to give him free-range motion to be ahead of everyone else. This was shaping up to be quite a stellar, not to mention phenomenal day indeed.
Chapter 4—Too Much For A Finite, Yet Fantastic Mind
Egon hadn't realized how many prayers would be sent to him. His laptop nearly crashed after receiving over millions of prayer messages. He was knee-deep in papers that had to be graded and the phone was ringing off the hook from people wanting ghost extermination. There were interruptions left and right, especially from Slimer who only wanted to play. He was feeling worn out, and completely frazzled. "I've had all I can take, God... This is too much for one mortal man to do alone.", he murmured, his head falling upon his countertop with a loud thud. Immediately, it seemed that an enormous burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Sure, being God for a day was incredible, but having all of that jaw-dropping power made him realize that being human was everything he could've wanted to begin with.
Epilogue
In the end, Egon had learned more about his own personal integrity as well as how crazy human beings were as a race altogether. After finishing the last of his errands for the day, he was pleased with the good he had done for so many people. Of course, there would be more calls tomorrow from those who had spiritual disturbances. But, the day was finally complete and he had graded all of his papers and finished his scientific research for now. He thanked the Lord for teaching him such invaluable lessons. He kissed and hugged his special ladies before going to bed, knowing that the future would be even brighter for his family. Although things might not be going his way at times, he realized that complaining would never make the situation better. All he had to do was keep his head up like always, knowing that all trivial matters fade away in time and the sunlight always breaks through the clouds.
The End
By: Elizabeth Berndt June 4, 2003