A.N: I came up with this in a writing course I took in the summer at the local art gallery. We were discussing the fact that, while being a good writer, J.K isn't the best in the world, and if the Harry Potter books didn't have so much publicity, they probably wouldn't be so popular. Then we all bought the sixth book when it came out. Personally, I found it rather boring. Anyway, this is what came out of my perverted little mind during that, like, five minutes.

The Death of Harry Potter

One fine day, a certain Harry Potter woke up to the thought of I'm gonna defeat Voldemort. He picked this day to defeat the most powerful evil in the world because there was a 73 percent chance of rain. Come on, everyone knows good vs. evil battles look so much cooler when it rains, everyone.

Harry, once he actually found the evil, snake-eyed bastard, got blasted into a thousand and sixty-seven grisly, bloody pieces. In short, the evil guy won.

In the authoress' personal opinion, Heaven doesn't exist, but, for the sake of this story it does. And dead people are not very forgiving. So, when our little Harrykins came up all bloody and such (reassembled of course), all the 'good' and 'nice' dead people were mad at him for not defeating the most evil force in the known world. So, they did what any calm, sensible, dearly departed would do. They beat little Harry up, then sent him to that non-existent place called Hell.

All the supposedly evil people didn't think The Boy Who Didn't Quite Live deserved to be in their cool, awesome, theme park-furnace-skate park thing of doom, so they sent him to that crazy middle-ground known as earth. What a concept.

So, Mr. Potter was condemned to walk the earth eternally, watching his friends grow and die, and read over the shoulders of many a wizard on how the world hated him for not doing

something that was mentally and physically impossible. The end.

The moral of this story: Never, EVER send a seventeen-year-old boy with anger management issues to defeat the single most evil force in the known universe. Especially if that boy has been kept in a cupboard for eleven years, been stared and pointed at, witnessed the death of his parents, godfather, headmaster, and countless others. It's totally unrealistic, so you should just save time and lives by doing it yourself. Fictitious rant over.

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