i'm sorry i finished beyond the chocolate war and i just had to write one more oneshot i'm so sorry
disclaimer: none of robert cormier's works belong to me.
There was something humiliating about throwing rocks at somebody else's window.
It was like he'd become some sort of desperate Romeo Montague, begging and pleading for love from somebody else. A metaphorical beggar, like the crummy homeless men on the corner. As handsome and charismatic as he was, at his core, he was but a beggar.
After the fifteenth stone, Archie was beginning to think that the entire thing had been fruitless and a stupid idea. The air was getting cold anyways, biting at any patch of exposed skin.
That was when the window opened.
"The hell do you want?"
That voice. They hadn't spoken for weeks now, not since the guillotine's blade and the Fool and the stark realization that both of them were utterly, undeniably insane.
Looking down at him, Obie looked somehow less threatening than he'd expected. His dark hair was tousled from sleep and was occasionally rustled by the five-in-the-morning wind. He looked pale, and when he realized the source of the tapping noise on his window, his skin turned even paler.
"Look, I know you're important and everything, but it's five fucking AM. Go home, my parents'll notice soon."
"Obie." The name had become nearly foreign to him in the past few weeks. It was funny, how somebody's name faded from your vocabulary as you spoke with them less frequently. "Obie, I only want to talk to you. Come on down."
Something about Archie tended to remind him of a puppy begging for table scraps in moments like this. Maybe it was that little touch he added to his voice just to incite pity for him in everybody else.
"Alright, fine. Let me put some clothes on."
Somehow that made looking at Obie's face harder, knowing that he was completely exposed. Archie had developed a fascination with seeing skin, because it seemed everyone else was so terrified of the very idea of a lack of covering. He'd never admit it, but he'd thought filthy things about Obie before. Things that could get him hit and expelled and ridiculed.
He was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud thump as Obie practically leapt out of the window. That was Obie, trying to make little gestures look over-the-top, but keeping it small enough so as not to draw too much attention.
"What do you want to say? Don't spew any apology bullshit, because I'm not taking it."
Archie's intelligent, scrutinizing eyes shifted back and forth. "The thing is, Obie," he said slowly. "You and I have done some rotten things, and I wanted to apologize for the both of us. Myself, more so. Life is about using, Obie. It's just picking the right person to use that's the hard part."
Obie blinked at him. "Yeah. Go on."
"I chose you, and that was possibly the best choice I ever made. See, the thing about using people is that if you abuse your privilege of it, it doesn't work. Because even in the most fucked-up relationships, there's some central peace deep down somewhere between the two people."
"What're you trying to say? You're sorry for..." He trailed off, thinking of how many things there were to apologize for. If Archie chose to apologize for everything, he'd end up writing a novel.
"Not everything, if that's what you're expecting. I'm apologizing for what Bunting did to that girl, for the most part. I had no part in that."
"I'm trying to say that I hate you, I hate you more than I've ever hated anybody in my whole goddam existence, but it just isn't coming out."
"Perhaps that's saying something about your feelings about me." Archie had been trying not to smirk, but the attempt failed. That stupid smirk always came back. Because he was Archie Costello and he was a monster, a sociopathic monster that enjoyed seeing other people fall down like dominoes.
"Shut up." It was a tired, friendly 'shut up.' Like they were just two completely normal boys, two seniors sitting outside and talking about girls or sports.
"Do you forgive me?"
"Christ, Archie. What do you think?"
"No."
Obie laughed a self-deprecating, somewhat hollow laugh. "Of course I forgive you. I can't not forgive you. It's sick, you know, the way no matter how hard I try I can't hate you. It's like you have some sort of power over me." He sat down on the grass, looking up at the fast approaching dawn. "God, I hate it, and I want to hate you. But I can't. So yeah, you're forgiven, because I can't do anything else about it."
"You don't have to do anything unless you want to, Obie. That's a common misconception about life. If you pursue it hard enough, you can break any sort of power over you. And I thought you'd broken mine." There was a touch of amusement in his voice that would have unnerved anybody else, but it made Obie relax slightly.
It was slightly scary, seeing Archie kind and begging for forgiveness. They weren't friends, they were merely partners, and having what seemed like genuine compassion mixed into that relationship was enough to make anybody uncomfortable.
Archie sat down beside him, scooting closer to him. Another thing that made Obie mildly uncomfortable. Archie never touched anybody, never stayed close to anybody for very long. And yet here he was. "Say, Obie. Did you and what's-her-name get back together?"
"No," Obie said flatly. "She's gone."
"Metaphorically so, I would assume, since I've seen her around a bit. Said hello, once. She knew my name, surprisingly enough."
"Everybody knows your name." Obie rolled his eyes. "You're the worst little shit in all of Monument." It was hard to look at the blond boy without thinking of the horrible things he'd done, but in this light, Obie had to think that he looked fairly normal. The bit of sunlight was beginning to illuminate his halo of blond hair, and his intense blue gaze just looked contemplative.
"You don't really think that. Obie, I really am sorry. I wouldn't have deserved what you had in store for me, but I am sorry."
"I couldn't behead you, you just looked so goddam happy about being there. And you knew, god, you knew all about it and you let me try to kill you without batting an eye." He paused. "It was creepy as hell."
Archie laughed, and for that moment everything seemed like it would be fine between them.
i don't even know man i just had a lot of feelings (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧